Chapter 6: Expectations

Something startled Hailey, but she wasn't sure what it could have been. Years on the job kept her senses sharp, now even more so as she sat vigil by her partner's side. Out of habit she reached for her weapon, but her hand never came in contact with the familiar shape that was often attached to her hip. It was at that moment when her senses began to clear, though she couldn't bring herself to relax.

"Still here?"

Hailey blinked hard a few times, brought a hand up to rub her tired eyes, the last few sleepless hours weighing her down like cement. Her body struggled to keep up with her mind; one wanted rest, while the other needed reassurances that Jay would be okay. It was war and it was draining.

How did she even get to this point?

After Dr. Marcel rushed Halstead back into surgery, Upton spent time pacing outside in the fresh air and the halls of the ICU, just waiting and waiting for them to wheel him back to his room. If - when - that happened, then he still had a chance at pulling through. But as the hours ticked on, what little hope Hailey built up dwindled until there was but a thin line. It took a lot of strength to believe, strength she didn't have much of.

Will encouraged her to go home, more than once if Hailey remembered correctly. He told her to rest while she could. There was no telling how long Jay would be under the knife this time. That was likely a wise move, but it was a move Hailey could not bring herself to make. Not being there for Jay was something she physically couldn't do. And if something happened, and she wasn't there… she knew she'd never forgive herself.

So, she waited.

She waited until a nurse came and got her from whatever dark hole she found to hide in. Surprised that it wasn't Will bringing news, Hailey forced her legs to carry her back to Jay's room. At that point, she had managed to hold onto that small line of hope, unsure what state of being Jay would be in when she arrived. And as her tired eyes adjusted to the low lights in the room, Hailey let out a shaky breath.

The first thing she noticed was how Jay was no longer intubated. Will mentioned before that his brother's breathing had improved enough to take him off the vent, but the detective still needed help in that regard. A mask was fitted over his nose and mouth, which fogged up in slow, rhythmic beats. She wasn't positive, but with the dim lighting, it appeared Jay's color had begun to return. The dark bruises on his face stuck out against his skin and the bedding, but still slightly less than when he was first brought in. Was he still that pale? Or, was this her imagination playing tricks on her weary mind? Hailey wasn't too sure about anything anymore.

After taking it all in, after double and triple checking that Jay was alive, she settled into a chair by his bedside and waited once more.

Hailey watched Jay for a few seconds. It may have been longer, not that it mattered. She watched the rise and fall of his chest, the way his good eye would twitch every now and then. His left arm was resting across his waist. She could see the pile of thick bandages that covered the bullet wound on his shoulder. His head, heavily bandaged, was angled down slightly on the pillow so she couldn't see the wound on the back. Her stomach turned at the thought of how much blood was on Angela's floor.

Jay's blood.

How much was on his shirt.

How much was on her clothes.

Hailey listened to the machines, the hums and hisses, the subtle signals that they were doing their intended jobs. It was just enough to get her to relax and settle into the chair. Eventually, she drifted off.

The first time something pulled her awake, was when a nurse came in to check and change Jay's bandages. He offered the detective a caring smile and went about his business before leaving without a word. Hailey couldn't relax after that and watched as someone dumped the trash an hour later. Dr. Marcel arrived to check Jay's stats an hour after that.

He's holding on, the doctor told her before leaving. That's information she held on to like a lifeline.

The second time something woke Hailey was when one of the machines Jay was hooked up too beeped a little bit faster. Hailey was on the edge of her seat in an instant, alert, ready to call someone to help. She looked Jay up and down, tried to locate what was amiss and would cause the machines to change as they did, but everything looked the same.

When she first heard Jay mumble something, Hailey didn't understand. She listened closely as the words - names? - were repeated again and again in a low, broken voice. Names she didn't recognize. After a minute, the beeping went back to normal and Jay went quiet, the pained lines on his face receding as he fell into the black.

Hailey didn't think much of it until Will appeared in the doorway some time later. It took the detective a moment to realize the younger Halstead was even there at all, having blanked on what he apparently said upon his arrival.

"Sorry, what?"

She watched Will step into the room and look at his brother. "Just noticed you're still here is all."

"Yeah," Hailey replied as she stood and stretched her legs. "Don't want him to wake up alone, you know?"

"That's my brother. He'll face wars and gangs, but he can't stand being in a hospital," Will said.

Hailey chuckled at that, knowing how much truth laid in Jay's hatred for the very place his brother worked. "True, true."

"Maybe that's why we don't hang out much, since I spend most of my time here."

Hailey shook her head, stopping the other Halstead from going down a rabbit hole of despair and regret. "Don't do that, Will."

"I know, I know. It's just hard, seeing him like this."

"Yeah," said Hailey. "Hey, Will?"

"Hm?"

"Just now," she paused, attempting to find the right words. "I mean before you got here, Jay mumbled something."

"He did?" said Will as he scanned the monitors and Jay's chart. "He woke up? What'd he say?"

"No, he didn't really wake up. I think it was a name. JT?" Hailey said. "And on the ride here, when he was in and out of consciousness, I think he thought he was back with the Rangers."

Will nodded as he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. "Head injuries are tricky, unpredictable. It's possible he thought he was back in Afghanistan, maybe relived missions or something with guys he served with."

"Damn," Hailey shook her head. "He ever mention a JT before?"

"He only talked about his Ranger days if you got him drunk enough. And since he knows his limits," Will said as he rolled his stiff neck. "He doesn't like to talk about it. Not to me, anyway."

"Right."

Hailey knew that Jay's time in the Army was a subject he didn't like to talk about for many reasons. He'd made passing comments about his troubles sleeping, and while she was no expert, she's pretty sure he still suffers from some sort of Post-Traumatic Stress. He been to therapy before, mentioned it helped to talk about what happened over there, but that seemed like forever ago. Would this latest traumatic event break Halstead's dam? Would Jay reach his breaking point? Hailey didn't know, if that were to happen, how she would help her partner. She didn't know if she could, and that scared her.

"Go home, Hailey."

"No, I-" surprised at Will's comment, Hailey tried to think of all the reasons why she couldn't leave Jay's side. Reasons why it was better that she stayed, instead of going home, like most everyone was telling her. "I can't." was all she could manage.

"Yes, you can. Jay wouldn't want you sitting here, not getting sleep, on his behalf," the doctor said. "When was the last time you ate a real meal? Drank water?"

"Will-"

"I'll be here. Jay won't be alone," Will placed a comforting hand on the detective's shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze. "I have your number. I promise I'll call if there are any changes, okay?"

It was a question, but Hailey felt as though she didn't have a say in the matter. Sure, she could threaten Will, but what good would that do? She knew the Halstead brothers are close and she couldn't bring herself to stand in Will's way of spending time alone with Jay, either.

"Okay," she finally said. "I'll be back soon."

Knowing Jay was still alive, knowing Will would watch over him, Hailey glanced at her partner one more time before she made her way out of the ICU room and out of the hospital.

#

Hailey asked for a ride back to her place. Thankfully, Vanessa didn't bombard Hailey with dozens of questions when the other woman got into the car. A simple look was all it took, to which Upton replied, "He's hanging on."

Vanessa drove wordless to Hailey's home. Before they arrived, she offered to grab a pizza or soup, to which Hailey declined. She only wanted a shower and a fresh change of clothes, then she'd head back up to the hospital. Maybe some water would be good, too. She thanked Rojas, and headed inside, intent on grabbing a rideshare back to Med.

It didn't take long for the shower tap to be turned on full blast, as hot as Hailey could stand. The bathroom fogged up within seconds and the mirror she stood in front of slowly began to obscure her reflection. She noticed the tired and bloodshot eyes, the wrinkled clothes. It was the red stains in the ends of her hair that gave her pause.

Hailey grabbed the ends with her left hand, felt the dried blood between her fingers. Tears welled in her eyes at the realization that, somehow, Jay's blood managed to get in her hair. Could it have occurred as she was trying to stop the bleeding when she first found him? Or in the ambulance as she held the soaked gauze to his head while the paramedic prepped more? Maybe she brushed her hair back absentmindedly before she had a chance to wash her hands… there was no way to know. But the fact that it was there made her stomach turn again.

Upton dumped her clothes on the floor and stepped into the spray. The shampoo was in her hair before she was fully wet. She scrubbed that one spot until she was sure she split the ends themselves, and after that she stood under the spray until she couldn't stand the heat anymore.

She dried off and changed in slow, methodical motions. She managed to fill a glass of water from the kitchen sink, and drank the entire thing. Hailey then pulled out her phone to order a ride to Med, but as soon as she sat down on her couch, the rest she needed pulled at her.

Sure she'd only sleep a few minutes, she laid down and closed her still wet eyes, and fell into a dreamless rest.

#

When Hailey woke up, the first thing she noticed was that it was lighter outside, pushing dawn or so. It was night when she arrived at her place, wasn't it? So it can't have been that long since she dozed off. The detective wasn't surprised at how hard it was keeping time straight as she spent all of her time at the hospital. Wanting to double check the day and time, she reached for her phone, only to see a terrifying sight.

Five missed calls.

Ten unread text messages.

All from Will Halstead.

Hailey's heart began to race as she read all of the messages, then listened to the voicemails. There were no details given; only the simple "call me when you can", but said various ways. She couldn't even tell if what Will had to say was good news or bad news, as the doctor kept all emotional tells from his voice. The uncertainty was thick in the air, so Hailey pulled up Will's contact and pressed the small phone symbol. She waited for him to answer.

On the third ring, the line clicked.

"Will?"

A/N: Greetings to all who are still following my *small* fix-it fic. Had some renewed inspiration this last week, some encouragement too, and I'm binge watching One Chicago so I keep finding new things I want to cover. Such as I forgot that Jay actually went to therapy. That'll be important going forward... maybe... *sly grin*