Chapter nineteen

The real test

I'm dating Elsa. Holy shit, I'm really dating Elsa!

Anna suppressed her urge to squeal. She doubted her fellow students would much appreciate it.

The classroom was dead silent, save for the scribbling sounds of dozens of pencils filling in bubbles. It was only the first exam of the week, and already, the atmosphere felt thick with stress. However, after two practice exams, Anna was basically on autopilot now. There wasn't much in this test that could challenge her. But there were enough other things going on to occupy her mind.

None of this felt real. A month ago, she had staggered home from a date with a man she felt nothing for, bawling her eyes out. But some time between now and then, she could've been hit by a car and sent to cloud nine, for all she knew. Now, she was in a relationship, with a tall, strong, and drop dead gorgeous girl, who just so happened to also be her sister. It doesn't get much crazier than that!

Her mind was buzzing with possibilities. She had both of their exam schedules memorized, and was now trying to think of something to do in every single open gap.

Hmm, Wednesday afternoon is free for both of us – maybe we could go for a walk around Filman park. Then Thursday evening – well, that's after her physics exam, so she might need to be consoled if she doesn't do well…

Hey whole body was teeming with energy. She longed to tell someone about it but couldn't think of who. Even if she had wanted to tell Punz or Eugene, she knew they couldn't keep a secret from each other, and Elsa had specified one confidant. Gotta be careful. Gotta be careful.

I'm not good at being careful.

It had taken her way longer than it should've to figure out what was wrong when dating Hans. Even Punz and Eugene had figured it out before her. They'd tried, oh so gently, to warn her about him, but she'd been so damn smitten that she hadn't noticed his true nature until it was too late. And now, she wouldn't have those lifelines at all.

It's fine. It's Elsa. She'd never do anything to hurt me. She's so considerate, and experienced, and amazing…

She forcibly shunted her painful memory of Hans away and replaced it with a better one, one of her and Elsa. She'd been seven, and Elsa had been ten. They were riding their bikes when Anna got a flat tire. Without thinking twice, Elsa had hopped off her own bike and placed Anna on the seat, letting her sister ride her bike while she herself walked Anna's back home.

That's just the kind of girl she is. That's the kind of sister she's always been. And that's exactly the kind of girlfriend she's going to be. I just know it.

The bell finally rang, signaling the end of the test. Anna looked over her test one last time – not to check her answers, she'd already done that twice, but to make sure she hadn't idly scribbled anything embarrassing. Satisfied that she hadn't, she handed in her test and walked merrily out the door.

She's the only lifeline I need.

xxxxxxx

Don't fuck this up. Whatever you do, do not fuck this up.

Elsa stared at the dense collection of letters and numbers on the exam sheet. She them looked over at the even denser, far more unruly collection of the same on her scratch sheet of paper. She spotted a mistake, erased it, recalculated the subsequent numbers, then wrote a new number at the bottom. Frowning, she erased the circle around the "A" on the exam sheet and circled the "C" in the same row. Even now, she panicked and feared she had made another mistake, but a cursory reexamination of her process indicated that she had made the right choice. Now, it was on to the next question. And the next crisis.

Only five left to go. 80% or bust. And so far, I think I've…got this?

She could barely believe it herself, but it felt like she finally had a handle on things. After two more late night study sessions – albeit not quite as late, on Anna's insistence – Differential Equations seemed, if not easy, at least manageable. Anna had trimmed down her notes considerably, and boosted their efficacy threefold. It still wasn't fun, but it was manageable. And it was all thanks to her wonderful sister.

Girlfriend, now. Also girlfriend.

Elsa sighed. Save it for after the test, she told herself as she moved on to the next question. But she already felt the butterflies stirring.

She still couldn't believe things had turned out so well. At worst, she had feared that Anna would be so repulsed that she never spoke to her again. Instead, she was just as into it as Elsa herself was.

You still don't know that for sure. She's into it, but you don't know how into it she is. Be cautious.

But it was hard to stay cautious. She'd spent the whole weekend in a giddy haze, savoring every second she spent with Anna. Any attempt to rein herself in felt like being a massive killjoy, so she simply hadn't. Only today, when she had parted with her sister out of necessity, had the concern and worry come creeping back into her mind. There were still a million ways this could all come crashing down, most of them being her fault.

Concluding her calculations, Elsa looked at the four possible answers. Immediately, the correct one jumped out at her. It was clearly "D", and she marked it so. How nice of them, to throw in such an easy question neat the end. Except…

She looked at the question again. The specific numbers had changed, but she recognized the format. This same problem had been on last semester's final exam. What's more, she had spent a good twenty minutes agonizing over it, trying to figure out what the hell she was supposed to do, only to arrive at the wrong answer anyway. And she'd just blown through it as if it had asked her what two plus two was. Anna may have taught her how to do it, but she had still done it herself.

Anna's got faith in me – maybe a little too much faith. Would it kill me to have a little faith in myself?

xxxxxxx

Elsa strolled out of the lecture hall, confidently placing her test atop the pile. She looked around at the other students filing out. Some looked stressed, some relieved, some confident, and for once, she found herself in the latter category. Not to say she wasn't stressed – she doubted she would ever not be stressed before her graduation – but she felt a good deal more optimistic.

Her phone started buzzing as she walked back towards her down. She withdrew it, and noted the caller – exactly who she thought it would be.

Don't miss a beat, do you? I told you the exam was over at 3:30, and you call me at 3:31.

Smiling, she answered the phone. "Hey, Anna," she said brightly.

"Hey, babe," came the reply, in a ludicrously 'casual' voice. "What's up?"

Elsa couldn't help but let out a giggle.

"Too much?" Anna asked in her normal voice.

"A little," Elsa said. "But by all means, keep experimenting."

"I'll be sure to," Anna said with a laugh. "So, based on your tone, I'm guessing the Diff eq exam went all right?"

"Don't jinx it," Elsa said, "but I think it just might've."

"Hooray!" Anna shouted, followed by an odd whooshing noise that must've been caused by Anna jumping for joy.

"I don't think I even need to ask about your test," Elsa said with a smirk, "but how was it?"

"It went okay," Anna said.

"Come on, now," Elsa said. "I don't need any of this false modesty shit. Tell me exactly how hard you crushed it."

"Completely," Anna said. "Utterly and completely."

"That's my girl!" Elsa said.

Anna laughed. "So, you want to go out to eat to celebrate?"

"Actually, I was thinking about cooking something tonight," Elsa said. "As thanks for the gal who saved my ass on diff eq."

"Aw, you don't have to do that, Elsa," Anna replied. "But…I can't say no to that offer."

"Damn right, you can't," Elsa said proudly. "I just need you to pick up a few things at the store, and we'll be cooking, so to speak."

"Sure thing, Elsie," Anna said. "Lay it on me."

So Elsa listed off the items, confident in Anna's ability to write them down almost as fast as she could say them.

"Yeah, I can pick all those up," Anna said once the list was done. "You can count on me, hon."

Elsa laughed. "That one sounds like something a gas station clerk would say."

"Yeah," Anna admitted. "I'll keep working on it. Love you, see you soon!"

"Love you too," Elsa said happily. "Bye!"

She hung up the phone, them floated away to the bus stop. Anna's love buoyed her every step.

Love you. It took me months of dating to say that to Esme, and it ended up not even sticking. And yet, I'm already capable of saying it to her.

Because we're sisters, obviously. Christ, and you thought she was going to get her wires crossed?

Yet, she knew it wasn't quite as simple as that. The question gnawed at her: how much of that love is from being sisters, and how much is from being girlfriends?

Well, I guess it doesn't matter. Because we're both.