"What would you like to talk about? We left off with your mum getting diagnosed with cancer in the last session. Do you want to continue with that?"

Tony almost said yes, but then he remembered the look of worry on Rachel's face after reading something on her phone. Instinctively, he knew the message had been from Gibbs, so he shook his head.

"I had another nightmare last night," Tony said quietly. He was fiddling with one of the pillows from the couch, not meeting Rachel's eyes.

"Do you want to tell me about this nightmare?" Rachel asked gently, trying to remind herself that as much as it hurt her to hear about what had happened to her friend, it hurt Tony more, and he needed to talk about it if he was going to be able to put it behind him.

Tony was quiet for a few minutes, trying to decide what he wanted to do. He knew that Gibbs was trying to help, trying to look out for him, and he appreciated it. He just wasn't sure if he was ready to delve into yet another nightmare. Tony sat back against the couch, his eyes closed as he thought about what he had dreamed the night before.

"I guess we can talk about it," Tony said softly. "I should talk about it, shouldn't I?"

"It would be helpful, definitely, but I won't push. If you aren't ready, that's okay."

Tony smiled at Rachel. She always knew how to make him feel comfortable. "I went home with Gibbs last night," he said. "Gibbs offered to let me stay the night. I think he knew that I hadn't slept well on Wednesday night, although that was more because I was excited about going back to work than anything else."

"So you went to Gibbs' house. Did you chat about anything?"

"We had takeout for dinner. Gibbs picked it up on his way home. He knows what I like. After dinner, we watched TV together for a little while. I asked Gibbs for some time off this morning."

"I'm guessing he said yes."

"He did. He told me that I don't need to ask for permission to go to an appointment."

"Do you feel that you need to ask for permission?"

Tony shrugged. It was something he had recently become used to, a way for him to deflect questions he didn't like. Rachel was used to this, and she was ready for it.

"You asked Gibbs for permission. He texted me this morning, I think you know that. He said that he's worried about you not understanding that you are an equal, not someone that can be walked all over."

Tony didn't bother to answer that. He knew Gibbs was worried, and he knew that Gibbs was probably right about it.

"How does that make you feel?"

Tony shrugged again, but Rachel wasn't going to let him off the hook.

"Tell me, Tony. How does it make you feel when someone says that you are an equal? That you are deserving of being treated as an equal?"

Finally, Tony looked at Rachel. "I want to believe it," he said quietly.

"But you don't?"

"No. Well, yes, I do, sometimes. Like at work."

"Why at work? What about NCIS makes you believe that you are a valued team member?"

"Gibbs."

"Gibbs?"

"Yeah. Gibbs makes me feel good. He hardly ever asks for anyone else's opinions. I'm always the first person he goes to for answers."

"Okay. Why does that make you feel good?"

"Because Gibbs is great. I mean, he hardly talks, and he rarely praises people, but you can always tell when he's happy with something you've done. And when he does give out praise, you can tell he's being honest."

Rachel smiled to herself. She liked Gibbs, but she wouldn't figure him for a praising type of person. "What else about work is good?"

"I'm the senior field agent. Everyone on the team asks me for advice. Nobody ever did that before I went to NCIS. And then there's Abby. She's always giving out the best hugs, and she's always whispering things to us to make us feel better."

"What else?"

"There's Ducky. He's like that uncle that is just nuts, no matter what, but you love him and trust him beyond belief. He's always got a great story to tell."

"Sounds a lot like you with the movie quotes, Tony."

"Oh, no, Ducky's stories are so much better. Sometimes, it gets to the point where you don't want to listen anymore, but he's always able to make the story seem interesting enough to continue listening to. And there's the confidence. He's our team doctor sometimes. And a therapist when we need it. Which is a million times better than seeing the NCIS shrink. He never tells anyone anything that we want to keep a secret." Tony had become much more comfortable now.

"It sounds like NCIS is good for you. You really seem to flourish there."

Tony smiled. "NCIS gave me a family, Rachel. It gave me something to look forward to each day."

"Is there anything else you look forward to in your daily life?"

Tony frowned, unsure of how to answer that question. Slowly, he shook his head.

"Are you sure? Do you look forward to going out with friends?"

"My friends are my co-workers. And my landlord."

"What about your new girlfriend? You told me a couple of weeks ago that you hadn't been able to have a real relationship. Is this a real relationship?"

"I hope so. Mandy is really lovely. She's just come out of a break-up with her fiance, so she wants to go slowly. That suits me. I don't think I can jump into a relationship without some time first, especially if she wants to know about me."

"Do you want to tell her about your family?"

"Yes. And I will, if we get anywhere in this relationship. I just don't know how."

Rachel nodded. She made a note to come back to the topic at a later stage. "Just see how the relationship goes first. Take it one step at a time, and then decide. I'll be here when you're ready to help you through it."

Tony smiled. "Thank you. You have no idea how good it is to know that someone cares enough to help."

And there it was, they were back to the self-worth issue again.

"Tony, how do you see yourself? Right now, how do you feel about yourself?"

"I feel..." Tony thought a moment. "I feel..."