I knew I was dreaming. I was aware that this wasn't real; that this was a phantasm constructed by my mind. All of this was known to me but I couldn't control my body in the dream. It was like being conscious yet completely out of touch with myself.
The dream started with me walking down a hallway in my house. I knew exactly where I was and was not the least bit surprised when I rounded the corner to the hall where Miss Bridgerton's room was. My feet paused in front of her door. As I'd done a hundred times before, I lifted my hand to press against the wood of the door. I wanted to gage her breathing and heartrate, just to make sure she was still breathing…. This was something that became a nightly occurrence for me. Every night after Miss Bridgerton retired to bed I'd wait an hour or so before going to check on her. I never opened the door but I would sometimes stand out there until I lost track of time. It always brought me such ease… knowing she was safe and being so near her like this.
Only this time was different. My eyes widened in shock and horror as my hand all of a sudden reached for the doorknob. With no control over my actions I had to watch helplessly as I twisted it open, gently pushing Miss Bridgerton's door forward. It opened a crack, just enough for me to slip through into her room. I couldn't believe what I was doing! This was against so many rules! Being alone together outside or even in the parlour was one thing, but my coming abruptly into her room- that was unacceptable. My mind blew a sigh of relief when I found her fast asleep in her bed, unaware of my intrusion.
I silently shut the door behind me and crept up to the side of her bed, feeling more and more disgusted with myself as I did so. Miss Bridgerton was sleeping soundly on her back. She was wearing her pale nightgown and the back of her right wrist was resting overtop her forehead. She did stir a little but not enough to wake herself up. It gave me the opportunity to stare at her- just stare…. and start to fantasize.
What a beautiful creature. She's nothing like my kind; humans are so high above us. So pure, so innocent…. She doesn't know how truly astounding she is. I could watch her forever and never get bored; I'd still find things to be amazed by. Humans are remarkable; I feel so privileged to have known one. And what a human! She's gorgeous. Her face, the sound of her voice, the shimmer of her hair, her skin, her….. throat.
My eyes slowly drew to her flashing throat. It moved a tiny bit with every breath she took. After staring at it for a moment I could tell where the blood veins were. I could feel my fingers quiver. So angelic, so beautiful….
So perfect.
God, it's like she was made for me. Everything about her drew me in, like a starving wolf eying the perfect prey. She's everything my blood lust ever wanted, and she's right here in front of me. She's everything I could ever dream of… My hand placed down on the mattress beside her upper half. My head began to lower down toward her. My vision was locked onto her throat, unable to move anywhere else. When I was just mere inches away from her bare skin my mouth started to open, bearing my fangs at her for the very first time since we met. They were just about to graze her throat when suddenly….
I felt myself bolt awake with a jerk in my bed. My eyes shot open and I found myself staring at the ceiling in my room. It took me a few moments to remember that it was all a dream, or rather a nightmare…. But that realization was soon pushed out by another thought. Without getting changed out of my night robe, I made a mad dash out the door and down the hallway. It was the middle of the night still; I was trying to align my sleep schedule more with Miss Bridgerton's, but I forgot momentarily that humans naturally sleep at night. Without thinking, I ran straight to the parlour. Both doors flew right open, revealing a stunned Lady Danbury inside. There was Lady Danbury, and only Lady Danbury. Her needlework lowered as she turned her head to me in confusion. "Simon?"
"Where is she?!" "What on earth are you talking about?" "Where is she?! Tell me where she is!" I demanded in between gasps. After staring my way for a second, she seemed to catch on to whom I was referring to. "You mean Daphne? She went to bed hours ago. She's asleep in her room I should think." I didn't reply to this. A very puzzled Lady Danbury watched me then immediately go to Miss Bridgerton's room. The first thing I did when I arrived at her door was to put my hand against it. I touched the wood and shut my eyes, desperately trying to sense how she was, if she was ok….
This sheer sense of relief washed over me when I felt that everything was alright; everything was normal, as it should be. I let out probably the longest sigh I ever have in my life. Then, remembering the state I left my old carer in, I somewhat reluctantly returned to the parlour. Lady Danbury was still in there and looking at me now with serious concern. She set her needlework off to the side so to give her full attention to me, clasping her hands on her lap.
"Boy, are you ok? What was that about?" "I don't know….. I don't know what happened to me just now," collapsing down onto the sofa opposite her chair, my hand ran across my face exasperated. "What did happen?" She questioned. "I had a nightmare; one where I almost bit Miss Bridgerton." "You dreamt about drinking Daphne's blood?!" Her ladyship gasped, bringing her hand up to her chest very alarmed. "I had no control! It was like my limbs were moving on their own accord. I didn't want to! But… But…." "But you were tempted?" She finished my sentence, making me look her way. My head hesitantly nodded. "Yes… Yes, I was." Lady Danbury shut her mouth but kept her sharp eyes on me intently. I sighed again, now staring off into space.
"What does it mean? Why now?" "I've told you before, Simon. You have a special connection to Miss Bridgerton- one which won't end well for her." "For the last time, I am not going to kill Miss Bridgerton," I stated with finality. Lady Danbury thought about it for a second, then brought her finger up to her chin. "Mmmmm, perhaps not. Perhaps you won't drink "all" of her blood." "What?" My eyebrow raised up a tad. "You might only drink some of her blood. Once a vampire ingests human blood, it never leaves their body. That's how they differ from other animals; that's why humans permanently sustain us." "So… I might drink only some of Miss Bridgerton's blood?" She seemed hesitant to answer this, taking a bit of time to formulate her response. "Hmmmmm, but that wouldn't be enough for you to have this strong a link to Daphne. All the signs point to you drinking all of her blood at some time or another." "I already told you I'm not going to….!" "I know, Simon. But these connections between humans and vampires don't lie. You're already fantasizing about drinking her blood. That's not a sign of the beginning of something; it's a sign that the end is near."
I didn't say anything, leaning back in my seat and defiantly crossing my arms. She may say that, and that may have been the case with every other vampire and human in our situation before, but I absolutely refused to believe that I'd ever kill Miss Bridgerton like that. Even if I did legally own her, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It felt wrong, unnatural….. Keeping her alive was such an unconscious priority for me. I couldn't imagine ever doing anything to deliberately harm her.
Lady Danbury watched me for some time, not saying a word. Then eventually she chuckled to herself and picked up her needlework again. "Do you know? Daphne once told me that she wants to donate all her blood to a vampire before." "She does?!" I blinked to her ladyship shocked. She nodded softly. "At the time of her death, of course. She originally wanted to leave her corpus to her great uncle but was reminded that she's likely to outlive him. She'll probably end up leaving all her blood to one of her siblings," she explained while gazing down at her needle and thread. I merely observed her do so for a minute, properly digesting what's just been told to me. Miss Bridgerton wants a vampire to drink all of her blood after she dies…. That's so like her, to do something so kind and selfless.
My eyes lowered a little. "Why am I not surprised to hear that?" A soft chuckle left my lips. "Miss Bridgerton sees the value of her life differently. She's said before to me that she feels sometimes like a living doll, an ornament to whoever owns her. And I can't say I blame her. She has no personal freedom, and if her family were not as kind as the Bridgertons, they would have sold her off long ago. Not many humans make it to Daphne's age….." "Yeah, I know. She's said something like that to me before," I agreed. Lady Danbury's eyes also softened a bit in a tender sort of way.
"I think she sees leaving her blood to a family member- someone she loves- as giving her life some sort of meaning. She doesn't feel like she contributes anything to society and she can't have children, so this is something she can give…. It's a sort of way to make her existence valuable." "But she's already valuable- very valuable," I retorted. Her ladyship's face turned to me and smiled. "Yes, she is. But society has already taken all autonomy away from her. Let Daphne decide for herself what gives her life meaning at least." She said this, causing me to pause. I paused, and then I too grinned. "You're right. If her family refuses to sell her- and I absolutely agree with their decision- then Miss Bridgerton should be free to leave her blood to whomever she chooses- after she dies of natural causes, of course," I had to tack one.
Lady Danbury chuckled again, giving her head a tiny shake. "Try not to worry too much about your nightmare, Simon. I know what I said about your connection with Miss Bridgerton, but in truth, Anthony will likely pick her up before anything has time to happen. He'll spirit her away to London and you'll probably never see each other again." That made my stomach churn. I didn't like that- not at all. My face contorted a bit. "Do you think… Anthony would permit me to write Miss Bridgerton after she leaves? Just to stay in touch and what not…..?" My tone was peppered with hope, which caused my carer to glance up at me from the top of her eyes. "Do you think that's wise, your grace?" "I… I do. I want to hear how she's doing, if she likes London and how she's getting on with her family and so on….." Her needlework slowly lowered again, her eyes straight on me now. "You have developed a friendship with her, haven't you?" "Yes. Miss Bridgerton is my friend; there's nothing wrong with wanting to keep in touch with an old friend, is there?"
She took her time answering, finally letting her stare fall from me. "If you can get Anthony's permission- that's the real barrier to the Bridgerton human sister." "I know….." My head nodded once in deep understanding. How could I not understand? Anthony legally owned Miss Bridgerton at the moment; she was his property until further notice. My thumb rose up to my lip, brushing against the bottom one. Lady Danbury's gaze gently returned over to me after a minute or so of quiet. She smiled.
"It will be interesting to see what happens to her. As for me, I think Daphne is entirely in her right to give her blood to whomever she wants when she dies. Course the one who owns her at the time may not agree, but one can hope." "It's Miss Bridgerton's blood. She should have some say over who gets to drink it." "But we don't live in that kind of world, Simon. Daphne's blood doesn't even legally belong to her… despite how honourable her intentions with it," her ladyship sounded a bit sad with this last sentence. I was watching her once again, electing to stay quiet for now. Eventually she sighed and returned my gaze. She wore a bitter yet hopeful small grin. "We don't know who will end up drinking all her blood, but I hope it's someone she loves. That's what Miss Bridgerton would want- to save a vampire she loves from endless, unrelenting thirst. Either that, or to save their life if they are on the brink of death…" "Yes, that is also something I can see her doing," my head dropped a tad in agreement. Her ladyship's real smile came back at this thought. "Such like a human… to do such a thing for love. But that is their nature, to give so much to those they cherish.
Their true love is an instinctive act of self-sacrifice."