Elizabeth Evans- Amy Acker

10 years ago

Elizabeth sat at the park table, picking her nails. This was it. She had done the work, gotten clean, and was getting her baby boy back. Not only was she getting him back, but she was taking him to meet his father as soon as they left. It was a big day for all of them and it was nerve-wracking.

"Momma!"

She turned around and her face lit up as she saw her six year old running toward her, arms outstretched. "Sammy!" She hugged him tightly. "My sweet sweet boy."

"I missed you."

"I've missed you too. SO much!"

"But I don't have to miss you anymore," he said as she released him from her hold. "I get to be home forever now, right?"

She ruffled his hair. "That's right, baby."

"Hi, babies," Sam sing-songed to his mother's now round stomach. He was happy to be a big brother and finally be back with his mom.

"Sam," Shelly said as she caught up to them, "why don't you go and play on the playground for a bit while your mom and I finish some things up, okay?"

"Okay!" Sam ran off to the jungle gym, quickly falling in with the other kids there.

"I can't thank you enough for this." Elizabeth expressed her gratitude for Sam's social worker as she watched him play.

"No, thank you." Shelly returned the gratitude. "This right here is the best part of my job, sending kids back to their families where they belong."

"And he has a real family now. My boyfriend, his father, he's come back. As you know, he's been helping me with staying clean and finding work, plus supporting me and these two kids draining most of my life force." She laughed before returning to a serious tone. "I'm going to do it right this time."

Shelly smiled. "Congratulations again on the babies. I was hoping to get the chance to meet Sam's father today. Could he not make it?"

Elizabeth grinned awkwardly, almost as if she was ashamed of having to explain it. "Yeah, he um… he was just so tired from work last night. Plus, he doesn't think this whole foster care thing's for him, especially since he's never met Sammy before. We figured it was best to wait until we got him back full-time for him to be involved. But we're going to go see him as soon as we're done here. He's really excited to finally meet his son."

"Well, I won't keep you long, then. Just remember the terms of your reunification. You have to keep up with the treatments and check in with the counselor once a month. And if you need anything, you give me a call, okay?"

"Will do. Thank you again, Shelly." Elizabeth left her and went up to Sam. "Hey, big boy, you ready to get out of here? You know what we're going to do now, right?"

"We're going to meet Daddy!" Sam squealed as he jumped up and down.

"Yeah, we are!" She took his hand and started walking to the car, waving at Shelly as they parted ways. "And then, we'll go get ice cream. All three of us."

Sam stopped in his tracks and yelled, "Ice cream!"

Elizabeth yelled along with her son, "Ice cream!"

When mother and son arrived at the house, Elizabeth found herself confused as to why Sam's father's car wasn't in the driveway. She told Sam to wait in the car while she went into the house. She immediately called his dad when she got out. It went to voicemail. "Hey, where are you? We're here. You were supposed to be here when we got here. Sam's really excited to see you. Call me back asap."

She unlocked the door and found the house void not just of his father, but of any sign of him. His clothes, shoes, even his toothbrush, were all gone. In shock and disbelief, Elizabeth dialed his number another five times before finally, it went straight to voicemail.

No. This doesn't make sense. Maybe he just had to leave for a bit and will be back.

She scurried to the kitchen, where they'd always left each other notes at the beginning or the end of the day. Normally, the fridge would be littered with "I love yous" and "go be greats" and they'd clear it at the end of the week. But today was different. There was one note,

Sorry.

Attached to the note was an envelope filled with money. Enough for a couple of months at least, but nothing else. She sunk to the floor against her kitchen wall. He had left. What was she going to say to Sam?

Elizabeth left the house and got back into the car.

"Where's Daddy?" Asked her baby boy in the backseat.

Tears sprang to her eyes as she answered without looking back at him. "He's not here, Sammy. But we're going to go and get our ice cream, okay?"

"Is Daddy going to meet us there?"

"No, he won't."

"But I was supposed to meet him. You said I would get to meet him and we'd go get ice cream." The sadness in his voice was palpable.

She quickly wiped away her tears and plastered on a smile for him, looking back. "Hey, how about after we get our ice cream, we go to the beach?"

Sam instantly cheesed. He loved the water, especially the beach. "Which one?"

"As many as we want."

He wiggled with joy in his car seat. "Yes! Let's go! Let's go!"

Sam was a very smart boy. He could easily tell when something was off or when someone was hurt. Between his mom feeling off and the 'sorry' note he found on the refrigerator when they got back from the beach, he could tell that his father wasn't just gone for the day.

One late summer morning, a few weeks after he'd come home, he knocked on his mother's bedroom door.

"Come in."

Sam walked over to the bed, holding something behind his back. "Momma?"

"Yes, Sammy?"

"Daddy's not coming back, is he?"

Not expecting this from her child, Elizabeth had to take a second and a deep breath before responding, "No, sweet pea. He's not."

He looked down at his feet and mumbled sadly, "I'm not going to meet him, am I?"

"Not right now, no," Elizabeth's voice wavered.

A single tear slipped from Sam's eye. "I made him something, but you can have it." He took the item behind his back and placed it in his mom's lap. "It's a drawing of me and him. I added hair so it would look like you, see? We're standing in front of a big house because it's for a big family."

She gave him a tearful smile. "Thank you, baby. I love it."

"I'm sorry, Momma."

She shook her head vigorously. "No. You have nothing to apologize for, Sam. Do you hear me? You haven't done anything wrong. Some people just drag you along because they can. And then, they decide not to be there for you or take care of you like you thought they would. But that is completely on him. Okay?"

He hugged her. "I'll take care of us, Momma. Me, you, and the babies. I'll do it. And if you get sick again, I'll make sure I help you get better and I won't leave you."

Elizabeth sniffed in their embrace as more tears fell. She hated that this was happening. Her addiction, his dad leaving, all of it. He was growing up a lot faster than he should've. She let go of him and picked up his paper. "How about we go hang this up on the fridge? So everyone can see it."

He cheesed, took the paper, and ran to the kitchen.

4 years later

"Sam, are you ready for school?" Elizabeth called out to her son.

"Almost, Momma!" Sam looked in his mirror as he changed his shirt for the third time. Today was the day. It was his first youth football game and he wanted to look his best all day.

"Can you hurry, sweet pea? We can't be late." She had overslept three times in the last two weeks. If she was late with him again, it was sure to raise some suspicion.

Fully dressed, Sam came out of his room. "Good morning everybody!" He threw his hands up in the air as would a performer addressing a crowd. He strutted down the hallway, thanking his imaginary fans. "That's right, it's me. Star of your local football team. Headed straight for the NFL you say? Oh, you're such a doll. What was that? No," he winked and pointed at the wall, "thank you."

At the end of the hallway, Elizabeth smiled and shook her head at his antics. "Will you come and get something to eat? And hurry, please. We have to be out in 5."

"Do I look good?" He stuck his arms out to his side, presenting himself to her.

"You look very handsome. Just… one thing." She went up to him, licked the pad of her thumb, and smoothed one of the sides of his self-spiked haircut.

He swatted her hand away, making a disgusted face. He whined, "Ew!"

"There was a piece that was leaning out!" she defended herself before turning to mush. "I can't believe you're already getting weirded out by my spit. You're only 10!"

"I'm a man, Mom," the boy groaned. "Men don't let their moms lick them."

Elizabeth laughed. "Okay, fine! No more licking. Just go and grab a poptart or something. We have to leave," she looked at her watch, "now."

He went into the kitchen, where his 4-year-old siblings were eating their own breakfast. He stood in front of them and did exactly as he did when he first exited his room, arms and all. "Good morning twins!"

They giggled.

"Do I look good?"

Stevie shook his head. "Your hair looks funny!"

"My hair looks funny?" Sam asked if he heard correctly. "Wrong answer. My hair looks," he committed to the rockstar pose yet again and yelled, "awesome!"

Stacy yelled out with him, "Awesome!"

"And he makes the touchdown and the crowd goes wild!" The eldest sibling motioned to the smaller ones. "You're the crowd. Go like this." he cupped his mouth, making a raspy noise to echo a crowd, basking in the cheers when his brother and sister followed suit. "Yeah!" He started pointing at them. "You look awesome, you look awesome,"

Elizabeth came into the kitchen and started cleaning. "Everyone looks awesome. Sam, for the love of all things holy, can you grab some breakfast PLEASE? You won't be any good on the field if you faint before the end of the first quarter. Stacy and Stevie, can you two go and put your shoes on for me?"

With everyone dressed and ready to go, the four finally left home and embarked on the short walk for school and preschool. The twins' stop came first, then Sam's. On the walk to Sam's school, he couldn't stop bouncing around.

"You're going to be there, right Momma?"

"Of course I am. Courtside seats." Elizabeth joked.

"Momma," he facepalmed, "that's basketball. This is football."

"Well, I'll be fieldside then. Front and center to watch my boy steal the show."

Sam smiled wide. He had been practicing really hard over the summer at the sports camp he went to and was doing really good in practice. He was stoked to put his hard work to the test.

As they reached his school, Elizabeth checked in with him to make sure he understood how things would work after he got out. "You know I won't be able to get you there because I'll be at work, but I'll make sure to see you before the game starts, okay?"

He nodded before giving her a hug.

Elizabeth smiled. As much of a "man" as he was, he never passed up on a chance to hug her. She hoped that never changed.

After the game, Sam got out of the car and walked up the steps to his apartment. His friend's mom had driven him home. The game went great. Sam and his team won, which made it even more upsetting that his mom was a no-show. He used his key, which he had learned to always bring with him for times like this, to unlock the door. As he entered, he saw why his mom wasn't at his game. She was sprawled out on the couch, barely conscious enough to even register his entrance.

"Hey, baby." Elizabeth smiled lazily, her speech slowed. "How was the game? Did you make those touchdowns?"

Sam didn't answer, clearly upset. His mom was high. He quickly learned after coming back to live with her that her "sickness" wasn't just any random disease. It was an addiction to whatever she could get her hands on. This wasn't the first night he'd come home to find her like this, but he didn't think tonight would've been one of those nights. How could she?

There was no time to think about that now. He had to find the twins and get them ready for bed. She couldn't have in her state. He made them a snack and fed them before drawing a bath for them, laughing when they blew bubbles in his direction. After putting them to bed, he pulled up his sleeves, put on some gloves, and got to cleaning up the mess his mom had made. There was stuff strewn all over their living room. He wasn't sure what it was and he didn't care. He was too angry to think about that right now. Once his mom's mess had been cleaned, Sam finally made himself a meal and sat down to do his homework. He breezed through all of it except for math. He hated math. Usually, his mom, a math genius in her own right, was there to help him and place a racecar sticker on his arm whenever he got a question right. That was his favorite thing about math, sharing it with his mom. But that wouldn't be happening tonight while she was floating in and out of consciousness. Just as he finished his work and was preparing for bed himself, there was a knock at the door. It was Mr. Ryan, their landlord. "Hi, Mr. Ryan."

"Hey there, Sam. Is your mom home?"

"No," he lied, aware that he couldn't let anyone see her like this, "she's at work."

"She's usually back by now," Mr. Ryan said. "That's why I waited so late to come."

The boy was quick to come up with an excuse. "It's Wednesday. She's started taking the night shift on Wednesdays. She won't be back until morning when it's time for me to go to school."

"Oh, okay. I didn't know that. Thanks for telling me."

Sam let out an internal sigh of relief. He was buying it.

"Who's here with you now then? Is there a grown-up with you and your siblings?"

"My aunt is with us. But she's in the shower, so she can't come to the door right now."

Mr. Ryan frowned. "Okay. Well, when your mom comes back in the morning, can you let her know I need to talk to her? It's urgent. It's about your rent. You know what rent is, right?"

He nodded.

"Alright. Make sure she gets in touch with me as soon as possible."

Closing the door behind him, Sam let out a long breath. He got himself dressed for bed, placed a blanket on his mom to keep her warm, and went to his room to get some sleep, too tired to feel good about anything that happened at the game today.

The next day would be a rude awakening for Sam and his family. That morning, Sam's mom overslept, so he got himself and his siblings ready. He dropped them off at preschool and then headed to school. But during lunch, Shelly, his social worker, picked him up. She took him back home and told him that he needed to pack things for himself, Stevie, and Stacy. When he asked why, Shelly told him the news.

Turns out, Mr. Ryan had called her job that night and found that she didn't work there anymore. She had been fired months ago. Elizabeth was taking care of them, but they were living on their last pennies, which only lasted so long because she was months overdue on rent. All of this was news to Sam. Then, the preschool, after noticing that Sam had dropped his brother and sister off alone for the fifth time that month, alerted authorities that there may be something going on. And just like that, Sam's mom was no longer considered fit to take care of the three of them. They had to go.

3 years later

Sam was teeming with excitement. It was his thirteenth birthday and he was finally a teenager. He didn't know why, but he felt like today was going to be a great day. He had been visiting his mom and could feel that he was going home soon. It was a warm Spring day and Shelly was taking him out for ice cream for his birthday, her treat. He was going to get every topping imaginable, screw how his stomach would feel later. He was a teenager now. Teenagers could handle a little stomach ache.

With his toppings and his teenage wisdom, Sam sat with Shelly as they talked about what he wanted to do as a teenager.

"For starters, I want to make the football team at school. The old home sucked. They wouldn't let me do anything. But this one is going to let me try out for the team in a few weeks."

"You're still into that football thing, huh?" Shelly smiled at him.

"Oh, heck yeah." He had been playing football on and off, depending on which foster family he was with or which group home he was in and his love for it never faded. "I'm going straight to the big leagues. I'm going to be a star quarterback up in college and then I'm going to become the highest-paid QB in the NFL. I'm gonna be bigger than Brett Farve. No! Joe Montana. No! Tom Brady." He grinned. "I'm going to be bigger than Tom Brady." He stuck a spoonful of hot fudge into his mouth.

"Well, just don't forget about us little people, Mr. 'Bigger Than Tom Brady'. Remember people like me who helped you get there with a million dollars every now and then." She winked jokingly.

"I'm going to live in a big house and all my family is going to be there. Me, my mom, Stevie, and Stacy. All four of us. Speaking of all four of us, when are we going home? You said we needed a few months of visits to sort things out. We've done that, right?"

"You have, you're right." Shelly nodded, deciding whether or not now would be the time to give him the possible best and worst news of his life. "As far as getting you home, we'll schedule an overnight visit next weekend, if that's okay with you. If things go well with those, a couple more and you should be going back for good."

"Finally!" Sam jumped out of his seat. This was the real thing that he wanted as a teenager. To be back with his mom. Sure, football was nice, but he could play football anywhere. His mom was one person who was only in one place. "I can't wait for us all to be together again. Stacy and Stevie are going to be so psyched to hear this."

"There's one issue, though, Sam. Your brother and sister won't be joining you when you go home. Not right now."

"Okay. So when? In a week? A couple of months?"

Shelly took a deep breath and sat her ice cream down. "Sam, your mother has only been deemed fit to take care of you right now."

Sam sat his frozen treat down as well. "What?"

"Do you remember what happened three years ago? Why you had to come back to foster care in the first place?"

"Because she was on drugs. But she's better now."

"She is, but that's not it. Sam, she was doing drugs with your siblings inside the home. Anything could've happened. Literally anything. They were in an immeasurable amount of danger. And that wasn't the first time she'd done that."

"But each time, I came home and made sure that everything was cleaned up and that everyone was squared away. We were fine."

"You were, sure. But say this happens again and you're not coming home. Stacy and Stevie aren't even 7 yet. They can't take care of themselves."

He shook his head, refusing to believe what he was hearing. "No, they can. If I did it, so can they. They're young and I can teach them. They'll catch on fast."

"But sweetheart, that's just the thing. You shouldn't have had to do that." Shelly shook her head. "That's not normal. And right now, the judge on your mom's case doesn't want to put someone their age in that position. You're older and you're much more capable of caring for yourself. Also, if something happens and your mom relapses again and can't take care of you, we trust you to be able to speak up. The twins, no so much. So once we get things settled, you'll be going back. But Stevie and Stacy won't."

Sam looked down and mumbled to his rapidly melting ice cream, "For how long?"

Shelly's heart broke for the boy as she said her next words, "For the foreseeable future. There's no way of knowing when she can get them back yet."

Somewhere deep inside him, in a place he didn't even know existed, Sam felt a deep rage risng. He tried to quell it and hoped the response to his next question would help him to do so. "But we can visit them, right? Just like how I'm visiting my mom, we'll be able to see them?" He couldn't imagine not having his siblings with them. They had been stuck like glue since they were born, and that had only become even more true as they endured the foster care system together. Shelly had been adamant about doing whatever she could to allow them to stay together and it had worked.

Here it was. The worst news of all. "Actually, Sam, that won't be happening. Your mom doesn't have visitation rights for them. She can't see them. And since she can't visit them, there's no reason for them to stay close by. They're moving in with a foster family across the state."

He immediately shook his head. "No. They can't."

"I'm sorry."

"But you promised you'd keep us together."

"When you were in foster care. But now that you're going to be getting out, I don't have any control over how close the three of you are, just them."

"I'm not going," he said defiantly. "I'm staying in foster care. That way, you can't split us up, right? Right?"

Shelly shook her head sadly. It didn't happen often, but this was by far one of if not the worst parts of her job. "When we get back, they're leaving. You're going to have to say goodbye to them."

He shot up and yelled, tears filling his eyes, "NO."

"Sam, I am so so—"

She was cut off by him yelling and violently throwing his melted mush on the ground beside them, his appetite fully gone. "I DON'T WANT THEM TO GO!"

"I know."

He cried out, "You said you wouldn't split us up! You said you would do everything in your power to keep us together and now you're letting them be taken away from me."

"I tried," she said desperately, as if conveying how much she tried could actually change the situation. "There was nothing that I could do. Since you won't be in the system, you aren't a part of that package deal anymore. But their family is a really nice family and they'll be taken care of, I promise-"

"I don't care about a nice family! What about my family? Me and my mom? We're all the family they need," he sobbed.

A rarity for her, Shelly found herself fighting back tears. "I'm so sorry," was all she could say.

Present Day

Sam walked into the gym for the dance, excited at the mere thought of what the night had in store. After everything that had happened, things were finally falling into place. He'd learned to manage his expectations the day his father left him but now, he was thinking that maybe he could stand to re-manage them. He was back on track to be the star quarterback of the football team (and definitely garnering more of a fanbase than Tom Brady had at his age), he was making fast friends, the Jones women were amazing to him, and the one of them he hadn't been able to stop thinking about had confessed her feelings for him. Oh, and they kissed. It was amazing. The kiss, the night, all of it. Everyone at the dance was overjoyed to see him, cheering him on when he entered and high-fiving him when they came up to him. While he thanked them, he could honestly care less. His mind wasn't on them but on Mercedes. They were going to dance all night and after tonight, they would be together. His life wouldn't be perfect, but certainly as close to perfect as he ever thought it would get. If he was being honest with himself, he had been seriously doubting his football dreams lately. But Cedes was changing that. She was changing everything.

Sam stood across the room from the door. He wanted to wait for Mercedes to arrive so that he could officially ask her to the dance. Better late than never, right? In the short time since their kiss, he had drafted up a proposal.

Mercedes Jones, the past two months have been the most exciting of my life, and it's all because of you. Tonight is our night. Will you be my date to homecoming? And after tonight, would you like to go on a date with me? Officially?

It wasn't much, but he had really been putting his literary skills to the test coming up with it under so much pressure. The moment he saw her approaching the door, his heart nearly stopped.

Blue is definitely her color.

Everything, from her dress, to her hair and makeup, even to her expression, her gorgeous eyes that still sparkled from halfway across the room, her smile that brightened up every space that she walked into, was utterly stunning. He started making his way over to her. It was time.

Or, it would've been, had someone not beaten him to it. Noah.

He was too far away to hear what was being said, but he could tell it wasn't to his liking. He silently prayed that Mercedes was turning him down. As he finished his prayer, they locked eyes. Maybe his prayer worked?

But then, she broke their eye contact and took Noah's hand. Sam could practically hear his heart snapping in two. Of course. When do things ever go right for me? He didn't waste any time getting out of there. He told Mike he would be leaving early, saying that he didn't feel well. It wasn't a lie. He was sick with rage.

When Mercedes found him later, he didn't want to entertain her, but he couldn't stop himself. He was angry and she wasn't making any sense.

"You knew you weren't going to choose me this whole time, didn't you? God, you listened while I stood there and I told you how you had changed me. I told you how I was sad and angry because my life has always been 50 shades of fucked but you made it more bearable. You let me tell you that you were my hope and kissed me back, meanwhile, you knew that this wasn't going anywhere. How could you even do that?"

He had to get out of here or he was going to explode. And ironically, she was the last person he wanted to do that to. It could've been so easy to just let all of his anger out right then and there. Anger from his dad leaving, from his mom being an addict, from her forcing him to become a second parent to his siblings, from what he didn't know would be the last time he saw his siblings, but he couldn't. Mercedes meant too much to him and he only wanted to protect her, even after everything that happened

"I thought that coming here was a blessing in disguise. Over these couple of months, I really thought that you were proving that I can still have dreams and expectations and optimism. But in reality, you're just another example of why hope is useless to me. Always has been, always will be." He walked past her. "I'm out of here. Don't wait up."

"Sam, where are you going?" She yelled again after no response, "Sam?"

He stopped as a single tear fell. The worst part of all of this was that he felt more hurt than angry. This was new for him. He didn't know how to handle this. Even through everything he had been through, every lie, every letdown and disappointment, he never felt something quite like this before. That made him even angrier. He left her in the courtyard and decided to catch the bus and ride it until his butt was numb or the driver told him to get off, whichever came first.

On the bus, he couldn't stop thinking about his mom. She said something when he was younger that always stuck with him, "Some people just drag you along because they can. And then, they decide not to be there for you or take care of you like you thought they would."

Sam could never understand why she turned to drugs in the first place. But in that moment, as he shed angry tear after angry tear on the bus, he began to. He began to see why she would want an escape, even if it was temporary. He could feel all his pain quickly coming to a head and right then and there, he would've done just about anything to make it all go away.

He only hoped that he'd be able to resist those urges that were hardwired into him, but he knew that hope wasn't something he could have anymore.

First flashback chapter! Just a glimpse of what Sam had been through. Feel free to share your thoughts!