Chapter 5

Rachel's in a terrible mood when she turns up at the diner for her shift. Waltzing in she barely acknowledges it when Tom and Jenny greet her as she marches through the diner, happily noting that it seems to be quiet and if it's quiet at 8pm on a Friday night then she won't have to worry about it being busy at all during her shift.

Frowning furiously, she pushes the double doors to the kitchen open, stomping her feet as she throws her bag down on the side before folding her arms across her chest as she slumps against the counter.

Yes she knows she just made a scene and there's probably several customers and even some of the diner staff wondering what the fuck her problem is; she probably looked ridiculous doing it as well, but Rachel always make an entrance and when she's pissed off well she makes a dramatic one at that.

She glares at James for several moments as he seems oblivious to her, his heads sneaking a look through the small service hatch at something out in the diner. She hates the bastard right now, he knows she's upset; fuck sake he must have seen her storm in version of the Rachel Berry storm out she mastered in high school.

"Well?" She says angrily, still glaring at him. That got his attention at least as he turns his head and looks at her, a smirk appearing on his face as he takes her posture in. Asshole "Don't smirk at me"

"What the fuck is your problem" He replies, laughing at her softly that makes her frown at him even deeper.

"I don't like it when people ignore me" She says, jutting her bottom lip out in what she hopes is pout but realises probably makes her look even more ridiculous right now with the angry glare on her face. She just wants him to ask her what's wrong; she needs someone to just sit there, shut up and listen to her complain; it's been one of those weeks where Cassie has started being a bitch to her again in class, not to mention what happened today and he just happens to be the best one at sitting there and shutting the fuck up when she needs him to.

"I don't like it when people come in here to fucking shout and glare at me either so tough fucking luck princess" He says, folding his arms across his own chest as he raises an eyebrow to stare back at her. Rachel rolls her eyes, she hates it when he tries to take her on; he's good at sitting there and shutting the fuck up but he's good at getting her to shut the fuck up as well. Honestly she loves it, she's found someone who doesn't take her crap.

She isn't in the mood to have an argument about which one of them is the best at being stubborn, not that he'd win anyway; all she has to do is smile sweetly at him and he'll give up, yeah she discovered that a couple weeks ago and has probably used it a few more times than she should have but she knows he thinks she's cute.

James hasn't been working since Monday and she's missed him more than she'd like to admit, he might be an asshole but he's a good listener; texting him isn't the same. So she pretty much just wants to bitch to him about her shit week, so she uses the other method of getting to him; look upset. He hates it when she gets upset and will guaranteed want to cheer her up. This time it isn't not even play acting, she actually is upset and when she let her angry glare fade to be replaced by the puppy eyes and I'm about to break into tears look that she'd been holding in since she left NYADA; she isn't surprised to see his own face lose the glare.

"Come here" He says softly, opening his arms to her and she sniffs before running over to him and falling into his embrace, wrapping hers around his waist and pressing her head into his chest as his arms secure themselves around her.

This has become a benefit of their friendship that she enjoys the most, being able to cuddle with him; because his arms feel so good around her, probably much more than they should but she can't help but want him to holder her; he makes her feel protected and safe as if nothing could ever hurt her. Rachel feels a little bit like Dani sounded when she described how James was one of the only people she felt safe around. She stands there crying into his shirt for a few minutes, one of his hands gently rubbing her back while he rests his cheek against the top of her head.

"You want to tell me what's go you upset, babe?" He murmurs softly and it makes her smile just a little bit. That term of endearment slipped in a couple of weeks ago and he's only used it a couple time since mostly when has been teasing her. If she's honest she doesn't mind him calling her babe one bit. Maybe she should stop him from calling it her, in case someone gets the wrong idea but it just feels so comfortable to hear him call it her and it seems he likes it as well. There a lot closer now than they had 5 weeks ago and she feels more comfortable around him than anyone she knows in New York.

"douchebag" She mutters, sniffing back tears and she hears him let out a sigh as he tightens his embrace on her. She knows he understands she's talking about Brody, that's the name that James gave him because well Brody is a huge fucking douchebag and it's become their little inside joke to refer to him as that whenever he comes up; not that he does come up a lot but she knows James will remember, because despite what Dani said about him not getting close to anybody new in years, he's apparently more than willing to get close to her he remembers everything that she tells him.

"What did the fucking dickhead do" He replies, pressing a kiss against the top of her head. "Do I need to find him and kick the shit out of him?"

Rachel giggles and tightens her hold on his waist; he always knows how to make her smile when she's sad or even when she's just not smiling, James will always say the right thing to bring her beaming smile out. Yes she's aware that she probably has a small crush on him as Kurt and Santana like to tease her about when they're alone; both of them noticing how much she likes him, but fuck she's allowed to feel that way about someone who treats her how James does.

"If you want" She says, turning her so that she's resting the side of her head against his chest, his heart beating against her ear as she smiles. James has offered to beat Brody up a couple of times when she's told him about her ex and both times she's refused him, but this time she actually wouldn't mind if that douchebag got beat up.

"Rach…" James says seriously, and she feels him release her a couple of seconds before he nudges her chin with his soft hands. Rachel sighs and lets him cup her face as she looks up at him through her eyelashes. "What happened?"

"He's sleeping with one of my friends" Rachel says disgusted. "Her name's Mia and I found out the other day….I warned her about Brody and what….how he makes money"

"Right" James asks, though Rachel can't help but notice the way he clenches jaw slightly as if he already realises what she's about to say. Trying to stop the look of repulsion that crosses her face as she thinks about that afternoon, she starts explaining.

"I went to her dorm and explained….when I finished she started laughing at me" Rachel says, sniffing to stop the tear that tries to roll down her cheek. "Apparently Brody told her that I might try and make something like that up; that I was a…."

"What did he call you" James asks quietly and she presses a kiss against his chest through the shirt he was wearing to try and calm him down; she knows that when he's angry he speaks quietly before he goes off on one and that's not something she wants him to do. Alright she might have been semi-serious when she told him he could beat Brody up if he wanted to, but that might not have been the best idea because James angry is not something she ever wants to witness if what Dani told her is correct. "Rach…"

"He called me a fucking whore" Rachel admits, frowning again and shaking her head. "He said that I was the one who fucked a bunch of guys behind his back and he broke up with me"

Rachel knew that she'd hurt Brody by sleeping with Finn when they were supposed to be together, but judging by what he'd been doing behind her back she couldn't fucking believe how much of an asshole he was being. She'd thought they'd reached an agreement were they'd break up and he wouldn't bother her anymore in exchange for her not telling the entire school that he's a fucking gigolo. Now he goes doing this? What a fucking dickhead she thinks to herself, yes alright that's probably the angry Rachel that's spent too much time around James the last few weeks but still she fucking hates him right now.

"He fucking what?" James exclaims angrily, his eyes wide and his face slightly red. Honestly if he wasn't the caring, kind guy that she knew, she'd be a lot more worried right now; he actually looked like he'd do some real damage if Brody was in the same room "Tell me where the fuck his dorm is, I'm going to fucking kill him"

"No, no, no, no!" She murmurs quickly, moving her hands and placing them on his cheeks, forcing his head down to look at her. She looks at him with them pleading eyes that she knows always get him, mostly because he told her to stop using those fucking cute ass puppey dog eyes on him when she wanted to go out and get some Thai food one night he came with Dani and Santana for a musical night at their bushwick apartment last week. "James don't be angry-"

"Don't be angry" He said, adding a laugh that did nothing to break the anger she could see in him. "Rach, he called you a- I can't even fucking say it; how can he call you that, the dirt bag"

"I know, I know" She says softly, looking at him reassuringly. "Please"

"Shit Rachel, I mean Shit; you expect me to not do anything when you come here crying your fucking eyes out? Shit babe" He says and she can tell now that he's calmed down a smidge, that he's upset. Okay, maybe telling him about what Brody had called her while she was still upset wasn't the best move; who wouldn't want to kick the shit out of a guy who made a girl cry, guys hate it when girls cry; they hate it even more when its because they've been slandered.

"I just need you to hold me and tell me I'm not a whore" She admits, feeling tears run down her cheeks again as she looks up at him and she sees his eyes go through the wheel of emotions. He looks angry about what Brody called her, upset about how she's been crying in his arms and finally affection for her as wraps his arms around her, leaning down to press his forehead against hers. It's an intimate gesture, and honestly a few weeks ago she might have been uncomfortable with it but not with him, not now, they'd bonded too much for ti to be awkward or uncomfortable. Hell, plenty of times she'd happily wrap an arm around his waist and lean into his side as they stood talking; he was her friend.

She sighs and closes her eyes for a second, enjoying the sensation of his fingers gently ghosting over her shoulders, softly relaxing her, reassuring her that he's here for her whenever she needs him.

"You aren't a…"He says, cutting off before the word and she opens up her eyes again to watch him try and finish his sentence, smiling when he shakes his head; not able to bring himself to call her that. "Fuck that asshole, he doesn't know shit"

Rachel giggles as he laughs, his hands squeezing her shoulders as a smirk makes it way on his face. Rachel bites her lip before smiling as she says; "Fuck him"

James smirk grows on his face and he nods his head against hers before he speaks again. "Trust me, babe, you're better than he is. I hope you told your friend that she's a fucking dumb bitch for sleeping with him. Fuck them both"

Rachel laughs again, because well she did call Mia a dumb bitch; in fact her exact words were I hope you catch something from your slut of a boyfriend you dumb fucking bitch. "You're a bad influence on me"

James laughs and she can feel his chest vibrating as he does; the sight of him smiling that handsome smile of his again makes her feel better as he pulls her closer. "I'm the best fucking influence you're ever had; At least you're standing up for yourself"

"Thank you" Rachel murmurs softly, smiling up at him. He shrugs his shoulders in the way he does when he tries to say it's no big deal but isn't quite modest enough for the words to escape his mouth. Honestly he might have her swearing more than she used to but it's true, being around James has done wonders to her self-confidence, much like being with Finn in High school senior year did; she doesn't feel like she has to take crap from anyone. Having someone listen to you and look at you like you're the most important that's ever talked to him just does something to you.

When he goes to release her and move away from her Rachel stops him by placing a hand against his chest, gulping before just doing what feels right; she leans up and presses a kiss against his lips.

She doesn't know what possessed her to do it but in that moment she feels especially close to him and it just feels natural to do it. It's not a passionate I want you type of kiss, it's just a sign of the affection she has for him as her lips linger against his for a few seconds; thanking him for being there for her and well, just simply being him. It might not be passionate, but she can feel something as she kisses him; as though the two of them were meant to do it and she couldn't but smile at the feel of his lips.

She eventually pulls away from him stepping back and looking up at him, smiling again as she sees his eyes closed slightly. He opens them fully a split second later and just stares back at her. Rachel feels nervous in those few moments they just look at each other, wondering how he'll react; would he mad? Would he shrug her away and insist it shouldn't have happened? They'd cuddled, hugged and she'd even held his hand in hers and traced shapes on his skin with her fingers while he'd been talking to Dani but none of that was as affectionate as a kiss.

If he did feel anything at all, he did a good job of masking it because he broke eye contact with her about twenty seconds after she stopped kissing him and let out a sigh before squeezing her shoulders and stepping away from her. She wasn't really surprised that he didn't react, the fact that he looked at her in the same as she looked at him was telling enough; telling enough so that she could smile to herself as she walked away from, it felt right to him as well.

...

The last few hours of the graveyard shift were torture and she cursed to herself a lot about how Gunther makes them fucking work until six, the dickhead.

Rachel didn't even understand why the diner was even open after midnight, on a good night they'd get about twenty odd customers from then until the shift ended. Everything proceeded as normal as she'd expected; a boring, quiet night at work. she served about a half dozen dozen customers and spent the rest of the time talking with Dani and Santana.

She'd spent a bit of her time thinking about that kiss and what it meant, but she didn't bring it up with him; in fact she didn't really see James much that night until about two.

Rachel felt a little awkward at first when James had come out of the kitchen and sat down on the counter next to the till where she was stood chatting with Santana and Dani as they organized the cakes and pastries that were on display. She smiled sheepishly at him, wondering he was going to bring it up but if he felt any of the awkwardness that she felt then he did a good job of hiding it behind that stupidly handsome smile of his.

"Hi" She said with a small sheepish smile on her face as he sat right fucking next to her.

"Hey" He replied resting his elbow on top of the till to support his head. "How's the graveyard doing"

"It's okay" She offered with a shrug of her shoulders.

"It's boring as fuck" Dani said with a sigh, stopping cutting a chocolate cake into slices.

"Feel free to make out a little bit if you want to entertain yourselves, I don't mind" Rachel looked up as she heard him say those words as casually as anything. She bit her lip as she looked towards the girls.

"Fuck off Asshole" Santana said with a disgusted glance at him. James sat there smirking at them, quite obviously pleased with himself.

"You're such a dick" Dani retorted, shaking her head at her best friend. "I know you're hard up because you haven't had sex in a week but fuck off"

"I was actually hoping you two wouldn't mind-" James started to reply before Dani cut him off as Rachel bit her lip as she watched Santana's eyes bulge.

"Don't even finish that fucking sentence" Dani warned him threateningly, brandishing the knife she had in her hand at him.

She sniggered to himself, looking down at his feet to try and hide it; honestly Rachel loved watching them around each other. James knew how to push Dani and Santana's buttons perfectly without annoying them too much. He matched her fiery temperament and that's one of the reasons that she knew Santana actually did like him. Since Dani and Santana had been out on a couple of dates in the last few weeks since the whole Is Dani actually a lesbian fiasco has been cleared up, James had taken every chance he could to tease them about their new relationship.

"Sorry Dan, you know I'm only joking" James raised his hands in surrender; Rachel smirked at him, he was so full of shit. He loved pushing to see how far they'd let him tease. "And fuck you, it hasn't been a week, I got laid on Monday"

"Whatever" Dani shook her head, going back to cutting the cake up; "Did you have to bring her back to our apartment? She was loud as fuck and I felt like punching her when she sat there with a huge fucking smile on her face in the morning"

Rachel blushes listening to them and she didn't ever think she'd have ended up being friends with three people who saw openly talk about sex as Dani, James and Santana. She had to put up with it through high school in Santana's case and she was sure she didn't want to hear about James sex life from Dani or him. She didn't mind knowing he had sex because she was able to tell when he 'd had it the night before after only about a week of knowing him; he wore a big shit face grin when he came to work the next day, but knowing the details was not something she wanted to hear.

"You say "our apartment" like you even pay rent and I can't help it if they enjoy-" James retorted, smirking at his best friend who glared back at him.

"You don't even pay rent asshole, Daddy bought it you" Dani replies throwing a napkin at him that has them all laughing. "Don't even try and say "oh I'm good in fucking bed". You fuck drunk girls that probably can't even remember they had sex the next morning"

James scratches the stubble on his face, smirking before he responds. "Well Played sweetheart"

Dani flashes him that smile and James leans over to press a kiss against her cheek. Rachel shakes her head at them; they go from being at each other's throats to kissing each other on the cheek frequently when they argue. "But seriously, please stop bringing girls home"

"Alright jesus, I won't" He replies, smiling at Dani slightly who is just looking at him sceptically.

"Fuck" He says exasperated, "You know I've got finals coming up; I need to cut back on going out and shit"

"When are they?" Rachel asks, eager to get the conversation away from James' apparent talent in the bedroom.

"June" He replies, smiling at her. "After that I have to get a real job. It's going to fucking suck"

"Have you decided where you're going to work?" Santana asks, leaning forward against the counter. Rachel throat dries instantly at the reminder. She didn't like the reminder that James would be graduating soon and the fact that he didn't seem to be particular looking forward to working in the city after he did.

"I don't fucking know" He shrugs "Dad says he can get me a job in New York if I want, but then there's Seattle, not to mention I could move back home"

"Why not stay in New York? You've already got an apartment" Rachel asks, hoping it comes off nonchalantly. Honestly the idea of James moving away from New York sounds horrible; he's one of her closest friends and she'd definitely miss being able to talk to him.

"I guess so" He replies shrugging and Rachel can't help the disappointed look on her face as he sounds so disinterested in staying. "I guess after four fucking years of living here, I could use a break; you know?"

"Well I hope you move away, I can have your room; it's like twice the size of mine" Dani says smirking and that causes James to laugh. Rachel smiles, though it doesn't make its way to her eyes; out of the corner of her eye she can see Santana frowning at her as if to say whats your problem?

She'd love to tell James to stay in New York but she realises that she had no right to tell him; and at the end of the day he wants to move across the country to work then she can't stop him, despite the fact it would be fucking horrible to have one of her closest friends so far away.

"Sweetheart, if I move out; I'm selling that fucking apartment" He says, smirking slyly at them. "You've sponged of me long enough"

"Fuck you, Chris loves me" Dani teases, looking at him sweetly. Rachel bites her lip, Chris is James' Dad and according to James always been sweet on his sons best friend; practically considering her as his own daughter.

"My old man's going fucking soft" James says with a roll of his eyes as he jumps of the counter and walks around to join them on the staff side. Rachel shakes her head when he picks up a muffin and starts picking at it.

"When are you seeing him next?" Dani asks and Rachel can't help but steal a bit of James' blueberry muffin that he's picking at. He looks up and shakes his head at her, though she can see the smirk on his face.

"Having dinner with him and ma next week" He responds licking his fingers.

"Everything okay?" Dani looks a little concerned. "Since he semi-retired they haven't both been in the city for a while"

"Family dinner with the asshole" James says simply and Rachel can't help but notice that he clenches his jaw slightly.

"Scott's going to be there?" Dani asks and Rachel reaches over to place hand on his arm, rubbing her thumb across his skin in an attempt to comfort him. James smiles as he looks at the gesture before nodding his head. "Why didn't tell me? I would have come"

"I'm not going to fucking hit him so you don't need to come" James replies letting out a sigh. "The dickhead wants something, probably money so Ma thought it'd be a good idea us to meet up"

"What's he want money for?" Rachel asks and James just shrugs at her.

"Fuck knows, he probably fucked another woman behind his wife's back and she's divorcing him" James snorts

"I'm sure it'll be fine" Rachel says reassuringly before she squeezes his arm. She knows how difficult it is for him to talk about his brother and she can understand. James hasn't told her much of the details aside from those that Dani told her and she agrees that Scott is a fucking dickhead.

"What you lovely ladies doing tonight" James asks, obviously keen to change the subject.

"We're hanging out at our apartment" Santana replies "Order in, watch some films"

"You do realise that sounds lame as hell" James says "It's a Saturday night, you're supposed to go out and get fucked"

"Some of us like to remember how we spend our Saturday" Dani retorts and Rachel can't help but smirk. She hears James laugh behind her and is a little taken aback when he wraps his arms around her from behind and holds her waist. She gulps when she feels him rest his head against her shoulder, turning to look at him.

"You should come out with me tonight" He says smiling at her; she should probably feel uncomfortable in their proximity but she doesn't, it just feels nice to have him hold her like that and she can't help but rest her hands on top of his at her stomach. She sees Santana looking at them with an amused smile, but fuck Santana, James' arms around her feel nice and who cares that's it been a while since she's felt this safe.

"I'm 19" She offers weakly. James smirks at her and she feels him squeeze her slightly.

"So? I don't even remember my freshmen year" He replies and she can't help but smile at him. "We'll go out and We'll get absolutely fucked"

"I don't know" Rachel says biting her lip again. Honestly, while she'd love to spend time with him; she doesn't like the idea of drinking, she's never been a big drinker and well if James drinks as much as he loves to fucking brag about then she'd probably regret it.

"I'll take care of you; promise" She believes him, why wouldn't she? He has those damn beautiful eyes that tell her everything she needs to know and of course she trusts him, there just something about him that tells her he'd never hurt her, but fuck she just doesn't like the idea of getting drunk; she gets clingy, needy girl drunk and that's definitely not something she wants to be around him.

"Maybe another time?" She offers and he nods at her.

"Whenever you want, babe. Not going to force you to do anything you're not comfortable with" He winks at her lifting his head off her shoulder but not releasing his hold around her waist. Honestly she doesn't want him to let go, his arms around her feel too damn relaxing and well, safe. "Besides you're all lame asses anyway and would probably cramp my style"

Rachel can't help the giggle that escapes her throat; there he goes from being sweet and sincere one minute to being a fucking asshole the next.

"Some of us actually do other things than drink" Dani teases him. Rachel looks up to see James smirking and as he goes to open his mouth, Dani cuts him off by speaking again; "If you say you fuck as well I'm going to cut off your balls while you sleep; and then what will you do?"

"Ha, Ha" He says dryly, finally moving his hands away from her waist and she groans inwardly at the lose of contact. "I do other things as well you know"

"Prove it" Dani said with a smug smile and Rachel couldn't help but smirk. They both knew that James wouldn't be able to resist proving them wrong.

"I know what you're doing and I'm not fucking watching dumb ass chick flicks" He replies and Rachel bites her lip when Dani raises an eyebrow at him and he just groans. Dani wears a victorious smile as he mutters shaking his head. "What time are we going over"

"Really you're coming?" Rachel asked, her face erupting in a smile.

"Whatever don't make a big deal out of it" He shrugs and Rachel can't help nudging his shoulder with hers. She's honestly more than a little touched that he's giving up a night he'd normally go drinking to spend time with her. She chastises herself mentally for that, he isn't just coming for her…right? "Want me to bring some wine or something"

"Awww aren't you sweet when you want to be" Santana teased him and he just rolled his eyes as he started walking back towards the kitchen.

"Fuck you, I hate all of you" He muttered, though Rachel swore she could see a smirk on his face that made her own smile appear.

…

"Alright midget, spill whats going on with you and James"

"What the fuck" Rachel exclaimed, Santana's voice next to her surprised her. She was stood in the kitchen of their apartment putting the vegan pizza in to the oven. She looks around sees Kurt and Santana stood on either side of her wearing sly smiles, ones that told her that the two of them were up to something. Fuck she hated it when they teamed up on her like this. "What do you two want"

"Santana so kindly told me that this morning at work, you and James were looking particularly cosy as he wrapped his arms your waist" Kurt says smiling widely. "In fact, Santana seems to think you liked it a little bit too much"

"I don't know what you're talking about" Rachel replied, keeping her eyes focused on not looking at either of them. "James and I are just friends"

"Alright cut the crap Berry" Santana said rolling her eyes as she grabbed Rachels hand and pulled her away from the counter so that she was forced to look at the two of them.

"Santana" Rachel yelled, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Don't fucking man handle me alright?"

"We'll get James to do that" Kurt replied and Rachel felt herself blush.

"See! This is what I was telling you about" Santana exclaimed happily, smiling as she pointed at her. "You like him"

"What? Of course I like him he's my friend" Rachel said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world to try and get them off her case.

"Let me put this in simple terms, or in fact I'll say it as your lover boy would" Santana is speaking with a smirk "You want him to fuck your brains out"

Rachel opened her mouth in shock. No, she didn't…okay well maybe she had thought about that a couple of times; she'd almost maybe used thee image a few times more than she'd be willing to admit when she's been feeling frustrated and needed to relive the tension. But she didn't need that to be brought up in public that the idea of getting James into her bed was something that was very, very appealing to her right now. "No…No I don't"

"Bullshit" Santana remarked smirking at the same time as Kurt gasped "Its true!"

"So that's what all this is about, you want him" Santana is stood there smug. "I wondered why you two had been spending so much time around each other."

"We spend time together because he's my friend and I happen to like being able to talk to someone who listens to me" Rachel says frowning at them. "I'm allowed to have hot straight male friends! It doesn't mean that I want to have sex with them, does it?"

"No it doesn't" Kurt replies, smirking at her. "But the way you blush while you're talking about him tells us differently. You've thought about it haven't you?"

"I…" Rachel tries to defend herself and groans when the look of triumph appear on both of their faces. "Fine, Maybe I have thought about it; maybe sometimes the light will catch him just right and I'll see those arms of his and wonder what it would be like to have him all to myself but that's normal, I haven't had sex in months!"

"So fuck him?" Santana says after a few moments of silence. "I know you love it when he puts his arms around you"

"I can't" Rachel shakes her head at Santana.

"Why the fuck not? You're hot, He's definitely fine and If I wasn't gay I would definitely tap that; what's the problem?"

"Because he's my fucking friend!" Rachel shouts, thrusting her arms out to the side. After a couple of seconds she fold her arms again. She cares about James and she knows he cares about her; but they make great friends and she doesn't want to fuck anything up with by sleeping with him. It would hurt too much to not have him to talk to and he was great with dealing with her.

Kurt and Santana look at each other confused and then back to her. Kurt walks over and stands by her, placing an arm tenderly around her shoulder. "What does have to do with anything?"

"I don't want to lose him" Rachel admits weakly, letting her vulnerable side show. "He's such a good friend to me Kurt; he listens to me, he lets me talk his ear off and he actually gives a fuck about what I have to say"

"What if you two could become something-"

"He doesn't date Kurt, he doesn't want a girlfriend; it would be sex and then it would mess up everything" Rachel says, smiling sadly as she squeezes her eyebrows together to stop herself from crying. "Yes, I am attracted to him and when he holds me, it feels nice and I feel safe and I love the fact that he opens up and is himself around me but what if we lose that. He makes me feel so special but I don't have people who treat me like he does, I can't lose his friendship by having sex with him"

"He cares about you, Rach. Dani says it herself, she's never seen him as open as he is with you" Santana says smiling and Rachel knows she that she's saying it to try and encourage her, but Rachel knows that its true and that's only another reason why she can't risk anything with him.

"Exactly Santana" She replies, smiling sadly. "Four years since that bitch fucked him about and he's only just now opening up to someone who isn't Dani. What if he closes back up again, San. I don't think I could bear to lose his friendship"

"Rach" Kurt says softly and squeezes her shoulder. "You're worried about losing him, but what if leads to something more; it could be good for you"

"I don't even know if we could be something Kurt" She says resting her head on his shoulder. "I don't want to let him in and then have him hurt me. He doesn't do relationships and can't get hurt again; if Brody taught me anything is that guys will you fuck you about in ways I didn't even know where possible"

"James isn't like anything like Brody and I'm pretty sure he'd be disgusted you even compared them" Santana says instantly and Rachel knows she shouldn't have said it like that. She didn't mean to compare them two, she already knows that James is so much of a better guy than Brody and she felt like shit for what she just said; only this morning James was comforting her and saying how much he hated her fucking douchebag ex. "Fuck, I'm a little pissed off you just said that"

"I didn't mean it like that" Rachel moans, a tear running down her cheek. "James is much better than that fucking asshole. There was always something about Brody that left me feeling like I never really knew him, like he wasn't being honest with me and I never thought as though I could trust him. But James just makes me feel safe and I know I can trust him, there's just something about him that is just warm and it was like that when I kissed him, it just felt safe and right."

"Wait, hold up" Santana said holding her hand up. "You've kissed him? When did that happen?"

"It…it was last night, he was comforting me about something Brody said" Rachel replies, biting her lip softly. "I felt close to him and I don't know, it just felt like the right thing to do so I leant up and kissed him"

"How did he react" Kurt asks, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

"He didn't, well he kissed me back…but it was just for a few seconds and then we just stood there looking at each other. He squeezed my arm and moved away without saying anything" Rachel replied. She wishes she could know what he was thinking about their kiss; if it made him feel uncomfortable he didn't let it show, especially by the way that he was cuddling her a few hours later. "It felt like, like he wanted it as well? I don't know, we haven't talked about it but it felt right"

"Judging by the fact that Santana says that he was cuddling up to you at work, I don't think he minded you kissing him" Kurt says and Rachel smiles back at him. "That's got to count for something"

"I'm going to be real fucking honest with you here Rachel alright?" Santana says seriously and Rachel nods at her. "I think you two are way to fucking comfortable around each other for "just friends". Like, him and Dani are touchy but that makes sense 'cus they're uber best friends…like almost fucking brother and sister but you two have only know each other like what two months?"

"Yeah about that" Rachel replied, chewing her lip.

"You'll be stood close to each other like all the time and I haven't seen that type of smile on your face since high school when you were with Frankenteen" Santana continues speaking and Rachel finds herself agreeing with pretty much all of it. "But here's the thing, for a guy that says he can't let anyone in; he's so fucking different with you it's not even funny. Dani notices it as well, he beams when you smile as if its made his whole year. He's dumb about noticing this shit, Dani says but she thinks deep down that he likes you too"

She can't say Santana's wrong. Rachel hasn't mentioned it because honestly it doesn't even bother her that he seems happy every time she talks to him; because it makes her happy as well talking to him. He deals with her so perfectly, he knows how to make her laugh and he knows what buttons to press to get her worked up. He's walked her to the subway a couple of times and the way that he offers her his arm is adorable as fuck and sure she's put it down to him just being a gentleman but sometimes she has been wondering if it more than a just a friendly gesture; the way that he'll hug her seems like it could be more than just friends but fuck, he's so protective of his feelings that she doesn't know what to make of him.

"I'm scared" She admits quietly. "He's like the only good fucking thing I've had happen to me in the last few months; he's the reason that I'm not so messed up about Brody and the fact I haven't gotten heard about my funny girl audition"

"Maybe that's more telling than you've probably realised" Kurt offers, rubbing her back with his hand. "You just admitted that he makes you feel special"

"I don't want to lose him"

"Why do you have to lose him. ?" Santana replies, giving her a warm smile. "You're the reason he's opened up again; Maybe you could be the reason for him to want something more as well"