Disclaimer/Letter From the Author: To really set the mood I suggest listening to 'Unlimited' by Aikawa Nanase. The English lyrics for this song really capture the heart of this story. And Nanase's voice is tender and beautiful. Please ask permission before and reuse of any part of this fan fiction. – Ree
Like Humans Do
'For millions of years, in millions of homes, a man loved a woman; a child, it was born. It learned how to hurt, and it learned how to cry—like humans do.'
Prompt: Breathing In and Out
"Father, what are you doing?"
Kaname glanced over at the girl with big brown eyes and long brown hair.
"Nothing besides cooking," he replied slowly, with a raised brow as he mixed the pancake batter. He paused in his ministrations, "Why do you ask, Ai?"
"Well, Ren just made an excellent point," she said, exchanging glances with her sister beside before both girls shifted their attentions to their father.
"Oh?" Kaname returned to his cooking, turning on the stove and buttering the skillet. "And, what was Ren's excellent point?" he asked wryly, slightly amused by their antics. He slowly poured some batter into the skillet as he waited for Ai's reply.
"You weren't breathing. Were you playing some sort of game with yourself?"
"You're human," Ren's quiet voice said, "but you weren't breathing."
Kaname blinked twice in surprise, a frown settling on his lips as be flipped the pancake. "I didn't realize," he murmured, perturbed.
"Perhaps it's because you just woke up," Ai quipped from the kitchen table where she sat playing with Ren's hair, "or maybe it's because you used to be like Ren and I. We don't breathe."
"Not ever?"
"Sometimes," Ren amended. "I run out of breath eventually. But Ai doesn't need to breathe, because she's pureblood. All Kurans are."
"Being pureblood..." Kaname murmured, testing the words on his tongue, intrigued by the memories he couldn't remember.
There was a silence that settled over them. A second later, Ren scooted back her chair and exited the kitchen. Kaname watched the girl's silver hair until it disappeared from his view.
"You're doing it again."
He blinked.
"It's weird that you don't breathe. I thought it was a subconscious thing all humans did. Are you broken?"
"I'm not a toy, Ai," Kaname muttered dryly. A weird smell wafted to his nose and he frowned.
"You're burning the pancake."
Kaname hastily flipped the pancake, grimacing at the burnt side. He felt Ai's arms around his waist.
"Mom burnt pancakes too."
He carefully set the pancake on the plate as he poured more batter in the skillet.
"Did she teach me then?"
Ai laughed, "Oh, no. You taught her. When you were Vampire, you were good at everything. That's what Mother and Zero told us."
There was a sadness he felt, a nagging tug at his heart, at the lost memories. At the woman he couldn't remember ever loving.
"I loved her?"
"You sound sad, so what does your heart tell you?" Ai said.
"Do you hate me?" Kaname asked her. "For the death of your mother?"
" I wish that she was here. But it's been a very long time, Father."
Kaname listened quietly to his daughter as she quietly admitted her deepest wish. Kaname knew that, whomever Yuuki Kuran had been, he must have loved her. More than anyone.
"I think I was tired then. I think...I wanted to live, but I was afraid to lose her. I was afraid of her disappearing so I...I wanted to create a world where she would be happy. I—" Kaname frowned, flipping the pancake from the skillet to the plate, before repeating his actions and starting another.
His words were escaping him, his memories nonexistent and yet he felt so sure. He placed his large hand over Ai's smaller one and said, "I'm sure, at that time, I must have been that type of man."
Soft footsteps resounded and Kaname and his daughter both looked to the sound. "Ren?" Ai asked, staring at her sibling.
Ren's cheeks were flushed and she had a pout on her features. She held out her hand, "Give it here," she mumbled.
"Give what?"
Ren glared, "Give me the spatula already! If you aren't going to correct his terrible cooking then I will! I can smell the burnt pancakes all the way in the yard."
Kaname moved over and gave Ren room.
"Now, I'm only showing you once," Ren huffed, "so pay attention! You may have been pampered in your last life, but now you're human." Ren poured the batter in the pan, "Wait for only a while! See these bubbles? Watch them slow...and flip!" Ren's pancake was a dark golden color. Kaname watched in silence as Ren cooked.
"Ren," he said after a while, "if you have something to say then say it."
They stood in silence for a moment. Then she spoke.
"My father, he showed me how to cook. Because mother couldn't cook. Ai can cook as well, because he taught us both. He told me that one day he would be gone."
Ren was paying especial attention to the pancakes. "He eventually fell to Level E. I know you don't remember him. He, however, told me everything that happened between the two of you, including the things mother and Ai never knew about."
Kaname listened intently, his eyes down casted. A painful and indescribable feeling gripped his heart, and yet the feeling was not foreign to him.
Just who had he been? Just what had he done? And Yuuki Kuran...how desperately he wanted to remember her.
Why did she awaken him? Did he deserve this second chance at life?
"Did I deserve this life?" Kaname said to Ren.
"...Mother thought so. That's why she exchanged her own for yours, even though her deepest wish was to see you again." The look on Ren's face was far away, and so impossibly forlorn. "I miss her," she said quietly. "I miss mom. Even after all this time."
"Ren—"
"I so desperately wanted to hate you. And yet, you're so pitiful that I feel sorry for you instead." Ren looked over at Kaname with glittering eyes, "Is it because my father's blood* flows through me that I am unable to hate you?"
"...I'm sorry."
Ren scoffed. "You don't even know why."
"It is not a reason I can name, but my heart knows it."
Silence stretched between them. Kaname could feel Ren's unsettling gaze.
"My father," — Ren's voice was a whisper Kaname almost didn't hear—"he gave me my name. Do you know why?"
From his position, Kaname slowly shook his head.
Ren let out a heavy sigh and silence settled over them again. "Fix your stance! I am not your master. And you're forgetting to breathe again! Honestly, you'll be a useless human, won't you?"
Kaname hesitantly looked up at Ren. "It sounds as if I was always rather useless," he murmured as he straightened his posture.
He saw Ren's lips quirk, "Not entirely," the girl said gingerly.
Then, "Breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Breathe in deep. Deeper! Do you feel the air fill your lungs? Now breathe out. Slow! Geez! Do it again! How is it that a newly awakened human needs lessons on breathing, and from an aristocrat vampire...?" Ren looked at him speculatively, "Oi, don't you run out of breath?"
A small hand reached in front of his face and Kaname's eyes widened marginally when he felt Ren pinch his nose.
They stood there in silence for several moments, until...
Kaname let out an oxygen deprived huff, and Ren blinked as she flipped a pancake.
"So you aren't an alien. Mother knew what she was doing after all."
Kaname's brows furrowed.
"Isn't that...a rather mean thing to say about your mother?"
Ren threw her head back and laughed. It startled Kaname, who thought he asked a rather serious question. At the boisterous sound Kaname found himself blinking in awe. He didn't get what was so funny about what he said, but it was the first time he'd ever seen Ren laughing from her heart.
Again his heart panged painfully, but it was accompanied by a warmer feeling as he wondered once more what type of woman it was whom he once loved. A woman that could inspire such loyalty, such respect, awe-inspiring love, sadness and happiness? He desperately wished he could remember her.
"I'm afraid I don't see the humor..." he said awkwardly, uncertain.
Ren turned off the stove and wiped the tears from the corner of his eyes, saying, "You'd understand if you remembered her. Trust me, what I said wasn't very mean at all."
Ren placed the last pancake on the plate and handed the plate to Kaname. He took it, glancing at the pancakes. They were golden and crispy, a buttery aroma wafting into the air and making his mouth water. He glanced at Ren.
Ren was watching him, her face full of mixed emotions and with a wry smile. "You...are so..." she struggled for words.
"Just" - She said exasperatedly - "inhale and exhale. Breathing is an easy thing. You just breath in and out."
There was a resigned tone in her voice. Kaname nodded. He glanced down at the plate of pancakes, deliberating.
"Ren?"
"Huh? What is it?"
"Why were you named 'Ren'?"
Ren glanced at Kaname, her brows raised in surprise. She looked away, her lips pursed and a slight blush on his cheeks.
When she glanced back at Kaname, her face held a soft expression.
"Get your memories back first. If you can't figure it out by then, I'll tell you. Okay?"
Kaname's found his lips curving upwards into a smile of their own accord.
(LIKE HUMANS DO: BREATHING IN AND OUT: END)
this refers to earlier chapters in the manga, when Kaname gave Zero his blood and later told Zero that because his pure blood flowed through Zero's veins, Zero could not disobey/betray him.
in the early VK drama CD's Kaien and Kaname spoke and Kaname apparently admitted to not being very reliable. Here I have implied Kaname's self-proclaimed unreliability (which he subconsciously recognizes even if he doesn't remember).
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