That next morning, Mercedes woke up freezing. She always hated that hospital weather. She sat in the chair, thinking about last night's events, namely the break-up. Could she even call it that? She really liked Noah, but her heart wasn't in it anymore. In a way, they were already over before last night. They had been as soon as Sam stepped into the picture. She should've known better than to-

"You think really loud, you know?"

Startled, Mercedes' eyes shot over to see that Sam had been awake the entire time. "Jesus."

"Like, when you're not talking about something and just thinking about it, there's this low hum or buzz or something. Or maybe it's just the machines. Who knows?" He chuckled to himself.

She got up and sat in the chair closest to his bedside. Her chair wasn't much further from him, but it was still too much. She couldn't explain exactly why. She just wanted to be close to him. Always. "How are you feeling?"

"Everything still hurts like hell. But other than that and the nurses waking me up every other hour to make sure I'm not bleeding into my brain or anything, I feel just peachy." He smiled sarcastically.

She offered him a sympathetic grin.

"Where is everyone?"

"Shelly went to get some breakfast and Grandmother went to the bakery to open up."

Sam nodded. Saturdays were always big days for the bakery. It was busier all day than it was during any weekday lunch hour. He looked at the clock, 7:57. They weren't set to open for another couple of hours. But Mercedes was supposed to be the person making sure they were ready to open up today and she'd spent the night at the hospital with him, so it made sense that Ms. Abby wanted to be there early. "How are you doing after yesterday?"

The question both excited and intrigued her. "You remember what happened?"

"Not really." He shook his head. "But I remember you were upset yesterday. For most of the day, actually. We never talked about it, so I figure I'd ask again."

Her excitement reduced itself to anxiety. "We did talk about it, Sam. It was brief, but I told you what happened. If you don't remember that, how do you remember everyone getting here not long after?"

"I don't." He pointed to the luggage in the corner. "I figured the bags weren't all yours."

She sighed. "Noah and I had a fight and I'm pretty sure we broke up."

"Oh, shit. Why?"

"Does it really matter? I don't want to rehash it and no offense, but you won't really remember anyway."

"I understand. None taken. Is your visit with your dad today? Shouldn't you be gone by now?"

"They pushed our appointment back, but yeah it's happening. JJ will be here soon to pick me up."

He eyed her. Something else was wrong. "Okay, so I'm just gonna take you through my thought process here. Fact: you and Noah just broke up last night. Also fact: you've been in a funk since yesterday morning. Another fact: while I understand that seeing your dad for the first time in years is, like, the most anxiety-inducing thing that could happen, we have an additional fact which is that you've still never had any issues talking about it with me. Then, we come to the final fact: we both know that things with you and Noah were a lot more casual for you than they were for him. Sooo," he drew the word out. "Either my facts are utterly and completely wrong. Unlikely. Or there's something that you're not telling me."

She shifted away from him.

"Which is fine!" He didn't want her to feel bad about it. "I just want you to know that we're kind of past the point of being afraid to share things here. Plus, like you said, I probably won't remember anything you say now anywho. But if you tell me, you'll still be able to get it off your chest. Feels like a pretty good bargain to me." He smiled and shrugged.

After taking him in, she went over to the blinds and closed them. Then, she went to the door, looked out for anyone coming their way, and promptly closed it.

He watched as she completed her tasks and came back to stand beside him. "Well, this doesn't feel very scary or super top secret at all."

"I love you," she blurted. "And not in a 'you're my foster family and I'm going to look out for you' kind of way. I'm-" she hesitated as if she hadn't already stepped in it. "Sam, I'm in love with you." She didn't give him the chance to speak before continuing. "I don't know for how long. It's been rolling around in the back of my mind for a while without my knowledge. But then we were on that damn rooftop at the art exhibit and then we got onto the elevator and it just clicked. And you're right! Noah and I broke up and for someone who was with him for almost half a year, I don't feel anywhere near as upset about it as I should. And I think the reason I don't feel that way is that he's not the one I want to be with. I want to be with you."

Sam couldn't do anything but sit and look at her as he processed what she was saying. He went to respond, but she cut him off with her rambling.

"And you don't need to say or do anything because I know you probably don't feel the same way and you're going to hate me both for keeping this from you and saying what I'm about to say next: I want you to stay with Quinn. She really really likes you. If we get together now, we'll both hurt her so badly." She took a breath in an attempt to slow her words. "And while I love you, a part of me is hoping that your memory loss continues for just a few more seconds so that you can forget that I ever said this. It's barely been 36 hours and I can't keep it from you anymore. But I'm also not ready to deal with the consequences of whatever we decide."

"Cedes—"

"And god," she let out an exasperated huff, "I just know that this visit with my dad is going to be a mess. And to top all of that off, I think that I'm only now realizing how much I miss my mom. I can only handle so many crises at a time, you know? But I'm going to shut up now because I'll start crying if I go any further into any of that and I'm 100% cried out. So, just don't say anything, okay? Don't ask me any questions or try to make me feel better with a joke, just please try to forget I said any of this, even if you do remember."

Sam watched on worriedly as her chest heaved while she caught her breath. He wasn't sure what to do. He was in too much pain to hug her. He was going to tell her that he loved her back, but that was obviously not a good idea at the moment. She didn't need a boyfriend or a guy who was in love with her; she needed a friend. He grabbed onto her hand again, this time much more gently than he did the night before, and nodded without a word.

A few hours later, Mercedes and her brother JJ pulled into the parking lot of her dad's correctional facility. It had been a long time since she'd been back here, but the eerie feeling the place had never left her.

In the driver's seat, her brother nudged her. "How are you feeling?"

Her eyes remained on the entrance to the building. "Is it too late to turn the car around?"

"Nope. But you know Grandmother would kill us if I did. Well, she'd kill me. She likes you too much."

She chuckled. "Do you know why he's got us here? I know you talk to him on the phone; did he say anything about what today was supposed to be about?"

JJ shook his head. "Just the same thing I've told you every other time you asked: he wants us to see him before he gets out so that we can talk about father-kid stuff. Why is it so important that you know what this is about ahead of time?"

Mercedes looked down at her fingers in her lap as she fiddled with them. Other than Sam, her brother was the one person outside of her friends she shared the most with. They didn't talk much, but she knew she could confide in him always. "Do you ever extra-miss her?" She asked. "Like, you knew you missed her, but you wake up one day realizing you've hit a whole new level of missing her? One that hurts a lot more?"

He sighed, hating that she was reaching the lows he'd reach many times before. "Of course. It's called grieving."

"Is grieving supposed to feel worse the more you do it? Because I thought I had grieved. It's been almost 8 years; what grieving is there left to do?"

"She was our mom, Mercedes. You never fully grieve your mom, not when you have what we had with her. Especially considering that you lost her at 9, 8 years is no time at all."

She looked back out of the window.

"And don't listen to all that '7 stages of grief' bullshit. Grief isn't something you can compartmentalize like that. People say it gets better with time and you can choose whether or not you wanna believe that, but it's never gonna not hurt to think about her."

"Do you believe it?"

He nodded. "I do. When I'll reach that point, I have no clue. But I'm definitely confident that it's coming."

"It just feels like every time I think I've reached a good place with her, something new happens and it's like I'm losing her all over again. At this point, I'm wondering if there's even any point to it because it's clearly never going to get better."

"Uh uh. Hey." He didn't let her go there. "Don't talk like that. It's hard, but it won't be as hard every day. You have bad days, but you've got the good days, too. Don't you ever forget that. I know you've probably got a lot going on right now, but all that shit is temporary. All of it. Got me?"

She nodded, but she wasn't sure she believed him.

"Okay. Let's head in."

After way too long in the lobby and getting to the visitation room, Mercedes and JJ finally arrived to see their dad sitting at a table in the far corner of the room. She could hear her heart beating as their eyes met and she made her way over to him.

He stood up to greet them. "Hey, you two."

JJ spoke first, "Hey, Dad. How's it going?"

"Oh, you know. Same old, same old. Ready to get the hell out of here, though." He looked at Mercedes and smiled. "Hey, Cedes. Long time, no see, huh?"

She shifted her weight without a word. She just wanted to sit down, tell him what she knew, and leave.

"You don't have to be scared of me. I don't bite." He joked.

I know he doesn't bite. How old does he think I am, 6? A nudge from her brother prompted a quiet greeting, "Hi."

"I'd hug you, but I'm technically not cleared for that yet. Let's have a seat." He sat down. "So, how's school going? Both of you?"

"Pretty good," said JJ. "My professors are kicking my butt. Med school is no joke."

"I bet. Mercedes?"

Barely entertaining the conversation, she murmured, "School's good."

JJ looked at her as if she'd grown another head. "'Good?'" He said to their dad, "Little Miss 'Good' over here has a 4.5 GPA, is set to be valedictorian, and she's taking college classes. At this rate, she'll graduate undergrad by the time she's 20."

James beamed proudly. "Alright! A valedictorian and a doctor. Making your mother and I very proud."

Who is he to be proud of us when he had nothing to do with it? "Amaiya's also really smart. Not that you would know," she said, feeling her intent transform into anger.

JJ sighed. Clearly, this visit was going to be strained at best.

"Trust me, I do. Your brother's been keeping me updated." James looked over her again. "You've got so much hair, wow. It's just as long as your mama's was before she got sick. We were your age when we met, you know? You look just like she did back then. You look really pretty, too. I love that color on you."

She looked down at the burgundy hoodie she'd worn yesterday. "Thanks, I just came from the hospital."

James look alarmed before JJ explained, "Not her, she's fine. There's a boy staying with them who got hurt at a football game last night. Should be okay, though."

"Oh, a boy? I wonder who convinced Mama to do that. You're not falling in love with him or anything, are you?" He winked at his daughter.

The wink made Mercedes' insides boil. Was he seriously cracking jokes right now? "Speaking of that boy, I'd kind of like to get back to him and make sure he's okay. So, could we just get to the reason we're here?" She stared straight at her dad, ignoring the look her brother gave her.

James smirked, slightly embarrassed. "Not one for small talk, huh? Your mom was the same. Well, I'll cut to the chase then. Y'all know I'm coming home in about a week. I've asked y'all here because like I told JJ on the phone and you in your letter, I want us to start with as clean a slate as possible. I wanted to take that first step by apologizing to both of y'all. I wasn't the best father I could've been when your mom passed. Even in the months leading up to her passing, I wasn't doing my best. Her cancer, it took a toll on all of us and we all had to find different ways to deal with it. Mine kept me from the two of you and put me in here." He cleared his throat in what looked like an attempt to stave off tears. "It's my biggest regret in life that my kids had to grow up without me. And I know that there's nothing I could ever do to make up for that, and I won't pretend that there is. But I want to do right by the three of y'all from this point forward."

Mercedes fought the eye roll that wanted to occur when she saw tears in her brother's eyes. She didn't believe a word her dad was saying. After everything he did, he expected to apologize and just be done with it? "What's prompted this? Why now?"

"Well, it might sound cliche, but I've had a lot of time to think to myself in here. I've wanted to tell you before, but it just never felt right. And I knew I couldn't be the dad you deserved if I was locked up, so—"

"So you just said forget about us and the apologies you wanted to give us?"

"Mercedes." Her brother got onto her.

"That was never the plan," James responded. "I always wanted to write or call. But I wanted to do it in person and I wanted us all to be together. And when I get home, I'm going to sit down with Amaiya, too. I just know your grandma doesn't want her seeing me in here, which is why only you two are here now." He sat up in his seat. "I'm apologizing for not being there, Mercedes."

"When Mom died or before? You're using her dying as your reason for not being there, but that doesn't make any sense. Especially not when you consider the fact that I don't remember you being at any of my dance recitals or talent shows and I have pictures of her in the hospital after giving birth to me without you."

"Cedes, chill."

James shook his head. "It's okay, Junior. She's right. I wasn't there then, either. And that's on me. I was never quite ready to be a dad. We got pregnant so young… and then her parents kicked her out. With the exception of my parents, we were on our own. I didn't know the first thing about raising kids. I also didn't know how to be the man your mom needed me to be and be a dad at the same time. But I loved her too much to leave."

"You loved her too much, so you just stayed in and out of prison for years and left her on her own with 2 children." She nodded affirmatively. "Got it."

JJ couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth. "Mercedes, stop it."

"I said I didn't do my best, Mercedes. I'm owning that. I'm asking for a second chance so that I can prove to you that I'm committed to being a dad. A good one."

JJ was happy to hear this. "I accept your apology, Dad. I just want for us to be a family," he said moreso to Mercedes. "Once and for all."

James nodded. "So do I. And your mom would want the same thing, which is another reason I'm doing this. Moving forward, I want us all to be honest and transparent with one another. 'Lene would want that from all of us."

Mercedes was quick with her doubtful response, "And what's to stop me from just saying screw you and your honesty and transparency?"

"Ok, what is your problem?" JJ pulled her arm so that she would look at him. "Since when do you talk to people like this?"

"Since 'people' made us drive for almost two hours so that he could tell us he's sorry for the choices he deliberately made over and over and over again. Am I just supposed to believe that he wants to be the dad he never was after all these years?"

"Junior, she has a right to feel this way. I understand." James looked at Mercedes and leaned toward her.

His apologetic gaze sickened her. It all felt like an act.

"Gia, I—"

"No. Don't call me that." She put her foot down. "Only people who care about and love me get to call me that and that's never been you."

"Mercedes!"

"No, JJ!" Mercedes was fed up with trying to keep calm. "Do you know how close we were to becoming just like Sam? Alone in foster care, no clue where our siblings are, lucky that anyone decided to take a chance on us? I thank god every day that we had one set of grandparents who wanted something to do with us and were ready and willing to take us in. He left us!" She pointed at her dad. "He orphaned us! Not only was he a piece of shit father who couldn't be bothered to stick around while Mom was alive, but after she died, he had two choices: stay and raise us or do literally anything else. He chose the latter."

"He's trying, Mercedes. Shouldn't that be enough?" He eyed her desperately.

James intervened. "Mercedes, I don't want to hurt anyone here. I know I have a lot to make up for. Back then, I didn't have my head on straight. But I do now."

"Oh, please," she groaned. "You were 35 when she died. If you as a fully grown man with a wife and three kids didn't have your head on straight, that's not my problem and I don't have to forgive you for anything that you did in the meantime."

"I've always wanted to be a father to you kids," he said sternly. "I was always committed, but things just got in the way. If you give me another chance, you'll see that. I promise." He pleaded with her.

She narrowed her eyes at him. When he tried to patch things up out of nowhere, her goals when out the window. Still, she wanted her dad back. They would never be what she hoped; she couldn't get back any of that lost time. But she could have something. And that's better than nothing, right? "Fine. I'll give you a second shot. I have one question. Answer it right and I'll put all of this to the wayside."

"Of course. Anything."

"Who's my favorite singer?"

"Your favorite singer?"

She nodded.

Beside her, JJ was silently thanking the heavens. There was no way he could get this wrong. He was honestly surprised she gave him something so easy.

"And before you rattle your brain trying to figure it out, I'll even give you some hints. Mom would play her on the record player we had in the living room. She used to always sing me her songs to put me to sleep at night. I wanted to dress up as her for Halloween every year from the time I was three up until I was eight. One name. One word. That's all you have to give me."

"Easy." After taking some time to think, James sat back and smiled satisfyingly. "Whitney."

JJ's posture collapsed with disappointment.

Mercedes chuckled sarcastically. "Well, that's just rich, isn't it?"

Not expecting to get it wrong, James gave a confused look.

"I sang 'I Say A Little Prayer' at my very first singing competition. I constantly talked about how I dreamed of making music with her one day. I played her in my room every day for three years straight after Mom died. But you wouldn't know. Know why? Because weren't there for any of it. How bad of a father could you really be?"

"Okay, Cedes." JJ stopped her. "That's enough, seriously."

Or at least he tried.

"No, JJ! It's not enough. It's clearly not enough," she had risen her voice, but lowered it as to not be chastised by the guards. "He had a choice. Each time he went out and did whatever it was he did when he left, he had a choice and he made the choice to leave." She looked at her dad. No, she looked at James. "I know you started dealing again before Mom died. I also know that that's one of the reasons you fought almost every day in the months leading up to her death. You wanna know what else I know? I know you two fought because you never-" She couldn't say it. If she said it, she'd start crying. And she wasn't about to let this man see her cry. Instead, she spat, "And now, you want to sit here and talk about honesty and transparency. You know what? Fuck your honesty and transparency. I don't need nor want it."

With that, she stood up and marched out of the visitation room.

Waiting on her brother outside, the cold weather didn't even affect her for the temperature at which her blood was boiling. She shook with anger. She knew that this visit was probably going to go horribly, but she still let herself believe otherwise. She let herself hope. She thought of the conversation she'd had before with Sam, how he said that hope had been useless to him. How it'd never gotten him anywhere but hurt and disappointed.

Her brother charged out of the gates and toward the car. "What the hell is your problem?"

"JJ, I'm not in the mood for this right now."

"Yeah? Well, get in the mood. You don't talk to people like that, Mercedes. Especially not your dad."

"He may be your dad, but he's not mine. He never was and he never will be." She went to open the car door, but JJ stepped in front of her, closing it behind him.

"Where is this coming from? Any of this? You've never talked about him like this before. He fucked up, sure, but that's not all he is."

She shook her head. "You don't know what I know, JJ."

"So what do you know? Because I get that he's caused us a lot of pain and suffering over the years, I do. But he can do better. In fact, he has. You may not remember it, but before you got here and even when you were young, he stuck around. Not as much as normal, but he was a good guy. And a great dad. He was a GREAT dad, Mercedes—"

"TO YOU!" She shouted.

He yelled back at her, "What do you mean to me?! What do you mean?"

She found herself ready to break down again as she stared up at him. Her bottom lip trembled, her eyes welled up, and she went to say something, anything, that would finally explain everything. Something that would reveal how awful of a person James was and finally set her free. But before any words left her mouth, she closed it, clenching her jaw and pushing the tears away.

JJ watched as his sister's face turned to stone.

Mercedes mumbled, "Nothing. Let's just go." She opened the car door and got inside.

When they arrived back at the hospital, Abeline, Sam, and Amaiya were sitting in the room together. Abeline looked up at JJ with a look to silently ask how the visit went.

He sighed and shook his head.

Mercedes sat down beside Sam's bed and put in her earphones. She wanted to drown everyone and everything out.

Within seconds of her sitting, Sam sent her a text.

How'd it go?

She tried formulating a response.

Couldn't do it.

Bad.

He's exactly who I thought he was, but somehow worse.

Didn't tell him. He wanted to apologize and act like nothing happened.

I feel…

But she deleted each of them. She couldn't put into words how horrible she felt right then.

A few minutes later, she got another text from Sam.

Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population in the world?

She rolled her eyes and left him on read again. A joke. One she didn't feel like hearing or have time for.

Still, he sent her the answer.

Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.

He beamed as a closed-mouth smile graced her face. When she looked over to him, he kept his smile and shot her two thumbs up. Mission accomplished. It meant everything in the world to see the girl that he loved smile.

Mercedes redirected her gaze to her phone briefly before returning it to him once he looked away. Simply sitting next to him made her feel so much better. But him making her smile when he didn't even know what happened, it just reminded her of how much she loved him.

So, that's part three of the four-parter! Part four will (should) be up some time tomorrow. It was really cool seeing how you all reacted to the concussion and the memory loss! I love the theories developing, haha. So, Mercedes finally told Sam she loved him… only for him to probably forget it. Yikes. Do y'all think Mercedes' dad was serious and really wants to make amends? Or does it feel like he's not as committed to being a dad as he wants his kids to believe? Reviews are always read and appreciated.