Entering a new age
Have something funny to read.
Salem, arch-nemesis of an ex-husband who kept on popping up once every decade or three, was bored. Every age she ventured out from her castle in the lands where the Grimm remained the dominant species, using her ability of flight in order to traverse the land.
A home stood below her, one of those places where humans dwelled. It was the shape that puzzled her. She had not seen too many of the buildings erected from the stones from the quarry, nor had she really seen what the strange but colorful things were. Surely they were party things.
'Has it been nearly seventy-nine years since I last walked these lands?'
Time was inconsequential to her, since she had eternity to roam this place. The Great War had been something she had personally mingled herself in, the people crude, as were their vehicles. Trench warfare, where the savagery of man and Faunus shone once more.
'They assigned the slave-beasts an island, did they not?'
She left most of the technological aspects to her servants, as she was a queen that did not stop to contemplate how one's crapper worked, only that it worked. If the facilities did not work, she would have to insist on one of her minions to do the work.
It was another step on the way towards ensuring that dear Ozma's dream never came to fruition. The strange little devices that had been arranged in a circle around the large pond with several colourful fish in it looked like miniature golems, or statuettes.
'What use do they serve?'
She had opted to take one of her holidays during the lull before dear Cinder would be sent to Beacon, touching down on the grass, smelling the faint smell of mown grass, her slippers (crafted by an artisan nearly six hundred years before) touching onto the soft grass.
The strange statues looked like they were trying to do some kind of religious ceremony around the pond, and Salem knelt to pick one of them up. It's full beard looked a little weathered, and the strange rod-like thing it held was something undoubtedly meant to attack.
'Garden idols?'
Remnant's civilians had some weird idolatry, as she turned it around. There was some weird label which read 'Made in Mistral', and she could hear someone approach.
"Hey! What're you doing in our garden!"
A girl, or rather woman, around the age of twenty-something, Salem's fingers tracing over their strange idol, setting it back where she had found it. It must carry some religious significance, it had been a few aeons since she had last posed as a goddess, after all.
"Ah, mortal. Greet your queen."
The woman, her hair blonde and her eyes blue, seemed not to be so very keen on being in the presence of royalty.
"Mortal? I don't know what kind of drugs you're on, lady, but you need to get out of our backyard! How'd you even get in here?!"
The shrill tone of voice was enough, as Salem snapped her fingers, and gheist hands wrapped around the woman, pinning her to the ground.
"Oh, I am visiting… Mortal, you will be my host for today, with your family. I do these.. Trips from time to time, and I wish to see what pathetic things humanity has found in its age… Ah, I suppose we will need some reinforcements… Do remain there, whilst I summon forth several Grimm."
Manipulation of the dark essence of the God of Darkness was something that could draw Grimm into being, since her eternal life and the thirst for destruction were coalesced in the burning pit of hate that she found within her chest.
Apathy rose from the ground, and the struggling woman immediately quieted, her eyes losing that spark of resistance, her mouth still covered with a Grimm hand, Salem sighing a little.
'The plebeian masses do no longer know the world as a queen knows it… Such arrogance to assume that they are no longer bound by the divine laws of majesty.'.
The people within should know that their rightful queen was in wait for them, as she grabbed the woman by the arm and dragged her, the Apathy perfectly corralled around the household, dragging her now listless peasant woman bounty with her, entering through the door with Arc on it and finding that another, similar blonde woman was listlessly lying on the floor.
"Big sis? I… hmmm, I don't care anymore."
The woman that Salem was dragging with her was apparently a sister. Not a mother, not someone who she could quiz on the current cultural trends. It would be a bad thing if she were to make a gaffe during some kind of victory speech, so these outings were essential for the future. It was not so easy to find a family that lived out in the middle of nowhere, with their own home.
"How many members does your family have, peasant?"
She had not seen any Faunus slaves yet. It was curious how those animals were trying to get their rights. Dear Tyrian had been evasive when she had inquired about the slaves that were kept, and he had not provided the answer. It was perhaps a touch awkward for the man to speak about, but Doctor Watts laughed when she had presented him the question.
"Ah… we're with ten. Mom and dad are no longer here, they went out for two days because dad wanted to spend some time with her. I don't care anymore… it's fine, I guess. My sister Saphron lives in Argus with her wife."
Salem dragged the two women with her towards the apparent gathering room, her eyes catching sight of all sorts of trinkets that she had gathered. There were no longer candles used for illumination, it seemed, lights springing on with a simple passage through some place, and a curious divan had been set up, with leather seats.
She laid one of the women on it and then debated whether she would allow the Grimm to devour the women after she had gleaned enough about the current day and age.
"Very well… remain here, children."
They were hardly children to her, but in age, they might as well be. She was older than their parents, and to her, they were akin to children. As she walked up the wooden staircase, she caught sight of the happy family portraits, and the sight of a man and his wife, proud-looking and serious in that masculine manner that she had once thought adorable in her husband.
Going into another room, one that had been marked with 'Thespea', she found the frilly decorations to be very girly, the young woman currently slumped on the ground half-exercise, dressed in a scandalous outfit which barely even covered her midriff!
'Men would drool over this wench! Modesty is not a thing of this age!'
One did not show lustful men your body! A queen had to adhere to standards most high to ensure that she would not be viewed as some kind of sensual wench! A golden crown at the very least, to show her authority, and the finest of silks to clothe herself in when the summer weather grew dreadfully hot.
"Who are you? Oh, I don't care anymore… Whoever you are, it's fine."
The girl was dragged down the stairs by her, ensuring that there would be some companionship for the young ladies that had been already laid there to rest a little.
A full compliment of daughters and son of this house would be most fitting for her inquiries. If the Grimm could eat them later, there would be no evidence left. The scandalous wench smelled of sweat and grime! Truly disgusting!
'I did not mind Ozma's scent when he had been sweating…'
He was a hero, after all. Heroes were the only men allowed to lay hands on their Queenly wife. That was the purview of royalty, after all. Royalty was above everyone else!
Another trip upstairs and a room that had been marked with Marty provided her with another daughter of the household, clad within something scandalously thin! Why women in this day and age would dare to wear naught but their undergarments in their bedroom was beyond her! There was only a thin piece of string that covered the girl's nethers!
'These women must be tramps! Harridans!'
That was not to say that she would not quiz them on their status, of course. A queen always listened to her subjects future and present. That was the right of those who stood above them, blessed with the grace and power of the divine.
There were six sisters who had gotten dragged down to their 'living room', as Salem stood in front of the door which led towards the room of another child, a plate with 'Jaune Arc' on it, and the image, printed on some piece of paper, stuck to it of a young man who did not look un-handsome.
'Well… it is not too bad to request a man's opinion, before he is gobbled up by Beowolves.'
She left no survivors, after all.
Jaune Arc was in a pickle. The fact that he felt listless and useless for the moment was not a big problem at all, that was usually the case, but the fact that he had been mid-read on his comic had been. He didn't feel like he had the strength to turn the page, his expression stuck in that apathetic manner, as the door swung open and…
'Oh, it's someone I don't know.'
He didn't really care, really, but the woman was pretty hot. Her hair was done up in a bun and she had some terrible scarring on her face, but those red eyes and that pale skin and the dress made her look pretty damn hot.
"And the last one of the children… Very well, boy."
He didn't really care what she called him, though a part of his mind told him that he wasn't some boy. She looked at the comic that he had been reading, her face showing curiosity.
"A picture book? I remember those, but they are for children."
It was a comic, and Jaune just didn't have the energy to muster a rebuttal, as the woman dragged him out. Jaune felt a little bit of irritation as he was helped down the stairs, hitting every step without fail, his body aching at the feeling of hitting the carpet at the base.
Mom and dad had definitely needed to buy some softer cushioning for downstairs, Jaune figured.
He couldn't care though. They lived pretty far outside of the city limits, but their house was very secure. It was secure in such a fashion that he'd know the trouble that it was to get to school.
'Oh, my sisters are here too.'
Thespea was wearing her exercise clothes, probably busy practising for the long-distance marathon that she'd have in six days, and Sally was currently wearing something scandalous that mom and dad probably would never have allowed her to wear.
The woman snapped her fingers and Jaune felt how the fugue state came away, as a large orb-like Grimm hovered into the room, tentacles dragging over the floor, her expression showing a haughtiness, as he heard his sisters shriek loudly.
"What are you?!"
The same sentiment, in several different tones and manners of speaking was shouted at the woman, the same woman who was still holding on to him. He felt fear go through him, as she sat him down, the tentacles of the orb-like Grimm sliding over the ground with a scraping sound.
"I am a queen."
The words made no sense, but the woman seemed to have a haughty voice, one who clearly did not make the distinction, as his sisters started to scream and ask questions.
"I have questions, children."
The woman sat down in dad's chair, as Jaune realized that his sisters were in varying states of panic, though none of them really moved from their spot, looking between the woman and the Grimm that she apparently commanded.
"And I would like to see them answered. I do these little outings once every century or so."
The woman had said century. She was older than mom and dad then. His sisters looked like they didn't believe her, but they were quiet.
"Humanity strides on ever so quickly. Tell me, what is the use of those statues around the pond? I have inspected them and yet, I do not think they hold religious significance. I would like answers swiftly… Or else I will kill you until I receive an answer."
The threat was so blunt and in your face that you'd hardly denied it, the feeling of something that might be called heroism, or a bad case of indigestion rising in his throat. He got up, trying to channel some of dad's heroism, trying to channel grandpa's heroics as well. He'd been in a war, after all.
"Garden gnomes? They are decorative."
The woman looked at him and observed him.
"Good… It seems my analysis was not untrue. Often humans have such weird habits, but there are few who are 'normal' who enter my service. I will make use of you."
His sisters looked like they were definitely not in agreement with the woman deciding that she'd make use of him.
"He's sixteen! He's a virgin! Don't take his first time! You can do better than our dorky little brother!"
That was one of his sisters, throwing him under the bus immediately, the woman's expression turning to frustration.
"What?! Me, sleep with him? No, I do not enjoy a child's touch!"
His sisters looked at each other and they played a quick game of rock paper scissors, whilst their captor looked on, stunned by their sudden playing of a game. Thespea, who had lost, groaned.
"I volunteer as tribute! If you'll make use of my body, please let my family go!"
The woman looked like she was going to be physically ill.
"I do not love women! That is disgusting! Whoever would like to be with another woman when you have a perfectly serviceable young man available?!"
His sisters looked at him for a moment and swallowed. Several of them were already in the process of getting unclothed, since there seemed to be some kind of sick plan in the woman's mind about him.
'I don't want to sleep with my sisters, that's gross!'
Clementea spoke up, still fully dressed as she was
"But that's incest!"
The woman, the 'queen' who still had not introduced herself, made a gagging sound.
"I am not asking you to sleep with your brother! Whoever gave you that idea?!"
His sisters looked at the strange woman who had captured them and Jaune kind of paused.
The woman had never said that she had been there to have her way with him.
"What… eh, do you want with me?"
The woman looked oddly pleased with him addressing the issue.
"You will guide me through the town and we will converse, young Juan. I will decide on whether I will have your sisters torn apart by Beowolves or by Boarbatusk stampede, or let you live. Humanity advances so quickly… Ahh… I trust we are in accord?"
His sisters were looking at him with a look of 'say yes! We do not want to die!', and he swallowed heavily.
"Yes. Eh… I can give you a tour, but I make no promises that some Huntsmen won't mistake you for a Grimm. You kind of look spooky."
The woman snapped her fingers and before him stood a woman who could be one of his sisters, her expression still haughty and noble, but with a beautiful face. He gulped a little. This was one very pretty woman.
"Trust me, my appearance of what I used to be, aeons before, will guard my identity. I shall be your… cousin, yes. Remember… if you give anyone an indication that I am here, your family will be short a few relatives, John Arc."
He should correct her that his name was Jaune and not John, but she was pretty.
"Now… I found this in your sister's room. What is it? I have seen the shape, but it does not seem to be a candle holder. She has a whole collection on her dresser, yet there seems to be a shortage in candles, though the skin lotion seems well-stocked..."
The large black dildo with ribbed edges that she had pulled out from behind her back, as one of his sisters gave a mortified 'Oh noooo…', whilst her sisters mumbled something about never loaning toys out again.
"Is it like a pepper crusher? I have tried twisting it a few times, yet it is sticky and it does not smell very good."
His sister looked like she wished that she'd just depart from this place in a puff of smoke, and he cleared his throat.
"Ah… That's a sex toy."
The woman, or rather, the girl, since she didn't look very much older than him, let go of the toy, standing stock still, horrified at the thought of having touched something like that.
"Whatever would a woman need that for? Are you not married?!"
His sisters winced. The woman placed her hands on her hips and waited for an answer.
"Well… I've dated a few times, but-"
"I haven't met the right one."
"I do casual hookups."
"I'm not… it's hard to go out sometimes."
The answers did not satisfy the woman at all.
"Does your father not care?! You are old! You should find a husband and provide him with children! Your brother's youth I can excuse, the age of majority is seventeen after all, but there is no reason you all should be unable to have children and a husband! It is not like men are complex! I had four children within four years whilst my husband returned from war!"
That was news, but that was also outdated! Nobody married that quickly and produced children!
"We're free women, we can do what we want!"
The woman, whose name he still did not know, seemed not to appreciate that.
"No! You are your father's property until you marry! By the Gods, you are all loose wenches! Jun, we shall go out into town, whilst your sisters find comfort in being unhealthy with their habits! Why, I never… Let us go! These- these harridans will receive their punishment when I return!"
She grabbed his shirt and dragged him along. A bossy woman… or girl? Jaune didn't quite know, but when they emerged, he saw Grimm. Beastlike Grimm, wolves that looked like they'd make mincemeat out of them, the door probably nothing more than tissue paper for them.
'She's serious about killing them if we step out of line.'
He'd better take great care in showing her around, since that could impact the survival of his family, even with her tugging him along.
"Walk straight, June. You need to walk at a lady's side in order to properly shield her modesty."
That was outdated stuff that you didn't hear about other from grandmas and grandpas, the time period where there'd been still some expectations, as the path leading towards the village seemed to be clear of Grimm, undoubtedly due to the woman's presence being the thing that kept the Grimm in check.
"I'm eh… I haven't really walked with a girl, and I'm-"
The imperious blue-green eyes sharply gazed at him and he felt the urge to vomit, as she looked at him with those imperious eyes.
"Then you shall learn to escort a lady! I am a queen!'
She was whatever she wanted to be.
"Eh… My name is Jaune Arc, short, sweet, ladies apparently love it?"
She did not seem hugely charmed.
The peasant boy was trying to introduce himself, and she supposed she should. As the ruler of this world, she would need to impress upon the serfs that her divine name was not to be tarnished, after all.
'It would not be unwise to have at least some imparting of modest values! The young man is still a virgin, or so his sisters, tramps as they are, seem to assume…'
"I am Her Royal Highness, Salem Alexandria Lemnaestra Erica Maria, of the house of Bourbon-Parnasse, wife to Ozma Von Zoaster Morovian te Parnasse."
He did not seem to be too highly impressed by her titles, and Salem wondered briefly whether he knew proper royal protocol.
"You are supposed to bow in reverence for your divine queen!"
She had not lost her touch, had she? She surely had been trying her best in order to ensure that it had the proper gravitas, her teachers in the art of etiquette had always been very strict.
"Ah, we abolished the monarchy… like, eighty years ago?"
Whatever foolish moron would do that? She knew that Mantle had a King, of course. Atlas was not anything less than a full kingdom, after all! Who would have a kingdom ruled by a council? That was madness!
"Well, you are wrong! When I destroy everything that he holds dear, I will install myself as god-queen… yes, yes, I will do that!"
The mortal was unimpressed, it seemed, and Salem put her hands on her hips, as he flushed red.
"And what may you be thinking, young man? Do you not wish to serve your queen?!"
The young man must be mad for not wishing to serve her! The threat of his family being decimated by the Grimm must not be serious enough…
'A few limbs flayed off…'
"You're eh… With the way you're dressed, you look a bit eh… provocative."
Salem looked down at herself, and she closed the chest window, the button put properly in its place. It was an ornamental thing, for when she wore her jeweled necklaces which fell between her bust.
"Ah. I shall let you live for now. We are soon at the village. I am your cousin, and I wish to see how humanity lives."
The guards were giving them looks, as she took his arm in a death grip, feeling his warmth, compared to the coolness of her body, her head held high, chin pushed up, her lips pressed into a smile which barely reached her eyes, her gaze directed to the front. He was the man, thus he should do introductions.
"Jaune, that's a pretty girl! Ooh, are you going to finally get rid of that virginity of yours?!"
One of the louts had the audacity to suggest that she would be intimate with him! That would not stand, but the young man spoke before she could throw a blast of magic, all plans in her mind temporarily shelved due to anger.
"She's my cousin, Andy! She's really pretty, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to be with her! She's got a husband!"
Salem did not burn with anger at the young man's mention, yet she did think that it was a touch touching, as he seemed to have called her pretty. Perhaps she would just need to kill his family quickly.
They walked into the settlement, a large fountain set up for the public's pleasure, Salem's eyes finding men and women walking there in such innocent harmony, unaware that the Grimm were out there, streets that had been properly paved, as her slippers slowly tapped onto the stones.
'I wonder…'
She could see several of the strange devices, round and blocky, and with round wheel-like things, and she pointed at them.
"What are those?"
She had seen them a few times, of course. The airships that were dust-propelled always had a set of wings and Gravity Dust to power it, and her attention was drawn to the clear glass windows. Glass-blowing must be specialized for it, as it looked uniform.
'Artisanry seems to have advanced…'
"Ah, a car. It's not the latest model, but... "
This 'car' thing looked like it would move with the appropriate incentive, but she was looking around for the horses.
'They used horses for their war artillery, did they not? A train as well… Hmmm…'
She let her attention go to the bakery, something which she could at least recognize by the sign.
"We will have something to eat. I am not uncharitable."
This was an experience, yet she had places to be in due time. It had been a brief stop-over, before she was to arrive in the south of Vale's industrial district for a meeting with dear Cinder. Not that being away on such an expedition was hindersome, but she had not ventured out from her castle in nearly eight decades.
The bakery was well-lit, lamps with strange shapes, rather rectangular and fitted with no visible lightbulb save some kind of triangle-looking glass sphere which illuminated it, and the sweet smell of pastries, as she looked at the goods on sale.
'What currency do they use? Was it not gold coins?'
For the purpose of common use, she always carried with her a pouch with pieces of gold, just in the case that something had to be bought. Jaune made a sound, as he drew her attention.
"Ah, if you want to see- Do you have money, Salem?"
She had coins of gold, certainly. Surely the humans could not have gone off the gold standard, right?
'If they did, they are fools.'
They would not have decided to shelve the most noble of materials so easily. They were humans and they understood the value of coin, so they must be using golden coins.
"I have seventeen gold pieces. That is seventeen hundred silver pieces, and- why are you frowning, young man?"
He looked like he was trying to hold back laughter, which would not please her at all! She was a goddess, a queen, and she did not get laughed at!
"I just… I've got thirty Lien on me. I was planning on buying the latest issue, and maybe some ice-cream, but if you want to have something from the bakery…"
The woman behind the counter was giving them a look, a lady in her advanced years, her glasses very matronly, as Salem took her measure. She looked at the buns, and the woman spoke.
"Fresh-baked bread, dearie. Are you little Jaune's girlfriend?"
Salem was no girlfriend and she held her hand up, where the wedding ring shone.
"I am… a friend of the family. A cousin."
She selected a nice loaf of bread. There was no use in going hungry, and she coughed expectantly at Jaune. A servant should definitely serve the woman who was his queen. It was ludicrous to assume that she would be someone who would be a girlfriend.
'It has been nearly nineteen millennia…'
She thought back to the last time she had sex. Being an adult woman, she had enjoyed it with Ozma, before…
"Ah, Salem?"
She was pulled from her musings, as Jaune held up the packaged bread, and something that she had not ordered.
"I got us some cream buns. They're really good, and Nana Manfreda makes them really sweet."
The woman behind the counter smiled and waved, and Salem found herself frowning a little.
The bun tasted really pleasantly, though. She wondered whether the crapper had seen an improvement as well. She had not really much need to go to the facilities, but when the need was high, she did her business in the abandoned reaches far from civilisation. A queen did not get seen, after all.
"This pleases me."
He smiled in that childish manner, and she supposed that he might have earned his right of life, if he had such innocence in him. It was not the unwelcome feeling in her gut, as she mused for a moment. The plan with Ozma's maidens would go on, yet Cinder would require a man to sate her whims… She would be an awkward godmother if she had no plans for Cinder's eventual happiness…
'Yes, I think I shall be involved with this young man's life a little more. His sisters will be 'tragic casualties', of course, but he will learn that serving me is the best occupation he can have... '
The slave-beasts were not seemingly enslaved here, as none of them wore their slave-crests. It would not do for them to be seen with someone as exalted as her. She had higher standards than that.
Tyrian was an exception of course. Believers of her faith would require some careful management. They wandered into the town, her serf guide stopping at a small cart with garish colours, a little slew of balls visible upon the cart.
"Eh… here."
She looked at the little cookie-like thing that he'd handed her, several of the orbs stacked atop it.
"I thought you might like it."
She raised it to her nose to smell it. It smelled somewhat sweet and her nose touched it, the coolness of the frozen treat making her startle a little. She looked at him and watched as he licked the frozen orbs.
She did the same, even though it was un-queenly. She could try this at least once, and the taste of sweet banana hit her taste buds, closing her eyes for a moment, as she sighed at the flavours that hit her tongue.
'Perhaps this invention is not too bad to retain…'
"What is this?"
She inquired, curious as the cookie-like thing in her hand seemed to be a little brittle.
"Ah, ice-cream, on a cone. I thought it'd be nice to give you something, eh, your highness."
He was learning proper respect. That was always something that she could at least appreciate as a member of high nobility.
She wandered out of town with him, nearly three hours later. She had tasted several of the local drinks, sweet bitters and dull 'pop' as he'd called it, but it was labeled 'soda' on the metal vessel in which it was contained.
Technology had never been her forte, but she could see the desiring eyes from him, as he had treated her amicably. As they strode down the path once more towards the house, she let her body shift to something more befitting her age, the taste of sweet bitter on her lips.
"Very well… I think you have earned a favour."
He was not ungallant, Salem mused. He had been very proper, actually, for a young child. Cinder had been much less accepting.
"C-can we be left in peace. I don't want to- I don't want to be in trouble, even if you're some mad huntress."
She could do that, but she supposed that it would be just as well that she'd have more of a vested interest. The Grimm still crowded around the house, as she entered the home once more, finding the sisters in a bind, several of them looking very uncomfortable.
"Jaune! Are you okay?"
He most certainly was, Salem was not going to be rid of her tour guide anytime soon. She supposed that she could stay here for a short while, and let Cinder improvise. The device called a Scroll had been carefully tooled for her ease of use with Doctor Watts' skills, and using it was rather difficult.
"I'm… I'm fine. Hey, we brought some bread. Her Majesty is not a bad woman."
The sisters did not agree. Salem sighed, and she cleared her throat.
"As a favour to your brother, I shall instruct you ladies in proper manners, in order to woo a man for your pleasures in marriage. Consider that none will believe your words, nor that anyone will believe that someone like me exists, children… Now, young lady? Do you need to use the restroom?"
The child looked very oppressed, and several of the sisters looked like they required the crapper. Alas, she would have to be maternal…
'Let us start with some embroidery lessons…'
She had a lot of experience with that, due to her isolation.
Jaune watched Thespea walk across the room, as Salem stood there, judging her poise.
"Do it again! Your poise is like a street tramp! How are you going to attract the attention of a man if you walk like a tart!"
Salem was not as bad as she'd appeared to be, given that she was teaching his sisters lessons in etiquette, the pale skin and the red eyes looking like they had seen enough. She had claimed Saphron's old room, since 'defiling the room of your parents would be unseemly, young ladies.'.
She hadn't known how to use the bathroom either, according to his sister Marjorie. He was definitely entertained as Salem seemed to be highly amused by how easy it seemed to be to flush it, enjoying the thought of the 'crapper', which was a horridly outdated term, being something that was fairly odorless.
'She's not so bad…'
The Grimm had disappeared sometime during the second day, but his sisters were too tired to really object to the woman's haranguing for etiquette lessons. When Salem cooked for them though, it was a meal which had everything, cooked with the skill of an experienced cook. Mom could make it better, but having her provide a well-cooked meal went a long way towards soothing the hurt nerves.
"Kids, we're home!"
Dad's voice rang out and Thespea nearly stumbled, yet kept her pose, taking another step forward, taking a deep breath and doing a curtsy.
"Very good. You get to rest for ten minutes now, whilst your older sister performs the customary three-step dance. Marjorie… I trust you have learned?"
The danger in the woman's voice, as Marjorie started with the dance that she'd been taught by Salem, as mom and dad walked in, Salem's illusion back in place, dad looking surprised at the strange young woman in their house.
"One two three, one two three, then a half-twist, and a 'thank you, sir', right?"
Salem clapped in her approval.
"Yes, Marjorie. And you must be their father."
Mom looked like she was going to have words, as dad looked a little stunned at the woman, or rather at the chest cleavage that was showing. It was apparently a traditional dress for a woman from her area of the world.
"Ah, yes. Jonas Arc, eh… Who may you be? I mean, you don't look local."
Salem shamed them all by performing the perfect curtsy, and one of his sisters was giving a quiet 'we'll never be able to do that.'
The lectures on 'proper behaviour' from the woman had involved his sisters being hung above a snarling Beowolf with the creature trying to nip at her, whilst they watched. Salem did not enjoy 'wanton behaviour'.
"I am a… traveller, you may say. Your daughters and son have allowed me shelter for the night, and I have repaid them by cooking their meals and providing etiquette lessons, as it should be. You will find that they will be much more amenable towards getting matched with an eligible young man in the future. Young Jaune will be introduced to my goddaughter at some point, and I wish that they will have a healthy marriage."
Mom didn't look like she liked that, and dad seemed on the fence with that. Thespea gave a nervous giggle.
"She makes a really good stew. I… I was taught how to make it.'
Salem had definitely taught his sisters how to make it. Unmanly occupations were a woman's duty, or so she had said.
"Oh, well… you're welcome to stay as long as you'd like. Ah, you kind of look like a cousin. Eh, do you know the great warrior Thaddeus Arc?"
Salem's face seemed to think for a while.
"Ah, yes… He was fresh-faced during the Great Conflict, right?"
Dad seemed to take a moment to think about it, before he responded.
"Why yes, that's my granddad. Arc. Short, sweet and a damn good l- Owww, honey! We've got eight children, I can make that joke."
Salem smiled at his mother, who seemed to be mollified.
"Good. And… dear… Confess to your mother."
His second oldest sister confessed to mom about the toys that she'd used, but had all thrown away at the insistence of Salem. Mom looked surprised, whilst dad just seemed to try to ignore the fact that his daughter had thirteen different dildoes in various shapes and sizes.
'Well… it can't get worse.'
Three months later, 'Aunt' Salem had returned, bringing with her a dark-skinned girl called Emerald.
"I have found you a spouse, Jaune. It is due for your marriage preparations."
The girl named Emerald looked uncomfortable, as she tried to look everywhere but at him, fearful of 'Aunt' Salem's presence, whilst mom and dad, who had eventually decided that someone who was traditional would not be a bad influence, beckoned her inside.
'Okay… this is fine too.'
Jaune Arc and Emerald Arc married within six months time, Jaune surprised by his wife's eagerness to please, whilst Emerald was happy that someone cared for her.
Salem was proud to have been the matchmaker for the young couple, though the six sisters still troubled her, and nearly a year since that fateful meeting that one day, she approached him with a question.
"Jaune, what is this 'Online Dating' thing?"
He sighed.
She was entering a new age of technology, and he tried his best to explain it to her.
The shriek that the woman gave when someone sent her a picture of his genitals was enough to wake them up late at night.
Mom and dad thought she was a nice lady, and his sisters were very chaste and womanly now.
He wasn't teased with his effeminate looks anymore, at least.
Now it was just about how he loved chocolate, just like his big sister.
Emerald's comebacks were vicious, at least.
Sex after the comments always was… it was pretty damn great.
She'd been living out on the street for a while, when she'd been younger, so living here at home with him was a blessing, according to her.
The thought of someone immortal, trying to adjust to the modern age, was something pretty funny to me. I hope it made people laugh.