"So… that just happened," Gemma says, still shell shocked as she walks into Agnes's office and drops the counter-signed purchase order onto her desk.
"Oh thanks, you did it! Yes! Hell yes, we are QUEENS!"
Gemma nods and attempts to look half as enthused as her business partner.
"Hey, hey, sister, don't panic, OK? I know it's difficult for you actually getting us to buy something, but it's going to be fine."
"No I know, of course it will," Gemma says, staring into space.
After a while she becomes aware that Agnes is staring at her, and chewing on her thumb's fingernail with her eyebrows knitted.
"Oh fuck, Gemma, what's wrong?"
"I… I think I've just had quite the most surreal trip back from the gym, that's all..."
Gemma is trying to sound airy, detached, and she's probably not doing that bad a job. Clearly she's not doing that great a job either, but she's got to try, because it's not fair dump this onto Agnes. Agnes means well of course, she's loyal to a fault and her heart is in the very best place, but she's not equipped for these sorts of situations. Adrienne on the other hand would be very good, but then she would go and blab on about it to half the world, so that would not be helpful in the long run either.
Perhaps Gemma should wait until tonight and call Isabella. Perhaps now is just not the time to go into this, she thinks as she pats away something wet on her cheek. Was it raining outside? She never noticed. She stares out of Agnes's window to check, only to forget what she's looking for the moment her head is turned.
"Hey hey hey!" Agnes says, grabbing her by the shoulders and plopping her into her desk chair. "What's going on here, Gem, you're crying!"
"Am I? No, I'm fine."
"You're not, girlfriend, out with it! I'm not that useless, you know, I'm going to listen and I'm going to try really hard to stay with it, OK?"
"OK."
"What happened?"
Gemma thinks about it and decides, firstly, that she might as well give Agnes a chance as a confidante and secondly, that if she's going to do so then Agnes will respond better to a chronological sequence of events, than to one ranked on how rankled Gemma is.
"So first of all Jane stopped me on my way back, and she didn't look well, and..."
"If this is about that picture of you kissing Frank in Paris don't worry about it," Agnes says, in between chewing on her thumb.
"Sorry, what?"
"Nice one, by the way, kudos. I turn my back on you for one evening and you go and snog that shit hot bit of…" Agnes says, taking her hand out of her mouth to offer it in a high five.
What on earth? Agnes's high five hand goes unmet and she takes it back down and to the comfort of her mouth:
"Or was it a fake? I thought it might be at first. He just photoshopped you in to wind Jane up, right? Serves her right too, the mad fucking cow."
"If only," Gemma sighs, "But we very barely kissed for half of half a second, you've got to believe me, or rather he kissed me but..."
"Well nice photo then. And you were going to tell me this when?"
"I… I'm sorry, Agnes, it's been so busy and frankly I'm still not sure that was anything to write home about, quite literally, and then… I mean he kept joking that he was going to send it to Jane Fairfax but I thought he was kidding, for God's sake! You French people have a weird sense of humour, you know?"
"Hey, keep me out of this, all I did was play Minecraft with Markus that evening. Oh but yeah, so Jane sent the picture to Ade and I, about an hour ago while you were at the gym."
"What?!"
And also: Oh Holiest of Holy Frocks, who else has Jane sent it to? Is she utterly, utterly mad?
"Woman's crazy as a box of fucking frogs, I tell you," Agnes opines, with that sixth sense she has sometimes for reading Gemma's mind. Or perhaps thinking what the other person's thinking is just something that, statistically, happens every so often. Even with people as … different as Agnes can be. Just a coincidence. A happy one. It almost brings a real smile to Gemma's lips - if not all the way to her eyes.
"I take it Jane Fairfax is still madly in love with Frank, I mean literally she has gone completely bonkers over him cos she's not used to falling hard for a bloke, and meanwhile he's having fun using you to wind her up, right?"
Gemma stares at Agnes, tongue tied and google eyed, until Agnes shakes her head as she does when she's doubting herself and starts chewing on her thumbnail again.
"OK, you: who are you, and what have you done with my friend and Asperger spectrum sufferer Agnes Leroy?" Gemma asks when she recovers the use of speech.
"I was right?"
"Duh: ten out of ten! How did you…?"
"Seemed pretty logical."
"Was it?"
"Maybe it's only because I still fucking hate her stupid guts about propositioning Ade. But something never added up about Jane Fairfax. I know you kept saying she was only doing her job and everything, but why should she keep asking you about Frank when she was working for the guy? It's his business if he wants to snog you or not, why should she give a shit? He's not paying her to check on himself, right?"
Sometimes a literal, unfiltered perspective on life turns out to be just the right perspective.
"And we knew for a fact she was fucking mental and had no moral compass whatsoever, so having been wound up by him she was bound to lash out at someone. Oh but don't worry about her, Gem, OK? She didn't get between Ade and I and she's never gonna get between you and I either. I'm fine with you snogging Frank, really I am. I'd rather you waited 'til after the deal but hey, the guy is hot."
"It wasn't a snog, for God's sake! It wasn't nearly one!"
"OK, whatever you got up to, in your fancy-nancy sepia-toned retro poncey…"
"That'll do. Now who else do you think Jane has sent it to?"
Oh God, oh God, oh no please let her not…
When Gemma looks back up at Agnes her cheeks are wet again and Agnes is handing her a tissue.
"Hey, steady on, girlfriend, it's going to be fine, breathe. Breathe out. There, blow on my finger like you're blowing out a candle. There. Now was Dylan mad at you just now?"
"How do you know I just saw Dylan?"
"Duh: you're crying and you've been gone almost two hours for your 45 minute class."
"If you put it like that."
"Thanks for finding the time to sign this in the middle of that by the way," Agnes says, pointing at the purchase order.
" 'course," Gemma says, patting at her cheeks, and vaguely aware of hands stroking her head and shoulders.
"Fuck!"
"What?"
"Fuck fuckedy fuck fucking cunt dick arse bummy FUCK! AAARGH!"
Agnes only raises one hand to her mouth at first, but eventually she throws her head back and surrenders to a fit of the loudest, most raucous laughter, before eventually breaking into a cough, and then getting a hold of herself again:
"OK Gem, you are officially the worst at swearing but that was fun. Wish I'd recorded that."
"How dare he, the absolute bastard! Jane's mad, OK, I mean it sucks but it's not strictly speaking her fault that she's mad- though she should seek help. She definitely should seek help. But Frank? What right did he have to use me like that? It's my picture too, he had no right to send it to her and now…"
Her heart is sinking heavy down into her chest and she's crying all over again.
"And now Dyl's mad at you over it?" Agnes finishes with perfect, unexpected gentleness. She hands Gemma a dry tissue.
"We kept arguing about Hari and Martin and Vikas, but that's what he was really mad at me over," Gemma is saying, "He thinks I've been lying to him and snogging another man in Paris and…"
"Well you have."
"What?"
"I know it's not a big deal to you but you did snog, sorry kiss another guy and then you sent Dyl a nice picture of you alone by Alexandre III so fair cop, really."
Again with the literal, unfiltered perspective on life. Besides, how does Agnes know what pictures Gemma did or did not send Dylan from Paris?
"I didn't guess that: Dyl called me as soon as he got Jane's email," Agnes clarifies, "He couldn't believe it either at first."
"Oh Agnes, no! No! Do you know he's ghosted me over it now? Do you realise what that means? He never wants to hear from me again, that's it. Twelve years of friendship and now…"
"Hey, hey hey hey breathe, Gemma. I know I know, now breathe out, go on," Agnes says with her hands on Gemma's shoulders. "Look, maybe it's for the best, OK? I mean maybe yours wasn't the healthiest friendship in the world, especially since..."
Since the best sex in Gemma's life. Yes, the thought had crossed her mind too but…
"Maybe this won't be forever but… hey look at you, Gem. How many times have I had to pick your pieces up since we registered the company?"
Gemma stares at her through blank, tear strewn eyes.
"There you go: nil. Never, ever have I had to look after you, only always the other way around. And now look at you. This isn't right but Dylan's doing the right thing. I know you lov…" Agnes bites her lip and starts again, "I know you're not used to not having him around to talk to and text to and bounce ideas off, but you've got to pull back, OK? You've got to give each other space. You two aren't in a healthy place right now, or for starters you wouldn't have kissed Frank. So try and see that in a way it's good that Jane did what she did. Now that it's all out there, it'll settle. Eventually. It'll have to one way ot the other. It'll be fine, I swear. I mean don't get me wrong Frank's definitely a wanker for taking that picture and sending it without your consent, but you know what they say: this too shall pass."
"Will it?"
"You can do this, Gem. You smile at Frank on their school apiary visit on Wednesday, you send him whatever data he wants, and then you smile at him one last time next week, whenever Geoff gets back from his holiday and signs our money off, and then you, we, never have to see Frank's stupid pretty wanker face again. And you know what, that'll be his loss, girlfriend. OK? I know things suck right now but it's going to be fine. Just fine, OK? Trust me."
Gemma's breath is slowly returning to a more normal rhythm and as she looks up she realises Agnes still has one hand on top of her head, just over the hairline. Right now it feels like that hand is all that's keeping Gemma from physical as well as emotional collapse.
They hold each other's gaze for a long time. Agnes's is dark gray and completely steady, and if all that Gemma focuses on is meeting it then she's almost able to believe the fiction that yes, perhaps, eventually, everything is going to be alright. That eventually she's going to be able to give Frank the telling off of the century, nay, Millennium, to sign the deal and most importantly to apologise to Dylan and be friends with him again. Maybe not now, not soon, but one day it will be OK again.
"You're going to explain to him what really happened, won't you? Please?"
"Sure yes, girlfriend, I'll do that," Agnes says. She's not stroking her head anymore, but she's patting it softly, to a rhythm that seems to slow Gemma's breathing down.
Eventually, there's no telling how long it takes, Gemma's able to remember that she's got a lot of work waiting in her own office, and to psych herself into getting up to go and do it.
"It's a shame you and Ade can't have kids," she says without really thinking as she hands Agnes her hand back, "you'd make the most amazing mum."
Agnes's gasp of embarrassment turns into a cough, and Gemma gets up with a heavy heart.
x
"Hey, Gemma?" Agnes says almost sheepishly as Gemma's about to leave.
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry this is probably the absolute worst time to tell you this, but I just figured that it could hardly make you feel even worse than you do now, whereas there's a tiny chance it's going to make you feel better so, shall I tell you?"
Gemma smiles:
"It sounds like you've done all the calculations and now's the ideal time to tell me, yes, no downside at all, whatever it is. What is it, Agnes?"
"Ade and I are getting married."
Gemma stops breathing and takes a step back:
"What? Agnes that's amazing! When? When did you decide?"
"We talked about it first that night after Jane hit on Ade, but she proposed when I got back from Paris last night."
"She proposed? Oh my, how romantic, Agnes, that's amazing!"
"Can you believe it?"
"Why of course I can! Ag that's… that's the best, I… I'm so happy for you, I'm almost happy for myself!"
They fall into each other's arms and stay there for a while. How can the same day bring together so much pain, and so much joy?
"Hey, girlfriend, get happy because if that's OK with you you're going to be my bridesmaid. I mean it's not going to be a big do or anything but…"
"Why, of course, I'd be honoured, I… well look at me, have you got another tissue?"
A Bee in her Bonnet is Copyright Mel Liffragh 2021, all rights reserved