Well, well, well. It's been a solid decade since I've written One Tree Hill fic and another year and a half since I've written/posted anything at all, but what better way to celebrate the 18th anniversary of OTH than by the cathartic experience that rediscovering my love for it has been, or by putting pen to paper? Or, I guess, fingers to keyboard. I love Brooke and Julian so much and they remain one of my all time favorite ships, so it's nice to be inspired again.
Happy OTH day, folks. It's been a pleasure to be a part of this show's family for the last 18 years (12 online).
Also, huge thank you to my beta for being one of the best and one of the only people I trust to beta my work. Love you, Samantha Paige.
—
i will carry you home [5+1]
—
"It had nothing to do with the actual concept of marrying you. I think about that all the time."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
—
one.
It's early— too early for him to have that thought. Hell, he's not even sure he's allowed to have that thought given the state of their… relationship, if one could even call it that. He told her that he loved her, also probably too early, and she hadn't said it back. He'd asked her to move to LA with him and she had turned him down. So this thought… this thought that sneaks up on him as he watches her stand behind Peyton at the end of an outstretched aisle… it's too soon. Maybe it shouldn't exist at all.
I would marry her.
It's a hell of a realization to have given that he's watching his ex, and Brooke's best friend, marry someone else but a part of Julian wonders if maybe it was always supposed to be this way. If the concept of fate or destiny or soulmates did actually exist, then maybe Peyton Sawyer had come into his life to get him to her. Brooke Davis. The girl that he could see himself marrying despite only having known her for a few months.
It's somehow a foreign feeling yet simultaneously the most natural feeling in the world because though he's never been entirely certain that he would ever actually want to get married after the mess that his parents endured, Julian realizes that the concept of forever is tied so deeply to Brooke that he would do anything as long as it was with her. Not only that, but he wants to do it with her.
It's later, after Nick Lachey punches him in the eye that he almost tells Peyton this— that he could picture himself marrying her best friend someday, but all that comes out is, "I miss her so much, Peyton."
"Well, maybe you should tell her that," Peyton deadpans.
And he wants to. He wants to tell her more than that. He wants to tell Brooke that he misses her. He wants to tell Brooke that he loves her, and maybe even tell her that he would marry her. That he would spend the rest of his life with her, given the opportunity.
But he doesn't. Not then.
He wants to tell her with her hand clasped to his chest as they sway slowly around Tric's empty dance floor, but before his confession can come to light, she's gone. And the last thing that Brooke says to him is that she misses him, too.
—
two.
It's insane… how quickly things can change, Julian thinks, but maybe he's just on Tree Hill time. Life seemed to move faster here.
The night before last, his biggest priority was making Brooke jealous at the wedding— hoping that maybe, just maybe, he could coax her out of her fears. That maybe she missed him just as much as he missed her. And she did, he thinks, but sitting in the hospital with her now or matching her steps as she paced back and forth, Julian realizes again that his priorities have changed. It's her. He doesn't need to make her jealous, he doesn't need to know that she misses him, or even that she loves him. He needs for her to be okay. He needs to know that she's okay.
It's because Peyton's in a coma and he can see the fear in Lucas' eyes as the doctors tell him that they'll "know more in time", and because there's a thirty-six hour old baby who's been passed between Lucas, Haley, and Brooke but has yet to meet her own mother and all that he can think about is what it would be like to be the husband in that position. But he's not Peyton's husband in his own story, he's Brooke's, and all that Julian can think is she has to be okay.
And the fact that Brooke is currently not okay because her best friend is not okay settles so uncomfortably in his chest because it's killing him that she's hurting and there's nothing that he can do about it. He can't fix it.
All that he can do is stay by her side, so he does because he knows that the girl that he loves loves so deeply that she'll put even her fear for her best friend's life above her own well-being, and someone needs to look out for her too. So he does and he will and it makes him love her more.
And as he watches Brooke fight back tears while holding Peyton's newborn daughter, it's that thought that hits him again— that he would marry this girl who loves and gives with everything that she has yet is so afraid to have that for herself. But she deserves that. Brooke Davis deserves everything.
—
three.
The first time they'd really talked— that night of their business meeting turned first date turned first kiss— he'd told her that he never really felt at home in his one bedroom apartment in downtown Los Angeles, and Brooke had said the same about her apartment in New York. Tree Hill was home for her and he'd envied that sentiment, not really knowing what that felt like. Home. Belonging. Julian's not even sure he felt that as a child living under his parents' roof, or with his mother after they'd divorced.
But the third morning after Brooke showed up on that sound stage in LA, Julian walks into his apartment with a latte for her and chai for himself and stops in his tracks, overcome with something that he can't quite explain.
Brooke lounges on the couch with her dark hair up in a bun, reading glasses balanced on her nose and a sketchbook balanced against her knees. There are five— no, six crumpled balls of paper on the floor and she taps the book with her pencil, glaring at the page like she's willing it to come to life. She looks cute and angry yet poised and beautiful at the same time and the feeling that spreads through his chest is overwhelming because Julian realizes that this place— his apartment— has never felt like this before, nothing has, and the warmth and comfort of the completion that he feels can only be described by the one word that he's never really been able to define by one place.
Home.
Brooke Davis feels like home and he never wants to leave it, he never wants to lose this feeling. And that makes the decision that has been looming over them easier than maybe it should be, because he can live anywhere in the world as long as she's there. Even if it's Tree Hill, North Carolina.
"What?" Brooke asks, pulling him from his thoughts. She looks slightly confused as to why he's standing there, simply just watching her and smiles affectionately in that way that Julian now knows means she thinks he's a dork.
"It's nothing," he chuckles and takes the last few steps to the couch, handing the coffee to her with a kiss on the forehead. "Extra foam."
Brooke moves for him to sit then puts her feet up on his lap, her gaze settling back on her work. He needs to leave for his own job in fifteen minutes, but he doesn't want to leave this— this wholeness, and that's when the thought he's had repetitively for weeks enters his mind:
I'd marry her.
He would marry her and he would move to Tree Hill for her and honestly, he would give up everything just to spend one more minute like this with her. Not that she would ever ask him to.
—
four.
Julian sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose as he listens to the agent on the other end of the phone argue about the actress from his latest IMDb credit-to-be with an expiring visa. The movie is now falling two months behind, if not more, and an eight month project is about to turn into ten. At least.
"I'm cutting through as much red tape as I can, Julian," the agent says, "But Natalie's work visa expired and it's going to be at least a month before renewal. You know what happens if you recast—"
"We'll breach her contract, I know," he interrupts.
The agent continues to ramble, likely taking some of his own frustration out but the sound of a text message pinging Julian's phone is enough segue to distract him from the reiteration of legalities that he's already aware of.
BROOKE: Can you talk right now?
That one text is enough for Julian to tell the agent on his work line to keep working on it, but he has other matters to attend to and within a minute, he presses the call button next to Brooke's name.
"Hey, baby," he says and Julian can practically hear the smile creep up on her face.
"Wow, I'm surprised you remember who I am after the pretty intense game of phone tag we've got going on," Brooke laughs. He knows that she's joking— they both have insane schedules and given the sixteen hour time difference, the last few weeks have made it difficult to talk in any form other than through text message.
"Forget you? Impossible."
Brooke laughs again and god, he'd kill to hear it in person. He'd kill to do a lot of things with her right now, actually.
"I miss that laugh," he says solemnly, "I miss you, Brooke Davis. So much."
"I miss you, too."
The silence that follows is palpable— full of longing and more love than he can explain, and Julian hates how hard this is. He knows that Brooke does too. They've been together just over a year now but it hardly feels like they've had time together at all because of his career, and that thought is killing him just as much as he knows it is her.
But before he can say anything else, there's a loud knock on his office door and the director walks in, slapping a stack of denied permits down in front of him.
"Six locations, Julian. Six. We have to get on it now if we want to sign off on a venue for Scene Ninety-Six."
"Shit. One second," turning in his chair as if that suddenly makes the other man in the room disappear, Julian directs his attention back to Brooke, "Hey—"
"Duty calls," she sighs.
"Yeah. Yeah, it does. I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
"No, it's not. I'm sorry."
"No, really," Brooke insists, "I should go to bed anyway. I have a lot to do tomorrow. Haley asked me to take Jamie for the day so she can shop for his birthday and…"
Julian nods quietly, "Okay. I'll call you back tonight, okay? Or, I guess the morning for you."
"Okay... Julian?"
"Yeah, baby?"
"I love you," Brooke's voice is small but she says it so freely, so full of conviction and he feels his heart ache at her words. He feels the distance, he feels the last time he touched her skin on his fingertips, and the memory of her head on his chest— the smell of her shampoo, startles him. It's been nearly a month since he's seen her and he's tired, so tired of longing for her while dealing with the stress of this movie. Just the idea that it's going to be even longer now before it's over...
"I love you, too."
She hangs up first and he hesitates, holding his phone for just a second longer.
"Heh," Michael, the director, huffs as he takes a seat across from Julian, "I didn't know you were married, Baker."
"Uh, no, I'm not," Julian looks up. I would marry her, though, he doesn't add. But the words sit with him for a moment and for as often as he thinks them, maybe he should be making different choices. Maybe he needs that reminder of what's worth giving up for her and frankly, there isn't a single film that holds a candle to Brooke Davis. There never will be. "You know what, actually I've gotta go."
"What?"
"I just… I have to."
He'll call the production company, pull a meeting together with the cast and crew, with the director and everyone who will listen. He'll tell them ten months is too long, eight, another week, another day. There's some other producer out there who's more suited for this movie, someone who's more invested in the money than the story but him… he wants to make important movies. And more importantly than that, he wants the girl. The girl that he's so lost and completely in love with, the girl that he wants to marry someday.
—
five.
"As long as it doesn't become the story you and Alex tell your kids someday when they ask how you met," Brooke scoffs, turning her eyes back to her laptop.
She's upset and Julian knows that. He knows her, he knows that she doesn't want him working with Alex because she doesn't trust Alex and… he knows that she's a little jealous. He'll never tell her that he knows she's jealous, but he knows. He also knows that she has no reason to be, though.
Brooke Davis is a lot of things; she's intelligent, she's funny, she's kind. She's the best person that he knows and the girl that he loves with all of his heart, but he's also aware that she carries scars and insecurities, and that sometimes, they get the best of her. They make her anxious and uneasy, or unwilling to trust. And he knows that as she mutters a comment about him having children with Alex, her insecurities are peeking through ever so slightly.
But she doesn't always see what he does, Julian thinks, and maybe she doesn't know that the image of the future ingrained in his mind is always her. His kids, if he has them, will be her kids, their kids, and Julian is certain of that. He's certain that the story he tells someday will be their own, and that that gorgeous brunette sitting in front of him, pouting over her computer screen is the girl he'll marry. He's so in love with her, from the hazel eyes to the insecurities and everything in-between, there's nothing that could take that image from him. Nothing. And no one can take it away, certainly not Alex.
So, the look on Julian's face softens as he slowly pushes away from the counter, knowing that this girl— this beautiful, incredible, frustrating girl— is allowing him this piece of her own vulnerability, and makes his way to her.
"Hey," he whispers, waiting for her eyes to meet his, "The only kids I'll be telling stories to… will be ours."
Julian means every word, and as Brooke's facade falters in a way that he knows she lets few people see, he knows the impact of his words. He understands the promise that he just made to her and vows to keep it, just like every other one.
"That's a good answer," Brooke admits quietly, giving him every ounce of that vulnerability that she can in the depth of her gaze.
The kiss that follows is breathless and effortless, his forehead resting against hers before she pulls back and hands over the script he and Alex have been working on and sends him on his way. The last look back before he leaves, eyes meeting Brooke's over her shoulder, confirms one thing to Julian:
He'll revise a script with Alex, and maybe even produce a movie. But the story that he'll tell, the real story, is the one that he'll make with Brooke Davis.
He will marry her.
—
plus one.
It might as well be etched into his skull at this point— he's been told by Paul, by the press, and the production company that the next choice he makes is going to define him. The next choice that he makes is going to choose the path in which his career, his life, takes so whatever he chooses, his next choice better be worth it.
He should be afraid of that.
Seven Dreams 'Til Tuesday is a good film. Hell, maybe even a great film. It has the potential to be an indie classic, it has the potential to make or break his career. And maybe, the next choice that he makes has the potential to be the most important thing he'll ever do with his life.
But what Paul and the press and the production company don't know is that Julian's next move, the one that's going to define him, the one that's going to be the most important thing he ever does has very little to do with his career as a producer or a director. In fact, the only real connection those two titles share is that his career as a producer is the reason that he met the love of his life and she's the first person to believe in him as a director.
So his next move, he decides, is going to define the rest of his life.
And he's not afraid of that.
There's a ring hidden in the bedside drawer the night before they leave for Utah. It's her and just as he knew well enough to get the Peyton Sawyer-Scott best friend stamp of approval, he knew that ring was Brooke Davis' the second he saw it.
"What are you thinking?" Brooke asks sleepily, turning in Julian's arms to face him.
"How do you know—"
She yawns, stifling a quiet chuckle, "I know you, Julian Baker."
Julian grins.
"You're anxious about the film festival, aren't you? I can tell. But it's going to be great. You're going to be great."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I am."
He lets her have this one because she isn't wrong, he is anxious about the film, but he doesn't say that the real reason he can't sleep is because of her. He's captivated by her and the idea of being hers forever, and though he's known this little life altering fact for well over a year now, the ring in the bedside drawer makes it tangible.
There's a ring in his suit jacket at the film festival, and Brooke's hand intertwined with his. The ring feels heavier there, her hand feels perfect in his, and he knows that he's not going to propose tonight because Brooke Davis deserves a night of her own. About her. She deserves for the only proposal she'll ever say yes to to have a story of its' own, rather than be a footnote in his career. But he carries the ring tonight because he knows that this— her hand held tight in his and a ring that she'll wear for the rest of her life— is the choice that's going to define him. His future. His life. It's her.
"Baby, I'm so proud of you," Brooke says just loud enough that only Julian can hear after the applause from the crowd dies down. The look of pure love and adoration that she gives him is one that he feels in his soul, and it's a look that he knows by now she saves only for him. It's every ounce of trust that Brooke has ever given him, every piece of vulnerability, and love that he never imagined being on the receiving end of. It's wholeness and connection, it's the depth of understanding, and it's forever.
Julian returns that look with a whispered, "I love you."
There's a ring in the pocket of his jeans as they walk through the snow covered mountain side, her hand in his once again. Julian knows when she says that the trip has been perfect that this is his chance, and what better lead up than an anecdote via her godson— the only boy he thinks she might love more than him. Rightfully so, the kid is great.
"Well, I have to admit, I had a little help. Last night at the bar, Jamie gave me a gold star for luck," Julian says deceptively, "Do you want to see it?"
"Yeah."
In Brooke's outstretched hand, he places the ring and watches as her face morphs into one of disbelief. If he hadn't known already, he would know now that marrying her was easily the best way to define his life.
"Oh, wait. That's not it. That's the engagement ring I got for you. Where'd I put that thing?" He feigns little interest in the ring, searching his pockets for a small plastic star that he's aware isn't there.
But Brooke doesn't move or speak, she just looks at the ring held in her palm in complete shock.
"Hey," Julian says quietly after a moment, calling her attention, "Everyone says that the next thing I do, the next choice I make is going to define me. My career. My life. Well, the next thing I want to do is ask you to be my wife. And tell you how much I love you and how nothing else matters. When I look into your eyes, Brooke, I see the rest of my life. And I see it with you."
She gives him that look again, but this time there's something else in it, something amongst the shock and he finds himself vowing to keep it there. Promising to make sure that Brooke knows, without a doubt, that she is loved by him with everything that he has.
So Julian carefully takes the ring with that promise in mind, kneels down, and slides it onto her finger… right where it belongs.
"Marry me, Brooke Davis."
She's speechless— tears forming in those hazel eyes, completely overcome with emotion as she releases a shuttered breath.
"Yes, okay. I want to, so much."
It's the truth and he knows it, they both do. For as much as Julian has thought about marrying her, Brooke has thought about marrying him, too. They're it for each other. The girl that he'll love forever, the one man that makes her world turn.
"I was hoping you would say that."
I would marry her.
I will marry her.
I think about that all the time.
—
Title taken from "Sweet and Low" by Augustana, which is the song that Brooke and Julian dance to at their wedding.
I own nothing but my words.
Comments and Criticism are always welcome!