BPOV

I felt groggy, a little more groggy than a normal morning. I heard the beeping of a monitor. It started to beep a little faster. I sighed. I smelled the familiar antiseptic smell that usually came with a hospital. I felt Edward's slightly colder hand in mine. I squeezed it, he gently squeezed it back. My eyes flickered open. Edward and Dr. Cullen were both watching me when I opened my eyes.

I groaned, "What happened?"

My face was getting slightly warm at the both of them watching me so intently.

"Welcome back, Bella. Do you remember anything about last night?" Dr. Cullen asked me. I sighed and nodded.

"My head had been hurting, so I took some Tylenol. It had been hurting for a few days." Edward shot me a look. "It wasn't that bad. It only started getting bad last night. Anyway, I told Edward if it still hurt in the morning I would see you in the morning." I looked at Dr. Cullen.

"So what exactly happened?" I looked to both of them for answers.

"You woke in the middle of the night screaming. You couldn't breathe. You passed out pretty soon after that," Edward spoke that time. I looked at Edward's face, it looked like he was recalling it.

"Did Charlie see you?"

"Of course that's what you're worried about," he said sarcastically. "And no, Alice saw what was going to happen, only a few minutes beforehand though. She and Emmett dragged me away from you."

"I'm sorry. That couldn't have been easy for you."

He shot me an incredulous look, "You're worried about me? When you're the one lying in a hospital bed?"

I shrugged.

Dr. Cullen cleared his throat. I almost forgot he was standing there.

"Sorry, Dr. Cullen, so what happened this time?" I took a deep breath as I waited for the bad news.

"Please, call me Carlisle," he said warmly, and then his face went slightly more serious. "There was a new growth in your lungs, a fluid build up, which we are draining. It could be residual from an experimental trial or a side effect from a medication. We'll have to monitor that." And I looked to my side, and there indeed was a tube there.

I shook my head. Of course, more monitoring. "How bad?"

He sighed, that was never a good sign. "It's hard to say. Your oxygen levels were low, that's why your head was hurting. It's also probably why your hands were so cold. You'll need an oxygen tank and a cannula." My eyes went wide. The monitor was beeping faster again. "You're not getting enough oxygen on your own. Edward told me you've been having a hard time catching your breath." I looked over at Edward.

"Tattletale," I mumbled. He chuckled.

Carlisle explained further. "We can try chemo again, or see if we can get you into an experimental trial again."

I shook my head, "I can't put my parents through that again. You've seen the reports, it almost killed me the last time." I would never forget the gut-wrenching heartbreak on Renee's face. "It didn't work last time."

Edward gently squeezed my hand again.

"Where's Charlie?" I had noticed his absence, and I wanted to change the subject.

"I sent him home, I told him I would call him when you woke up," Carlisle answered. He looked to Edward, and then to me. "I'll go call him now." Then, he left the room.

"Are you okay in here? Don't make yourself uncomfortable. I'll be fine."

He shook his head.

"Always worrying about everyone else." He rolled his eyes. "But no, it doesn't bother me anymore."

His admission surprised me.

"Since when?" I questioned.

"Since I heard your agonizing scream like that. It took all Emmett's strength to hold me back from running to you," he cringed.

"I'm sorry."

He rolled his eyes again, "You're absurd. It's not your fault you couldn't breathe. Although I'm not pleased you didn't tell me that you've been in pain for days."

I sighed, "Yeah."

"So my blood isn't your brand of heroin anymore?" I joked trying to break the tension.

He laughed, "No it is. But I don't think I could ever bring myself to harm you, I want you much more than your blood."

I blushed. He leaned in and kissed me. As soon as his cold lips touched mine, the monitor started beating quicker. He laughed, and I looked away.

"It's like I said, you're intoxicated by my mere presence."

I rolled my eyes.

"Very funny," I said sarcastically.

His face became serious again, "What are you going to do?"

I sighed, "I don't know. I can't do that to Charlie and Renee again, it's too much for them, mentally, emotionally, financially. It's not fair to them."

"Don't worry about the financial, and what if an experimental trial could give you more time," he countered. "We could help you with the logistics if you want, the money, getting into a trail, Carlisle has colleagues who could help-"

"Stop. Please. First I couldn't ask you to do all that for me. Second, all of this is another fruitless attempt to give me more time, but there aren't even guarantees that it will. Third, you didn't watch them, the last time, how heartbroken they looked. Every time we start something new, it is gutting, watching them get their hopes up for nothing to work. They really thought they were going to lose me the last time."

"You need more time, we need more time." He tried to hide it, but his voice broke a little.

"I'm sorry," I paused, before gathering the strength to continue. "I shouldn't have dragged you into all of this. I told you this doesn't end well for me. Look, if this is too much, I will understand, if you walk away now, I swear to you, I would understand. You have made me so happy these last few months, even when we were barely speaking," I half-heartedly chuckled. "But, please, you don't owe me anything, you don't have to do this to yourself, it doesn't get better from here. I'm so sorry."

A tear had slipped out of my eye. It would break me to have him leave, it would probably kill me faster, but it was only fair to give him an out.

He took the tear that slipped out of my eye onto his finger, and licked it. I looked at him in disbelief. "I'm not going anywhere. You are my life now, my only purpose. And besides, who else is going to keep your near-death experiences at bay?" I knew he was trying to lighten the mood, to change the subject, so I let him. I wiped my eyes. He kissed me again.

"So, I'm going to have to wear a cannula now?" I couldn't tell if it was the kiss or the thought of going back to school that made my heart race again.

"Of course, that's what you're worried about," he chuckled.

"I can only imagine the stares I'll get at school," I groaned. "At least you won't have to worry about my so-called suitors," I added chuckling.

"I wouldn't be so sure," he shook his head and I scoffed.

"Please, most people," I looked pointedly at him, "Run away. It's too much for them."

"Well, what do you know most people run away from me too," he said. I laughed. "And anyway, if you aren't up for school anymore, you could test out, maybe get your GED."

"Maybe, we'll see how it goes," Going with the flow was something I had been accustomed to over the years, most of the time, my life was a waiting game.

When Charlie came into the room, Edward was holding my hand and asking me questions, saying it was still his turn. He asked me about my romantic history and I told that there wasn't one. He asked me all kinds of things, with seemingly no rhyme or reason.

Charlie seemed pleased that I was awake and no longer in pain. He also seemed pleased that Edward was with me and showing no signs of leaving.

"Dad really, I'm fine," I got a pointed look from both Edward and Charlie. "Seriously, you know as well as I do, that there's nothing for you to do here anyway. We're just waiting around. And besides, there's a town that needs its Chief of police," I reminded him, doing my best to convince him to take care of himself.

Carlisle came in soon after him. Edward left to give Charlie the illusion of privacy, but I was sure he was listening. Charlie nodded and turned to Carlisle. "So what's the plan?"

"Please, let's sit down."

I sighed this too was almost never a good sign, but I knew what my options were at this point. After Carlisle and Charlie sat down in front of the foot of the bed, Carlisle told him what those options were.

"I can look into some more experimental trials, Charlie, but they haven't been studied for very long. The ones with the biggest rate of success, she's tried before. At this juncture I wouldn't recommend another round of chemo and radiation. It wasn't helpful last time, and she was stronger then."

I hated the look of hopelessness on Charlie's face.

"So what do we do then? Nothing?" Charlie was typically an easy going person, but his tone was sharp and angry. Carlisle didn't flinch at his words, but placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "How long does she have?"

"Dad," I said curtly. He knew that I didn't want to know. I knew it was selfish but it was hard enough knowing my days were numbered. I didn't want to know just how numbered. Carlisle nodded, "Charlie, maybe we should talk outside. We are going to continue draining the fluid, so she'll be here a few days." They started heading outside. "We'll be right back."

I nodded. After a minute, Edward came back in. "Are you alright?" he asked gently.

"I know you were listening. How much did you hear?" I demanded.

"Enough."

"So did he tell you? How much time?" Edward nodded solemnly. "Do you…? You don't want to know. Why not?"

"I told you, sometimes ignorance really is bliss." He didn't seem to be satisfied with that answer so I continued. "When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end," I answered. "I don't want a timer over my head, I just want to enjoy the rest of my dream."

I sighed, laying my head back down. I felt drained after that conversation.

"You should get some rest."

I nodded and slowly dozed off while Edward was humming my lullaby.

After a few hours, I woke back up. Edward was still sitting beside me, watching me intently, but this time he was smiling.

"What?" I said smiling at his infectious grin.

"You were talking again." His grin made him look younger, more boyish, less anguished.

"What did I say this time?" I said, slightly groggy from the pain medication.

"You said you loved me," he explained, and I blushed.

"You knew that already," I said softly.

"Yes, but it's nice to hear just the same."

"Edward, I love you."

He smiled that same boyish grin, "You are my life."

In the back of my head the guilt was reminding me that this was unfair to him. I think he saw that in my face.

"What?" he questioned.

I shook my head. "It's nothing."

"I keep thinking that it will get less infuriating with time, but it just gets worse. Will you tell me please?" After still seeing my hesitation, he continued. "If you don't tell me I'll just think it's worse than what it is." He had me there.

I sighed, "Just guilt. I guess. Don't worry, my mother says I have an overdeveloped sense of personal responsibility."

"Your mother is right, but why do you feel guilty?"

"Wait," I froze. "Did Charlie call my mother?"

He exhaled harshly, "You scared me." I muttered an apology. "I think he was waiting for you to get out of the hospital before he told her. He knew you wouldn't want to worry her."

I nodded, "Yeah, he's right."

"Although it would have been nice to meet her."

"Well, this won't be the last time, so you'll get your chance," I said bitterly, the guilt creeping in again.

"Bella," He scolded. "Anyway, quit stalling. What on Earth, do you have to feel guilty about."

I sighed. "Well, there's the path of destruction that I'm leaving in my wake. Renee, Charlie, Phil, you I'm sure there are other people I can add to that list too. Other than that, you know," I shrugged, slightly angry.

"Bella…"

"No, it's fine. I just hate hospitals, I guess who doesn't," I paused. "It was just nice to pretend for a little bit, you know. Like everything was perfect for that one second."

He nodded, "It was perfect, although you're still pretty perfect to me."

I laughed at that, "Okay don't lie to make me feel better, I'm sure I look terrible. Ugh, I hate that you have to see me like this."

He laughed, "I told you I wanted to kill you the first time we met, you've heard how I plotted to kill you, and you didn't even flinch. So if anyone looks worse here, it's me."

"Agree to disagree."

I was in an out of it for a few hours, when I was awake Edward was asking me questions, it was heartwarming that he did look or talk to me any different than before. Edward left the room saying there was a "complication". I nodded. Not two minutes later Billy and Jacob came to visit. By the way Billy was watching me, I knew he believed the legends. After sending Jacob away, under the guise of getting me some water, he subtly questioned me on how informed I was about the Cullens.

"I'm very well informed."

"And is Charlie as well informed?"

I not-so politely told him it wasn't his concern. After Jacob came back, they didn't stay much longer. Jacob didn't say much after he found out Edward was my boyfriend. I felt a little guilty about flirting with him.

I was in the hospital for days after that. Each day, I looked more like a person that resembled myself. Edward rarely left, it took quite some persuasion to get him to leave so he could hunt, I could tell he was thirsty, his eyes were onyx again. Charlie and Carlisle were the only people, beside Edward, that were constantly there. Edward had to leave occasionally for appearances sake, only to sneak back in not long after.

One time Carlisle was here when Edward had to 'leave', and I had a theory I wanted confirmed.

"Carlisle, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Bella." He looked up from my chart.

"You're not an oncologist are you?" I asked, you could hear the amusement in my voice.

He shook his head, "No, not here at least. Although I have been an oncologist many times before. I've always had a certain interest in this field." He chuckled, "What gave me away?"

"Nothing really, just a sneaking suspicion I guess," I shrugged. He seemed so different from my normal doctors, although most of my doctors weren't vampires.

"Well Edward was right, you are very observant. He asked me to see what I could do," Carlisle admitted.

"You really didn't have to do that."

"I don't mind." He paused, "He cares for you very much, you make him happy."

I felt my face warming at his admission. Edward returned before Carlisle could continue.

"What are people going to think?" I teased Edward about his 24 hour visitation.

He shrugged, "Let them talk. They'll know you're all mine." He smirked. I blushed at that comment, not because it wasn't true, but he had become much more affectionate in the last week.

Carlisle kept a close eye on my progress. He said we'd need to monitor the new mets, and watch for any more fluid, which meant more frequent check-ups.

I was released on Thursday, and it was agreed that I could wait until Monday to go back to school. If it went well, and if I could physically handle it, then I could continue. If I couldn't then Charlie and I agreed I would get my GED. Neither Charlie nor Edward were happy with me going back to school, and even though I didn't want the extra attention, I wanted some normalcy. Carlisle agreed with me, but conditionally of course. I was now excused from Gym, which was a positive for me. Edward also promised that he and Alice would keep an eye on me, to which I rolled my eyes.

The day after I was released, I called Renee. I painted a much prettier picture than what was true. She was slightly upset that we hadn't immediately called her, but she gave Charlie, rather than myself, an earful about that.

Carlisle had set me up with a permanent oxygen tank and cannula. Edward got me a backpack with wheels for it, so it would be easier to move and a little less visible. Over those days Edward stayed with me constantly, sometimes Charlie knew and sometimes he didn't.

I had written quite a bit, it was one of the only things I could do.