I decided to update again today. I just can't help myself. Let me know what you guys thought about Bella's journal so far.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

BPOV

The Saturday before I was supposed to go back to school, Charlie was planning to sit out his weekly fishing trip. I tried to persuade him to go, but he didn't budging until Edward had told him that he and Alice would be here with me for the day.

I was pretty sure that he had just said that to persuade Charlie, so I was surprised when Alice was at my house Saturday morning. Edward has already been there all night, not wanting to leave my side. I hadn't seen Alice since the day that Edward introduced us, but he had told me that it was Alice that had kept him from getting caught the day of 'the incident'. That's what I was calling it.

"Hey, Alice."

She wrapped me in a tight hug.

"Bella!"

She definitely startled me.

"Alice!" Edward said in a sharp tone. "Be careful, and don't frighten her."

She immediately released me.

"It's fine," I said slightly smiling, Alice's energy was contagious.

"See, it's fine," she stuck out her tongue at Edward. Then she turned back to me, "I already saw, we are going to be great friends!"

Something else that surprised me was Emmett and Jasper standing behind her. Emmett was smiling smugly, Jasper was keeping his distance.

I gave them a half wave, this was really the first time I was around people since 'the incident', it was a little overwhelming.

I needed to sit after walking down the stairs. Of course, Edward heard the breathlessness, "Are you alright?"

I shook my head. Most of the questions he and Charlie asked me were 'are you okay?'.

"Yeah, I'm going to sit down now." They all followed me into the living room. Edward and Alice sat on both sides of me, Emmett and Jasper on the other sofa. They all looked a little silly in my dad's living room.

"You know you don't have to go back to school," Edward reminded me for the umpteenth time. I sighed. Emmett laughed at that, he muttered something that I couldn't hear.

"Behave," Edward hissed.

"Well, you both went AWOL at the exact same time, after going public. People are going to start clutching their pearls soon," Emmett laughed. "I mean what are people going to think?"

"You see, I've been a bad influence on you, making you a truant. I'm surprised Charlie hasn't taken you in yet," I laughed, the corner of Edward's mouth twitched up.

"I like her," Emmett said with a cheeky grin.

"Thanks," I chuckled.

"Really nice, you two, but your return to school was conditional. Remember?" Edward said, slightly amused. I took his hand in mine.

"Yes, I remember. Don't worry. But if we don't start showing up Mike may start a search party, we don't want that now do we?" This made Edward laugh, it was nice to see him look at ease. I leaned my head on his shoulder and began tracing circles into his hand.

"You guys are adorable, it's disgusting," Emmett said playfully, Edward took my face in his hands and kissed me deeply.

"There, now we're disgusting. And now you know how I've felt all these years," he said laughing. I'm sure my face was bright red. It didn't help that they could all hear my heart race.

"Ugh. let's see how fast these two get detention with all this PDA," Emmett said, once again teasing us.

"You wanna bet?" This time it was Jasper who spoke.

"No bets," Edward said sternly, although he was smiling. I had never been a fan of PDA, having seen one to many people in the hallway acting like they couldn't be seen.

Even Jasper was smiling, probably feeling the mood of everyone else.

"I'm sorry about them, I thought you may have wanted some company, I did tell them to behave, but they don't get out of the house much," Edward whispered to me, even though they could probably hear. I laughed.

"It's fine, I don't get out of the house much either. Don't tell them, but I'm kind of enjoying their company," I fake-whispered. Emmett laughed.

"See, she's already like our little sister," Emmett declared.

Edward's light demeanor shifted, and he glared at Emmett. I couldn't be sure what he meant by that, I would have to ask Edward later.

"Oops," Emmett looked away from Edward's intense glare.

"You're an idiot," Alice said to Emmett from the other side of me.

After a minute, Alice said, "Well you guys are the talk of the school. Everyone's wondering where the two of you went. I've heard a lot of different theories. None of them even remotely true."

I appreciated her breaking the tension, but I was not happy to hear I was once again the talk of the school.

"How bad is it?" I said, kind of scared to know.

"A room full of vampires and literal death doesn't scare you, but gossiping high schoolers is where you draw the line," Edward said, once again in disbelief.

I chortled, "Yeah, I guess so. So, how bad?" I turned my attention back to Alice.

"A little worse then when you first got here."

"No," I groaned, putting my head back on Edward's shoulder.

"You don't have to go," Edward smugly suggested.

"Nice," I said sarcastically. "Maybe I really have been a bad influence on you. I'm trying to graduate."

Just for a second, I saw the grief on Edward's face. He knew how long I had, I would probably not make it to graduation.

"And if you stay in school, you can go to prom," Alice said, once again breaking the silence.

"Umm... I'm not much of a school dance person," I said wrinkling my nose and shaking my head. For a minute, it looked like she was having a silent conversation with Edward.

After a moment of silence I asked Emmett and Jasper, "Do they always do this?"

They both nodded. "And it never gets less irritating," Jasper said. I hadn't really heard Jasper speak very often, so it was a little shocking.

"Good to know," I said sarcastically.

"You should see them play chess. They usually never even move any of the pieces on the board," Jasper continued. "I won't play with either of them anymore."

I laughed, "Noted, don't play chess with Alice."

After a few hours with Edward's family, Jasper and Emmett left. When Charlie got back, Alice left. I felt like I knew all of them pretty well after spending the day with them. Alice was hoping to convince me to go to prom, so she could dress me up. I emphatically refused, so she left it with Edward to convince me.

After Charlie got home, Edward left to give me time with Charlie, and some 'human moments', to shower and eat.

When I finally got upstairs dragging the oxygen tank with me, Edward was in my room, laying against my headboard. He was eyeing the journal again.

"Have you thought anymore about it?" Edward asked gently, he was trying not to push me, but I could see his curiosity.

"Hmm, yes," I paused, biting my lip. "I'll let you look at it, but conditionally."

He nodded, excitedly.

"You can look at it whenever you'd like, but for your eyes only, and I don't want to see your reaction, maybe when I'm sleeping? I'm warning you it's not very good, so don't get disappointed. I have a new idea, so don't look yet." He nodded again, I saw the excitement on his face, it made him look even more beautiful.

Peace

Our coming-of-age has come and gone

Suddenly the summer, it's clear

I never had the courage of my convictions

As long as danger is near

And it's just around the corner, darling

'Cause it lives in me

No, I could never give you peace

But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm

If your cascade ocean wave blues come

All these people think love's for show

But I would die for you in secret

The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me

Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

Your integrity makes me seem small

You paint dreamscapes on the wall

I talk shit with my friends

It's like I'm wasting your honor

And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences

Sit with you in the trenches

Give you my wild,

Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other

Family that I chose now that I see your brother as my brother

Is it enough?

'Cause there's robbers to the east, clowns to the west

I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best

But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me

But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm

If your cascade ocean wave blues come

All these people think love's for show

But I would die for you in secret

The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me

Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

EPOV

As soon as she fell asleep, my curiosity got the best of me.

I moved slowly so I didn't wake Bella. I felt almost giddy that she trusted me with her writings, I didn't even know what she wrote, but knowing Bella, it was probably a lot better than she gave herself credit for.

I was right, I saw pages of songs, I reluctantly put the journal down. I'd do a more thorough analysis later. I went home to change and give Esme some peace of mind. Everyone was pleased to see me, it had been a while since we had spent any significant time together.

Rosalie was not as welcoming, she thought I was a fool for getting involved with a human. She thought me an even bigger fool once she found out that, not only was Bella a human, but an ill one as well. She refused to listen to Alice and Emmett who pleaded Bella's case. Every time they brought up how Bella was a good person, or brought up something funny she said, or how happy she made me Rose became more agitated with Bella.

Once I'd returned, Bella was still sleeping, every once and a while she'd toss and turn a little, and murmur my name. It made my heart soar each time I heard my name fall from her lips.

I started reading her journal over and over, silently composing to them in my head. They were all equally beautiful, it simultaneously made me happy and broke my heart. I hung on to each and every one of Bella's poetic words:

Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow, tarnished but so grand.

I wish to know the fatal flaw that make you long to be, magnificently cursed.

Say you'll see me again, even if it's just pretend.

This daydream is dangerous.

If you hold me without hurting me, you'll be the first who ever did.

I'm setting off, but not without my muse.

I wondered if these were about me. Was I her muse as she was mine? I wanted to believe that they were, but I didn't want to narcissistically assume. I would ask her in the morning.

I wanted her to get some rest right now. It was a relief to see her at peace right now. Now and then I see something in her eyes, and I wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain she's really in. She tries to hide it but I could see it just for a split second, when she was having a particularly bad day, or she had taken the stairs too quickly and couldn't catch her breath, I saw the smallest glimpse, a mere fraction of what she was actually going through. Each time I left myself ache for Bella. Now I had seen writings that drove that solidified just how much Bella struggles, and how well she hides her overexertion from everyone.

But more than that, it also solidified just how strong she truly is.

BPOV

After I finished writing, I laid down next to Edward. He started humming the lullaby again. It wasn't long before I was asleep.

The next morning, Edward was still right next to me, but wearing different clothes. I could see him deep in thought.

"Good morning," I said putting the cannula back on and turning the oxygen tank back on.

"Morning," he said, leaning down and kissing my forehead.

"What's wrong?" I demanded.

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. "Have you ever shown anyone your journal before?"

I shook my head. It was difficult to reveal this much of myself to anyone, but I loved and trusted Edward completely.

"No, never. You are the first. You should feel very lucky," I teased. I sighed, "They aren't very good, I just never was good at the whole dear diary thing. Most doctors said I needed a 'creative outlet'."

"I don't know what you're talking about, they're amazing, I loved them. I didn't know you wrote songs."

"They're not songs. Poems, maybe but I'm not musical," I rushed through my explanation.

"I don't know, they seem a lot like songs," he said smugly.

"I don't know, maybe they are. I've never thought about it."

"Are, um, who are they about?" He sounded slightly nervous. I thought it would have been obvious.

"Who do you think?" I said incredulously. "I've actually never written as much as I have since I met you," I said meekly.

"Is that a good thing?" He chuckled.

I shrugged, "You have made my life a lot more complicated, in a good way, the best way, actually. I try not to let people get too attached. I've known my prognosis for a while. It's a strange feeling wanting to push you away, and pull you closer simultaneously."

"I understand that well enough."

"I wanted you to read them so you can have them, you know, after. I think we've been dancing around that fact, but I wanted you to know, you've given me the best last months I could've asked for."

He looked shocked and distraught. "I thought you didn't know," he said quietly.

"I don't know, but you learn to read between the lines, especially with doctors. It's not hard to guess. I don't have time, and now, more than ever, I wish I did. You know, I had made my peace with everything, until you, now all I want is more time, but now you'll have this part of me. You'll know how I felt, feel." I saw the despair on his face. "Don't worry we still have a little more time, let's enjoy it. You can't get rid of me that easily." I was trying to lighten the mood. It was only slightly working.

I nudged my head towards the journal in his hand. "Anyone you like in particular? I'll tell you about it," I offered.

He smiled, "Tell me about the first one."

"I wrote that the first night I dreamt of you, you were growing roots in my dreamland." I smiled thinking about it. "I'm pretty sure we had just started speaking again, but I left this inexplicable pull to you, I'd live and die for moments that we stole, on begged and borrowed time."

"You've been promised to another? Is there a fiancee I should know about?" he chuckled.

I shook my head and bit my lip, not wanting to dampen the mood again. "You know who I've been promised to," I said quietly then paused. "Like I said it's very dramatic, it's the only time I don't feel bad about letting everything out."

There was a solemn look on his face, but he shook his head, and looked up at me. "It's not. I love it." I could see the sincerity in his eyes and hear it in his words.

"Well, I need it back. I'm not done yet." I playfully grabbed the journal back.