The plane shook as it touched down, scaring Jamie awake. She was used to being scared and not making a sound or a movement.
Spencer noticed her muscles tighten in preparation for fight or flight, or perhaps an incoming blow. "Jamie? Jamie, Sweetheart, it's okay. We are back in Virginia alright?" He scooped her up carrying her off the plane. "I am going to take you home, okay?"
Jamie didn't answer, instead, she looked around as Reid carried her from the plane to the SUV. She thought she would never see this stupid airport again. This airport that always carried them to the darkest places of someone's life, but she loved that it meant she was going to help someone. She just never appreciated the tarmac itself until this moment.
Morgan opened the door for him and Spencer set her in the car gently, buckling her into the seat. She felt like everything was in slow motion. Reid got in next to her letting her rest on him once more. He actually wondered if he needed to be holding her more than she needed to be held by him.
"Hey Kid, we're going with you. First shift." Morgan's voice was affirmative leaving Reid no room for arguments
It took them about 30 minutes to get to Reid's apartment and inside. Ried watched Jamie in his arms as they brought her inside.
"S-Star Trek... " she mumbled to herself remembering the last time she was over with Reid and what they had been watching.
"Yea, we watched that before," Spencer cleared his throat, "the last time you came to visit."
Jamie nodded remembering. She felt safer, but the safer and safer she felt the more worried she was that this could all be ripped away again.
JJ walked in with Morgan watching Spencer set Jamie down on his couch.
"I think we should get her some food. Maybe a hot bath? Lots of rest." JJ said concerned.
"I hear that. We should all eat. I'll take care of it" Morgan stepped into the hallway of the apartment calling up his favorite late night eatery.
JJ slowly walked over, kneeling down next to her friends, "Jamie, do you want to take a bath? Or anything?"
Jamie looked quickly to Spencer for guidance. Not sure how to answer, "Sweetheart, it's your call, if you want to we can set it up for you."
Jamie's mind raced. Showers had not been a particularly good experience she reached her hand up to rub her neck, the bruises from the choke collar the night before clearly visible around her skin.
"Y-Yes?" She said nervously.
JJ nodded, going to get the cast wrap to protect Jamie's leg. Reid got up and went to his bathroom running warm water into the tub. Jamie sat there watching her friends fuss over her. She wasn't sure what to do.
Morgan came back inside and stayed out of the way. He was worried too many people swirling around Jamie would set her off. He watched as Reid carried Jamie into the bathroom in his room and JJ followed behind him. He sat her on the counter and nodded to JJ.
"I'm going to let JJ help you okay? I will be right outside." Spencer brushed a strand of hair from her face tucking it behind her ear.
Jamie didn't want him to go. She was worried he would go and she wouldn't see him again but she didn't say anything. She didn't respond. She watched him walk out the door.
JJ gently walked over to Jamie, "Do you need help getting out of these clothes?"
Jamie nodded, letting JJ help her out of them and get into the tub. Placing her leg on the edge.
"There we go. Water okay?"
Jamie nodded. She was glad JJ was here. Over the last year, men had hurt her in the shower, she didn't think JJ would, she really didn't think Spencer would either. JJ nodded, "I'll be right outside the door. Call if you need anything"
Jamie nodded watching her go before starting to wash up. Her mind felt all over the place. She wanted desperately to be the happy woman she had been before all this happened but she didn't even know if that girl existed inside her anymore. She was more scared than brave, more sad than happy, more confused than certain. She was nothing like her old self.
She looked at her body as she washed, looking over the marks on her skin, some scars some healing. Her mind went blank wanting to avoid all the memories, her body felt numb too. She sat there. Staring at the facet.
Part of her mind tried to objectively diagnose her. Much like Reid, she was a genius, her mind a trap for memories, it was easier to fracture her thinking and internally talk to herself as a different person to overcome all this.
PTSD - most likely, acute stress disorder - probably. Stockholm syndrome? Not showing signs of yet. Please don't get that one Jamie. Great, you're talking to yourself. Fragmentation/ dissociation of thoughts, Check. Diagnosing yourself. We've lost it. Doctorates and all - you've gone off the deep end, haven't you?
Her mind was like several voices but all of them were here. The part of her that was hopeful, the numb, and the part of her that believed Quinn.
Jamie didn't hear JJ knocking on the door. She only saw her when JJ sat right next to her on the tub edge. "Can I wash your hair for you, Jamie?"
She nodded blankly, not really processing what she asked. She felt JJ tilt her head back, a cup full of warm water was poured over her careful to not get on her face. Then came the gentle massage of finger rubbing shampoo in her hair.
You can't even take care of yourself now. I can't make decisions or answer questions. You're absolutely useless, it's only a matter of time before they realize it. Stop Stop, you know what this is Jamie, it's just the trauma. You know this. Stupid.
As JJ rinsed the shampoo out of Jamie's hair she saw the tears start falling down her cheeks.
"We're all done Jamie, " JJ pulled the drain, "shhh it's alright" she got a towel ready to cover her once the water was gone. Jamie didn't respond, she didn't realize that she was shivering now that the cold water was gone.
Jamie looked up seeing Reid kneeling next to the tub not sure when he got there. He quickly scooped her up keeping the towel wrapped snugly around her tiny body.
He rocked her in his arms, "I've got ya, shhh it's okay"
Why are you crying?! Do you even know! Stop, stop it right now before they realize they should have never come back for you. Reid wouldn't ever think that… would he?
Spencer paced back and forth in his room rocking Jamie in his arms. He watched her face intently waiting for her to break out of her thoughts and be present.
"S-Sorry," Jamie said at a volume that was barely audible.
"Nothing to be sorry for Jamie," he sat her down gently on the edge of his bed and grabbed his CalTech hoodie from his dresser. He had let her borrow it a couple of times when they were on a case or hanging out. He loved it when she wore it because she looked so cute swallowed up in his clothes. Jamie being 5 foot 4 inches and him standing just over 6 feet, and also because then it smelled like her light perfume.
"I think this will be comfortable for you to wear until we get some more clothes," heling her into it gently then grabbing a pair of his pajama bottoms. He slid the pants over her cast and helped her stand enough to slip them all the way on. They were way too long even with the legs folded up.
"Morgan ordered dinner. Hungry?" Spencer smiled seeing the small nod carrying her out of the bedroom.
She glanced over at Morgan, it was the first time she had really looked at anyone besides Reid's face. His face was so serious, like he was worried and angry - his I'm going to solve this case face. It quickly softened when he realized she was looking at him.
"Hey, Little Red" he smiled. Morgan always had a nickname for her related to her fiery red hair.
"H-Hi" She smiled before looking at Reid to make sure that was okay.
Reid was aware she was deferring to him and didn't want her to feel like he controlled her. He sat her down at the table sitting close to her, "Jamie, you can do and say whatever you want okay? You don't need permission. Not from me, not from anyone. Okay?"
"S-s-sorry… I-I will try to do b-better"
"Oh, sweetheart that- that's not what I meant." Reid took a deep breath then grabbed the chicken soup Morgan ordered for Jamie and brought it closer to her.
You're not allowed to eat at a table, remember. This is a trick. No, it's not, Spence hasn't done anything to make it seem like this is a trick.
Reid frowned, picked up the spoon and took a bite of the soup, " it's safe to eat Jamie. See?" She nodded but still didn't know what to do.
JJ and Morgan looked at each other than at Reid not sure what to do next.
"You must be hungry Jamie," JJ said softly.
Morgan saw the confused look on the small woman's face, "What is it little red?"
Jamie swallowed, not sure what to do, she decided answering him was the best bet, "I'm not allowed to eat until everyone else is done, and I am really not allowed to eat at the table, "She said quickly, looking down to the floor.
"Those rules don't matter anymore" Morgan was furious not at Jamie but at the people who had taught her that.
"What Morgan means is that it was good that you followed the rules. You did what you had to to survive so we could find you and bring you home. But now that you are home you can make your own rules. Like you can eat at the table, or on the couch or in bed. Where do you want to eat?" Spencer asked, wanting to see if she had a preference.
"H-here is good." Jamie picked up the spoon and took her first bite. She kept her head down eating in silence for a while. She didn't eat much but it was more than she had eaten in weeks.
Jamie was exhausted. She could feel her body starting to withdraw from the drugs. She didn't want to live that nightmare but she was going to have too. If anyone knew what that was like it was Spencer. She started to fall asleep sitting there as her mind thought through what she knew of withdrawal.
JJ carefully moved the bowl of food away from Jamie so she wouldn't fall face-first into it. Reid gently picked her up, "Let's get you to bed sweetheart."
He carried her into his room laying her down on the bed. Jamie warped her arms around Reid's neck, "D-Don't leave me. P-Please?"
"Are you okay if I lay down in the bed with you?"
"Y-yes"
"Okay, but you tell me if you want me to get out okay? Any time."
She nodded, wrapping her arms tight around his neck. "K-Keep the light on too?"
"I am scared of the dark too Jamie, I'll keep it on for the both of us," He pet her hair gently hoping she would fall asleep feeling safe. Once she was asleep he grabbed his phone and texted the other two that he wouldn't be out for a while and to put his food in the fridge for later.
He stroked her hair over and over again, hoping that she would know she was safe in her dreams. Only he wasn't only doing it for her, he needed to remind himself that she was really here with him. His eyes began to water as he realized he had the love of his life back home safe.