A/N: THIS IS A CRACK FIC.
Someone in The Singularity sent a side-by-side comparison of Re-Destro and Dr. Doofenshmirtz that I will try to make the story cover. Jokes were made, comments were thrown, and someone suggested this as a crack fic. And here were are. I hope you enjoy.
"He should be here any second now," a man with a large, almost beak-like nose muttered to himself. He stood inside a tall tower with gizmos and gadgets littering the floor. As he stared out the window, a hovercraft that looked like a cross between a mouse and a bear came into view.
"Ah, just on time," the man excitedly declared as he rubbed his hands together like a stereotypical cartoon villain. Even as the flying vehicle crashed into the building a few windows to his left, his eagerness never faded.
From the hovercraft that had landed inside the giant room, a small animal that resembled the design of the vehicle stepped out.
"Just a principal?" the man asked. Who was this creature? What were they doing in his evil lair?
With a slightly annoyed expression, the chimerical animal pulled a small, rectangular pin from his pocket and pinned it to his fancy suit.
The man gasped, then exclaimed, "NEZU THE PRINCIPAL!"
"Enough, Re-Destro! Whatever your plan is, I won't let it come to fruition. The MLA shall fall today," the being known as Nezu heroically declared.
"Well, that might be true, had you not stumbled into my trap! Behold!" Re-Destro shouted. A small metal cage fell from the ceiling.
And landed a full three feet away from its target.
"Oh," the large-nosed man muttered as his mistake sunk in.
"Good thing I prepared for that." Another cage fell from the ceiling, this time successfully capturing the bipedal rodent.
"Now, take a good look...at my Stress-Raiser-Inator! With this device I shall raise my stress to never before seen levels of stress and take over the TRI-STATE-AREA!" Re-Destro maniacally explained, much like a classic villain would. A large, menacing exosuit stood on a platform raising out of the floor behind the man.
"Why though? You already have an army in the hundreds of thousands? You have built your own cities for said army. Why would you want to take over such a considerably small area?" Nezu demanded, sticking half of his body between the bars of the cage.
"Well, it all goes back to way before you and I were born. See, it turns out my great-great-great-great-grandfather was a man named Heinz Doofenshmirtz. His lifetime dream was to rule the Tri-State-Area. However, each and every one of his attempts was foiled. Foiled, might I add, by a sapient animal. Perry the Platypus, my great-great-great-great-grandfather's one and only nemesis, was actually the first instance of a quirk. Long before the story we have all been told about the glowing baby."
"What does that have to do with any of this? That was at least a few centuries ago?" Nezu asked as he slipped a miniature circular saw from a hidden pocket.
"Normally, nothing. But can you guess who Perry's great-great-great-great-grandson is?"
"I take it the answer is me?"
"Correct! It's been nice chatting, but I really must be going," the man said. "TRUMPET!"
A large, man-like robot walked through a door towards the back of the room.
"I am here."
"Good. Let's get the Stress-Raiser-Inator and-" he began before a tiny paw delivered a powerful kick across his face.
"Nezu, you escaped?"
"That would be correct, as I am no longer in the cage," the animal replied. "But I must praise you for your stunning intuition and detective skills."
"You may have beaten me 2,132 times in the past, but this time I will be the winner!" Without a moment to lose, Re-Destro hopped into the suit, which compressed and shrunk around him.
"By inflicting physical pain and closing tight around me, it raises my stress, therefore increasing my strength to new levels. Prepare to perish to the might of Re-Doofenshmirtz, Nezu the Principal!"
A large, metal fist came crashing down and left a three-foot deep crater where the animal had stood mere moments ago.
"Where are you?"
"Oh, just playing around with these controls. This is an interesting button here. Mind if I push it?"
"No, wait!" But it was too late. A huge button labeled "self-destruct" clicked under Nezu's tiny paw, and a countdown was spoken by the machine.
"CURSE YOU NEZU THE PRINCIPAL!" Re-Doofenshmirtz cursed as he ran out of the room and far away from the delicate machinery.
Moments later, a loud explosion rattled the room, and the sound of fire alarms rang from down the halls.
"All in a day's work," the short chimera said to himself before running and hopping into his hovercraft. A block of cheese awaited him in the glove compartment, which he devoured much faster than anything his size should have managed.
The small vehicle lifted off the ground and turned to the shattered window, then flew out and into the sky.
I know it's short, but I hope you enjoyed. I know this was stupid but please review.