Matsuda: Alright, Kiba. I'm gonna give you one more chance to take back what you said about my mom! (A doll lies silently on the floor) I'll kill you!

(He pats his elbow and jumps onto a trampoline, body-slamming the doll. He then elbows the doll multiple times, and body slams it once more. He picks up the doll and moves its arm, making it punch himself in the face. Behind him, Motohama is calling to him)

Motohama: Tag up! Tag up!

(Pretending to be weakened, Matsuda walks over to Motohama and high-fives him. As Matsuda drinks a soda, Motohama pulls the Beef Burrito doll away. Matsuda slams the soda can onto the ground and lets out a ferocious cry. Motohama sets the doll up next to a bed before walking away onto the shelves.)

Matsuda: What? (silence) Oh, you want us to put the hurt on you? (Motohama grabs Matsuda) I think he wants me to put the hurt on him.

Motohama: I think he wants you to put the hurt on him.

Matsuda: You think he wants me to put the hurt on him?

Motohama: Yes, I do!

(Motohama & Matsuda scream. Motohama throws Matsuda down onto the trampoline, launching him into the wall. The impact leaves a large hole in the wall and Matsuda ends up in a trash can.)

Matsuda: Uhhh... (Stands up) Uuuuhhhhyyyy... (Removes trash can) Yea-uh! Did you see how awesome it was when I hit the trampoline?

Motohama: Hahahaha! Yeah, I did. But it wasn't as awesome as when you punched that hole in the wall.

(They begin laughing, but suddenly stop as the realization hits them, which causes them to scream in horror. Matsuda quickly opens the door and checks to see if anyone is in the hallway, then shuts the door.)

Motohama: I can't believe I listened to you! I knew I should've gone out to get some better porn, but no, "Let's wrestle this stupid doll, it'll be fun!".

Matsuda: But it WAS fun!

Motohama: Well, yeah. But now there's a big hole in the wall! Dude, we're 18 years old, we shouldn't be busting holes in walls. We're gonna get kicked out for this!

Matsuda: You mean, you're gonna get kicked out for this.

Motohama: What?

Matsuda: You're the one who threw me too hard, ya asshole!

Motohama: Don't call me a asshole! You're the asshole, you're the one who wanted to wrestle!

Matsuda: Okay, okaaayy! Let's not blame anyone! Now, how in the fuck are we gonna fix this shit?

Motohama: I don't know man. I mean, we can't fix it, and we definitely can't pay for it, 'cause we don't have any money! Unless you have some money.

Matsuda: No. Besides, I don't even know how much it costs to fix a hole like this. Probably a ton.

Motohama: Exactly. Which leaves us with only one possible solution: We convince Roy to give us money so we can afford to pay someone else to fix it.

Matsuda: Dude...you are a GENIUS! Of COURSE raises!

Motohama: Okay, dude, here's-

Matsuda: Let me stop you there, because I already know what you're going to say...HAAAAMBONING.

Motohama: What?

Matsuda: Yeah, dude, Hamboning! We just go up to Roy and we'll be all like, "We both want a raise!" (Repeatedly taps all over himself while walking towards Motohama, then starts tapping Motohama)

Motohama: No, man! Stop it! We just need to ask him for a raise and just explain all the-

Matsuda: No, no, NO, that's not gonna work! What are you, 65? (Imitating an old man) "Excuse me, sir, can I have a raise?" COME ON! I'm telling you, dude. HAAAMBONIIIING.

Motohama: (Crosses arms) Noooooo.

Matsuda: Hamboning will save your LIFE someday. It'll be all like, "What? You're trying to mug me?" (Starts hamboning again)

Motohama: No! We're not doing that, okay? OKAY?

Matsuda: Fine...(Gasps) I know what to do! (Runs to a pile of dirty clothes and gets a red keyboard) Are you ready for raises? Boop-bweeep-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boooo!

Motohama: (In awe) Whoa-ho-ho-ho, how did you get that?

Matsuda: I have my methods.

(Scene cuts to a flashback. A giant skeleton whose name was Ainz places the same red keyboard on a bench. The skeleton then heads towards a bush and is contacting someone through his head. Matsuda steals the keyboard and runs away. Scene cuts back to Matsuda and Motohama. Matsuda laughs to himself.)

Motohama: I don't know, dude. How's that gonna get us money?

Matsuda: Aw, come on, man! Look! (Sets keyboard on floor) Just come check it out. (Plays keyboard and it makes cool noises)

Motohama: Woaaaaah-ho-ho-ho-ho! This is the answer to ALL our problems. Have you named her yet?

Matsuda: Actually, I thought you could do the honors.

Motohama: Really?

Matsuda: Mmhmm. (Nods)

Motohama: Ya know, I've always wanted to date a girl named: The Pussy.

Matsuda: The Pussy?

Motohama: (Nods) Mmhmm.

Matsuda: I like it.

(Suddenly, the words "The Pussy" appear at the top of the keyboard)

Motohama & Matsuda: Cool...!

(Scene cuts to the park near Kuoh Academy )

Motohama: Alright, this time with feeling.

Matsuda: Yeah yeah. Ready?

Motohama: Yeah yeah.

Matsuda: Ok. (Presses The Pussy's on button)

Motohama & Matsuda: (They start singing) 5, 6, 7, 8. (They start dancing to The Pussy's music, spin and then point) Give us a raise, loser. (They laugh)

Matsuda: Hey, it's Roshi.

Roshi: A-ha-ha! Hello.

Motohama: Hey Roshi, what's up?

Roshi: Is that the sound of music I hear?

Matsuda: (Whispers to Motohama) Dude, let's use The Pussy on Roshi.

Motohama: I don't know, Roshi is kind of weird. (They look over at Roshi)

(Roshi laughs strangely as a butterfly approaches his face)

Matsuda: Exactly, at least we can test it out on him, and he won't get mad at us if it doesn't work.

Motohama: Ok, but let's not call him a loser.

Matsuda: Why not?

Motohama: He's sensitive. I don't want him to cry, I just want him to give us a raise.

Matsuda: Ok, let's do it. Hey Roshi! Check it. (Presses the on button again)

Motohama & Matsuda: 5, 6, 7, 8. Give us a raise, Roshi.

Roshi: (Laughs) Good show, jolly good show! A pay increase, yes yes of course. Just let me get my wallet. Monster condoms? (Motohama and Matsuda take one) Ta-ta! (He leaves)

Motohama: Dude, I think that just worked.

Matsuda: Yeah, I know.

Motohama: I mean, if Roshi wasn't so weird, he might have given us a raise.

Matsuda: Totally.

(Motohama and Matsuda run off to show Roy The Pussy. Cut to Roy working at the shed.)

Roy: Ugh...

Motohama & Matsuda: Hey, Roy. Five, six, seven, eight. (They start dancing to The Pussy's music)

Roy: What are you doing?

Motohama & Matsuda: (They spin and point at Roy) Give us a raise, loser. (They quickly back up, afraid of how Roy will react)

Roy: You know, you guys have been working harder, I think you deserve a raise. We can negotiate your new rates later in the week, but for now, how's 20 yen sound? (He hands Motohama and Matsuda two 20 yen each) Keep up the good work. (Drives away in a cart)

Matsuda: Do you realize what this means?

Motohama: We can fix the hole?

Matsuda: No, we can do everything we ever wanted!

(Clock transition to a montage of Motohama and Matsuda using The Pussy to get porn, video games, technology, clothing, then they fly down and bump into Naofumi)

Naofumi: You guys shouldn't be doing what you just did.

Matsuda: What, the flying or the hole?

Naofumi: What hole?

Matsuda: Dude, get to The Pussy, he knows.

Naofumi: Knows what?

Motohama: Nothing Naofumi, uh, we were just getting back to work. (To Matsuda) Dude, kick it to max Pussy.

(Matsuda turns on the keyboard)

Motohama & Matsuda: Five, six, seven, eight! Using the Pussy in your face. Sending you back to your place. Don't look at our crotches while we synchronize our watches. (They press buttons on each other's watches) Boop-boop-bweep—boop-boop-boo-bweep-bee-boo. Beep-beep-beep, beep-beep-beep, synchronized. (They put on red sweaters) Go away Naofumi, it's time for you to go away.

Motohama: It's time for you to go to your room!

Matsuda: Yeah, Naofumi. It's time for you to go to the moon!

(Naofumi disappears)

Motohama: (Gasps) Where'd he go?

Matsuda: Uh...

Motohama: Did you just send Naofumi to the moon?

Matsuda: Isn't that what you said?

Motohama: No, room. I sent him to his room, not the moon, you idiot! Dude, wish him back.

Matsuda: But it doesn't work that way.

Motohama: What do you mean?

Matsuda: I can't see him, can I?

Motohama: Ugh, then we have to go get him.

Matsuda: But he's going to be pissed!

Motohama: Better than him being dead.

Roy: Hey, hey have you two seen Naofumi?

Motohama: Matsuda sent him to the moon.

(Matsuda punches Motohama, who then punches him. Matsuda groans in pain.)

Roy: Wait, what?

Motohama: We accidentally sent Naofumi to the moon with this keyboard and now we have to get him back.

(Roy laughs)

Roshi: Ooh, I love the moon.

Roy: Come on, where's Naofumi?

Motohama: Ugh! Look, we'll show you.

Matsuda: Come on, let's go! Jeez, you take forever.

Motohama: Sorry, Roshi had to go to the bathroom.

Roshi: Twice.

Roy: So what do we do?

Motohama: Don't worry, we got it.

Motohama & Matsuda: (They start playing the keyboard and singing) Take us to the moon! Take us to the moon! Woah-oh! Won't you take us to the moon?

(Nothing happens)

Roy: Ha-ha, very fun-

(The cart suddenly vanishes. Cut to everyone in the cart screaming as they're hurled through space. They crash-land on the moon. Everybody is heard coughing and moaning. Roy gets up.)

Roy: What is all this junk?

(An assortment of items are sitting before them.)

Matsuda: Um, don't get mad at me guys, but, uh, I kinda sent a bunch of stuff to the moon while you guys were in the house.

(Flashback to Matsuda playing with The Pussy)

Matsuda: (Singing) A bunch of baby ducks. Send 'em to the moon. Soda machine that doesn't work. Send 'em to the moon.

(Shifts back to present)

Motohama: You drillbit. What else did you send?

(Suddenly a Moon Monster appears, who is chasing Naofumi)

Roshi: Look, it's Naofumi! There he is!

Motohama: Oh great, it had to be a monster.

Roy: (backing away) What is that?

Motohama: Matsuda, you guys go get Naofumi. We'll pick you up.

Matsuda: Ok, ok. (he and Roy run towards Naofumi while holding The Pussy.)

Motohama: (struggling to turn the cart right side up) Roshi, help me with this.

Matsuda: Let's go, let's go!

(The Moon Monster, now in possession of Naofumi, roars. Matsuda sets The Pussy down.)

Roy: Come on!

Matsuda: Give me a break, I have to come up with the words you know. (counts on his fingers) Ok, I got it. (He begins playing The Pussy) G-g-g-go away big monster go-go...(The Pussy begins to lose Pussy)...no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Roy: What?

(Matsuda tries to play The Pussy, but it's unresponsive)

Matsuda: Dude, I think the batteries just died.

Roy: What?!

(The Moon Monster closes in on Matsuda and Roy. Motohama and Roshi have managed to turn the cart upright.)

Motohama: Hurry up dude!

Matsuda: The batteries are dead!

Motohama: What?!

(flashback: Matsuda recalls what he said about hamboning.)

Matsuda: Hamboning will save your LIFE someday. It'll be all like, "What? You're trying to mug me?" I'm telling you, dude. HAAAMBONIIIING.

(transition back to the present)

Matsuda: I know what to do. Hold this. (He hands The Pussy to Roy and runs off towards the Moon Monster, who is about to eat Naofumi) Nooo!

(Matsuda begins hamboning the monster, which distracts him. Naofumi escapes from the Moon Monster's grip, then runs and grabs Matsuda just seconds before the Moon Monster tries to crush him with his fist. Naofumi, holding Matsuda, runs up to the cart, which is being driven by Motohama, along with Roshi and Roy.)

Matsuda: WHOO! HAAAMBONIIIING.

(Naofumi and Matsuda jump onto the cart.)

Motohama: I can't believe you just did that.

(the Moon Monster pursues the cart)

Naofumi: Use your keyboard!

Matsuda: The batteries are dead.

(Naofumi looks back at Monster, who is dangerously close by now)

Naofumi: (punches through cart and pulls out a batch of power wires, which he plugs into The Pussy) Play it!

(Matsuda quickly starts playing The Pussy. The Moon Monster reels back for a punch.)

Motohama, Matsuda, Naofumi, Roy, and Roshi: TAKE US HOME, TAKE US HOME, TAKE US ALL BACK HOME!

(They disappear mere seconds before the Moon Monster crushes the golf cart to pieces. Everyone screams as they're launched through space. They land in Motohama and Matsuda's room. All of the walls break apart and collapse, save for the hole Matsuda and Motohama made earlier.)

Matsuda: Ha ha ha, we did it! Yeah! (triumphantly lifts The Pussy over his head, which Roy swiftly takes.) Hey, that's mine.

Roy: Nope, you sent him to the moon so the least you can do is give him your keyboard, right Naofumi?

Naofumi: Right. (breaks The Pussy with knee)

Motohama & Matsuda: Awwww.

Roy: And let's have it.

Matsuda: What?

Roy: (turning red) THE 40 YEN YOU TWO CONNED OUT OF ME WITH THAT STUPID KEYBOARD CRAP! I know you still got it, now, give it back.

Matsuda: (sighs)

(Matsuda and Motohama hand their 40 yen back to Roy.)

Roy: NOW CLEAN UP THIS MESS OR YOU'RE FIRED! Ugh, can you believe this?

Naofumi: No.

(Roy, Roshi and Naofumi leave the room, slamming the door on the way out.)

Matsuda: Oh, dude, this sucks. The hole's still there. Do you think Roy noticed it?

Motohama: (puts poster over hole) He won't now.

Matsuda: Dude, you're a genius! (they high-five)