Hailey laid awake in her bed, feeling like she was floating on cloud nine. Jay was behind her, his arms wrapped around her torso and his legs tangled with hers under the sheets, like they have been almost every night for the last nine months. She traced her fingertip along the freckles that adorned his arm and couldn't control the smile that spread across her face.
She proposed.
And he proposed back.
They both said yes.
She felt Jay pull her closer to him in his sleep and she couldn't help herself when she lowered her head to kiss his forearm. She knew it was late, and that she should be sleeping, but her body was buzzing. When they finally broke away from their kiss and finished wiping away each other's happy tears, Jay melded his lips to hers and guided her with closed eyes to her bed, where they spent the better part of the night celebrating their engagement.
And now, as she laid awake in Jay's arms, her thoughts were filled with images of engagement rings and simple white dresses, of Jay in a suit and them starting the next chapter of their life. It was a welcomed distraction from everything that happened over the last forty hours. She shook her head, not wanting to think about Roy or Voight or Mark, and her slight movement against Jay made him stir.
He tugged at her again, kissing her shoulder,
"It is way too early. Sleep."
Chuckling at him, she rested her hand on top of his arm, tracing his freckles again,
"I can't. I'm like…I feel like I'm floating."
Turning on her side to face him, she was met with a grin on his face and soft eyes he seemed to reserve only for her. She ran her left hand down the side of his face, across the two-day old stubble that was growing there,
"I didn't mean to wake you."
Jay shook his head, leaning in to catch her lips with his,
"I don't know if I was actually asleep, maybe like resting my eyes. I feel the same way…like I could walk on water."
Kissing him back and smiling as she pulled away, she nodded, knowing exactly how he was feeling, and continued rubbing her fingertips up and down and over the freckles on his face. As she made the journey to his jawline, he caught her hand in his, lacing their fingers together,
"I do plan on putting a ring on your finger. Don't think I forgot about that part."
She smiled and squeezed his fingers,
"I don't need a ring; I just need you."
Jay brought their joined fingers to his lips, kissing her knuckles, running his thumb along her ring finger,
"You deserve a ring. And I want you to have one; I want you to look down at your hand everyday and know that I'm not going anywhere, to know that it has always been you, and always will be you."
Hailey dipped her head slightly, biting her lip to keep another round of tears at bay. As her hair fell into her eyes, she felt Jay brush it back behind her ear, and she looked up at him with glassy eyes,
"Okay."
Jay smiled and tugged on their still joined fingers, bringing her body to rest on top of his, covering them both with the comforter; Hailey laying her head between his neck and shoulder, one hand cupping the back of his head while the other rested on his forearm. He kept one arm around her back to steady her and let the other one slip into her hair, massaging his fingertips into her scalp,
"I want to pick it out together; I have an idea of what you'd might like, but it's yours and you'll be wearing it for a pretty long time – I want you to love it."
Hailey smiled and kissed the side of his neck, her thumb running through his messy hair,
"I'll love anything you pick out."
He smirked and jostled her slightly in his arms, causing her to let out a squeal against him and clutch his arm tighter,
"You don't like, have any preference to what it looks like? Shape or color or anything?"
She pulled away from his neck, cocking her head at him,
"I uh…I never really thought about what I'd want. I mean, the only example of a marriage I had were my parents who did a pretty miserable job at making me one day want the same thing. And until I met you, I never had a reason to about it."
Jay wrapped his arm around her a little tighter, and nodded,
"I get it. So, we can look together, and you can pick out whatever speaks to you, and we'll start this chapter together in every sense of the word."
Smiling, she nodded at him, and leaned in to kiss him for what felt like the millionth time that night, mumbling against his lips,
"I like this plan."
He kissed her back, rolling them onto their sides, and slipped his hand back into her hair, knowing that his fingers against her scalp is a surefire way to relax her enough to let sleep overtake her.
"Can I ask you something?"
He gave her a light squeeze, and kissed her forehead, whispering to her,
"Anything."
"Earlier, when you were proposing to my proposal – you said, 'I've loved you since…it's been years…' What was the since – when did you know?"
He smiled and licked his lips, pausing to answer her, trying to vocalize the moment he knew for her – in his mind; the moment it changed for him was clear as day.
Taking his silence as hesitance to answer, she backtracked and cuddled into his side,
"You don't…I mean, if you can't…it's okay."
Jay chuckled, pulling softly at her chin,
"Babe…I can clearly tell you 'the since when' moment."
She raised her eyebrows, prompting him to continue. Resting his hand in the dip of her waist and stroking his thumb across her skin, he answered her,
"I preface this by saying, I don't want you to feel bad or upset or anything like that; when you and Ruz were arguing in the roll up, after the Antonio nonsense a few years back –"
Pausing to look at her, he saw her nodding along with him,
"Ugh, yeah, I remember…"
He squeezed her against him, continuing,
"I heard you say, 'I care about you,' and I felt like someone punched me in the gut – it was like I couldn't breathe for a second. It was also like a light bulb went off in my head, I realized that he had you, but more importantly, that I wanted you and that it was too late. But even before that, there were a few moments, where now looking back, I understand clearly what I was feeling."
Hooking her leg under his beneath the covers, and lifting her left hand to again stroke her fingers down his jaw, she shook her head,
"I never loved him. Not the way that I love you, Jay. He never had me the way you have me."
He nodded at her words, and leaned down to grab her lips, pulling her flush to his chest, needing to hold her after remembering the feeling of thinking he lost her, he felt her hand move to cup the back of his head,
"When you told me about Booth, there was this deep feeling of needing to protect you, even though I know you are more than capable of protecting yourself – but the thought of someone doing to you what he almost did, it made me physically ill;
And then with the Miller case, you were the first person to just let me ramble about my time overseas and not…judge me or look at me any differently. You let me talk and drink and if I remember correctly – cry a little - until I felt better enough to know that I could go to work the next day."
Hailey just smiled at him and stroked his hair; remembering herself the night that she was a little tipsy and still upset about Booth and the ghosts he stirred, how she stumbled her way to the couch and told Jay what almost happened; it was the third anniversary of the day Garrett went missing, and as she cried reliving that night, Jay wrapped her in a hug, letting her let it all out; recalling the night of the Miller case, how all Jay wanted was for someone to listen without fault, to just be a friend, how she returned his hug when she saw his green eyes well up with tears, how he silently cried into her shoulder and held onto her like a lifeline,
"I remember."
Jay smiled,
"So, yeah, Hailey – it really has been years. I've loved you for so long…"
Jay trailed off, and their eyes met, and Hailey smiled again, bringing her hand back to his jaw, the heel of her foot rubbing softly up and down Jay's calf under the covers,
"I didn't know I could love someone the way I love you. So let's go pick out a ring, because there's nothing I want more than to look at my left hand and know that all that we went through led us here; it brought me to you, and loving you is the best thing I get to do. So, let's go."
Jay pulled at her hip, rolling her on top of him again, wrapping both of his arms around her, and he tilted his head to look down at her,
"I love you so much, Hailey Anne."
She kissed him, mumbling 'I love you' against his lips, and as he opened his mouth to her, kissing her back, Hailey rolled her hips into his, pressing herself against him, wanting nothing else in that moment except for Jay.