Disclaimer: Rubeus Hagrid, use some shampoo, J.K. Rowling owns you too.

I think that if the story is a collection of finished one-shots, then its proper status should be "Complete".
So, I've marked this collection as "Complete", but I plan to add more chapters.

About formatting:
For direct quotes I use italicized font.

* * * * * * * WARNING * * * * * * *
This chapter contains a light parody on a well-known line from the New Testament.

CHAPTER 1
Rubeus Hagrid, the best friend of children and other animals.

Chapter summary:
Them big carnivorous snakes are gentle and sentimental creatures.
They are just misunderstood.

Voldemort's army was marching towards Hogwarts.
Ahead of all – Dark Lord, with a snake on his shoulders.
Harry lay motionless in Hagrid's arms, pretending to be dead.
"SILENCE!" cried Voldemort, "It is over! Set him down, Hagrid, at my feet, where he belongs!"
Hagrid was forced to obey.

And Hagrid, being a reasonable person, did not bother to check whether Harry's believed-to-be-dead body would feel itself comfortable on the ground.
So, by some stupid chance, it happened that Harry's stupid tailbone was laid right on some stupid pinecone.
Harry, being a reasonable person, did a logical thing – he jumped to his feet, yelling, "Oh, …" (one of Dudley's favorite words followed).

Everybody, not so much with surprise as with curiosity, looked at The-Boy-Who-Lived and Lived-And-Lived-Again.
Voldemort, being a reasonable person, just shrugged,
"Stubborn, aren't you? What a pity! Now it's going to be the hard way.
The way," he smiled wickedly and stroked his snake, "that runs through the gullet."
Switching to parseltongue, he hissed, "Raw material for fertilizer, Nagini."
Nagini, never one to refuse a meal, slithered towards Harry and opened her giant mouth.

Suddenly she felt a big calloused hand gently stroking her head.
And she liked it.
And she heard a tender voice of a half-giant,
- No, me little beauty, yeh don' wanna do tha'.
Yeh are a good snake, aren' yeh?
I know yeh are, people jus' mis'derstand yeh.
Good snakes don' eat Harry Potters.
Come with me; I will give yeh some rabbits an' quails.

Nagini turned her head and looked somewhat skeptically at Hagrid, "Really?"
"Cross me heart," answered Hagrid, who apparently understood parseltongue.
Hagrid kept talking, dreaming expression coming to his face,
- I always wanted ter raise a snake. I will make yeh a warm an' dry nest by the fireplace. I will take yeh ter me lessons. Kids will feed yeh an' play with yeh.
- Kids? You mean human snakelets?
- Yeah, 'em.
Nagini tilted her head to one side. "I think I would like it," she hissed uncertainly.

A bright idea came to Harry and he said, "I will visit you and tell you about my adventures with my old friend, the basilisk."
This argument proved to be irresistible.

Nagini slowly turned to dumbfounded Voldemort and unleashed her anger,
- You! You never really cared about me!
All I ever heard from you was 'Dinner, Nagini', 'Lunch, Nagini', 'Dessert, Nagini'!
What about my feelings, my inner needs?

For it was decreed that Snake shall not live on Snack alone.

You wanted shit?
I don't give a fertilizer!
You gave me a piece of your crappy soul? Take it back!
With these words Nagini raised her lower belly and made a loud fart sound.
A lump of dung flopped to the ground.

And that was the inglorious end of the last horcrux.

NO REPTILES WERE HARMED during the writing of this story.

Just for fun, not for glory,
(J.K. Rowling would not sue)
I was meant to write this story.
Were you meant to write REVIEW?

What other characters can kill the Nagini Horcrux in funny way?
Feel free to post your ideas (the only restriction – stay within rating T)

I already have some vague plans for Luna, Dobby, Mr. Wesley and "an accountant" (unnamed second cousin of Mrs. Wesley).