Disclaimer: Harry Potter is happening inside the head of J.K. Rowling, but why on earth should that mean that he is not real?
About formatting:
For direct quotes I use italicized font.
* * * * * * * Instead of FOREWORD * * * * * * *
- Ms. Lovegood, what are you doing here?
Did you not read the summary?
Only knights are invited, not damsels in distress.
"Oh, sorry, I forgot to introduce Mr. White Knight", and Luna retrieved from her pocket the chess piece.
- Well, in this case, Mr. Knight-In-Distress, go ahead.
CHAPTER 2
Luna Lovegood, the politest and sanest friend you may ever want
Chapter summary:
Not my boyfriend, you bitch!
Neville, his hand holding the Sword of Gryffindor, his heart filled with the single purpose – 'Kill the snake' - prepared to meet Nagini.
Nagini, her fangs filled with venom, her heart devoted to her beloved master, did not have to prepare herself. As a snakescout of the first rank, she was always prepared.
With a battle cry "Harry Potter!" Neville swung the sword.
Unfortunately he stepped on the pinecone and slipped.
(Not the same pinecone as in previous chapter; there were more than one pinecone in the forest)
The sword fell down and Nagini, quick as a flash, swept it away with her tail.
Neville, disarmed and despaired, mentally prepared to meet his Maker (whose name obviously would be J.K. Rowling).
Nagini did not have to prepare herself for another piece of fresh Gryffindor meat. As a twelve-feet-long snake she always had room in her stomach for another snack.
Both their expectations were rudely trampled by a gentle and delicate Ravenclaw witch.
(Smart people know that 'gentle and delicate' females are the most dangerous kind)
With a fierce scream "Not my boyfriend, you bitch!" Luna flew down and sprinkled a white liquid on the snake's head.
Where the drops of liquid fell, a burn appeared.
Apparently it hurt like Crucio, because Nagini wailed madly and began thrashing on the ground.
It was all over in 18.3 seconds. The snake's body was lying still; a gaping hole burned through her head.
(How do I know the exact time it took? Well … twiddling my thumbs … Let it remain my little secret)
Later, during the Victory Feast.
"Luna," said Hermione, "What was that potion you used against the snake? I don't recognize it."
Luna answered, "Milk of Crumple-Horned Snorkack is a very powerful magical substance. It's deadly for everything evil."
Hermione looked at Luna's face, trying to see if it was said in earnest.
"Well," Ron snickered, "It worked, did not it?"
"Oh, well," said subdued Hermione, "I'm sorry, Luna. I thought these … err … these creatures exist only in your imagination."
"Yes, they do," said Luna agreeably, "In fact all of you, the whole Hogwarts exists only in my imagination. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"
NO SNORKACKS WERE MILKED during the writing of this story.
This story has happened inside my head, but why on earth should that prevent you from writing a review?