Chapter 2
Harry's still asleep when Jesse comes into the living room that morning. Cisco couldn't quite manage to go back to sleep afterwards, though Harry dozed off in an uncomfortable position, face pressed against Cisco's chest and limbs curled up awkwardly. So Cisco had, carefully in order not to wake him, nudged Harry into stretching out along the couch - clearly purchased because it was long enough for Harry to do exactly that with his long, lanky frame. Harry's head moved to lay on Cisco's lap.
Jesse looks amused at first to see them like that, but Cisco shushed her and, gently, replaced his lap with a pillow so that he could stand up without jostling Harry overly much.
Harry grumbled in his sleep, reaching up to clutch the pillow and snuffle sleepily against it. But he didn't wake up.
"Everything okay?" Jesse asked softly.
"He couldn't sleep last night and made an ill advised trip to the basement," Cisco replied, equally quiet as he went about making coffee while Jesse pulled out the pancake mix she'd brought the day before.
"So dad broke stuff down there." Jesse huffed a sigh.
"Yup. Dude turns into a cat when he gets frustrated, I swear," Cisco mused. Though... Harry's only ever gone after Cisco's stuff before they'd become friends. And briefly during his... Joe had been right to compare Harry's dependence on the Thinking Cap to an addiction, in retrospect.
"Sounds about like dad." Jesse sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "God, this is such a mess."
"We need to convince him to go for a scan today," Cisco said.
She nodded. "I'll need to talk to Ryan. Get him to clear out the lab Team Quick uses over at STAR Labs."
"Not until Harry agrees," Cisco insisted.
"Uh, sure, if we want to wait until never." Jesse shook her head. "You know we're gonna just have to drag him over there..."
"No." Cisco crossed his arms and shook his head. "We are not. I will dump you through a breach elsewhere if I have to, but we're not forcing Harry to do anything Jesse. He has spent the last several weeks with his life spinning further and further out of his control and having to depend heavily on other people to look after him even though it meant letting us look after him in ways that really screwed with his comfort zone. So while he needs those scans sooner rather than later, and preferably today, I will not help take his control away when he just got it back." Not even if it meant that Harry didn't get Earth-2's equivalent of an MRI or CAT scan for days or even weeks.
Admittedly, if he did notice Harry deteriorating again, all bets were off. But right now? Cisco was not going to be party to forcing Harry to do anything he didn't want to do.
"So convince him with words or not at all." Jesse rolled her eyes. "That'll go well. Sure."
"Be as sarcastic as you like, but that's how it's gonna go."
"Alright, alright. I get it. I just..." she sighed, looking behind Cisco to the couch. "Alright." She turned around and got back to making pancakes.
Cisco goes to wake up Harry. He wakes up slowly, giving Cisco an adorable, half-asleep smile before his eyes grow focused and a frown appears on his face. "Sorry about..." he sighed and sat up, swinging his legs off the couch. "I should clean up the lab."
"Breakfast first," Cisco countered. "And then I'll help."
"I'm making blueberry pancakes," Jesse called from the kitchen.
"Breakfast first," Harry agreed, relaxing a little.
The lab is cleaned up quickly, largely because Jesse does the bulk of the work at super speed.
Cisco picks up the notebook from the floor as she does, idly flipping through to see Harry's handwriting interspersed with someone else's. It's dated from nineties at the front of the book, which meant this was probably written right after Harry and Tess moved in here. Certainly the date puts it from before Jesse, only recently twenty-one years old, was even born. He sets it back on a book shelf crammed with other notebooks, wondering if he can get permission to read them all later. What little he saw just flipping through was...
He's not going to be able to collaborate with Harry on science stuff any more. Not unless Harry... it's just not likely to happen. But these notebooks... it wouldn't be the same, but maybe he could recapture some of that feeling - that rush - of working on something new and theoretical with someone who just gets him on what feels like every level.
And if Cisco's chest feels like it's already aching from the loss of that connection, he can only imagine how Harry feels. Not only can he not collaborate on science and tech with Cisco anymore, he can't collaborate with Jesse in that area either. And, quite likely the most painful of them all, he's lost something that let him still feel connected to his wife. In Harry's position, Cisco would have been throwing things too.
"So..." Harry hesitated, "would you like to make use of this lab, while you're here? I just figured... it'd be easier than trying to set something up at STAR Labs since it's a lot busier than on your Earth and most people there don't exactly know the multiverse has been proven yet. And I guess you could breach to Earth-1 to just use your own lab, but..."
"A few breaches every day is fine, but too much can be exhausting," Cisco admitted. "Besides, I think I want a vacation from Team Flash stuff right now. I might bring over some of my personal projects I've been neglecting, though. It's a nice lab, Harry." Cisco beamed at him. "I'd love to use it."
Jesse sighed. Loudly. Gave them a look somewhere between pleased and annoyed that, for the life of him, Cisco couldn't tell what they'd done to deserve it.
"So, Harry." Cisco sounds nervous to his own ears, but this needs to be said. "I really think you should get a brain scan today. To make sure what I did yesterday is actually holding."
Harry stiffens up, face a little blank. "I'd rather not."
"Dad." Jesse's voice shakes a little. "What you went through... if it turns out something is wrong, I don't want you to go through it again. If we check now and there's something... we have time to figure things out now before it gets bad. And if everything is okay... then I think maybe we'd all feel better having that confirmed."
"I don't want to use the Thinking Cap again," Harry clarifies and he sounds... scared.
"And we won't," Cisco assures him. "Earth-2 tech only. MRIs or what have you."
"We can reach out to Ryan," Jesse said. "Clear out a lab to use at STAR. He won't let anyone bother us."
Harry grimaces and looks away. "I...I don't want him to know what I've... done to myself."
"Okay." Jesse nods quickly. "Then we won't tell him that part."
As Jesse tries to reassure Harry that they can just the whole Reverb thing as an excuse to keep things private, Cisco watches Harry's face. He looks so uncomfortable that Cisco wants to just cut Jesse off. Tell Harry they can do this later when he's more comfortable. Feels his guilt crawling back up along his shoulders because...
What if the scans reveal something obvious? Something Cisco overlooked. What if the scans show that it's Cisco's fault that Harry didn't make a complete recovery?
What if Harry hates him for it?
But he stays quiet until Jesse runs upstairs to find her phone and call Dr. Choi.
"I'm the one who's going to be inside a claustrophobic scanning machine," Harry said, pulling Cisco out of his reverie. "So why do you look so upset? I thought that's what you wanted me to do."
"It is." Cisco says that firmly because, no matter what happens... Harry's health is the most important thing here. "I just..." he gestured to the shelves full of notebooks. Full of Harry's life's work. "You lost a lot, Harry, and what if the reason you didn't get it all back is because I fucked something up when I rebooted your brain?"
"You didn't." Harry's hands are on Cisco's shoulders. "Cisco. Listen to me. You did not fuck something up, alright? That was me, using the dark energy in the first damn place. There is no one to blame for the predicament I'm in right now except for me and my hubris. And everything I am now is thanks to you. So all this scan is going to show is how lucky I am to have a friend as brilliant and dedicated as you are. I could... I could feel it, when my mind was slipping away." He hesitated and then took off his glasses, wiping at his eyes. "I could feel it and it was terrifying. But that feeling is gone now. So I know I'm not going to be tripping over things and if I forget a word then it's just normal... and now I'm going to give a perfect example of it because all I can remember is it begins with an 'L'."
Cisco snorted in amusement. "Tip of the tongue syndrome. I can't ever remember the actual word for it, so knowing the first letter is one up on me."
Harry nodded. "But it's still a normal thing that happens all the time. Even to me." He hesitated for a moment and then drew Cisco in to a hug.
It was like a switch flipped. Cisco could just... feel the tension drain out of him. He sighed and relaxed into Harry's touch. Rested his head on the other man's shoulder.
He felt like he'd been forgiven. Which was silly since Harry clearly thought there was nothing to forgive at all where Cisco was concerned. But it was still a weight off his shoulders.
Neither of them seemed to be in a hurry to let go, so Cisco just... stayed there, closing his eyes and breathing deep. Harry smelled nice, if a bit different from normal. His preferred body wash on Earth-2 had to be a different scent from the one he used on Earth-1. Cisco honestly wasn't sure which he preferred.
Not that he had any reason to have a preference about how Harry smelled.
Cisco... should probably let go now.
"Awww."
Jesse's voice had both of them snapping out of the hug.
She grinned and waved her phone. "Too late, I've got photographic evidence now. You're both huggers."
"Give me that," Harry demanded, stepping towards Jesse, hand out for her phone.
"Nope!" Jesse vanished in a crackle of lightning and laughter.
"Your daughter is a menace," Cisco informed Harry with a grin.
"I know," he sighed in response.
They end up breaching straight to the lab that Dr. Choi set up for their use. It's a Team Quick lab, apparently, and Jesse let Cisco vibe the location off of her.
Unfortunately the lab isn't quite as empty as expected because someone is waiting there for them when they step through the breach. Cisco assumes this must be Ryan Choi.
The man beams at Harry and greets him with an enthusiastic, "Harrison, I was glad to hear you're back. I don't suppose I can convince you to stay and come out of retirement? Let me go back to being in a lab full time?"
"Ah... afraid not, Ryan," Harry said, a touch awkwardly. "What, not enjoying the promotion?"
"I don't run the company as well as you did," Ryan replied, tone dry.
Harry rolled his eyes. "Not what I've been hearing. Flattery isn't going to get me out of retirement." He gestured to Cisco, "Ryan, this is Cisco Ramon from Earth-2."
Cisco managed not to sigh exaggeratedly. It was fair to say he was the one from Earth-2 when on this Earth, but it was gonna be a pain to keep straight when he considered his own Earth to be Earth-1. Jesse seemed to know what he was thinking, though, as she flashed him a mischievous smirk.
"Cisco, this is Dr. Ryan Choi," Harry continued, looking rather mischievous himself.
"Nice to meet you," Cisco said, pointedly ignoring Harry's smirk. He shook Ryan's hand, glad that the other man didn't seem particularly reticent about meeting him.
"Any friend of Harrison's has got to be interesting," Ryan responded with a grin. "I've been wanting to meet you and the rest of your Team Flash for a while now, to be honest."
"Oh, really?" Cisco grinned back. "Maybe we should be swapping stories about Harry..."
"Okay, no gossiping," Harry interrupted, even as Ryan's eyebrows went up.
"Harry, huh? I haven't heard anyone call you that since Tess." Ryan snorted in amusement as Harry scowled at him.
Both Cisco and Jesse perk up. That sounds like an interesting story.
"You're avoiding a meeting right now, aren't you?" Harry asked, clearly exasperated.
Ryan laughed. "Not avoiding... yet, anyway." He checked his watch. "But if I don't go now, I suppose I will be." With a cheerful wave, he headed out the door.
"He seems nice," Cisco observed.
"He is. I used to baby sit his kids when they were still in primary school," Jesse said.
"Ryan's a friend," Harry admitted. "I just don't... want to dump this on him if I don't have to."
"Alright, so the encephalographic viewer we're gonna use is actually in the back room," Jesse said, directing them over to a doorway in the corner. "I think this is basically the same thing as a CAT scan on your Earth, but we call it an EV scan."
The setup in the next room was pretty much exactly what Cisco was expecting. A little platform for the patient to lay down on, a circular scanner that the platform slid in and out of, and little room off to the side where the computer controls were. The Thinking Cap had more comprehensive scanning capability, so most of Harry's scans after the device's creation had come from that. But the readings from CAT scan - or EV scan, rather - would tell Cisco what he needed to know the most right now.
They headed to the control room first and Jesse walked Cisco through the commands for running a basic scan and a detailed scan. The color coding was a little different from what he was used to as well, but thankfully there was a little chart on the desk that Cisco could use for reference. And once they had the scans, he could go over them with Jesse's help.
"You ready, dad?" Jesse asked.
Harry nodded, but he looked intensely uncomfortable as Jesse took his glasses and had him go lay down in the other room.
Cisco hit the intercom button and said, "I'm going to run the basic scan first, okay? And then if you're not feeling too claustrophobic, I'll do the detailed one. Feeling okay over there Harry?"
"Yeah," he responded. "Just do it already."
"Here we go." Cisco activated the scanning sequence and the platform slid Harry's head into the scanner. On Cisco's screen, he watched as the images - or slices - of Harry's brain slowly began to form a picture. While not a particularly detailed view, compared to the next scan anyway, Cisco could already tell that Harry's brain looked different from the way it had pre-Thinking Cap.
The biggest problem Cisco and Marlize had faced when coming up with the cure, as it was, for Harry's degeneration was that Harry had already been stressing his brain using the cap before the dark energy exposure had triggered what was basically a cascade failure effect. And then continued to stress his brain by utilizing the cap after the degeneration began. Marlize had been concerned that stress might have caused permanent damage to the parts of Harry's brain that focused on complicated problems, like... scientific problems. Or his memory. But she'd also thought it had a low probability of being an issue. Obviously they should have taken the possibility more seriously, but Cisco...
Cisco had just so desperately wanted Harry back just as he was before that he'd told himself it was all going to work perfectly. But Harry was right. Cisco had done all he could and this wasn't his fault.
Focusing on the test results, Cisco had to take a few moments to familiarize himself with the differences in the displayed readout from what he'd seen on Earth-1. From what he could tell, the part of Harry's brain responsible for memory looked good. But neural activity seemed a little... sluggish maybe?
Cisco asked Harry a few questions to get different parts of his brain to light up with activity. And then the scan ended. "You okay for the next scan, Harry? This one takes longer and I'll have more questions to ask you."
"I'm fine. My back's going to kill me when I get off this thing, but I might as well get it all over with now," Harry replied.
So Cisco started the next round of scans.
Harry's brain activity was definitely slower than it had been pre-Thinking Cap. But it wasn't 'cause for concern' low or anything like that. If anything, Cisco's biggest concern was that parts of Harry's brain seemed to have difficulty communicating with each other. Harry could do basic math problems easily, but algebra took him more time (he did remember what a polynomial was now, though) and calculus had left him admitting he didn't remember the difference between sine and cosine. And the scans illuminated where the brain damage causing those issues was located. Science oriented questions yielded similar results. He knew parts of the periodic table of elements and some basic chemical formula and the most well known physics equations, like E=MC^2, but that was about it. Same location of the brain appeared to be inhibiting his ability to pull his knowledge together into answers the way he once could have.
That Harry did remember what a polynomial was now, though, could mean that Harry's brain was still healing, albeit slowly.
Regardless, the scan completed and Jesse copied over the test results to a data storage device while Cisco went to help Harry back up.
"So, how's it look?" Harry asked, avoiding looking anywhere at Cisco.
"There's definitely lingering, visible damage. But your neural activity held steady throughout the scan. A little slower than it was before, but still a little above average. Except..." Cisco paused a beat.
"I can still recite our favorite lines from Star Trek by memory, but..." Harry shifted uncomfortable before continuing; "when I'm doing math or science, it's just all a blank. Or I'll have a general idea but the words won't come out right."
"That's when I could see where the damage is," Cisco confirmed. It was probably because it was the part of his brain he'd utilized most with the cap. "While I'd like a follow up scan in a week or two, just to be sure... despite the lingering damage, the scans overall looked stable." As Harry was now, he was lucid at all times and could live a comfortable, full life. He just... wasn't ever going to be a scientist again.
"With a follow up scan we could start thinking treatment plans to fix it," Jesse added.
Harry shook his head. "No. No, we're not... I'm not... I've had enough experimenting on my own brain to last a life time. I'm..." his hands were waving defensively.
"We're not doing anything without your consent, Harry," Cisco promised, giving Jesse an annoyed look for jumping the gun. He might look into possible treatment plans, in case Harry changed his mind down the road, but... "the brain is a delicate organ that scientists on both our Earths don't understand nearly enough. I'd rather not risk creating more problems than solutions."
"O-okay." Jesse didn't look pleased, though, and Cisco wondered if having her living with Harry right now was actually such a good idea.
They end up breaching back to the house. Harry's distracted by whatever thoughts are running through his head and Cisco wishes he could say or do something to help him. Jesse takes the car for a grocery run so that she can get more food than she can run with, since she's planning on staying now. Cisco doesn't know what to say to her either.
Cisco ends up curling up on the window seat to read again. But he's distracted and just can't... he reads the same page over and over for several minutes and gives up.
There's the sound of a back door opening and shutting, so Cisco goes to investigate.
Harry was sitting on the swing in the backyard by the time Cisco joined him outside. "Mind if I join you?" Cisco asked. "Or are you in a mood to be alone?"
Shifting over, Harry made space for Cisco to sit with him. And he hurried over to settle on the swing.
"Jesse wants to fix me," Harry said quietly.
Cisco leaned against Harry's shoulder. "You're hurting and she wants to make it better. So do I." He felt Harry's shoulder tense under his cheek. "But grief is going to hit people differently." Cisco straightened up and leaned back a little, staring up at the clouds in the sky. "You have brain damage, Harry. And Jesse is a lot like you. She sees what looks like a problem and she wants to solve the problem."
"And you don't?"
He shrugged. "Yes and no. I've already got a few theories on ways to help further heal the damage. Can't really help the way my own brain just starts picking stuff apart like that. And if you decide that treatments to help your brain make new connections is something you want, then maybe I'll have something workable to offer you." And if Harry never did, it was information that could, perhaps, end up helping someone else one day. "But it's never going to be a hundred percent recovery. And while it sucks to see you struggling with losing something you loved so much, that you've always taken pride in yourself for... your physical health is stable. It's your mental health I'm more concerned about."
"I've lost the only thing I've ever really been good at," Harry said quietly. "And now I'm useless."
"Bullshit."
"Ramon..."
"Nope, I'm calling bullshit." Cisco took a deep breath. "Your ability to understand quantum physics wasn't what gave you the insight into how to help comfort me when Dante died and again when HR set himself up to be killed by Savitar. You knew what it felt like to be drowning in grief and to feel like that's all life was ever going to be and you told me what I needed to hear most. Life is going to be beautiful again, but it's never going to be the same twice. No matter what path you take in dealing with what you've lost, Harry... even if you were to choose to look into further healing the remaining brain damage from the dark energy... you're never going to be exactly the same as you were. But that doesn't mean that who you are now isn't still one of the most amazing and, yes, brilliant people I know."
Harry sniffled and took his glasses off to fiddle with them. "I didn't say it quite so eloquently."
"Poetic license," Cisco responded with a smile. Though he frowned a moment later, saying, "what I am concerned about is that you're not just... worried about experimenting on yourself again. Which is a totally valid concern and a caution I wish you hadn't learned the hard way. But... I'm concerned you see what's happened to you as some... some punishment you deserve. Because you don't deserve this, Harry."
"I screwed up and this is the consequence." Harry's voice shook. "I brought this on myself, being reckless and too prideful and... I do deserve this, Cisco. I deserve exactly this kind of fall."
"Reckless and prideful," Cisco agreed quietly, "and scared for your family."
"That doesn't make it what I did any better."
"Forgiving yourself has always been difficult for you. I hate the idea of watching your self loathing eat you up for this."
Harry let out a shuddering breath. "You don't have to stay here. I know Team Flash is going to need you the next time the city's in trouble."
"Breach devices are a thing. They can reach me when they need me." Cisco shook his head. "I'm right where I want to be, Harry." Right where he needed to be, for his own sake if not Harry's.
"I thought I'd come to terms with this already," Harry admitted softly. "Losing my intelligence."
"It's one thing to be in the process of losing something. It's another thing entirely to live with with the loss afterwards." Cisco leaned against Harry's shoulder again. "I'm not going anywhere Harry."
The basement lab is a treasure trove of insight into Harry's past. And standing in the middle of it is like being wrapped in a warm blanket... or one of Harry's warm hugs.
Harry gives Cisco permission to read any of the notebooks that he wants to, though he's planning to save those for later. First he just wants to kind of... soak in the atmosphere. But also he touched one of the notebooks the first time he came down alone and immediately had an auditory vibe of Harry's laughter mixed in with what had to be Tess Chamber's laughter. So he was a little wary of the emotional charge that was connected to those particular items.
There's also a piano in the back of the room that makes Cisco wonder if Harry ever played and if he still can. It'd... be kind of nice to listen to Harry play while Cisco worked on something.
But Harry wasn't comfortable coming down to this lab right now. Which was fair enough.
Cisco had first gone through all the equipment in the lab and reorganizing it a little to work better for him. And then he decided which projects he wanted to bring over. The info on Caitlin and Frost so he could make good on his promise to keep working on a way to help Caitlin reach Frost and draw her back out. He had a few small projects that he'd put on hold as the problems with DeVoe too. Something to help block his vibes while he was sleeping and improvements on blocking meta powers. And then there was the fun stuff; programming his holographic generator to let him play DDR using it and a wifi uplink to allow access to Earth-1's internet from any other Earth. Or the other way around. It was meant to make communicating with Harry and Jesse and Cynthia and their Earth-38 friends easier.
Now it would hopefully make letting Cisco stay in contact with Team Flash easier. If he could get it to work. It would be using a micro breach to reach the STAR Labs wifi signal, paired with a wifi repeater in order to hook up to the internet. From there the person using it could then send and receive emails, instant messages, phone calls, or web conferences. Of course, Cisco would also be using it for things like keeping up to date on his favorite blogs and fanfics.
Of course, to work on any of that, Cisco had to go back to Earth-1 first.
Heading back upstairs, Cisco sought out Harry. "I'm gonna make a trip to check in on Caitlin and then bring a few projects over to the basement lab. Want to come with me?"
Harry shook his head. "No, I uh... I'd rather... just stay here for now."
Cisco nodded. "I'll tell them hi for you then."
"Thanks."
It had been a difficult last few days, since getting Harry to get scanned. Harry'd been in a funk and pretending to be okay. Jesse hadn't pushed about looking into treatments for brain damage, but she clearly wanted to. And Cisco had a few more stress headaches, each time vibing Cynthia's voice or perfume as his powers reacted to try and help him. Which, unfortunately, was having the exact opposite result, not helping in the least with Cisco's stress levels.
While Cisco thought it'd do Harry some good to get out of the house, he wasn't going to push it for now. Instead he went over and hugged Harry.
"When we get back, lets watch the Godfather trilogy." Cisco grinned. "I want to see some of those differences between our Earth's versions of the series for myself."
"Sounds good." Harry smiled back, but it didn't really reach his eyes.
Cisco held back a sigh and headed back downstairs, opening a breach directly into his lab on Earth-1. He brought over the box with the wifi project first and then the one with the high tech white noise generator. Then Cisco shut the breach and went to find Caitlin, knocking on her door when he saw her in her office.
Caitlin jerked and turned around, startled. She perked up at the sight of him. "Cisco!" Jumping up out of her seat, Caitlin wrapped her arms around Cisco. "How's Earth-2 been?"
"We're Earth-2 over there," Cisco drawled, getting a laugh in response. "It's been interesting. Harry's got a gorgeous house. And it just... feels warm inside."
"Is that your powers or your crush talking?" Caitlin asked.
"What?" Cisco squeaked. "O-of course its my powers. Why would you... I do not have a crush a Harry."
Caitlin gave Cisco a disbelieving look. "Cisco... you know what? I need a break. Let's go to Jitters and talk this out."
"I don't have a crush on Harry," Cisco insisted.
"Jitters. Besides, I need to tell you about Jenna and Nora." Caitlin grinned impishly. "Turns out Joe and Cecile aren't the only ones with a newly arrived daughter."
"Nora," Cisco echoed because, well... there was only one couple he knew who'd pick that name for their kid. "Nora... West-Allen?"
"She's just like her dad," Caitlin said with a snicker. "And almost his age, too."
"Oh no..." Cisco shook his head, "and making all the same mistakes. Lovely."
Jitters was still, by far, the best coffee shop Cisco's ever been to, though he kind of wants to visit its jazz lounge counterpart on Earth-2. Probably not going to happen, but Cisco could hope.
It'd be fun to go there with Harry. Not as a date, though. Absolutely not as a date.
Where had Caitlin gotten such a silly...
"So, you're in love with Harry Wells," Caitlin said primly as they sat down with their drinks.
"I am not," Cisco insisted. When Caitlin's eyebrow went up, Cisco repeated, "I'm not. Caitlin..."
"Okay, so he's dark haired. Sarcastic. Dangerous. Smart... absolutely your type." Caitlin gave him an arch look, "and when you like a guy, he's always taller than you."
"It worries me that you know my type so well," Cisco admitted. "But I don't... it's ridiculous..."
"Cisco, sweetie." Caitlin reached over and took Cisco's free hand in hers. "You nearly had a panic attack because Harry was going to leave for Earth-2 without you."
"He's my friend. Family. And we nearly lost him. We didn't know if he was actually stable. Of course I panicked." Cisco took his hand back and wrapped it around his Flash, using both hands to bring his drink up to his mouth. Not to avoid talking, though. He just... wanted his coffee.
"Why didn't things work out with Cynthia?"
"Because... we wanted different things," Cisco replied. "I didn't break up with her for Harry."
"I'm not saying you did. I know how much you loved her and how much breaking up with her hurt. But... you can love more than one person at a time." Caitlin drank her own coffee, quiet for a moment. "You wanted someone you could settle down with. But Cynthia's life was her work and she wanted someone who could be her partner in that."
"Yeah, that's, uh... not a bad summation," Cisco admitted.
"So when Josh offered you placement with the Collectors and Cynthia wanted you to take it, to leave your home and your family behind... you said no. But when Harry decided to retreat back to Earth-2 in order to recuperate some place safe with less trauma associated with it... you didn't hesitate to insist on going with him."
Cisco stared at Caitlin.
Caitlin stared back. Sipping her coffee smugly.
"I..." Cisco didn't know what to say because... okay, so he could see where Caitlin had gotten the idea.
"Harry is who you go to first when you need help, the person whose opinion means the most to you... you light up when he enters a room. Which is only fair since he does the same whenever he sees you." Caitlin gave him a soft smile. "It's okay to be in love with Harry, Cisco."
"He..." Cisco frowned and almost turned around because... he could smell Harry's body wash. The Earth-2 body wash. Except Harry was absolutely not at Jitters right now which meant that...
That Cisco's powers annoying stress response thing had kicked in and instead of Cynthia he'd... vibed Harry. And it wasn't... it wasn't the first time he'd done it either. But he'd been able to dismiss it before. Sound and smell were strong memory triggers, but strong memories too. He'd always thought... well, he hadn't thought anything of it at all. Because he hadn't realized what was happening.
"Oh shit," Cisco whispered.
"Was that a lightbulb I just saw going on over your head?" Caitlin teased.
Deciding to handle this like a mature adult, Cisco did not stick his tongue out at Caitlin. Instead he waded up his napkin and threw it in her face. It smacked into her nose to Cisco's great satisfaction.
"Tell me about Jenna. Do you have baby pictures? Do you think Joe and Cecile would mind if I dropped by to say hi?"
"I will let you have the topic change, but if something happens with Harry I'd better be the first you tell. Except for Jesse. I will accept Jesse finding out before me." Caitlin pulled out her phone as she spoke, opening up an app on her phone and sliding it over. "They sent an invite for you on the app too, so you'll have to come back to download pictures every day."
Cisco took the phone from her and oohed and aahed over baby Jenna. "Awww, look at her, she's so cute." Cisco gave Caitlin back the phone after flipping through the pictures several times. "Definitely gonna have to drop by their place next before I head back to Earth-2."
"Or Earth-1, depending on how you look at it," Caitlin teased.
"I will throw my napkin at you again," Cisco threatened. "Don't think I won't."
Before heading back to Earth-2, Cisco did finally remember to ask about where Caitlin was at with Frost. Apparently there was no change to Caitlin's body physically - her DNA didn't show any signs of dark energy manipulation, but then it never had even when Frost was in the driver's seat - so Caitlin's current theory was there was some kind of psychological block in place. It fit with the powers that DeVoe had access to at the time as well. Unfortunately... Caitlin didn't know how to overcome that kind of block and Cisco was stumped too.
He nabbed a blank notebook before breaching back. It'd be a good place to keep his notes on how to help Caitlin and Frost... and maybe his notebook would join all the others in Harry's lab when it was full.
It'd be nice to leave a little of himself in that place. To be able to say he was there and... he was important to Harry.
Because Cisco wanted to be as important to Harry as Harry was to him.
Cisco wasn't exactly sure it was love, but it was... it was something. Strong and overwhelming and... and made him want to have Harry always in his life. Maybe a crush. Maybe more.
Once back in the basement lab, Cisco hurried upstairs only to hesitate when he saw that Harry had a visitor.
Ryan Choi was sitting with Harry in the living room. And Harry felt... displeased about something. But then, when wasn't Harry displeased about something?
Walking into the room, Cisco said cheerfully, "hey, I'm back." He gave Ryan a cheerful little wave and a hello too.
Harry looked up at Cisco with relief and... smiled so beautifully. It made Cisco's chest all warm and fluttery to see. And... Harry smiled at Cisco like that a lot, didn't he?
Okay so maybe Caitlin had a point about both of them lighting up around each other, but...
"How are things with Team Flash?" Harry asked.
"I got pictures of baby Jenna," Cisco said, handing over his phone. "I dropped by Joe and Cecile's and got to hold her. She's just such a cute little baby burrito. Hey Ryan, good to see you again."
"Hi Cisco." Ryan looked amused as he looked between Cisco and Harry.
"Who is this?" Harry asked sharply, straightening up in his seat.
Cisco glanced over, not really surprised to see which photo Harry had reached. "That is Nora West-Allen."
"No," Harry said flatly.
"Barry and Iris' time traveling daughter," Cisco continued with a snicker.
"Oh for crying out loud," Harry muttered under his breath.
"She's exactly like Barry, it's hilarious." Cisco came around to settle on the couch by Harry. "So what did I miss here?"
"Jesse's been acting weird and so has Harrison, so I thought I'd drop by to see what's up with my friends." Ryan sounded annoyed. "I wasn't expecting to find out that Harrison was suffering from brain damage."
"I'm fine," Harry insisted, flicking back to a picture of Cisco holding Jenna. Something wistful seemed to pass across Harry's face.
"So you were going to let me just... keep pestering you about coming back to STAR Labs?" Ryan's expression was unimpressed. "Harrison, you were my mentor and you are my friend. But sometimes your secrets make you really obnoxious."
"I know," Harry grumbled, handing Cisco back his phone. "I screwed up, Ryan. When have I ever been good at admitting that?"
"True. Your daughter gets that from you." Ryan stood up. "I should be heading out. But seriously, Harrison, if there is anything I can do for you, all you have to do is ask."
Harry stood up and shook Ryan's hand. "I appreciate it, but I really don't..."
Ryan nodded and headed out the front door, Harry locking up behind him.
"Jesse still out?" Cisco asked, wondering just how much of a coincidence it was that Ryan showed up while Cisco was out.
Not that Harry needed Cisco around to protect him from uncomfortable conversations.
"Conveniently." Harry huffed. "I'm pretty sure she wanted him to convince me to look into treatments for..." he tapped his head. Harry hesitated a moment and then said, "but Ryan thinks it'd be better to hold off for a while even if I were interested in treatments. To see if my brain will start healing and making new connections on its own."
"A lot of people who suffer forms of brain damage will end up with new connections forming to circumvent the damaged tissue," Cisco mused. "Despite how much information you're being blocked from accessing, it's a relatively small amount of damage to the left hemisphere of your brain."
"Ryan said the same thing. And that I'm lucky my personality is relatively intact. You missed the part of our conversation where he was pissed off at me for taking risks with my health without anything remotely resembling proper lab safety guidelines. Mad science being an area of study is supposed to be a meme, not life advice." Harry scoffed and headed for his dvd collection. "He clearly hasn't had to deal with as much meta weirdness as we have yet."
"I don't know. Sounds like Ryan's on to something." Cisco snorted in amusement when Harry glowered at him. "So he's known you a long time, huh?"
"About the only person who's managed to put up with my capriciousness for years on end," Harry agreed. "His wife tolerates me, but she adores Jesse." Which made it sound like Harry tolerated her in return too. "And they've got a couple of good kids. Sixteen-year-old daughter who'll be starting college in the fall and a thirteen-year-old who thinks gender is a pointless social contrivance and hasn't settled on pronouns yet."
"Well, gender kind of is just a social contrivance," Cisco mused. "He knew you before Tess died."
"Yeah. He was actually Tess' mentee but... she got sick." Harry swallowed convulsively. "I had to take over a lot of her responsibilities in a short period of time."
And been traumatized by her loss in the process. "I'm sorry," Cisco shook his head. "I shouldn't have brought it up. It's just... I guess what he said about no one calling you Harry since she died has been bugging me a little. I... I started calling you Harry to annoy you and the others did too, but..."
"I like it," Harry interrupted. "I... I didn't realize how much I missed... I like it when you call me Harry. So don't think that you need to stop, okay Ramon?" He grabbed a set of dvds off the shelf. "Godfather?"
"Yeah." Cisco grinned. "Where's the popcorn?"
"Top shelf of the pantry," Harry responded absently. "Goes on the stove instead of the microwave like a heathen."
"I'd argue, but stove popcorn really does taste better on any Earth." Cisco headed to the kitchen, but when he glanced back it was to see Harry staring at Cisco's phone again. Wistful expression firmly back in place.