Notes:
Based off the song "Listen Before I Go" By Billie Eilish thank you for reading! 3
"Hey Gon, i-it's me. I tried calling earlier but you didn't pick up so I guess you're sleeping. Anyways, remember that time you took me to your rooftop? I want you to take me there again. You and me together."
There is a sniff on the other side, one that Gon knows Killua is trying to hide.
"Take me to the rooftop, I want to see the world when I stop breathing and turn blue."
Gon's breath quickens. Why would he start turning blue? He knows the answer. He just doesn't want to accept it. No, he can't accept it.
"I love you Gon Freecss. God- I sound like such a sap."
Gon wants to laugh, but nothing comes out except for a choked sob.
"I wish that you would love me too."
But I do love you! Gon wants to scream. But he never gets the chance to.
"I wish that you would love me, and tell me love is endless."
Don't be so pretentious, I've always been right here.
"Please, don't leave me like you do. I can't take it if you leave again. Maybe leaving a voicemail is better, then I don't know that you've left until I'm already gone."
I didn't realize it affected you so much, please let me say I'm sorry one more time.
"I-if you need me, or want to see me," There is a dry laugh on the other side. "Better hurry, because I'm leaving soon."
Gon nearly screams, his head pounding and goosebumps rising on his arms in fear. Wait, don't leave Killua, I need you! But the little voice in his head whispers , 'but where were you when heneeded you?'
"Sorry can't save me now."
The line goes silent for a moment, and Gon slides to the floor and awaits another noise, anything to tell him it was just a joke, a prank. That was the Killua he knew, not this one with a shattered mind that had been hidden for far too long.
"Sorry I don't know how." Killua sniffs, clearing his throat.
Don't know how to what? Keep it hidden away? I'm here for you Killua, why are you running away?
"Sorry there's no way out."
Yes there is! Talk to me! Please Killua!
"I wish I could tell you in person, that you could taste me, the salty tears on my cheek. That's what a four year-long headache does to you."
I didn't want to be gone that long, I needed to be stronger, I needed to not be a burden to you anymore. I want to be able to do it together this time, because now I know that it did mean something to you, that it will always mean something to you.
"I'm not okay, I feel so scattered. PLease don't say I'm all that matters."
But you are all that matters! I love you Killua, nothing else matters except for you.
"Leave me," He pauses for a moment before chuckling softly, his throat sounding clogged. "-deja vu."
I didn't want you to leave me, I didn't mean anything I had said! Please, let me hug you and let me try to help heal you.
"Call all our friends and tell them I love them and I'll miss them, even the old man."
Tell them yourself, tell me yourself.
"But, I'm not sorry."
You don't need to feel sorry since it isn't your fault, just wait for me to get there!
There is a long pause before he takes a quivering breath. "I'm sorry." Killua breathes out, before the phone clicks off.
Gon's phone lies idle on the ground, frantic footsteps in the background covering the static on the speaker. An opened message from Killua is in his voicemail, and ten missed calls from Gon since then are blinking slowly on the screen.
Gon knows where Killua is.
He left his location in a message, a sking Gon to watch over Alluka.
Gon's teeth grind harder, and he picks his phone back up after telling Mr. Wing that he needed to leave right now . He clicks his finger across the screen, already running towards the door while calling a different phone number.
It picks up on the second ring.
"Gon!"
The island boy dodges a pedestrian, still running.
"Leorio."
It comes out thicker than Gon had wanted it to, his voice heavy with tears and guilt. It doesn't take long for the doctor to become concerned.
"Gon, what's wrong."
He runs around the block, barely dodging a car.
"It's Killua. He called, said he was done. Just done. With everything. He said he forgave me but-" Gon pauses, swallowing a lump in his throat and scrubbing furiously at his eyes. "He sent me his location, asking me to take care of Alluka."
There's clatter on the other side, Leorio scrambling.
" Shit - Where is he?"
Gon looks up at the building in front of him.. He didn't realize how close Killua was until he was so far away. Gon tries to reply to Leorio, but the words get clogged in his throat.
No.
Killua is telling Leorio everything himself.
Gon ends his call with bleary eyes, white knuckles gripping the phone as he tries to take a breath.
He doesn't go to apartment 405.
He goes where Killua told him he would be.
Shutting the staircase door loudly, Gon runs as fast as he can as tears prick his eyes. He opts for the stairs, the elevator moving too slow for this point in time.
When he reaches the top, he opens the door with a loud bang, finding Killua standing just moments away from death's door.
The moon from the night air catches Killua's snowy hair, causing it to light up. Before Killua can do anything rash, Gon blurts out a final statement.
"I love you too!"
The air stills, and Killua's body seems to tense. Killua turns slowly, locking eyes with Gon.
"You came"
The tired look in Killua's eyes makes Gon falter. He tries to take a step closer, but Killua takes a step closer to the edge.
" Fuck ." Gon mutters, stepping backwards slowly.
"I-" Gon swallows hard. "I love you so so much. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, please let me fix this."
Killua lets out a harsh laugh, tears mixing in with the joyous sound and turning it into something dark and ugly.
"I thought I said that no sorrys would fix this? I'm too broken Gon. I always have been broken, always will be broken. My heart was cracked at the Hunters Exam, but then your light filled the cracks and warmed my heart. I felt human, I felt free."
Killua scrubs his eyes.
"But those cracks were also filled with your hurtful words. So now instead of cracked, my heart is fucking shattered."
Gon tries to speak, his mouth opening and closing before words come out.
"If I can't change your mind, what about Alluka and Nanika? Are you just going to pass on the guilt to them? If I can't convince you, then maybe considering your sisters reaction to you dead will."
"No, they're in danger because of me. When I'm gone, so is Illumi and my mother. I can't do this anymore Gon! I can't just keep running."
Gon gestures to the roof with his hands. "Like you're running from your problems right now?"
Killua bites his bottom lip, staring over the ledge.
"I-"
Gon takes a step forward to try and get closer, startling Killua. The pale boy taking a step back, only to realize there was nowhere to go.
As he begins to tip backwards, Gon watches as the wind from below begins to lick at Killua's hair, causing it to sway from side to side. Gon rushes forward with an arm outstretched...
"KILLUA!"