Chapter 12
(Madge POV)
I almost faint when I hear Prim's name called out. She's so young, so small. And then I see Katniss come running forward, screaming out that she wanted to volunteer. My friend, pretty much the only one I have, just ended up as a tribute in this year's games. I reach blindly over to Drew and grab his hand. I need something to steady myself. All the Capitol guests seated around me are murmuring to one another with excitement. They think this is wonderful. They like that District 12 just had it's very first volunteer. I hear Ellison squeal in delight and clap her hands together. Just hold it together, I tell myself. Just hold it together. Then I watch as the youngest bakery boy, Peeta, is called. He's the nice one of the bakery boys. The one I doubt has the least chance at winning. This is awful, absolutely awful. I keep my face frozen in a smile. I don't know how I do it but I do.
As soon as the ceremony ends I know I need to get over to the Justice Hall to say goodbye to Katniss. I also know I need to get away from the reporter I see snapping pictures as the tributes are led away from the stage. I turn to Drew. "I have to go." It's all I can say and I can't wait for him to respond. I am about to completely fall apart and that cannot happen while I'm up on stage in front of everyone. And then I hurry off stage without so much as glancing back his way. I'll have to explain it all later.
I slip into the Justice Hall but as I do I hear the reporter calling my name. I cannot speak to him right now. There's no way I can talk to him and sound excited about what just happened and I know that is exactly what I'm supposed to do. I quickly look around for a place to hide. If I line up to see a tribute he'll find me. I dart down the dim hallway and slip under the staircase. I pull my knees to my chest and bury my face and let the tears fall. This isn't fair. She can't be the one going in. Her family needs her. Prim needs her.
I hear someone walking towards me and I pray it isn't the reporter. He cannot see me huddled and crying under the stairs. He'd run that front and center for his story if he did and that would bring a lot of trouble my way. Then I hear the reporter calling down the hallway. Whoever it is by the stairs, it isn't him but he is looking for me. I lift my face and see Gale standing there, staring at me. I shake my head, silently pleading for him not to reveal where I'm hiding. He covers for me and gets the reporter looking elsewhere for me. Alone again, I take a few deep breaths to try and calm myself. I have to pull it together and I have to do it now if I want to see Katniss and tell her goodbye. I peek out from the stairs and see the hallway is empty. I slip into the men's restroom because the women's room is at the other end of the hall and I need to wash my face before anyone sees me. One sink is covered in puke. Gale. Gale must've been in here. I close my eyes and move to the sink at the far end. I wash my face with cool water and wait a moment so that my eyes look less red. Then I smooth out my dress, take a deep breath and put a smile on my face.
I wait outside the door to see Katniss. I'm not sure what I will say to her but I have to see her. I have to say goodbye. When it's my turn, I go in and I let the smile fall from my face. She doesn't need my fake smile. She needs love and encouragement.
"I wanted to bring you this." I say as I hold out my token to her. I'm sure she doesn't have her own as most in the Seam never do. "It's my token. A mockingjay pin that was my mothers. Keep it with you for luck." I press it into her hand.
"I can't take your token." She says quietly.
"You will. And then you'll bring it back to me after you win." I tell her, trying to sound encouraging.
She looks at me and I can see how scared she is.
"You'll win. I know you will." I tell her as I hear the door open behind me and I know my time is up. I hug her quickly and then leave.
I go over to see Peeta as well. He and I are acquainted but not close. I'm not really close to anyone. Still, he deserves to be told goodbye. He looks so sad. I tell him I'm sorry he has to go and that I hope he makes it back. After I leave his room, I'm not sure where to go next. The train station. I should head to the station and see if I can catch Drew to say goodbye before he leaves for the Capitol. He'll be on the train just ahead of the one they'll put the tributes on so I know I'll be cutting it close in catching him in time.
As I hurry up the steps at the station, I see the train is still there but near leaving. And I also see Drew and Ellison boarding it together. The reporter is photographing them as they board. I stand back at the top of the steps and watch. I watch as he leans over and kisses her temple the same way he kissed mine earlier today and she smiles up at him. Then they disappear onto the train. And it just angers me to no end.
Unfortunately, the reporter turns around and sees me so I can't focus on my anger right now. He comes running over and is overly excited to see me.
'I've been looking everywhere for you!"
'So I heard. What can I do for you?" I ask, fake smile back in place.
"You can start by telling me what you think about District 12 having it's very first volunteer!" He tells me as he pulls out a notepad.
"I'm not surprised at all. Our district has been underestimated for a very long time but I do believe we will see greatness in the tributes we have this year."
"You think both of them will be good?"
"Oh I know they will, just you wait and see." I tell him with hope and fake confidence.
"I think we'll all be watching this year! I can't wait to see how this plays out. I heard bets are already being placed on her to win and sponsorship money is already being banked for her. That never happens in this district but she sure garnered some curious attention by being the first volunteer."" He comments, sharing his opinion and inside information as he slips his notepad away.
"It's certainly going to be a great year for the games. If you'll excuse me, I must be going. I'm expected back at the house soon and I don't want to be late." I lie.
As I leave, I glance back at the train as it pulls away from the station. I know Drew is in an awkward position being forced to share his time with both Ellison and I but I can't help but feel a little jealous and angry about it. When he kissed me earlier, I'd felt special and wanted. When I saw him kiss her that very same way, I felt foolish. Like the moment we shared wasn't real at all. And that's an awful feeling. One that I don't care to spend enduring for the next year of this courtship.
At home I find a surprisingly empty house. Looks like with all the excitement that happened at the ceremony our Capitol guests have taken the party back home. I'm sure they're eager to be there when the tributes are all officially presented. My father is likely at his office in the Justice hall, I'm sure loving the attention this is getting our district. I go to my room and lock the door behind me. In the mirror I tug at the pearls around my neck, wanting them off but I can't seem to get the clasp to budge. Frustration hits me and I angrily hit the vase of roses sitting on my vanity, letting them crash to the floor. I pull off my dress and don't even care that the buttons pop because I don't take the time needed to undo them. I yank at the pearls around my neck, willing them to break but they won't. I yank at the ones threaded into my hair and thankfully those come out. Again I tug at the clasp of my necklace but to no avail. It won't come off. I'll have to find Bethany to help me. Perhaps she is still here somewhere.
I pull on a casual dress and slip on sandals and head downstairs looking for Bethany. I have to get this thing off my neck. He probably gave her one just like it for all I know. I wasn't special, I was just part of what he was supposed to be doing according to the Capitol. Bethany is nowhere to be found. She must've already gone home for the day. I look around but don't see anyone else either. I go outside and sit on the back porch swing but then it makes me think of Drew and I hate that so i go back inside.
I decide I need a distraction. I need to busy myself with something else. Something good. Prim. I'll make a basket of things and take it to Prim. I grab a basket out of the pantry and put a few things in it. Some pears, some scones from my tea party and a block of cheese. It isn't much but I know it will be appreciated and it makes me feel as if I'm doing something worthwhile.
I make my way down to the Seam just as the sun is setting. I don't care if I get lost tonight though. Right now, the more time I can spend away from my house, the better. My house where my every word is heard. I shake my head at the thought of it. I have no problem finding Katniss's house this time. When Prim opens the door I can see she looks as if she has been crying all afternoon, her eyes red and puffy. My heart aches for her. This is so unfair for her to have to go through.
"I brought you something. It's not much but I wanted you to have it." I tell her softly as I hold out the basket for her.
"T-thank you." She says as she sniffles and takes the basket.
"And Prim, if while Katniss is gone, if you find yourself needing anything at all, please let me know. I'd be happy to help you however I can." I tell her. And I mean it too. I know they hate charity in the Seam and I know Katniss would never accept my kind of help but Prim needs this. She's too young and too alone to not have someone helping her. I know Gale will look after her but I can help too.
I give her a hug and leave, heading back to my house. This time I do get turned around and somehow end up at the very far edge of the Seam near the boundary fence. And I see Gale sitting there in the grass, leaning back against a tree. I need to thank him for covering for me earlier but I don't know if now is the right time. He just lost his best friend. I stand there, torn and hesitant when he sees me. I know he sees me because he sits up.
I decide I have to go speak to him now so I make my way through the grass. "I wanted to thank you, for earlier, for covering for me when the reporter was looking for me." I tell him, quietly and a little nervously.
"You came all the way out here looking for me to say that?"
"Not exactly. I needed to disappear for a little while so I went to check on Prim. I got a little turned around again and then I saw you over here so I thought I should thank you." I try to explain.
"Is Prim okay?" He asks.
"As much as she can be given the circumstances I suppose."
"You can sit if you want." He says, not seeming to care one way or another if I do or not.
I sit. I may not really know him all that well but right now, he is the only person I know who feels the way I do about Katniss going into the games. "What about you? Are you okay?" I ask.
He lets out a little laugh. "Well I'm not on my way to the games so I guess there's that to be happy about."
I don't respond because I really don't know what to say to that even though it's how I feel too. I just sit there and pick at the grass. Then I think about what the reporter said and think he may want to know that. "People in the Capitol are already placing bets on her and wanting to sponsor her in the games. That's to her benefit right now."
"Your boyfriend tell you that?" He huffs as he picks up a rock and throws it through the fence.
"Boyfriend? You mean Drew? No, I haven't even spoken to him since the ceremony. He left right after."
"I mean boyfriend. That's what he is isn't he?"
I shake my head. I don't even know how to answer that. "I'm not sure what he is to me right now. It's sort of complicated."
"Relationships with more than two people do tend to be a little complicated." He says as he pulls a small bottle from his pocket and takes a swig of something. Some sort of liquor I suppose.
I don't say anything because the last thing I care to talk about is my situation with Drew. Gale looks at me, studying my face for a minute and then he holds out the bottle. I take it and unscrew the top, holding it to my nose. Whatever it is, it burns my nostrils as I breathe it in. I decide it may be exactly what I need at the moment, a way to escape reality for awhile, so I out it to my mouth and take a big sip. It burns all the way down and I cough from the sensation.
He laughs and takes it back from me, taking another sip himself and then placing it on the ground next to him.
We sit without talking for awhile. I don't think either of us minding the stillness as we sit here. Finally he asks, "Do you really think she has a chance? Do you really think she will get sponsors?"
"I do. The reporter, the one you fended off for me, he is the one who told me that people were already wanting her to win so that's coming directly from a Capitol source. And I know that lack of sponsorships has always been a big factor in why our district usually fails. The money makes a big difference." I tell him.
"I can't believe this is happening. Can't believe she's gone." He says, more to himself than to me.
"It's so unfair. She shouldn't have to be in the games." I agree.
"No one should have to be." He says with anger in his voice.
"I agree. It's the most absurd thing they do, making us participate in this for their own amusement."
He stares at me again. I stare back. He's probably surprised to hear me say anything against the Capitol. Normally I wouldn't but after everything that happened today and after whatever I just took that big sip of, I really don't care if he hears what I really think. In fact, it feels pretty good to be able to say it aloud for a change. Feeling a little defiance flowing through me, I reach out and pick up his bottle again and take another drink. It doesn't even burn on the way down this time.