Crossed fates
Chapter 6
Sweetwater, June 1871
Buck hugged Deborah to make her feel all his love and to reassure her again, but she said to him: "Buck, I don't know if I can. If it's just a dinner that's ok, but if she were to stay here for a while or worse forever, I would always live in anxiety, not because I don't trust you, I know you love me, but I feel insecure, I don't want to feel like a fallback "
"A fallback? You know I wouldn't have built a life with you if I hadn't really loved you! That day, in our abandoned house, I definitively understood that you were the woman of my life and I swear to you that I would not change my past and my future with you. You complete me, you improve me, you love me tenderly and immensely. I would never give up on all this "
"I know Buck, sorry, you know I've always been a fragile woman from that point of view. You are so special that sometimes I think I don't deserve you "
Buck hugged her again and kissed her. He decided to also invite Rachel, Teaspoon, Lou, Kid and the children to dinner to avoid tension and Deborah agreed. Buck went to tell it Rachel and Camille offered to help Deborah prepare. He walked her into the house and on the way she asked him: "Are you alright Buck? I do not want to create problems"
"Don't worry Camille, you are welcome, everything is fine. Tonight we will remember the old days a little! "
Camille came in and Buck said to Deborah: "I'm going back to the ranch to help Kid and tell him we're expecting them for dinner. See you later honey "and tenderly kissed his wife.
Deborah was grateful and greeted him with a smile.
When he was gone, Camille said to Deborah: "Are you sure my presence doesn't bother you? You seemed a little upset "
Deborah, although Buck had told her that Camille had no plans for him, knew that if she had been looking for him it was to try and get him back now that she was left alone and did not want to show signs of weakness that she could take advantage of. Therefore he replied: "I want to be honest with you, Camille. When you last came here, I left Buck because I thought he was still in love with you. I wanted and have always wanted a man who was completely devoted to me, I never accepted half measures. I practically left my ex boyfriend on the altar for this. If I decided to go back with him it is because I felt that there was a special bond between us, which still exists after 10 years and has not faded. It was he who begged me to marry him when I packed up and left. I saw all the love he felt for me and I understood that I was not a makeshift. Seeing you today, I went back 10 years, but only for a moment because you caught me off guard. Ours is a solid marriage, gone through many difficult trials, Buck also risked dying before the war and we were separated for a long time because of that conflict, but nothing has ever changed between us. So yes, Camille, everything is fine, stay as long as you want, there is no problem "
Deborah lied about this, but she didn't want to give that woman points.
Camille replied: "I'm sorry if my presence caused problems then, it won't happen again"
"Actually the problem was mine alone, Buck never had doubts, but I came out of two difficult stories and I was afraid. Now it can no longer happen ".
She turned, took the vegetables, handed them to her and said: "And now let's do it: when they get back from the ranch Kid and Buck are very hungry!"
The two women began to prepare the vegetables for the stew. There was an awkward silence between them and Deborah tried to put an end to it by asking Camille a few questions.
"If it doesn't hurt too much, would you like to tell me what happened after you and Billy left and got married?"
"Sure. We were happy and our life was beautiful. I took care of the house and him and Billy tried to be with me for as long as he could. After a while we tried to have children but they didn't arrive. I suffered a lot, I wanted a large family, but things went differently. Now I don't know if it was good or bad. When Billy left for the war I wanted to have children who would remind me of him day after day, but then he died in an armed confrontation and my life hasn't been easy since then. I had to support myself, I sewed, cleaned, did all kinds of respectable jobs and with children I don't know how I would have done it. "
"I'm really sorry Camille"
"Thank you. When the war was over I came back here, I don't hide from you that I tried to track down Buck, he was the only person I knew who was left to me. After the wedding I never heard from him, he never replied to my letters and I didn't know what to think "
"I'm sorry, I think it was my fault. I didn't know you wrote him, really "
"Don't worry, I understand you and thank you for telling me honestly. When I got here they told me that the pony express no longer existed, that Noah was dead and that there was no one left, but they couldn't tell me more. I went around several places and then I came across Rock Creek. One day I went to the marshall to report a small theft I had suffered and he said that the man was an old acquaintance that the previous deputy, Mr. Cross, had arrested several times. It seemed like a sign from heaven to hear of Buck. I inquired but they only told me that he had left for Sweetwater and so I came here "
"Hoping to find him still available". Deborah had decided to play the cards in the open, she no longer wanted misunderstandings.
"Maybe yes". Camille also wanted to be honest. "Maybe I was hoping deep in my heart that he didn't have a family. "
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure"
"Have you ever really loved him? I mean, I know you were promised, but did you love him as he loved you? "
"I think not and I understood it when I returned to live among my people. I missed him as a friend and as a support, not as the man in my life "
"And why did you let the guilt wear him down for so long? Couldn't you have written to him what you told him after he saved you? He believed for years that if they didn't take you away and if he had been there that day you would have built a family together "
"And it probably would have gone like this because it was decided and I would have learned to love him"
"Camille didn't deserve it, sorry for telling you but you were cruel. If he had known the truth he would have suffered less "
"I know, maybe I was being selfish and I wanted to somehow keep him tied to me. So did he tell you everything about that day in the camp and about the day he saved me with Penna Bianca? "
"Yes, we don't hide anything, even the things that can hurt or hurt us. We know that if we talk about it we can overcome them together. Silences kill a relationship "
"I envy you, you know?"
"I was lucky"
"Already. What about your life? How have you spent these years, if you want to tell me? "
"We got married shortly after your departure in June. We too would have wanted children right away but at first they seemed not to arrive. Then we decided to leave everything to chance and we had Ulysses, Nausicaa, Calypso and Achilles after the war. We would have wanted more but there are no more. Obviously we are happy like this. Buck, as I told you before, once risked dying from an Indian ambush, but thanks to his brother Red Bear he managed to survive. After the closure of the pony express he worked as a deputy marshall but then he had to enlist too, for the North, and we moved to Rock Creek where I could have the support of Rachel and Teaspoon who had settled there. Buck left but was then seriously injured in the leg and returned. Being of Indian origin, he was not obliged to return to the front and decided not to. We stayed in Rock Creek until last year and he worked as a deputy marshall there as well. We've always wanted to come back here and build our own ranch, so when we learned that Lou and Kid, who had moved to Virginia, also wanted to come back, we decided to make a new life here together and Rachel and Teaspoon joined us too. That's all"
"I'm really happy for you"
"Thank you"
Meanwhile they had finished preparing vegetables and stew. Suddenly, Ulysses and Jed entered the house like two furies: "Mom, Grandpa Teaspoon is back, can we go with him to get Dad?"
Teaspoon entered at that moment and was amazed to see Camille.
"Camille, what a nice surprise" but immediately he looked at Deborah who smiled to calm him down.
The two said goodbye and Deborah informed him that in the evening there would be a dinner with her and Buck and that Rachel was already preparing the dessert.
Teaspoon was delighted and then told her he was going to take the two young men and Ike to Kid and Buck if she agreed.
"Sure Teaspoon, but don't be late, please"
"At your orders madam"
Deborah and Camille set the table and then Deborah said to her: "Take a seat where you want and make yourself at home, I go up to prepare a bath and some clean clothes for Buck, I'll be right"
"Thank you"
While in their bedroom, Deborah after preparing the tub water, some clean clothes and towels, tried to search through Buck's things because she was intrigued that Camille had said that she had sent her husband some letters to which he had never answered. She searched a bit at random, until she found the bundle of letters intact at the bottom of a trunk. Buck had never opened them. She felt terribly guilty for having unwittingly denied him to maintain relations with Camille and promised to speak to him that same evening. But she understood why he had done it and realized at that moment that she was a fool: he loved her so much that he cut off relations with a person who in his youth had been very important to him, one of the few positive notes in his life. .
When she went downstairs, as she went to the kitchen to heat the water for the tub, she found Camille in the living room looking at the portrait that an artist had made for them in New York during their honeymoon and that Deborah had carefully preserved and relocated in its old place. Deborah said nothing but Camille, with great melancholy, said to her: "You are really a beautiful couple".
Deborah just said thank you. The cheerful voices of the children announced the return of Teaspoon, Buck and Kid and in fact Buck entered immediately afterwards with Achilles in his arms and the girls stuck to his legs. "Guys, let your dad breathe, he's tired"
"Don't worry, you know I love it when they attack me like this on my return" and she smiled. Then he placed the gun and knife on the top shelf so the children couldn't pick them up, attached the hat to the hook and went to kiss Deborah.
"Are you okay here?", He asked a little anxiously.
"Yes honey, we made dinner and had a chat. I have already prepared a hot bath and clean clothes for you, I immediately go up to bring you water. Children, would you like to stay here a moment with Camille? "
"Yeeeeeeeee" they said in chorus and Camille smiled.
Deborah went up with Buck and poured him hot water into the tub. Buck took her by the waist, drew her to him and said: "Too bad we can't take a bath together"
"Thanks Buck"
"About what?"
"To love me so much"
"Oh it's a pleasure ... and tonight we will recover this moment, children permitting ..." and he kissed her passionately.
"I can't wait", she replied, "but now I have to go down unfortunately"
Deborah came down the stairs smiling and found Camille playing with the children. She joined them for a moment but then began to put something on the table for dinner. Soon Buck got out and Deborah said: "I'll go up to fix the bathroom, the others will be here shortly"
"I've already done it, don't worry"
"You are a treasure, thank you"
"But imagine, rather, tell me what to do to help you"
"Sit quietly and chat with Camille and the children. Get some rest, I'll do it here "
Buck smiled at her and sat down on the sofa, attacked by the children who wanted to play with him.
They arrived shortly after Rachel and Teaspoon. The latter went into the living room with Buck, Camille and the children, while Rachel went to bring the cake to the kitchen.
"How are you Deborah?"
"Well Rachel, better than I thought. Buck reassured me and I was honest with her, I think I have nothing to fear "
"Buck adores you and would do nothing to crack your relationship, don't worry"
"I know, he's a wonderful man"
Meanwhile Buck came in with a bottle of wine that Lou and Kid had just brought: "Hey you two, what are you talking about? I heard my name "
Deborah took him by the arm and replied: "I was just telling Rachel that you are a wonderful man, but you know that, don't you?" and kissed him.
"Yes, but tell me again, it's nice to hear it", he joked.
She kissed him again.
"I'll leave you to your chat, I'll go over there"
Meanwhile, Lou came into the kitchen who hugged Deborah and asked her: "Are you okay?"
"Yes Lou, for now yes, thank you"
They said no more because they saw Camille arrive: "Can I help you?"
"Absolutely not, you all go there, you are my guests and you have to sit down. I'll be right with the stew "
The women obeyed and joined the others. As they sat down at the table, Deborah arrived with the stew.
Camille, after tasting a bite, said: "It's really good, congratulations"
Buck jokingly said to her: "Are you serious or are you just saying it out of courtesy?"
Deborah, catching the irony, gave him a little nudge on the back of the head and said: "Ok, ok, I'm not going to be as good as Rachel, but I don't think I starved you in ten years, and besides, it's not a mystery that I don't really like cooking, I have other qualities "
"Oh, I know, I know, qualities that I really appreciate ..." and he patted himself on the shoulder again.
Everyone laughed and began to eat. Lou and Teaspoon asked Camille to tell her story and then Lou and Kid told theirs. When the stew was finished, Deborah got up to clear the table and Buck got up with her.
"Honey, sit down, I'll do it, it's not necessary"
"I do it with pleasure"
"You're a perfect husband, Buck", Camille noted.
Deborah marked the territory: "Wonderful, even my Italian friends, when they came to see me, could hardly believe that Buck always helps me with chores, something unthinkable for their husbands. Buck is so spontaneous and natural and I love him very much for it "
"And you can see it, you are a beautiful couple", Camille said wistfully
"Well, it's time for some dessert, right? Let's make our palate with Rachel's pie".
Buck took a new pat on the back, followed by a sweet kiss.
The two went into the kitchen and immediately returned with the cake.
Chatting had gotten a little late and Deborah told the kids to get ready for bed but they protested, so Rachel proposed: "Look guys, if your parents agree, how about sleeping at my house and at grandpa tonight? "
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" they exclaimed in chorus.
"But Rachel, it's not necessary and then there's school tomorrow"
"I promise to get them to go to bed at a decent time. Then?"
"All right"
"Hurray!"
"What about us Aunt Rachel?" asked the children of Lou and Kid
"Of course you too, if mom and dad agree"
"Could we say no?" Lou exclaimed.
"Well, decided then, let's go"
"Thanks Rachel", Deborah said to her friend, having realized that she wanted to leave her and Buck alone that night.
Rachel squeezed her arm in agreement.
"I think it's time for me to go too, too many news and emotions today, I need to rest" Camille said.
"Miss, will you let me take you back to the hotel?", Teaspoon asked, and both Deborah and Buck heaved a sigh of relief.
"Oh sure, if it's not a nuisance", she replied.
"No trouble, there is nothing better for an old ex-marshall like me than to escort a sweet and beautiful girl", said Teaspoon.
Everyone said goodbye and when they closed the door, Deborah looked at Buck and breathed a sigh of relief.
Buck anticipated: "We have to thank Teaspoon, he took us out of a really awkward situation"
"Do you think so too?"
"Well, yes, it wouldn't have been easy if I had brought her back. I think I would have ended up in a very uncomfortable situation "
"Do you know that this confrontation will have to happen sooner or later?"
"Better then, when we are all calmer. Come on, let's not waste the opportunity that Rachel gave us "
"She was a treasure, she understood that we needed to be alone for a while. Let me fix the kitchen and I'll go up "
Buck encircled her waist with his strong arms, kissed her greedily and told her: "We'll do it first ..."
She smiled and they went together to tidy up the kitchen.
"Did you really tell Camille that I practically don't know how to cook? I can't believe it ", she said jokingly.
"Come on, it was a joke to ease the tension"
"I know, that's why you don't have a black eye!", She said teasing him.
When they had finished tidying up the kitchen, Buck took her hand and led her upstairs. They entered their room and he took her by the waist and pulled her to him. He kissed her greedily and then said: "Finally ...". He began to unbutton her dress and she did the same with his shirt. She ran her hands over his strong chest, caressing him and began to move her kisses from his mouth, to his neck and along his chest, as she began to fumble with his pants. He interrupted her by taking off her dress and underwear and then he let himself be touched and pampered by her who pushed him onto the bed and lowered his pants, took off his boots and then mounted him astride. He put his hands on her hips and guided her towards him. She ran her hands through his black hair, moving at his own pace, until she was exhausted. She then lay down next to him and they looked into each other's eyes without saying anything for a moment, then he took her face in his hands and said: "You must never doubt the love I feel for you, without you I would miss the air, I can't even imagine what my life would be like if I got lost ".
"You will never lose me, I have no intention of going anywhere, much less letting you go. I know you love me and today I had yet another proof of this, not that I needed it. I spoke very frankly with Camille and she did the same too. She didn't deny that she hoped you were still free and told me that she didn't know anything about us because she sent you letters that have never been answered. I found those letters, Buck. I'm sorry, I didn't have the right to deprive you of the only link with the past that you had left. You should have told me, we would have talked about it and I would have encouraged you to read them. I feel terribly guilty "
"You don't have to feel guilty. It was my choice, I had to decide whether to keep relations with an old friend by making my wife suffer or cut with the past and dedicate myself to my new wonderful life: I had no doubts about what to do "
"Thank you, I don't deserve to have you as a husband"
"Don't talk nonsense, I am what I am thanks to you"
"Why don't you take the time to read them?"
"I don't feel the need, maybe I will or maybe not, it's not my priority. Now my priority is to keep my wife up all night making love "and he got on top of her and took her again.
The next morning they were awakened by the screams of the children on their way home. They had fallen asleep exhausted in each other's arms and had not woken up in time. They quickly put on their clothes, then Buck said with a sly laugh: "Since it was my fault that I exhausted you, you stay here and get ready, I'll go down to the kids and make breakfast. They will have already eaten. Let's try not to be late for work! " and kissed her.
"Thank you love, you are my salvation".
In the afternoon, Deborah and Lou decided to go into town to visit Camille, so as not to make her feel alone. They accompanied her to do some shopping and since the next day would be Saturday, Lou decided to invite her to a picnic. Camille accepted with joy.
When Buck returned in the evening, Deborah informed him of the picnic and said: "Maybe it could be the right occasion to talk to Camille"
"You're right, it would certainly be easier."
"The sooner you resolve any doubts, the better it will be for everyone, but especially for her, so she can close with the past and rebuild a life"
Buck nodded.
The next day, as decided, they all went to the river for a picnic. They had a great time and the day was very relaxing. Buck, while the girls were making plans for the kids for the upcoming summer vacation and the kids were busy playing with Teaspoon and Kid, took the opportunity to talk to Camille.
"Would you like to take a walk or would you rather be bored hearing our plans for the children?"
"I am happy to come", Camille replied.
Deborah saw them out of the corner of her eye and in her heart she prayed that everything was fine.
After walking for a while in silence, Buck asked Camille: "So, what are your plans for the future?"
"Are you in a hurry to send me away?"
"No", Buck replied a little embarrassed, "I just wanted to know if you already had something in mind"
Camille decided to be honest, she owed it to him, to Deborah and also to herself.
"You know Buck, when I decided to come looking for you I selfishly hoped that you didn't build a family and that we could live our future together. Now I know that I have been naive, I have not come to terms with the time that has passed and with the changing feelings "
"Camille, I will always love you, you were my childhood companion and I carried you in my heart for many years, but as you told me ten years ago, we were destined for different people and I found my destiny . I fell in love with Deborah the first time I saw her, I waited in silence for a whole year because she was with my friend and when she told me she fell in love with me I couldn't believe it, it seemed like a miracle. I almost lost her once because of my feelings of guilt towards you and twice because of wounds received in an ambush and in the war, but our love has survived it all. I'm sorry to tell you these things and disappoint you, but that's the way it was meant to be. I am immensely sorry that you lost Billy, but he was your destiny, not me ".
Her eyes had filled with tears as he spoke, but she knew Buck was right: "You don't have to feel sorry for me, I'm happy if you are too. But can I ask you why you never replied to my letters? ". Deborah had told her it but she wanted to hear it from him.
Buck hugged her and explained his reasons and she understood.
"You really are a special man, too bad you didn't understand in time. I think I'll leave in a couple of days, maybe I'll move to San Francisco and try to rebuild a new life "
"I hope you can find your way Camille"
"I hope so too. If I write to you this time will you answer me? "
"Yes, now yes, everything has been clarified" and he hugged her.
"We better come back now, I don't want to create any more misunderstandings", she said.
"There won't be any, I'm sure."
The two set off and went back to the others. Buck joined the children to play their games and Camille sat alone on the blanket until the other women called her to eat some cookies with them.
When it got late, they prepared to return, but before setting off, Camille felt the need to greet everyone; she had decided to leave immediately on Monday.
"I would like to thank everyone for your hospitality, you have been wonderful to me. On Monday I will leave for San Francisco to start a new life, but I hope to keep in touch with you sometime, and if you happen to hear from Jimmy and Cody, say hello to them "
"Good luck Camille", Deborah told her and the others joined in her wish.
At home, after dinner, when the children were asleep, Buck called Deborah next to him on the sofa and said: "I want to tell you about today"
She sat next to him, leaned her head against his chest and replied: "You don't need to honey"
"I want to do it, I want to share everything with you"
She kissed him tenderly and then listened to her husband's story and understood Camille's decision.
"I love you Buck"
"I know, I love you too. If you come up I can prove it ... "
"I can not wait…"
He picked her up and carried her to their bedroom where they enjoyed their love.
On Monday morning, as scheduled, everyone gathered in town to say goodbye to Camille.