Chapter Summary: Shaun and Lea share their feelings of anxiety with everyone…and Dr. Glassman gets a gift for the baby.

AN: Here is the ninth chapter, although this isn't my best one (mostly because it isn't supposed to be a very significant one), and I hope you enjoy it anyway :)

Now in her third trimester, Lea was 30 weeks into her pregnancy, meaning she was seven months along…only ten weeks away (or 11-12 weeks if this baby decides to come late) from giving birth. On a weekly basis, her belly was getting bigger weekly, making it tough for her to find a comfortable sleeping position.

"At week 30, the fetus is as big as a bunch of broccoli, but I don't know how many pieces of broccoli the person who wrote this was counting because she didn't give a specific number. Lanugo is disappearing, the surface of the brain is beginning to wrinkle so it can hold more brain cells, the hands are fully formed and fingernails are beginning to grow, and the bone marrow is making red blood cells. Your breasts are now gearing up for milk production, which is why they are tender," Shaun told her…which is also exactly what the book said.

For Lea, she was getting miserable and uncomfortable. With heartburn, she felt like she had a flamethrower stuck in her chest. Her feet and ankles have never been this swollen and speaking of her feet, she couldn't see or reach them anymore and Shaun now had to tie and untie her shoes for her. In addition, she was super tired all the time. Most of all, her and Shaun's little peanut had been delivering harder and more frequent, roundhouse kicks and punches than ever now that her womb was starting to get more crowded.

To make things worse, she tested positive for gestational diabetes. Compared to her last pregnancy (until she lost it), Lea wasn't feeling lucky this time. Even though she didn't make it to her third trimester, her previous pregnancy felt so much easier compared to this one even though she was probably comparing apples to oranges.

Now that she had gestational diabetes, she had so much anxiety over developing preeclampsia, having a premature birth, or even another stillbirth (she didn't want to go through that pain and heartache again). Shaun was worried about those outcomes as well.

Besides her anxiety over losing another pregnancy, one thing she was super tired of was the unsolicited advice from strangers plus the ones who thought it was totally appropriate to straight-up caress her belly without her permission…something that only Shaun was allowed to do as he was the one who got her pregnant.

Lea felt like a people magnet with her big, noticeable pregnant belly.

Another thing that was bothering her was her mood swings, and not just her typical pregnancy-related ones, but also the ones regarding her feelings over her anxiety about losing her baby. One day, she would be confident and excited...but the next day, the doubts would creep in and she would worry the baby wasn't moving. Shaun felt the exact same way.

Despite her and Shaun's annoyance over nosy strangers plus managing their mental health issues, there were other good things happening baby-wise.

The apartment was completely baby-proofed and non-hazardous as it could be, the nursery was organized and completed, and she and Shaun had almost every necessary item ready for the baby - a diaper backpack, a diaper pail, cloth diapers and wipes, diaper cream, a minimal amount of clothes and a couple of blankets and a few toys that they bought from the thrift store, a convertible crib, a firm crib mattress, a few crib sheets, a dresser that doubled as a changing table, a glider rocking chair, a travel system that included a stroller and a car seat, a 2-in-1 pack 'n' play that doubled as a playard and a bassinet, a baby monitor, a baby carrier, an infant bathtub, an activity gym, a 2-in-1 baby swing/bouncer, a thermometer, a nasal aspirator, a brush and comb, and infant nail clippers.

As minimalists, they figured they wouldn't need special hooded towels or washcloths, so they were going to start out with the ones they already had as they were already perfect for sensitive baby skin (though they might buy baby towels later). They didn't need any extra nursery decor or a thousand newborn-sized clothes that the baby would outgrow quickly. Also, some of the stuff they received were hand-me-downs from the babies of people who worked at the hospital, like Nurse Ella and Nurse Villanueva.

Just like how the people in Casper lent stuff to Shaun, everyone at the hospital was lending him and Lea the baby items they didn't need anymore. For instance, the nursing pillow they got was given by Nurse Villanueva, who had been using it as a neck pillow since her baby stopped nursing.

What Shaun and Lea still needed were pacifiers, bottles and nipples, nipple cream, a breast pump, and nursing bras/tanks…things that they were still doing research on and seeing which ones were best. Also, Park told them that nipples, bottles, and pacifiers were items they shouldn't quite stock up on just yet until they knew which ones their baby preferred.

"Trust me, when Mia and I had Kellan, we stocked up on the bottles, nipples, and pacifiers that Kellan ended up not liking. Turns out some babies are very picky about bottles. He wasn't even a fan of pacifiers anyway," he advised. "We'd put one in his mouth and he would spit it back out."

That wasn't the only actual helpful advice they received (advice they actually needed compared to the unsolicited advice).

"Baby shoes and socks may look adorable, but all they did was crowd the closet and it's a total waste because the baby won't be walking for months. Also, they fall off and get lost too easily," said Dr. Glassman.

"Since you said that you're making your own baby food, just use the blender you already have in your kitchen," said Nurse Ella. "All the baby food processor did was create a storage problem. Honestly, there are a lot of baby items I bought that I never needed in the first place."

The only things Shaun and Lea needed to finish doing were to pack for the hospital and come up with a baby name.

They would google lists of names (for example "girl names that start with A") and write down all the ones they either loved or thought sounded okay. They weren't a fan of most K names and there were no names they liked that started with the letters Q, U, X, and Y.

They had a whole list of names from A-Z:

Acacia, Alice, Amelia, Anastasia, Annabelle, Aria, Athena, Autumn, Ava, Beatrice, Bianca, Briella, Brooklyn, Calliope, Camille, Charlotte, Chloe, Clementine, Cora, Dahlia, Daisy, Daphne, Delilah, Desiree, Eden, Eliza, Emerson, Emma, Emmeline, Eva, Evangeline, Evelyn, Faye, Felicity, Finley, Fiona, Flora, Florence, Frances, Freya, Gabriella, Gaia, Genevieve, Giselle, Gwyneth, Hannah, Harper, Harriet, Hazel, Hermione, Ida, Irene, Iris, Isabella, Isla, Ivy, Jade, Jocelyn, Joelle, Josephine, Joy, Julia, Julianna, Juliet, June, Juniper, Layla, Lillian, Lily, Lola, Louise, Luna, Lydia, Mabel, Madeline, Maeve, Margaret, Matilda, May, Mila, Millie, Miriam, Monroe, Naomi, Natalia, Nimue, Noelle, Nora, Nova, Olive, Olivia, Ophelia, Penelope, Philomena, Phoebe, Piper, Pippa, Presley, Primrose, Prue, Rhiannon, River, Rose, Rosemary, Rowan, Ruby, Ruth, Scarlett, Scout, Sienna, Simone, Sophia, Stella, Summer, Tabitha, Tallulah, Tess, Thea, Vera, Victoria, Vivian, Viola, Violet, Willa, Willow, Winifred, Winter, Zara, Zinnia, Zoe

Both times Lea was pregnant, they already settled on Steven Aaron if it was a boy. During the previous pregnancy, Lea was thinking about naming their daughter after her grandmother. For this baby girl, she was going to have her own name that wouldn't be after anybody...which was still TBD.

She gently rubbed her swollen belly after adjusting her maternity pants, thinking about which names she should think about crossing off and declare as something she didn't like.

A chime suddenly dinged from her phone, in which she noticed that the text was from her dad.

DAD: Donnie said he is doing better. He told me he's seeing someone that he met in rehab. He just hates going to safety school.

Lea was happy for her brother and she was hoping he was doing better and on a hopeful path, but she felt that this was too good to be true. She's been wanting to talk to him so bad since his third DUI, but she was too afraid...and she didn't know why.

Her thoughts were then interrupted by a knock on her window. Through her office window, Lea could see that it was Claire, so she gave her the hand signal that it was okay for her to come in.

"How are you feeling?" Claire asked with a smile. "I know that this pregnancy has not been a walk in the park for you, especially with the HG and gestational diabetes."

"Yeah, but I'm okay," sighed Lea, rubbing her forehead in frustration and also hiding her true feelings from her friend, which Claire could obviously detect.

"How is your brother doing? Is he doing better?" Claire asked, wondering if she should ask Lea any questions outside of her pregnancy. "Is he excited to become an uncle?"

"I don't know," mumbled Lea, shaking her head. "I haven't talked to him since the whole debacle in Hershey. My parents still talk to him, but we don't talk to each other. They said they told him about Shaun and the baby. I know it's a little petty, but I'm still upset with him about what happened in Hershey."

"It's good that he at least knows about some things going on in your life, and you know a bit about things going on in his," Claire nodded beamingly, moving closer towards Lea's desk and taking a seat. "Anyway, how are you really feeling? I'm asking because…I've had pregnant patients in their third trimesters who lost previous pregnancies, and they told me that their anxiety lasted the whole pregnancy, and it's not the typical anxiety most pregnant people have."

"Honestly…" Lea looked down and exhaled with a grave tone. "I'm getting very uncomfortable being congratulated on my rainbow pregnancy."

"Why?" Claire puzzled.

"Because…" Lea hesitated for a while before giving Claire her answer and letting herself get teary-eyed. "Because I feel like there is nothing to congratulate Shaun and I for until she is born alive and we take her home, all three of us. Most people don't understand that getting pregnant again or even making it past the moment we lost our last baby doesn't erase our pain. My family and everyone else think that Shaun and I accepted what happened and that we aren't grieving anymore now that we're pregnant again…but it isn't true. Only our therapist understands because she actually experienced a pregnancy loss before she had her first child."

Claire didn't know what to say; she couldn't figure out the correct words to tell Lea as she has never experienced pregnancy loss herself. The best thing she could say to her friend's wife was that she and Shaun had the right to feel however they felt and that their feelings were valid.

"Is therapy helping?" Claire questioned, hoping the answer was "yes" or "a bit".

"A little bit," replied Lea before she decided to introduce a non-sequitur to the conversation and change the subject. "I think I'm going to have to cross Prue off of the baby name list. I don't know why, I just decided that I don't like that name because it sounds too much like 'prude'."

Claire giggled in response before jokingly offering a suggestion. "What about Stephanie Erin, sort of after Shaun's brother and Dr. Glassman?"

"No!" Lea protested with a serious look on her face followed by laughter. "We are not using the feminine version of the name we decided on if they were a boy. Also, I think you should go back to work. I know I need to."

"You're right," Claire chortled softly, leaving Lea's office.

While Jordan, Park, and Shaun were discussing ideas on their current surgical case in the residents' lounge, they then changed the subject to discussing Shaun's mental health and feelings as well as things related to the baby.

"So, Shaun," Park began nervously, wanting to discuss something positive with his colleague. "What are you and Lea thinking of naming your daughter?"

"Lea and I made a list from A-Z, starting with Acacia and ending with Zoe," explained Shaun. "However, we might be thinking about crossing Charlotte, Isabella, Olivia, Rowan, Sophia, and maybe Madeline off the list. Although Dr. Glassman's daughter's name was Madison, Madeline sounds too similar and both of those names share a nickname - Maddie. I feel like that would be too painful for Dr. Glassman."

"I mean, it's you and Lea's baby, so it's actually up to you and her what you name your baby. Also, I think Glassman would be more honored than upset," suggested Park before he decided to share something his friend from high school posted on Facebook 12 years ago. "Well, at least you're not a teacher who is deciding on a baby name. Because my friend from high school is a Kindergarten teacher, and he had to come up with a different baby name for his son and not the one he always loved and saved for years, which was Isaac. The reason why: because he was always having to get onto or write referrals for a student named Isaac."

Jordan and Shaun laughed at Park's comment before Jordan presented her opinion.

"And while I think I might understand crossing off Charlotte, Isabella, Olivia, and Sophia as those names are super popular right now, what's wrong with Rowan? I think that's a pretty name. I love the sound of that name," commented Jordan.

"Rowan is a pretty name, but that is also the name of one of our friends from our pregnancy loss support group, and Sophia is as well. Also, friends from our support group already have children named Charlotte and Isabella, except Oscar and Elena spell their daughter's name with only one L," shared Shaun before he exchanged his thoughts that he only shared with Lea and their therapist. "Now that Lea has gestational diabetes, I'm even more worried about having another stillbirth. No one understands."

Park and Jordan's facial expressions changed from curiosity to confusion.

"Understands what?" Claire had walked in for a quick coffee break, eavesdropping on their conversation, already having a good guess about what Shaun was talking about.

"Lea and I are constantly asked if this is our first, and we always say no just to try and stop further questions…but they still keep asking us completely different questions," answered Shaun. "They then ask us how old our other child is, which then means we have to explain everything."

"I'm guessing that it's painful to share something so intimate and heavy with strangers?" Claire guessed, intervening into the conversation.

"Yes," replied Shaun. "Lea's parents keep telling us that our anxiety is irrational and that we're being neurotic. They're dismissing our genuine concern and anxiety and telling us that our OB is taking proper care of Lea right now."

"But your therapist isn't, right?" Park inquired. "Because if she said those things, then I think you and Lea need to find yourselves a new therapist."

"Dr. Moran isn't, and she is telling us that the best we can do besides talk about our feelings is to just enjoy ourselves and live in the moment, but sometimes, I keep thinking about the possibility of another loss," explained Shaun. "Lea and I have friends from our support group who had six miscarriages in a row. Tina never made it past 20 weeks in any of her pregnancies. Also, I remember reading an article about a woman in Australia who lost 11 pregnancies in a row through stillbirth and miscarriages, and she did everything right during each of them. Some people are unlucky. Nobody expecting a baby after loss should relax."

"Well, it's good that you and Lea aren't bottling it up, especially with each other," interceded Claire. "She told me that she's feeling the exact same way. But, you and Lea are finding ways to cope with anxiety, right? Because too much anxiety isn't good for your health no matter what the outcome will be. I mean, a little bit of it is probably okay, but if it's all that you feel right now, that's not healthy."

"We do enjoy some moments," sighed Shaun.

It was 7:00 in the evening when Lea finally decided to call Donnie while Shaun was busy putting dinner on the table, but when she dialed his number on her phone, she was given nothing but voicemail…so she left him a message (no matter how much she hated voicemail as much as many other people her age), telling him that she thought it was important that they at least have a talk. She even sent him a text that mimicked the words in the voicemail.

Disappointed that Donnie didn't answer, Lea just tossed her phone aside onto the coffee table and then sat down at the dinner table with Shaun to eat.

Before they even started eating, the couple was interrupted by a knock at the door (Lea was still eating, though). Shaun was the one who got up out of his chair to answer it, and it turned out to be Dr. Glassman standing at the door with an adorable yellow duckling security blanket and a double-sided baby blanket in his hands.

"Are those things for the baby?" Shaun asked, which garnered Lea's attention and then lead her to stop eating and look at Dr. Glassman in the doorway.

"Yes, they are. Debbie just finished sewing the baby's blanket," informed Dr. Glassman, smiling as he displayed the duckling and the blanket to Shaun before walking through the door. "And yes, I know stuffed toys aren't safe for infants, but I read a lot of good things about these security blankets. I saw it in the baby section of the store and thought it would be something the baby would like. There was a bear, an elephant, a puppy, a fox, and a bunny, too…but I thought the duck was the most adorable because it coordinated perfectly with the blanket. I wanted to give both the blanket and the security blanket to you before I forget. Lea's due date is 10 weeks away and I thought that now was a perfect time before I start procrastinating weekly."

"Thank you," said Shaun, taking the security blanket and the baby blanket from Dr. Glassman and then setting them down on one of the chairs for the dinner table. "You can have dinner with us."

"Of, course. I would love to. On the other hand, is it too early for me to give things to the baby?" Dr. Glassman contradicted himself as he sat down in one of the chairs at the dining room table, remembering that Shaun and Lea left Dr. Ted behind the night they lost their last baby. Dr. Lim noticed the bear on the nightstand after they left the hospital in sorrow and asked them via text if they would like the bear back as part of their baby's memorial, but Lea couldn't stand to be in the same room as the teddy bear, begging her in tears to keep it away from her, so Dr. Lim just gave it to one of the children in the pediatric unit. She thought the toy needed a child to snuggle with.

"It's not too early because we already got most of the things from our registry and the nursery is already finished," chuckled Lea, one hand resting on her belly as she used the other hand to grab the duckling and the blanket. "I love the little duck, I think I'll call him Dr. Duckling."

"He isn't wearing a lab coat, Lea," reminded Shaun. "And he doesn't have a stethoscope either."

"I know," giggled Lea along with Dr. Glassman. "But I want to call him Dr. Duckling anyway because our baby's daddy and granddaddy are doctors, and Dr. Ted was going to be Eleanor's lovey. So, I think this baby's lovey should be a doctor, too."

The three of them let their smiles fade and then have a moment of silence for Baby Eleanor before finally returning to happy conversations regarding the baby girl that was going to be born.

Before taking a bite of his lima beans, Shaun picked up the blanket and Dr. Duckling and admired their beauty and cuteness. They were the perfect toy scalpels for the baby. Dr. Duckling was soft enough to ease her to sleep and it was made of soft, healthy material. The blanket was the size of a dish towel and was double-sided (light green on one side and yellow on the other), which perfectly coordinated with Dr. Duckling and the outfit that he and Lea were going to take the baby home from the hospital in.

"And speaking of Debbie, her gun isn't lying around in the middle of your house, right?" Shaun questioned, fearful of the baby getting her hands on Debbie's gun when she visits her and Dr. Glassman's home someday. Growing up, his father had a loaded gun locked firmly in a box under his bed, but his grandfather had a ton of loaded guns lying around his rural home and was not good at keeping them firmly secure, which made it easy for Shaun, Steve, and their cousins to sneak in and play with them. When he was seven, his 12-year-old cousin almost shot him while playing Russian Roulette, which made Shaun terrified to even touch a gun (and Shaun and Steve kept telling Andrew and the rest of their cousins that they shouldn't be doing this because it was dangerous).

"Don't worry, Debbie always keeps the gun unloaded and locked up in a room where the baby will never find it," reassured Dr. Glassman. "She's a responsible gun owner. Anyway, can you guys show me the baby's room after we finish eating?"

"Of, course," said Lea.

AN: The baby's name will be one of the names that were on the list in this chapter (excluding Isabella, Charlotte, Sophia, Rowan, Olivia, Madeline, and Prue). Please review and share your thoughts :)