Chapter Summary: Shaun and Lea leave the hospital with Violet.
AN: Here is the 14th chapter! Also, I'm just going to say that Shaun probably might have already got his driver's license at some point during Lea's previous pregnancy (although we don't know if Shaun having a license is canon yet). If I didn't already write a fanfic about Shaun getting his license, I would have made a chapter out of that. Also, I just found another thing the show got medically wrong with the terminology of Lea's pregnancy loss (yes, I did my research)…she actually would have gotten a D&E, not a D&C because she was more than 13 weeks into the pregnancy. Rant over. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy :)
Lea calmly lounged on the couch that was in her hospital room as she checked through her bag to make sure that she had all of her postpartum recovery essentials to take home - a peri squirt bottle, perineal cold packs, maxi pads, postpartum underwear, witch hazel pads, stool softeners, painkillers, and nipple cream. She did tear a little bit during childbirth (a second-degree tear to be exact), so there was some stitching in her perineum. For the next six weeks, she had a lot of vaginal bleeding, swelling and discomfort, and sore nipples to look forward to.
Nevertheless, her and Shaun's little Violet made it all worth it.
Today was the early afternoon of August 9th, the day they were leaving the hospital and going home to their apartment…all three of them together. Violet's carseat was already fully installed weeks ago and the striped tomato had also been upgraded to be baby-safe just like it had been upgraded a couple of times before to modern guidelines.
"I have everything repacked and ready to go home, including my postpartum essentials," she confirmed, glancing at Shaun as he finished changing Violet's diaper, a task he seemed to have already mastered the hell out of doing like a boss.
"Okay, that's good. You're going to need them for the next six weeks," acknowledged Shaun as he wrapped up Violet in the green and yellow blanket that Debbie made and then scooped the little girl up in his arms. "Are you ready to go home?"
"Yes, I can't wait," replied Lea, smiling despite her itchy, sore nether regions, the afterpains in her lower belly, and the lochia yet slightly enjoying the comfort of the maxi pad and mesh panties she was wearing under her casual dress. "I'm really looking forward to sitz baths and hemorrhoid pillows. I can't wait to sleep in my own bed and use my own shower and my own toilet."
"And Violet will be sleeping in her very own bassinet and in her very own cloth diapers she can defecate in more than once…and I'll be in my own bed too because it's much more comfortable than this couch," added Shaun, sporting an apprehensive look on his face as he rocked Violet, who was dressed up in a yellow short-sleeved onesie with a duck printed on it, a striped grey cap, and heather grey booties.
"Hey, we can do this," reassured Lea, giving her husband a smile from a distance as she zipped up the very last bag.
"We can do this," he repeated, staring down at Violet.
As they continued to wait for an orderly to come in with a wheelchair, Nurse Villanueva appeared in the ajar door, softly knocking after entering.
"Nurse Shapiro already took Lea and Violet's vitals, so they're both clear to be discharged," said Shaun.
"I know, I just wanted to tell the little cutie goodbye before she goes home to sleep in her own crib," cooed Nurse Villanueva once she stepped in. "I also came in here to see if you needed any help. Do you need any more maxi pads or those mesh panties…or maybe some of those Depends granny panties? I swore by those when I had my baby."
"I don't, but thanks anyway," Lea expressed her gratitude towards one of her and Shaun's favorite nurses at St. Bonaventure. "I have plenty of my own postpartum underwear and mesh panties. No offense, but St. Bonaventure's mesh panties suck."
"Also, Violet won't be sleeping in the crib yet, she'll be sleeping in the bassinet next to our bed," corrected Shaun.
Nurse Villanueva giggled in response.
"Also, don't tell the other parents this, but I think your baby is the cutest," complimented Nurse Villanueva as she playfully raised her eyebrow at the new parents.
"That's very subjective, but thank you," responded Shaun, remembering that there was a discharge ceremony held for Baby Persephone Monroe, which Dr. Han unfairly forbid him from attending after forcing him into pathology just because of one mistake even though the mother did straight-up ask him if her antidepressants causing her daughter's gastroschisis was possible. "They're not going to wheel us out like we're members of the royal family, are they? Because we don't want public attention right now. We just want to go home."
"Yeah, since we work here, Shaun and I are basically celebrity patients at this hospital," agreed Lea. "Also, I'm pretty sure unwanted public attention were some of the many reasons why Harry and Meghan left the royal family."
"Don't worry about that," reassured Nurse Villanueva. "There won't be any paparazzi, press, lookie-loos, or even the entire hospital staff holding a discharge ceremony like you just graduated from college or something. Remember, Dr. Murphy, we only hold those when the patient wants one."
"Oh, right," Shaun softly chuckled nervously as he cradled Violet. Out of all the hospital employees who have been patients at St. Bonaventure before, none of them had discharge ceremonies that he was aware of, not even when they had babies. Although, they did do the walk of honor for both Dr. Melendez and Nurse Petringa as they were transferred to the mortuary. He was always going to miss both of them.
"You're just like any other parent leaving with their baby," smiled Nurse Villanueva. "I didn't have a discharge ceremony when I gave birth to Danilo and neither did Nurse Ella, Nurse Hawkes, Dr. Ko, or Dr. McLean when they had their babies. I promise that there isn't a crowd waiting for you to come out so they can gawk at you."
Nurse Villanueva gave her final congratulations and then left the room, just in time for the orderly to arrive with the wheelchair.
"Are you two ready?" The orderly asked.
The new parents did a final check to make sure they didn't leave anything behind, even confirming that Dr. Duckling was in the bag.
Once Lea sat herself down in the wheelchair with the orderly's assistance, Shaun placed Violet into her arms so he could grab the bags.
As Lea was wheeled out of the hospital with her baby in her arms, she and Shaun passed by Claire, Dr. Lim, Dr. Rendón, Morgan, Dr. Park, Dr. Andrews, Jordan, and Asher, who congratulated them with warm smiles. They also happened to pass by Dr. Glassman, who waved and smiled at them.
This was different from the moment she was discharged from the hospital when they lost Eleanor, in which their colleagues looked at them with pity and sympathy, not knowing what to say to the grieving parents.
She expected to feel nothing but joy, relief, and satisfaction when she was wheeled out with Violet, but her baby also seemed to be acting as a trigger for her…an emotion she didn't expect to feel at all. As the orderly pushed her wheelchair, all Lea could think about right now was the time she and Shaun left the hospital without Eleanor after her D&E.
They were offered her body afterward (for their choice of burial or cremation) and even to hold her for a few minutes plus the offer of the hospital holding a funeral for her, but neither Shaun nor Lea thought they could handle the upsetting sight of their dead baby. All they wanted to do was go home and cry. Because she wasn't viable, burial or cremation wasn't required. Although they did have her cremated and brought back to their apartment later because they didn't want her body to be disposed of either, even the sight of her urn was upsetting. So, her ashes were hidden away somewhere in their apartment. They might do something with them someday.
Lea even started second-guessing everything, wondering if she had a right to this baby when her previous one died.
All were the things she and Shaun missed and never got to experience with Eleanor and were now before them with Violet.
While Shaun drove them home, Lea sat in the backseat with Violet, staring at the sleeping baby as she squeezed and cuddled with her Dr. Duckling. As she watched the infant's chest rise and fall, she ran her index finger under her tiny nose to make sure she was still actually breathing, which she thankfully was.
She also received a text from her mother telling her and Shaun that she and her father were at their apartment waiting for them and that Donnie was at their hotel. They were going to be spending the rest of their two days in San Jose helping them out with Violet. Dr. Glassman and Debbie were also going to be helping, but they would always be helping since they lived close by. Lea's parents, on the other hand, lived on the other side of the country.
The ride home was quiet and they were already almost home when Shaun finally decided to speak up.
"Violet is too quiet," he quavered, breathing heavily as he stared straight towards the road. Although it hurt his ears when people screamed, it was different when it came to his own infant daughter, whom he expected to be screaming and crying instead of sleeping like an angel 24/7. Her cries were reassurance that she was still alive. "She hasn't cried since we got in the car, so she might have died from heatstroke. We need to pull over to check on her to make sure she didn't die."
"Shaun, she is fine," reassured Lea with a sigh as she placed her palm against Violet's tiny chest. "Her chest is moving up and down and I can feel her heartbeat. Also, we're almost home, so we can check on her when we get back to our apartment."
"No, no!" Shaun whimpered and panted, gripping the wheel tightly with his fists as he struggled to keep his eyes on the road. "She's too quiet and I don't like it. There are still too many ways she could die. She could be having a blood clot right now. She could still suffocate slowly like Eleanor did."
"Her face isn't blue and I don't hear her wheezing," Lea tried to put Shaun's mind at rest as she let Violet squeeze her finger yet also feeling a bit uneasy when Shaun mentioned the baby that died in her belly. "She's still alive and she looks like a regular sleeping baby."
"We need to pull over now!" Shaun asserted, finding an empty lot of a Sprouts and then frantically pulling into the parking lot. "I need to check her vitals!"
Lea rolled her eyes in annoyance, aware that Shaun wasn't going to let this go until his own medical exams and opinions confirmed that she was still alive and breathing. However, she knew that Shaun was just as scared of losing her as she was…and although she was reassured when she felt and saw Violet breathe normally, Shaun wasn't going to feel reassured until he saw it for himself. At this rate, he was probably going to be taking Violet to the ER every time she gets a boo-boo or a cough.
On the other hand, she really hoped that he wouldn't become one of those overprotective helicopter parents, something she herself was trying not to become. Hopefully, this was just one of those temporary brand new parent phases.
Once Shaun finally parked and turned off the car, he folded down the front passenger seat and then climbed into the back towards the other side of Violet's car seat to examine her vitals.
He gently pressed two fingers onto the infant's inner arm between her shoulder and elbow, counting the beats for 15 seconds. Then, he multiplied the number of beats he counted by four to get the number of beats per minute.
"She has a pulse rate of 70 to 190 beats per minute. She's fine," he sighed in relief once he pulled his fingers away from the baby. "We can continue driving home now. Her body temperature also feels normal. Let's go home. I'm tired."
Just as Shaun was about to return to the driver's seat, Lea then spoke up once she noticed his yawning after he claimed that he was tired.
"Hey, let me drive," she suggested.
"No, you just had a baby," he pointed out. "Getting into the front seat is probably going to hurt for you."
"Shaun, please," she insisted. "You're looking nervous and I know that you're afraid of her dying in the backseat alone and that you don't trust me…"
"I do trust you," defended Shaun, scared that he somehow offended his wife and making her think he didn't trust her alone with their daughter.
"Sorry, it's just that…I think you might feel better if you were next to her for the rest of the ride," finished Lea. "Also, you look tired."
"Okay, that would help," surrendered Shaun, finally agreeing to let Lea have the driver's seat. He then helped her out of the backseat and then into the front seat so he could switch with her. They were only a block away from their apartment, so it wouldn't be too long before they were home safe and sound.
"Are you sure you are okay to drive?" Shaun checked.
"Yes, I'm sure," sighed Lea. "It's just afterpains. It's not like I've been drinking and I didn't just have major surgery. I'll be fine."
Just as Lea got the car started, Violet started to cry, but then quieted down when Shaun soothed her. Being close to her in the car was reassuring for him.
Shaun and Lea arrived at their apartment to find Pam and Mike unloading the dishwasher and working on the kitchen, which they greatly appreciated.
"Good afternoon," greeted Mike as he saw his daughter and son-in-law walk through the door with their brand new baby girl.
"Good afternoon, Mom and Dad," yawned Lea.
"Hi, Pam. Hi, Mike," monotoned Shaun, sighing in exasperation as he greeted his cheery in-laws.
"So, Shaun, Mike and I were going to make you and Lea dinner, but then this couple stopped by with a meal for you and Lea," shared Pam as she walked over towards Shaun to get a close-up view of her granddaughter. "It's rice and lentil soup and it looks like it'll be enough to feed both of you for two days. The woman said that she's your boss. She said she was going to give it to you guys at the hospital today, but you had already left."
"That was probably Dr. Lim and Dr. Rendón," guessed Shaun as he set Violet's carseat down next to the couch. "Dr. Lim is the chief of surgery and Dr. Rendón is one of the hospital's attendings."
"I forgot that Dr. Lim was bringing dinner for us," recalled Lea, remembering the text she sent her and Shaun the night that Violet was born.
"Also, there was this man that stopped by with blueberry muffins, telling us to make sure you get them," added Mike as he placed the last squeaky clean dish in the cabinet. "Lea, he said that he was your assistant and that he left a note with the muffins, thanking you for preparing him for his role as temporary IT director and congratulating the two of you on your baby."
"I guess I'll have to thank Diego back," sighed Lea as she closed the door behind her, not realizing that it was still ajar for their passing neighbors to see them.
"You two seem to have some very caring co-workers," observed Pam as she sat herself down on the couch and cooed at the very fast asleep Violet.
"Yes, we do," said Shaun, backing away from his mother-in-law.
"Anyway, why don't we take care of Violet for the rest of the night so you two can nap," offered Mike as he walked out of the kitchen. "I mean, look at you two! You're exhausted!"
"I agree," sighed Pam. "And Lea, you should probably take some ibuprofen or something that is safe to take when breastfeeding because I know that the afterpains of childbirth are a literal pain."
"No," objected Lea and Shaun in unison, slowly shifting towards Violet with their parental instincts (Lea waddled her way over and clutching her still swollen abdomen). Neither of them were comfortable leaving their baby alone with people that weren't them, not even with Debbie and Dr. Glassman. Even when they let other people hold Violet at the hospital, they still felt uneasy when she wasn't in their arms.
"You obviously didn't sanitize your hands," Shaun came up with the best excuse he could as he unbuckled Violet from her carseat and then scooped her up in his arms in a loving manner. "You need to put hand sanitizer on first because she hasn't received all of her vaccinations yet. Violet may have been born full-term, but she still needs her second and third doses of the HepB vaccine and a lot of other immunizations such as whooping cough, which can be fatal to a small child."
Pam and Mike just stared at their daughter and son-in-law in shock, which then lead Lea to raise her eyebrows at Shaun for mentioning vaccines to her parents, whom Shaun seemed to forget were still vaccine skeptics. Shaun and Lea got their pertussis boosters during her third trimester, but Violet's maternal grandparents didn't.
"Um…" Pam gasped in revelation, Mike following her lead.
"Yes, we're both tired," said Shaun nervously as he protectively held Violet in his arms. "We want to take a nap with her."
"You can sleep when the baby sleeps, but you're not having her sleep in the bed with you, are you?" Pam shuddered at that thought. "I read that it can cause SIDS."
"No, we're not. Her bassinet is next to our bed," groaned Lea as she and Shaun turned their backs to their parents and then walked into their bedroom to barricade themselves in.
"Alright then, have a good nap. Would you like your mom and me to go back to our hotel room?" Mike wondered. "Because we would really like to check on Donnie and make sure he is still doing okay since he had a flask of whiskey while you were in labor. He said it was a one-time thing and that he's going to therapy, but we've been a lot more worried since that incident."
"Yes, please," sighed Lea, hoping this wouldn't turn into a habitual thing for Donnie and worsen his alcoholism. She believed that he deserved their parents' care more than she did. "You've done enough for us, and Donnie needs you more than I do right now. You've been feeding the fish, right? Following the exact instructions Shaun gave you?"
"Don't worry, we did that as well," reassured Pam. "The fish are fine."
Shaun and Lea hugged Pam and Mike goodbye and then they were left alone with the baby.
As feelings of guilt crept up on him, Shaun sat on Lea's side of the bed and eyed Violet as she slept peacefully and flat on her back in the pack 'n' play next to his and Lea's bed, which had been converted into bassinet mode.
He then transitioned out of his khakis and blue button-down and into a clean pair of pajamas while also trying to keep an eye on Violet and make sure she was still breathing.
His phone also buzzed to reveal a text from Dr. Glassman and also one from Claire.
DR. GLASSMAN: If you and Lea ever need any help with anything, you can always call me.
CLAIRE: I'm happy to help whenever you need it.
Close to one of the corners of the bedroom, Lea was changing out of her dress to the point where she was in nothing but her bra and recently changed pad and mesh panties, cradling her squishy postpartum belly that was encased with stretchmarks and linea nigra. She then took off her bra and then slipped on a more comfortable lavender maternity/nursing tank.
"We haven't had sex and we're not going to be having sex for at least a month. You're not wearing any pajama bottoms?" Shaun observed with a bit of curiosity as he scooted over towards his side of the bed. Moments of sexual intimacy (something they weren't going to be doing for at least six weeks, not even second base) were pretty much the only moments she slept naked or in nothing but a bra and panties or just one of the two.
"No way, these feel like shorts to me," sighed Lea with a slight giggled, taking a seat on the bed next to Shaun and then resting her head against his shoulder. "Also, my crotch is a bit too sweaty right now to wear pants. My vagina is so sore and it needs to breathe. I could basically just wear your boxers and call them 'shorts'."
After a brief laugh together, the couple then settled down into the covers of their bed after frantically checking to make sure that Violet was doing okay and still breathing normally.
As Shaun and Lea tried to fall asleep without any feelings of fear, all they could think about was SIDS, which wasn't helpful to them at all. Both of them were harboring the fear that if they weren't watching Violet breathe, they might miss something and she might die.
20 minutes passed and they were both still sitting up awake and weren't even close to falling asleep. All they did was sit up and stare at a sleeping Violet until she started to cry.
"She has her fingers in her mouth, and Naomi said that it's a sign Eleanor is hungry," observed Lea, shifting out of the bed and then pulling Violet out of her bassinet.
"You mean Violet?" Shaun asked, staring at Lea blank-faced and quizzically.
"Right," Lea sighed in embarrassment.
They both knew that referring your children by the wrong name was normal, specifically when you had more than one. Lea had memories of her parents jumbling up her and Donnie's names and Shaun definitely remembered times when his parents would accidentally call him "Steve" and Steve would mistakingly be called "Shaun".
However, they forgot that this did apply to stillborn and lost children as well, especially because Dr. Glassman has sometimes accidentally called Shaun "Maddie" in the earlier days of taking him in. Maureen, the leader of the baby loss support group, mentioned that around the time her second daughter was born, she did sometimes accidentally call her "Jennifer", the name of the previous baby she had lost to SIDS. Elena and Oscar also have accidentally called their surviving triplet, Isabela, either "Clara" or "Mateo", after she was born.
This was definitely going to be hard for a while, especially since Maureen told them that the postpartum period was a lot harder with a rainbow baby, but they would hopefully get through this.
Once Lea finished feeding Violet and then put her back in the bassinet and zipped up her nursing tank, she burst into tears over Eleanor and then cried into Shaun's chest.
Without saying a word, Shaun just hugged her back and comforted her, shedding a few tears of his own over their deceased daughter.
AN: Thank you for reading the exposition to the next major plot in this story! And don't worry, unlike one of my previous fics, Lea won't die in this one. Please review and share your thoughts :)