The words sank in slowly for Yusei. His face felt like it was going to melt off from embarrassment. He couldn't believe he was actually crying over this like a child being told they might not get to go somewhere, though in this case he didn't want someone to go. Shame and what Judai said was making it hard to think straight at all, which was only frustrating him.
His knee jerk reaction was relief of course, but it quickly morphed into anxiety. There should be no reason for Judai to want to stay in this timeline. Well, no legitimate reason. As enthralling and wonderful as future technology was for the other, it shouldn't have been enough to make him want to stay rather than return to his time. Especially when it wasn't as though he'd be dead or too old to use it by the time their timelines lined up and met again. Yusei didn't understand why Judai wanted to stay, and that almost scared him more than the thought of him wanting to leave.
"Why? Why do you want to stay?" Yusei finally asked after he trusted his voice not to crack and the lump in his throat slowly settled down in his stomach instead. Did he even really want to know the answer?
A light pink dusted across Judai's cheeks and he glanced away from Yusei despite gripping his hands a little tighter. Not that Yusei was even looking at him to begin with. The raven's eyes were still firmly fixed on his trapped hands and the few tear drops on them.
"I want to stay because… well, because of you." Judai tried to explain, smiling sheepishly as he started to think out loud. "I really like you, Yusei, and I don't exactly mean as a friend. I mean, I like you as a friend. You're a great friend. I just also like you like you, and I don't want to wait 40 years, because then it'll be too late and I'll be too old. I want to stay with you as I am now. Of course, only if that's okay with you?"
Judai's heart practically stopped when he realized he'd said all of that out loud. Had he just said that out loud? Maybe he didn't and it was just his imagination that was making his throat run dry. He didn't even know if Yusei swung that way. Weren't you supposed to double check that before you just threw your entire friendship on the line by confessing?
He tried to study Yusei's expression to see if he was panicking for no reason or if he should keep panicking, but Yusei didn't look like he was processing any of this either. He was staring at him like a deer caught in headlights with those big blue eyes. So, he had said it out loud. Great. Somehow, Judai could just feel Yusei desperately trying to put two and two together to make four, but all he was coming up with was seven which made Judai's heart sink right into the depths of the earth.
"Yusei, I'm-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It's the truth, but I don't even know if that's even your thing." Judai started rambling again, trying to crawl his way out of the hole he dug by digging even deeper. "I'll just go and give you some space. I'll sleep on the couch tonight and maybe forever. Okay? Okay. I'm gonna go sleep on the couch."
He did what he did best and laughed it off nervously while gathering a pillow and blanket and all but running out of the room to the sudden sanctuary the living room had become. He plopped his pillow on the arm of the couch and flopped down, blanket already wrapped around him from his trip out there.
'Smooth.' Haou commented from the back of his mind.
Oh, shut up! Judai snapped back, huffing and covering his ears despite knowing that wouldn't help at all.
'It's not our fault you told him.' Yubel grumbled, and he could just feel them rolling their eyes at him.
Judai groaned and buried his face into the back of the couch. He hates me. I know he hates me. Maybe I should just go back to my timeline.
'I'm pretty sure if he doesn't hate you now, he would if you left him like that.' Yubel pointed out. 'Or at least be really upset. He did start crying when he thought you wanted to leave, and you just told him you wanted to stay. Wouldn't you be lying if you left now?'
Oh my God was he still crying?! Shit! Judai scrambled to his feet, or rather tried to. He'd forgotten he was wrapped in a blanket and in his sudden attempt to get up, said blanket turned against him, making him fall to the floor on his face instead.
"Owww," he groaned, struggling with and throwing off the blanket before finally standing up. "Wait…"
He couldn't go back in after saying he was going to give him some space. That really wouldn't work at all. He would be going against what he'd said. On the other hand, what if Yusei was still crying? No one should cry alone. Especially when he had been crying over the fact he might leave him and then he just up and left. Not necessarily in the same manner that the other had been worried about, but still. What if he thought he did leave instead of just go to the couch like he said?
"What should I do?" he mumbled to himself, dragging his hands down his face before aggressively ruffling his own hair. "Dammit brain, think."
When someone knocked on the wall from the hall, he didn't expect to look up and find Martha standing there with a slightly annoyed frown on her face.
"Judai, what are you doing up and out here at this hour?" She grumbled, gaze only softening after she took in how lost the other looked. "Sit down and tell me what's wrong."
"M-Martha," Judai bit his lip before doing what he was told, sitting crosslegged on the couch and holding onto his ankles. He really didn't even know where to begin.
After the silence drug on for awhile longer, the old woman shook her head and sat down herself. "Does this have anything to do with Yusei?"
His head snapped to attention hearing the other's name and he felt his face heat up in embarrassment that he was read so easily. "I-… yeah. It has everything to do with him." Suddenly, he couldn't stop himself. He had to tell someone who wasn't trapped in his head.
"We were talking, and he asked if I wanted to go back to my timeline. I don't, and I was about to tell him that, but I guess he really didn't want me to go because he got pretty upset. I told him I didn't want to go, but he didn't believe me. So, I told him that I didn't want to go back because I didn't want to be an old man when I met him because I kind of sort of have a huge crush on him. Well, when I told him that, I realized what I said and just took all my things and came out here to sleep because I didn't want him to feel awkward because I don't even know if he swings that way. Does he swing that way? I don't know. So, I came out here, and then I realized he was still upset when I left so I was going to go check on him, but I tripped and fell on my face and now you're here. I don't know what to do. He probably hates me now."
If Martha understood half of what he'd just rambled off at her, she didn't really show it. She blinked a few times, as if trying to put it all together in a coherent and logical way then stood up. She walked over to Judai calmly and quietly and backhanded him upside the back of his head.
"Hey! What was that for?!" Judai yelped, immediately reaching up to protect his head from any more blows.
"I'll tell you what you're going to do." Martha bit back, frowning more now. "You're going to gather your things and march your ass back into that room and apologize to Yusei for running away like that after telling him something so important."
Her hard expression softened considerable as she smiled and folded her arms over her chest. "You really shouldn't be asking me what he prefers. Man up and go ask him yourself. If he rejects you, so be it. If he accepts you, then alright. Either way, you won't be out here torturing yourself with what if's anymore."
"I-… You're right." Judai sighed, shaking his head. He couldn't really argue with her on that though the prospect of doing what she was telling him to seemed more daunting than staying out here an never knowing. "Thank you, Martha."
"Hurry up and get so I can go back to bed," she teased, shaking her head at him now.
Judai laughed quietly and did as he was told, gathering his pillow and blanket back up from the ground and heading back towards the room he'd fled from before. Should he knock or just walk back in? Did Yusei even want to see him? When he finally settled on knocking, he realized the door was actually still open. Apparently, he'd never paused to close it behind him earlier.
With a deep breath, Judai poked his head back into the room. "Yusei?"
Yusei stiffened hearing his name and slowly lifted his head from his knees, looking up towards the door almost hesitantly. While he had the tiniest of hopes it was just Martha with Judai's voice, he knew better and shouldn't have been so surprised to see the brunette standing there instead of the strong matriarch. He was still working on processing everything Judai had said and just how he felt about it. He thought he'd known what he wanted to say before, but Judai had left so suddenly he wasn't sure it would be right to say it now. Anxiety sunk its claws into his throat, rendering him mute and leaving him to just stare up at the other, waiting for him to make the first move.
"Can I come in?" Judai tried, wanting some kind of reaction from him other than that cautious look. It almost felt like Yusei expected him to jump him or something. When he finally got a slow nod, he made his way in and set his things back down on his bed before sitting at the edge. Where should he begin?
"Yusei, I'm…I'm sorry." There. That was a great place to start. 10 points for Judai. "I'm sorry I said something like that and then just ran off when I'd just told you I wanted to stay. That really wasn't the best idea I've had in a while."
He chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck, chancing a glance at the mechanic. He still hadn't moved a muscle except to keep his eyes on Judai, but at least he looked like he at least had something to say or wanted to say something. So, Judai stayed quiet and waited. He didn't want to pressure Yusei into saying anything, but he didn't want to talk over him either. Something told him he wouldn't hear the other if he did.
"I'm…glad you came back," Yusei finally said, fighting to find the right words and struggling to keep his throat open enough to speak. His heart was racing and pounding in his ears, making it hard to hear or think straight. He knew what he wanted Judai to know, but he didn't really know how to say it and he wasn't used to being at a loss for words. Then again, Jack and Crow did most of the talking and he normally just had to say something about them all being friends and working together from time to time. Being unable to say what he wanted was starting to frustrate him. Why couldn't he just spit it out?
After a few more moments of hesitation and fumbling with his words, he finally managed to come up with something coherent to say. He just hoped Judai understood. "I'm okay with it, by the way. You staying, that is… as you are. I admit, you being so much older all of a sudden would be… weird."
"Heh, you can say that again," Judai agreed, trying to disperse some of the tension building up in the room.
"Judai, I-" Again his words caught in his throat and he was starting to wish he still kept water in his room. Fueled by a bit of anger towards himself for his loss of his voice and the confusing torrent of emotions causing it, he decided to just say what was on his mind. "I don't know how to respond to your feelings towards me. I need time to think about that. I'm sorry."
"Sorry?" Judai shook his head and kept up a smile, though he was fighting off the feeling of disappointment and anxiety that was starting to drown him. "Yusei, you don't need to be sorry. I shouldn't have dropped that on you so suddenly. Take your time, and be honest with me when you find your answer, okay? There's no rush. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest."
Yusei only nodded and slowly got up, taking one of his soft blankets off his bed and wrapping it around his shoulders. "I'm going to go get some water…"
He waited until the other was gone before he let his face fall and shoulders drop. What was he expecting? For the other to jump into his arms declaring his own love for him in return? Yusei wasn't that kind of person. He needed to think everything through carefully and consider all the options available to him. It was one of the things Judai admired in him the most, but not knowing just how the other felt after he'd told him was going to be almost unbearable.
He sighed a little and laid down on his bed. "I just hope he doesn't treat me weird or too differently now that he knows…"
'If he does, I'll kill him,'
Haou...no.
Kitana: This has been rewritten several times because I couldn't figure out how Yusei should react. This feels best.
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