Chapter Summary: Lea is found, but not in a good condition.

AN: So, here is Chapter 21. I must warn you, though, some of Lea's injuries are going to be kind of disturbing. Therefore, read at your own risk. I also added a few more details to the previous chapter. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

It was 6:14 in the morning, and it's officially been eight hours since Lea went missing and the search party for her was still happening all over Santa Clara County and was even reported to Santa Clara County adjacent places. The police stations in San Jose, Santa Clara, Sunnyvale, Campbell, Milpitas, Cupertino, Los Gatos, Mountain View, Palo Alto, and every other city in the county were alerted to be on the lookout for Lea Dilallo.

So far, what they did know was that Lea had definitely made her way into the city of Santa Clara at some point. It's possible she could have either made her way back to San Jose or ventured out farther.

A civilian who happened to be waiting for the bus at the stop by Santa Clara Mission Cemetery at 2:00 in the morning reported that he saw a strange and confused-looking woman (possibly in her late 20s or early 30s) in a kimono robe limping by on Bellomy Street towards Winchester Boulevard. He then ran towards her and asked if she needed some help, but she ignored him and continued to limp. When he lost her after being unable to catch up, he called 9-1-1, and that's when it was discovered that this mysterious woman was a reported missing person. In addition, one of her grey slippers was found on the sidewalk at the intersection of Homestead Road and Woodhams Road in Santa Clara.

Shaun at least hoped that Lea didn't venture too far outside San Jose, Santa Clara County, Silicon Valley, the San Francisco Bay Area, Northern California, or even the state of California.

Taking her own life or getting hit by a car weren't the only things Shaun fretted over happening to Lea. He was also afraid of a bear or a mountain lion getting her because wild predators have sometimes gotten into the backyards of residents in California and the West, even in the suburbs. The fact that she was missing at night and possibly had a broken leg or bone made the chance of an animal attack happening more likely, especially if she was outside of a big city-like area and in a rural area.

Pam and Mike had arrived in San Jose half an hour ago after a harrowing six-hour flight from Pittsburgh with a bit of bribery towards the airport employees and other passengers over things like getting the boarding agent to let them board the plane first before priority seating and convincing a couple of passengers to give up their first-class seats and trade them with their economy seats so they could be the first to get off the plane. Mike even had his pocket knife confiscated because he forgot he was traveling with it since he and Pam rushed packing for the flight and were too worried about Lea to even be picky or careful about everything. They almost ended up on the No Fly List for their behavior.

Shaun, Violet, Pam, Mike, Donnie, and Raul were all at Dr. Glassman and Debbie's house. Shaun told Lea's family to stay at their apartment (mostly because he wanted to avoid his parents-in-law), but Pam and Mike insisted on seeing their granddaughter.

Debbie and Dr. Glassman were in their kitchen fixing up coffee for all of them sans Shaun, who was either just sticking to a shot of orange juice or nothing at all.

Pam and Mike were very upset, angry, and pissed off right now (Pam was even more so than her husband), and Shaun was even afraid that they were going to blame him if Lea was found dead. They already had to deal with their son almost dying of an alcohol overdose, and now their daughter with postpartum psychosis has been missing for eight hours.

Everyone in the house was completely silent and sitting in the living room together doing nothing. Shaun, on the other hand, was on his phone in one of the guest rooms doomscrolling the local news and reading a bunch of the news reports about Lea or just reading the headlines.

Patient with postpartum psychosis goes missing after escaping from hospital psychiatric ward and leaving a note.

San Jose mother leaves a note goes missing during psychiatric hospitalization for postpartum psychosis.

Missing person report issued all over Santa Clara County for 29-year-old woman with postpartum psychosis.

As he clutched his toy scalpel, he kept reading different articles about the same story over and over again until his phone started ringing, showing on the caller ID that it was someone from Sunnyvale.

Usually, he would have ignored a call like this because he assumed those to be scammers, but since the love of his life was missing and could possibly be anywhere in Santa Clara County, he was going to take any calls in case it was a police station or a hospital to confirm that they found Lea.

"Hello," answered Shaun once he picked up his phone and pressed the round, green icon.

"This is Officer Robert Hamilton of the Sunnyvale Police Department. Are you Shaun Murphy?" The deep voice on the other end asked.

Shaun immediately jumped into focus, already aware that the call was going to be about Lea; ready to be told that her body was recovered…or that they just found another piece of evidence and that the search was going to continue.

"Yes, this is Dr. Shaun Murphy. Lea Dilallo is my wife," he replied nervously, dreading the words he was going to hear. "Did you find her? Is she alive?"

"Yes, we did find her alive, but she was critically injured," sighed Officer Hamilton.

"Did she have a tattoo of a mountain range on her anterior left wrist?" Shaun asked frantically, wanting to be sure that it was Lea.

"Yes, she did. I'll inform you that I don't know if she's still alive. She's a patient at the Valley Health Center here in Sunnyvale. I suggest that you come right now. I'll meet you there in the ER and explain everything."

After quickly saying okay and then hanging up, Shaun immediately burst out of the bedroom and into the living room, telling everyone that Lea has been found and that they needed to drive to Sunnyvale right away.

He went with Pam, Mike, and Donnie while he left Violet with Dr. Glassman, Debbie, and Raul. Although two cities away, it was only a 16 minute drive, so Sunnyvale wasn't really far away.

As soon as Shaun and the rest of Lea's family arrived at the hospital in Sunnyvale and parked the car (they all took one car), they all immediately barged through the emergency room doors.

While Shaun searched for Officer Hamilton and Donnie just sat down in an empty chair in the waiting area, Pam and Mike marched over to the front desk and started frantically and angrily badgering the medical receptionist, nurses, and doctors for information regarding their daughter.

"Lea Dilallo is in surgery right now!" The medical receptionist informed, completely terrified of Pam and Mike getting in her face or even attacking her. "Just calm down and tell me if you're family!"

Completely ignoring the dramatic commotion going on at the front desk, a frantic Shaun immediately asked Officer Hamilton what had happened.

"Lea was found bleeding out from multiple stab wounds and with a broken leg in Mango Park at 5:30 in the morning by a local woman going on a morning jog with her dog. Her dog started barking and then led her to something, and that's when she saw the body and called 9-1-1. Lea was very confused and disoriented," explained Officer Hamilton. "The witness and paramedics didn't know that she was a missing person, but the hospital knew because they were told to be aware of a patient coming in with the physical description you provided of your wife, and she was no longer a Jane Doe once they saw her tattoo and some self-inflicted scratches. Lea attempted suicide by stabbing herself with a knife. We'll let the surgeons know that you have arrived and then a doctor will come to inform you of what happened. Just wait in the waiting room, understand?"

"Yes," replied Shaun, rocking back and forth on his heels as he squeezed his beloved plastic scalpel. He wanted to scrub in and see what was going on with his wife, but he wasn't allowed to because he was a family member and he didn't work as a surgeon at this hospital.

It's been two hours since they all arrived at the hospital and Lea was still in surgery. It was all just a boring and scary waiting game right now.

It was fortunate that she was alive, but there was going to be a long road to recovery for her both physically and mentally.

When the morning jogger's dog led her to Lea, she came upon the discovery of a bloody, disoriented woman; blood covering her entire grey shirt and her blue pajama bottoms as well as the kimono robe she was wearing. It was unclear how long it had been since Lea stabbed herself or even where she got the knife from, but she went into hypovolemic shock when she was admitted.

She had a total of seven stab wounds - one to her left thigh and six to the front of her torso (four to the abdomen and two to the chest). There were stab wounds to her right lateral chest, her left breast, her right lumbar region, her pubic region, and two right in the middle of her belly. She was also admitted with vaginal bleeding (she must have penetrated her uterus when she stabbed herself in the pubic region). She also had a severed femoral artery from the stab wound to her thigh and a fractured tibia and fibula, possibly from when she climbed out of the window of her hospital room.

Pam, Mike, and Donnie didn't have the time to finish the coffee that Debbie and Dr. Glassman brewed for them or even pour it in a mug, so they were stuck with the crappy coffee from the coffee machine displayed in the waiting room. Well, Shaun always thought that coffee tasted crappy and he never understood why some people (especially Dr. Glassman) liked black coffee without any cream or sugar. It was pretty much the equivalent of drinking carbonated water without any flavor.

As Shaun sat in his chair and stared off into space (trying not to let himself cry too much or at least make his tears visible to his in-laws) into the Thanksgiving-themed decorated waiting room or at the television screen that was playing a rerun of House Hunters International. In this episode, the couple was searching for a home in Paris, France. On an unrelated note, apparently the couple that is house hunting in this episode got married on a tightrope. Neither he nor Lea would have been able to do that.

The TV in this waiting room was almost like St. Bonaventure's, where they would often put on some prime time TV, talk shows, HGTV, cooking shows, reality TV shows, or nature shows with things that could be narrated by David Attenborough.

At St. Bonaventure, they would change channels every day. In the general ward, it was ABC on Mondays, CBS on Tuesdays, FOX on Wednesdays, CW on Thursdays, NBC on Fridays, and reality TV or nature shows from random channels on Saturdays and Sundays. However, it was different for the pediatric ward. It was Nickelodeon on Mondays, Disney Jr on Tuesdays, Nick Jr on Wednesdays, Disney Channel on Thursdays, Cartoon Network on Fridays, and PBS Kids on the weekends.

He was already getting familiar with shows aimed at children because he often found himself getting distracted by the TV screens in the pediatric ward. He'd walk in to see some of his pediatric patients watching Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, Paw Patrol, or Bluey. They even liked to explain the plots of the episode to him, their families, and the other doctors and nurses.

He also received a text from Asher that he hadn't yet responded to.

ASHER: I'm sorry about Lea. If there's anything I can do, I'd be happy to help.

There was nothing Asher could really do for him and Lea.

"How is she doing?" A random but familiar voice said.

Shaun was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard Dr. Glassman's voice right behind him. He turned around and saw his mentor sitting in the chair next to him, looking worried.

"Lea is still in surgery," replied Shaun. "She had tibial and fibular fractures and seven self-inflicted stab wounds and she went into hypovolemic shock. What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see how Lea is doing, and also how you're doing," sighed Dr. Glassman in whispers. "You could use some more company while you wait to hear about Lea's status."

"I have company," countered Shaun.

"Yeah, but..." Dr. Glassman leaned in to whisper quietly to Shaun. "Not the company you would prefer in a crisis."

It was true. If there was anyone Shaun would want comfort from in a terrible crisis or perhaps a shoulder to cry on, Lea or Dr. Glassman would be the people he would want. However, right now, one of his sources of support was lying unconscious on an operating table after trying to end her life. Dr. Glassman was the only person he wanted to talk to right now.

"Is Violet okay?" Shaun asked, wanting to know if his daughter was doing alright. "She's lucky that she isn't going to remember this terrible moment, but she will have to know about it in the future."

"Violet is in good hands," replied Dr. Glassman. "She's with Debbie, who is also going to your apartment to feed your fish. Raul went back to his hotel room. Also, it's 8:00 in the morning. Did you sleep at all last night?"

"No, I couldn't," sniffed Shaun, wiping the oncoming tears from his eyes and hoping that Pam, Mike, and Donnie wouldn't notice. "I…"

"You don't need to explain why," sighed Dr. Glassman, patting Shaun's back. "Trying to get a good night's sleep can be hard when you don't know about the whereabouts of someone you love."

"Can I tell you something in private?" Shaun asked, finally having the courage to share a confession with someone who wasn't his therapist.

"Sure, of course."

Once Shaun and Glassman were in the hospital halls out of the Dilallos' earshot and standing face to face towards each other, Shaun finally made the confession he always had to someone close to him.

"Sometimes, I have passive suicidal thoughts, thinking about never existing," admitted Shaun, letting a few tears drip from his eyes. "I never planned on ending my life like Lea just tried to do."

Dr. Glassman was shocked and terrified when he heard Shaun's disturbing words of revelation. "For how long? Have you told anyone about them? Does Lea know?"

"I…told my therapist about them. Lea doesn't know," blubbered Shaun. "I've had them since I was thirteen. They come and go, and they started up after Violet was born and I've had them almost every time something terrible happens, like when Dr. Han fired me. I didn't tell anyone about them because I didn't want to be forced into therapy. I was afraid to act on them because I feared that I would miss out on some things."

"What did your therapist have to say about this when you told her?" Dr. Glassman queried, his eyes widening and also starting to form tears.

"She said that I should continue to come to therapy and that I should probably be referred to a psychiatrist and go on medication because clinical anecdotes suggest that passive suicidal thoughts can turn into active plans," explained Shaun. "But I don't want to go on medication."

"Shaun," sighed Dr. Glassman, not wanting to go with the "look what happened to Lea when she didn't take her medicine" lecture because he knew that it wasn't going to be helpful. "I think it might do you some good. Sometimes, therapy itself isn't enough. Some people can't survive mentally without medication, and I think both you and Lea are those kind of people. At least try. If both you and Lea acted on your suicidal thoughts and succeeded, Violet would have been left an orphan."

"Violet sometimes is a motivator in leading me not to attempt suicide," shared Shaun.

"That's good, Shaun," assured Dr. Glassman. "But that's not good enough. You really need more treatment. If Lea lives and once she starts to get a little bit better and pulls out of her delusions, you should tell her about those passive thoughts. It's good that you're finally admitting that it's becoming a problem for you and that you're talking to others about it, though."

"Earlier when we arrived here, Pam said that Lea was selfish for committing suicide because there were people out there who loved her and had now hurt because she tried to kill herself and put them through pain. She said that she pretty much abandoned me and Violet and caused us a great deal of pain," sniffled Shaun. "But Pam is wrong. Lea didn't think that because it's what her delusions told her. She often felt like a burden to others even when she wasn't in psychosis. If Pam knew about my passive suicidal thoughts, she would say that I was selfish for thinking about abandoning Lea and Violet."

"Yeah, I guess Pam is wrong about that," sighed Dr. Glassman before asking Shaun a question. "Anyway, are you feeling some kind of guilt over this happening? Do you feel responsible for this? Because everything that happened to Lea wasn't your fault."

"I maybe should have put her in psychiatric care earlier as soon as she said she was hearing voices because I trusted her that she could ignore them. She couldn't and that was terrible of me to wait for a few concerning moments to drag her to the hospital. It is also probably my fault that we lost our first baby," lamented Shaun. "I couldn't save my rabbit. I couldn't save Steve. I couldn't save Eleanor. And I couldn't save Lea."

"Why?" Dr. Glassman was stunned. Guilt-tripping himself and then wallowing in it was not something Shaun was known to do. He usually just accepted those things and moved on. "Those blood clots were random. There was nothing anyone could have done differently that would have made a difference. Sometimes, a fetus just dies in utero for no reason. The blood clots would have happened either way."

"That wasn't just a typical miscarriage! This wasn't even a miscarriage either; Eleanor was stillborn. That surgery to fix Lea's vasa previa was unnecessary and those blood clots were a complication of the surgery. Putting Lea on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy and then scheduling a c-section at some point in viability was the better option because blood clots are one of the common risks of surgery. Dr. Lim probably just said that to make us feel better." explained Shaun, more tears squeezing out from his eyes as he ruffled his hair and angrily paced around. "People who go through pregnancy after loss are at a greater risk for postpartum mental illness. Lea probably wouldn't be like this and attempted suicide in Sunnyvale in the first place if we didn't lose Eleanor. She blamed herself for what happened even though it was indirectly my fault that the baby died. And now I'm being a terrible father because I should already be grateful that I still have Violet."

Dr. Glassman didn't know what to say because although irrational, Shaun did kind of have a point there, but it wasn't healthy for him to be bitter over something that he couldn't change. He still had guilt over Maddie even after he happened to make amends with her in a hallucination.

As Shaun continued to pace, he just ran over to Dr. Glassman and hugged him tight, begging for comfort; Dr. Glassman embracing him in return as the young doctor sobbed and giving him reassuring words of "it's okay" as he comforted him.

13 hours had passed since Shaun had arrived in Sunnyvale (he was able to get some sleep for a few hours) and it was also almost how long Lea had been in surgery; actually a little bit longer than that. As surgeons themselves, Shaun and Dr. Glassman knew that some surgeries - especially the ones for trauma patients with multiple injuries - did take a while. However, waiting for the results was terrifying enough to raise their heart rates.

It felt like forever until a doctor finally came out to deliver the news to everyone, looking exhausted and somber.

"Family of Lea Dilallo?"

They all composed themselves and were ready for whatever news the doctor was going to deliver to them.

"Lea pulled through the surgery, but there was a lot of internal damage from her stab wounds as well as from her going into hypovolemic shock," stated the doctor. "She needed a lot of blood transfusions."

"I'm sorry, but I don't speak doctor," growled Pam, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I don't even know what hypovolemic shock is!"

"It's when severe blood or fluid loss makes the heart unable to pump enough blood to the body," answered Shaun hesitantly.

"Were you able to fix that?" Pam continued to badger the doctor with a bunch of questions.

"Mom, just let the doctor explain everything and finish. Please don't interrupt her," sighed Donnie.

"As you probably might have already known, Lea had displaced fractures to her tibia and fibula, which means that part of the bone was moved and no longer aligned. We were able to repair that successfully. She also had severed the femoral artery when she stabbed herself in the thigh, but the jogger found her just in time and there was enough to be done to repair the artery. There doesn't seem to be any nerve damage so far, but we also had to give her a tetanus booster because the blade of the knife she stabbed herself with was probably crawling with things that could cause infection," explained the doctor, pausing for a while to sigh with a look of pity.

"And?" Pam pestered.

"She had a hemopneumothorax in her right lung. She made some pretty deep stab wounds in some places. There were also some pretty bad lacerations to some of her abdominopelvic organs; including her liver, ascending and transverse colon, small intestine, bladder, and uterus. We were able to repair most of the internal damage, but we had to perform a hysterectomy," the doctor finished. "However, she's still far from being out of the woods. Because of the amount of blood loss, brain damage is a possibility. We're not sure if or when she will wake up."

"Can we see her?" Mike quavered in desperation.

"She's going to be on suicide watch when she wakes up, so she's not going to be allowed any visitors for the first 24 hours after she wakes up, but yes, you can go see her," confirmed the doctor.

AN: I hope you all enjoyed it. Please review and share your thoughts :)