Chapter Summary: Lea finally wakes up, and Shaun starts thinking about even more serious treatment for her.
AN: I know that things have been melancholy and upsetting in this story lately, but now I'm starting the road to recovery of Lea actually getting better and no more throwing away her medication. This story is also almost over. I'm also sorry for not putting any trigger warnings (I've been doing it for AO3 and just copying everything from there, but I forgot about putting them on this fanfic website since they don't have a tagging system). I'm sorry if Lea's postpartum psychosis or even Shaun's postpartum depression has been triggering for anyone as I just realized that just now. Anyway, Lea is going to start her journey to actually getting better right now.
At 9:00 in the evening, Shaun was perched on a chair right by Lea's bedside in the ICU of the Valley Health Center, glaring at the unmoving, lifeless figure in the hospital bed with puffy, red eyes. Dr. Glassman, Pam, Mike, and Donnie were here in the room earlier, but then left to get some sleep. All of them sans Dr. Glassman were going to be coming back tomorrow, though. Violet was also going to be coming to see Lea tomorrow as well as the following days.
Speaking of Lea's parents and brother, they were going to be staying in San Jose longer than what they initially planned. At first, Pam and Mike were going to come here to stay for a week during Christmas, but they just sent Shaun a text telling him that Pam might stay here in San Jose until late December to help out with Violet. On the other hand, Donnie was going to be staying in San Jose for another week while Raul was going back to Harrisburg (that's where he and Donnie lived, not Hershey) on Sunday like the original plan.
In addition, Shaun has also been getting a bunch of concerned calls and texts from everyone back at St. Bonaventure, asking him how Lea was doing physically and also how he was doing mentally. They were also asking him if there was anything they could do to help.
They all have been encouraging him to go home and get some well-needed rest, but Shaun refused to leave his wife's side until she woke up…or at least until the hospital visiting hours were over when a nurse would come in to tell him that he needed to leave.
Lying right there in that bed of the unfamiliar hospital was Lea - his wife, his lover, his best friend, and the mother of his children (both living and dead).
She was lying completely still and unconscious, intubated and hooked up to a few wires, IV tubes, and a blood pressure cuff. Her heartbeat, respiratory rate, and the rest of her vitals were stable and her urine output was starting to stabilize (no hematuria) as the surgery was a success, but the only thing missing was her being conscious and being permanently out of the woods (when it came to her physical health, though). She was being treated with antibiotics and there was the risk of her body developing a self-inflammatory reaction.
The entire lower half of her body was covered by a light blue thermal blanket; except her right leg from the knee down, which was slightly elevated with the help of a foot pillow and encased in an orthopedic plaster delbit cast up to the top of her knee. All five of her toes on that foot were visibly poking out from the cast, the emerald green nail polish on her toenails chipping away and practically almost gone. There were superficial scratches all along her arms and even a couple on her cheek, as there were probably more hidden under her hospital gown along with the much deeper stab wounds that were stitched up.
When it came to the lacerations to her internal organs, her liver was a grade II, her colon, small bowel, and bladder were grade III, and her uterus was a grade IV.
Besides permanent infertility, which was already totally inevitable due to her total hysterectomy and also the least of Shaun's worries, there were so many possible complications Lea could have both short-term and long-term because of her injuries - wound infections, sepsis, hematomas, abscesses, fistulas, leaking bile, cholecystitis, liver failure, organ failure, uremia, bowel infarction, cystitis, bladder instability, incontinence, etc.
Whatever complication that might come, Shaun was going to help her through it just like he was going to help her conquer her postpartum psychosis. He also needed help for his own postpartum depression.
Ever since he's been here in her room, Shaun would not let go of her limp hand and he would not stop running his fingers through her greasy, unbrushed hair. He kept squeezing her hand, hoping that she would squeeze it. The more that the seconds and minutes passed, the quantity of watery tears seeping out of his blue eyes increased. He couldn't stop silently crying his eyes out.
He almost lost her. He almost became a widower and a single father. Violet was almost left without her mother. He almost lost Dr. Glassman to cancer and he's already lost his rabbit, Steve, Hubert the fish, Dr. Melendez, and Eleanor…and he couldn't lose her either. Shaun couldn't imagine his life without Lea or Violet, the two most important people in his world.
Once Lea gets discharged from intensive care (that is, if she even makes it out of the ICU), both Shaun and Lea were going to need a lot more help and work through their mental health problems together for the sake of their daughter and also for their own sake and the sake of their marriage.
"Sir."
Once he heard the voice, Shaun turned around and saw a nurse walk into Lea's room.
"It's 10:00. Hospital visiting hours are over, so you need to leave."
Hesitant, Shaun complied and then gathered up everything to go home. Even with Lea being in a coma in Sunnyvale, Violet really needed her father right now as they've hardly seen each other all day. Plus, Shaun himself hasn't slept for almost 48 hours.
Before he finally left the room quietly to call a Lyft and go home, he gave Lea a kiss on her forehead and whispered to her that he loved her and that she needed to pull through…even though she couldn't hear it in order to say that she loved him back.
It was the first day of December, which meant that today had marked one week since Lea's ghastly suicide attempt. She still hasn't woken up, but they were able to take her off the ventilator, which meant that she could finally breathe on her own a little bit…even though she actually transitioned from a ventilator to a nasal cannula. So, there was still hope.
Pam and Mike were still in San Jose while Donnie had returned back to Harrisburg with Raul.
Despite everyone's protests, Shaun continued to do his work as a surgeon while also taking care of Violet and visiting Lea in the hospital in Sunnyvale as frequently as he could (sometimes bringing Violet with him). Once she wakes up and was out of the ICU, she was going to be transferred back to the psychiatric ward at St. Bonaventure.
He was getting sick and tired of and irritated with the pitiful looks and words from the well-wishers at the hospital, both St. Bonaventure and Valley Health, and also from the caregivers and parents from Violet's daycare center. It wasn't helpful that two of the "I'm sorrys" were actually from Carly and Dr. D'Souza, his ex-girlfriend and his former workplace crush. Everyone wanted to hug him so bad, but they all knew he wouldn't like it very much, so they just gave him stares of sadness. Claire did try to hug him, but all that did was make him literally push her away and lash out, reminding her that he didn't like to be touched. They both apologized to each other, though.
Usually, he saw doing his job as a surgeon to be a good distraction from certain crises, but now it was becoming unbearable with him feeling like St. Bonaventure's object of pity: Dr. Shaun Murphy, the surgeon whose extremely mentally ill wife tried to kill herself in a gruesome way.
As of right now, Shaun was at Lea's bedside for the umpteenth time (without Violet, who was with her maternal grandparents right now) while he listened to the beeping and humming of the machines; waiting for her to wake up so they could start step one of her full healing process as well as his own. They were going to be doing this together. After all, they went through many challenges together, so maybe this could be one of the most difficult ones they ever went through.
He had Lea's hand curled into his own as he zoned out, never wanting to let go of her or leave her side.
"They removed the breathing tube from you, which is great because it means that you can breathe on your own now. Also, I'm sorry, Lea. I know that apologizing over and over again isn't going to help, but sometimes it's the best phrase I could come up with when engaging in a one-sided conversation with you when it comes to topics to talk about," he said to her unconscious figure for the umpteenth time as he continued a non-mutual conversation with her, deciding to change the subject to talking about their daughter, a topic he talked to her about the most since she was in the hospital. "Violet is 16 weeks old and she is doing fine. She has been growing every day. There has been an increase in her movement abilities and limb control. She has started holding Dr. Duckling with both of her hands. She knows how to use her hands. During tummy time, she is lifting her head and looking straight ahead. However, she isn't crawling just yet and she isn't teething yet either, but she is starting to sleep longer even though she is still waking me up in the middle of the night. She still hasn't slept through the night. Also, she still has blue eyes. I think you might be right about her having my teeny blue eyes…although she still might develop hazel eyes like you."
Shaun stopped speaking for a minute so he could wipe away his tears with the hand he wasn't using to grip hers.
"Violet needs you to wake up so you can get better."
He knew she couldn't hear him, but talking to her was a good thing because for comatose patients, hearing stories exercises their brain circuits, which can trigger first glimpses of awareness. If Lea continuously heard the voice of someone she loved, she could wake up sooner and then also recover sooner. Scientists have actually said that talking to coma patients was a good aid in recovery.
All of a sudden, her fingers started to curl slightly and actually grip his hand a little bit, which startled Shaun and pulled him back into the zone. She was beginning to slowly wake up, stir, and twitch.
Letting go of her hand, Shaun dashed out to the hall to inform a nurse or doctor that Lea was starting to wake up.
When he returned to Lea's room with a nurse this time, he noticed that she was having some trouble opening her eyes as they fluttered.
"Ms. Dilallo, I'm Nurse Bello. You're in a hospital. You stabbed yourself."
It took a few minutes for Lea to finally start talking as it also took her a while to take in and be aware of her surroundings and also to remember what happened the last time she was awake.
"Shaun?" Lea asked, slightly disoriented.
"I'm right here, Lea," replied Shaun with eyes full of small tears. "I'm right here."
Once Lea had a sort of full understanding of where she was, things started to get a bit more worrisome due to her behavior.
"Why am I here? I should be dead! Why am I alive? Why did you save me? You weren't supposed to save me!"
Lea sounded angry as she screamed at the nurse; Shaun just stared at her helplessly as his wife continued to hiss at the nurse while kicking and screaming.
"Lea, just calm down," the nurse told Lea, attempting to hold her down, but it was no use.
"I deserved to suffer a slow and painful death! I didn't deserve to live!" Lea continued to shout and scream, and it began to worsen once she started attempting to rip out her IV.
This led to the nurse calling in for more nurses and doctors. "We're going to have to sedate her," she informed Shaun. "I need you to step out."
Shaun continued to cry as he walked out of Lea's room, covering his ears from the noise of Lea fighting her sedation.
Now that Lea has finally woken up, intense suicide watch has just started, and for the first 24 hours, no visitors were going to be allowed in her hospital room…not even Shaun. Before Lea disappeared and attempted suicide, it was only a periodic suicide watch.
Shaun hated that it seemed like Lea was being stripped of her dignity and her humanity, but he didn't know what else to do in order for Lea to get better, which was why he was now back at St. Bonaventure with Pam and Mike (and Violet, who was gurgling in his arms) talking with Dr. Quach, the new psychiatrist who was going to be treating Lea, about the future of Lea's treatment.
"So, let's start from the beginning of step one, which is starting with the medication," informed Dr. Quach. "We'll continue with antipsychotics for the delusions and hallucinations and antidepressants for her depressive symptoms. However, we might add in some mood stabilizers to stabilize her mood and prevent symptoms recurring."
"I already know what the purposes of antipsychotics, antidepressants, and mood stabilizers are. Which medications are you recommending? Are you switching them or are you keeping her on the ones she was originally prescribed," Shaun asked, feeling Violet's hand pull on his fingers. "She has barely taken any of the medication that was already prescribed. The problem wasn't the wrong medication, it was the fact that she wasn't taking it at all."
"I know. For antipsychotics and antidepressants, we can still keep her on Zyprexa and Zoloft since sertraline and olanzapine are acceptable for breastfeeding. If those don't work, we'll switch them out and see what we can do," Dr. Quach explained as best as she could. "Lithium is also an acceptable mood stabilizer for breastfeeding, so maybe we could try putting her on that as well. Overall, let's just start off with the medicine she was first prescribed and see if that does anything."
"How are you going to even make sure she actually swallows it?" Pam questioned with skepticism, folding her arms. "And what are you going to do if medication doesn't work?"
Shaun immediately thought about that question as he gently bobbed Violet in his lap, using his knee. Lea's delusions and hallucinations literally told her that the medication was evil and she came up with clever ways to fool everyone including him, and the only solution to solving that he could think of was forcing it down her throat…something way too cruel.
"Does it involve shoving it down her throat?" Shaun queried, hoping that the answer wasn't "yes".
"No, we are never doing that. Her treatment will also involve cognitive-behavioral therapy, which is a talking therapy that can help her manage her problems by changing the way she thinks and behaves," clarified Dr. Quach. "Basically, reasoning with Lea is the most humane way to get her to take her medication, which will still involve a nurse watching her take her medication to make sure she actually takes it."
"Again, what if none of that works?" Mike faltered. "What are you going to do then?"
"Well," the psychiatrist sighed, looking away from Shaun, Pam, and Mike. "Then the only option left would be electroconvulsive therapy if everything else fails and she gets worse. We want to make sure she responds well to the medication and therapy first. However, we might be getting close to ECT as an option, especially if she continues to refuse and finds another way to trick everyone into thinking she is taking it. And she will have to receive ECT if she attempts suicide again. Odds are, her treatment may include that because of everything that has happened to her so far. We'll see."
"How are you going to keep her from running away?" Shaun asked desperately.
"We'll be moving her to a room where the windows don't open, and they're also bulletproof so there is no way she can break them," reassured Dr. Quach.
Shaun was hoping all this treatment would work no matter what the doctors would try, especially with a new psychiatrist and a more competent nurse. Dr. Quach also seemed more empathetic and sympathetic than Lea's previous psychiatrist, who just medicated her instead of giving her actual therapy. He actually told Lea to get over herself.
Hopefully, Lea would get better because of this much better psychiatrist. Step one was hopefully going to be successful and work. In addition, Shaun was also going to refer himself to see a psychiatrist, thinking that maybe antidepressants and mood stabilizers could help him a bit and manage his postpartum depression and anxiety.
Before he got up to leave, he took a look at Violet, who cooed at him.
AN: Sorry for the sad stuff, but things will be getting better in the next chapter as Lea will actually get treatment that works…but I'm not going to go into any details. Please review and share your thoughts.