Chapter Summary: Basically just an update on Shaun and Lea's recovery…as well as them remembering an unforgettable Christmas.
AN: I'm excited that we are basically a week away from the season premiere, and I'm glad that I might be able to finish before it because after this chapter, there will be only one final chapter left of this story. Enjoy :)
Violet was four months old when Christmas had come around. According to Google as well as other baby and parenting websites, Violet would actually be five months old at 19-20 weeks, but Shaun thought that made no sense and also believed that it was a bit confusing since August was actually four months ago. He calculated how many months old Violet was based on the 7th day of each month since she was born…September 7th was one month old, October 7th was two months old, November 7th was three months old, and December 7th was four months old.
This month, she had also received her second doses RV1, DTaP, Hib, PCV13, and IPV…and there were much more doses and immunizations to come in the first few years of her life. All these monthly doctor's appointments as well as planning out the entire vaccine schedule in only one year was exhausting, but with Violet belonging to the categories of medically vulnerable populations such as small children, the elderly, and people with compromised immune systems, it was very important that she would get all of her vaccines on time at the exact recommended time.
Now that Violet was sleeping in more solid, longer stretches at night, it was a bit easier for Shaun to get some sleep even though she still woke him up in the middle of the night with either her cries or her gurgles. Since there was now a more predictable schedule for naps, bedtime, and feedings, Shaun (and even Lea) decided that Violet was going to start sleeping and napping in the nursery crib next month, which meant that the pack 'n' play would become a playard and a travel crib.
When it came to her physical development, Violet could roll over from front to back, sit with support, hold small objects in her hands, hold up her head and chest, reach for things with one hand, and push up her elbows during tummy time. Still, she didn't like to smile a lot (apparently a sign that she could be autistic), especially during peek-a-boo - unless her favorite little Dr. Duckling was being waved in front of her face. She obviously must have preferred to coo and gurgle when happy.
The infant also displayed excellent fine motor skills. She was grabbing and grasping things such as a finger or the nose of someone holding her in their arms, her bottle, anything dangling in front of her face, and a few toys.
Lea's mother was still here in San Jose to help out around the house and also with Violet, and she was going to be here to drive Shaun crazy until January 4th, the day after Lea's birthday (he did appreciate her help, though). Her father went back to Hershey a week after Lea woke up in the hospital because he still had to work and he only had two years left before he would be able to retire, so someone needed to pay the bills back home.
Pam would do some household chores and feed the fish while Shaun was at the hospital, either doing his job or visiting Lea. If neither he, Dr. Glassman, or Debbie would be able to take Violet to daycare or pick her up from there, she would be the one to get that done instead. She would also visit her daughter in the hospital, giving her mani-pedis, brushing her hair, and video chat with Mike. Every time she visited, she would bring Lea some traditional Italian Christmas dishes to make her feel at home or at least like she was having Christmas Eve and Christmas at her grandparents' house.
Nonetheless, Shaun wasn't really that thrilled when Pam bought them a giant Christmas tree for their apartment, especially because they had no ornaments to put on it and the fact that it worked best to be put out outside on the patio.
Debbie, Dr. Glassman, and Claire often helped out as well.
As for Lea, she was still hospitalized, but she was getting better…yet not completely better 100%.
When it came to her physical health, except for permanent infertility, she had no further long-term complications from her internal injuries.
As for her mental health, she was heading towards the light at the end of the tunnel because Dr. Quach said that Lea is probably close to getting a lot better that she might be able to be released from the hospital soon (but not without continuing medication and cognitive-behavioral therapy). It took a while with a lot of convincing and reasoning, but cognitive-behavioral therapy did convince Lea to take her pills and stop flushing them down the toilet. The medication has been a great help in pulling Lea back into reality.
Although the medications Lea was prescribed were considered mostly safe and low-risk for breastfeeding as told by Dr. Quach, she decided to stop for a while because she was fearful of the effects they would have on Violet now that she was actually taking them, so the little girl has been getting formula-fed for a while, which made Lea feel like she had failed as a mother. Helping her come to terms with that and remembering that fed is best was also part of her therapy.
Although Lea didn't see her hysterectomy as a big deal as she and Shaun never really wanted more than one child, it was not being able to breastfeed and being apart from Violet for long hours that made her sad and upset. Speaking of having more children, even Dr. Quach agreed that if Lea didn't get a hysterectomy, she would have recommended waiting a few years or more to even think about another baby…but that was already a closed chapter in her and Shaun's life.
As for Shaun, he was still going to therapy and he was also prescribed an antidepressant after taking Dr. Lim's advice to at least try medication and see how it works out for him. Now every morning, he would orally take a 50 mg dose of Zoloft. The psychiatrist that prescribed his medicine told him that if his thoughts of suicide ever continued or just got worse, then they would take him off immediately or just prescribe him something else.
Shaun was really hoping that the medication would actually help the same way that psychotherapy was helping him.
Other than all the crazy and scary things that have happened since Violet was born, this was the first year that Shaun actually had Christmas day itself off. He was going to spend the day visiting Lea while also bringing Violet with him. According to protocol, it might still be an unwise idea to have Lea and Violet alone in a room together, but it was now safe to have them both in the same room with someone else present.
Right now, Shaun was outside St. Bonaventure's building, the diaper backpack hanging over his back while he had one hand holding the car seat with Violet buckled up in it and snuggled with her favorite blanket.
"Are you ready to go see your mommy?" He cooed at the little girl, looking down at her. This was going to be the sixth time since Lea's suicide attempt where only he and Violet would visit her.
When Shaun and Violet were about to enter Lea's room in the psychiatric ward, Lea was sitting on her bed playing a game of solitaire. Her room was made to look just like her home. A framed picture of her, Shaun, and Violet was sitting on her bedside table. It was the photo that Naomi, the doula that helped her through her labor with Violet, had taken of the three of them not long after Violet was born. In the picture, both she and Shaun were staring down happily at their bundle of joy. Also, they both looked like they just rolled out of bed and Lea was crying tears of joy.
She would fall asleep looking at it every night.
"Shaunie! Violet!" Lea bubbled excitedly as her husband walked into their room with their daughter in her car seat.
"Hello, Lea," Shaun greeted back before walking over to kiss and hug her, taking a seat in the armchair next to Lea's bed and then setting the car seat and the diaper backpack down next to the bed.
Lea saw Violet and thought she looked so damn adorable with the way she was dressed. She was wearing a white footie with dinosaurs on it as well as a cap that perfectly coordinated with it.
She seemed to be growing every week.
"Who dressed her? Was it you or my mom?" She asked curiously, hoping that the answer was Shaun. Her mother would have most likely dressed up Violet in something "girly". Whenever she would come with Violet to visit, the baby would be dressed up in a tutu, a bow, or something frilly.
"I'm the one who dressed her," answered Shaun as he unbuckled the baby from her car seat and then hoisted her up into his lap. "It's a good outfit for when it's 59 degrees outside and the hat perfectly matched the footie."
"Aw, cute!" Lea gushed, reaching out to squeeze Violet's tiny hand and gently smother her with kisses. "Mommy misses you so much!"
Two hours into visiting, Shaun continued to have Violet sit up in his lap while he and Lea played a game of checkers. They spent the first 45 minutes gushing over Violet, but then that started to get a little boring, so they decided to just talk about things such as their day and treatment as well as play games while Shaun would try to keep Violet entertained with her Dr. Duckling.
"King me!" Lea chirped and commanded, followed by Shaun making the move he was told to perform.
After they finished playing the game, they decided to just let Violet have tummy time on the bed and watch her do some adorable things…and also making sure she doesn't roll herself over off of the bed.
As Lea watched Shaun dangle a toy in front of Violet's face, she remembered back when Shaun was stuck in a quarantined ER on Christmas Eve towards the start of Christmas day and how he ended up having to perform a harrowing c-section.
"Remember the time when you were quarantined over the holidays four Christmases ago?" Lea reminded. "That was kind of our first Christmas together; not as a couple, but while living together."
"Yes," Shaun replied, thinking back to that memory. "And you had to drive Dr. Glassman to his imaging appointment."
"And when he thought his tumor was back, it turned out to be a…" Lea paused and looked up at the ceiling, trying to remember what it was, but nothing came out at the top of her head. "Wait, what was it again?"
"A meningitis CFS leak in his head," disclosed Shaun. "COVID was so much worse than that ER quarantine and we already were overpacked during that time, but that quarantine that happened a year before was very stressful."
"I can't even imagine," sighed Lea.
"We were understaffed. Until Park broke in and Ester mentioned that she was a retired veterinarian, it was only me, Morgan, Dr. Lim, Nurse Villanueva, Nurse Petringa, and Tyler the EMT that were the available medical professionals. Two of them are dead now from a type of coronavirus from different times. Tyler died from SARS in the quarantined ER while Nurse Petringa died from COVID during the pandemic," recounted Shaun sadly. He sometimes wondered what Viola, the pregnant woman in the quarantined ER, would have thought about the nurse that helped deliver her baby in a quarantined ER dying of COVID. "During the middle of a surgical repair of Santa Pete's bowel obstruction, Dr. Lim passed out, Toby went into hypoglycemic shock, and then Kellan had an asthma attack when his inhaler was empty. Then I had to deliver Viola's baby, which included a few serious complications for both her and her son. Also, all the sandwiches we were given had pickles in them, but I think I also should have said that pickles are one of my dietary restrictions because they asked if anyone had any. Also, until Park shattered it, that light would not stop buzzing."
"No wonder you melted down," Lea added, aware of the many meltdowns Shaun had during COVID. "It's also funny that by coincidence, Glassy and I happened to be talking with Viola's husband in the waiting room while you performed the emergency c-section. You were with the mother, I was with the father, and then you and I ended up getting married and having babies together."
Now that Lea mentioned it, Shaun thought about Viola, Clifton, and their son. Before Shaun left the ER to go home after everyone was cleared, they told him that they were naming their little boy Nicholas Shaun. They picked Nicholas because it was one of the Christmas-y baby names (as in St. Nicholas or Santa Claus, even though St. Nicholas was actually a 4th century bishop) they liked and Shaun was pretty much just after the doctor that helped deliver their baby. Right now, the whole family was probably somewhere celebrating Nicholas's fourth birthday and the holidays.
Shaun and Lea's baby had a name of special meaning as well. A baby name with a colorful meaning and a name that literally meant "life" was a perfect name for a rainbow baby as well as names that had meanings such as "hope", "renewal", "victory", or "miracle".
"Unfortunately, the aftermath wasn't that good either because I was under investigation for that meltdown I had," said Shaun.
"Yeah," sighed Lea softly, glaring at Violet with love.
"Again, how has everything been going for you mentally? Please be honest," Shaun asked for the umpteenth time about Lea's mental health and the thoughts she was having. Dr. Quach said that she was getting better, but Shaun also wanted to ask Lea and see for it himself.
"I'm still having rough days," sighed Lea as she continued to stare at Violet. "However, I haven't been hearing voices for two days already and now I see my delusions as for what they really were…delusions. I'm still having intrusive thoughts, though. But Dr. Quach has been teaching me how I can challenge and reframe my thinking."
"That's good," simpered Shaun with some slightly enthusiastic hand gestures. "Dr. Burns has been teaching me that, too. I still have intrusive thoughts, too."
"That's great, Shaun," chuckled Lea nervously. "Not the intrusive thoughts, but the fact that you're finding ways to manage them. I also have some very good news."
"What is it?" Shaun started to bubble with excitement.
"I'm going home in two days!" Lea exulted. "I mean, I'll still need therapy and medication and I'm not 100% better, but who cares! I can finally go home! Dr. Quach was going to tell you, but I wanted to tell you myself. It's a Christmas miracle!"
"Yes!" Shaun crowed, scooping Violet up into his arms as he and Lea began to dance around the room with happiness and relief.
Then, two days later when Lea went home, every day since they were all together again, they worked together on getting mentally healthy again.
They also needed to be careful and watch out for signs of relapse because it was possible in both of them.
Claire (and also their therapists) also told them about a support group for parents dealing with postpartum mental illness, and they were maybe thinking about attending. That could also be a part of their healing process.
After everything they've been through - the stillbirth, Lea's difficult pregnancy, and prenatal and postpartum mental illness - they were already near the light at the end of the tunnel.
AN: I hope you all enjoyed. Please review and share your thoughts. Just one more chapter left!