(A/N)
It is about Cas' deal but this time it's written a little more from Dean's perspective. It's also a songfic, based on a song that I really love.
The song I used is 'Crying In The Rain' by a-ha.
*Import from my other account; originally writen on August 21, 2020*
Dean was standing in the bunkers' kitchen and tried to make breakfast.
His hands were shaking and he burned his hands with the pan, twice already. He hated it to be alone. Two months had passed since Cas told him and his brother Sam, during an heated argument, about his deal with the Empty. Back then the argument had stopped immediately and Dean went quiet. He refused to be alone with Cas too long since then because he thought he could do something he would regret later.
Sam seemed to notice it and whenever Cas was near Dean, Sam was there too. Besides a little small talk when they were eating or questions and answers when they had a case, Dean and Cas didn't talk. Sam was kind of alarmed because he know his brother well enough to know that Dean wasn't okay. The otherwise so clever and pragmatic hunter looked pale, tired and restless. Sam wished he would talk.
More frequently Dean disappeared in the afternoon and came back drunk or with a random woman by his side. This is what he had always done. Burried his sorrow and pain in alcohol and sex.
He wasn't mad that Cas made the deal. They all did some crazy things in their life but they always found a way back more or less. Because they had time. But this time they didn't have time. Cas held his secret back way too long. And that is why Dean was mad. Cas, someone so much more than just a friend, hadn't told him anything. He felt betrayed and disappointed.
So right now he was in the kitchen and waited for the other two men to come in. The first, of course, was Cas. Dean had the feeling that it was on purpose but he was too hurt to do something about it. Quietly Cas approched, Dean glared at him.
Cas looked worn out and thinner than before. His grace couldn't help him anymore since it was fading. With an emotionless face, Dean turned away, took a plate and handed it to Cas. Cas took it for a tiny part of a second their fingers touched. They both looked up and immediately the room was filled with an explosive tension.
"Dean, I don't know... I'm-"
"Cas, don't!" Dean looked at Cas, in his eyes anger and pain. This was the situation he was afraid of. Sam wasn't around and he was fighting this inner battle again. His heart told him to take the plate out of the angel's hands and hug him until they couldn't breath anymore. It was obvious that Cas was suffering too.
But Dean listened to his mind and that said something else.
"Couldn't you trust me? Or what was it? Tell me man, 'cause I can't understand it. Did you even thought about what it would do to me, to Sam? Sam is you're friend as well. Tell me!" Dean blurted out.
"Dean, leave Sam out of this. Right now it is between you and me." Cas whispered. After a long time of silence, Dean finally showed a reaction. Cas could tell that he was shocked but relieved, he still cared so much about Dean. "Dean, honestly I can't tell you why I kept it to myself. I only can assure you that I truly and deeply am sorry."
"Don't tell me this bullshit. If you can't tell me the truth now", Dean shouted, "I swear this time it will be forever. Then you're-"
"Don't!" Cas eyes were wide and filled with tears but his voice was as cold as ice. "Don't you dare say that to me again!" He stared at Dean.
"Guys, what is going on here?" Sam appeared in this moment. "I could sense something in the hallway-" Sam stopped. Dean looked at him, an exhausted look on his face. Cas looked like he was in shock. Dean passed Cas and bumped him lightly. Cas turned around and held Dean by his left arm.
"Please-", he pleaded but Dean tore himself away and headed towards the door.
"Breakfast is ready, Sammy", he mumbled, "I'm not hungry anymore, I'll go for a ride." With that he was gone.
"Cas, what the hell. Care to explain what I walked into?!"
"Forget it!" Cas sigehd and disappeared. Shortly after that the door of the bunker closed for a second time. Sam sighed and sat down at the table. He put his head in his hands and shook it slightly.
"They're idiots. Stubborn and too proud idiots. It could be so easy if they only would talk properly to each other."
Dean drove down the road until he reached a little forest. He saw it a while ago when they were returning from a case and now he decided to take a closer look at it. He pulled over and followed the old way a little.
All the while the radio was playing. He hadn't had the strength to choose a tape since it reminded him of something special. Although it wasn't his usual of music, he listened to the song.
I'll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurting me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide
All my sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain
If I wait for stormy skies
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes
You'll never know that I still love you
So only heartaches remain
I'll do my crying in the rain
Raindrops falling from heaven
Could never take away my misery
But since we're not together
I pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see
Someday when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But 'til then, darling, you'll never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain (oh)
Since we're not together
I pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see
Someday when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But 'til then, darling, you'll never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
It was too much for Dean. He turned off the motor, got out of the car and started walking towards the trees. When he came to a clearing, he stopped. He lowered his head and sighed. His feelings were pure chaos right now and he feared he would explode. He turned his face towards the sky and sighed again.
It was a hazy day and all he could see were dark clouds. He closed his eyes and dropped to his knees when the first raindrop fell.
(A/N)
I really hope you liked this short story and I'm sorry when I upset you.
Thank you for reading and as always: If you liked it, please leave a comment. I would really appreciate that. 3