HOUND
CHAPTER REWRITTEN - 9/21
Another part of the rewritten chapters. I felt like all the other ones fell so flat, really weren't up to the quality I want to aim for.
So it's been some time since I wrote before, I think I just wasn't in the groove of it. But with some good AOT: POV playlists it's been really coming back to me lol
The old chapter was about 3,000-4,000k words
Which is very little considering my standard is a minimum of 8,000k per chapter.
So this chapter is now 14,500k because I like long chapters with lots of detail and, hopefully, entertaining content.
Good content ye ye
I hope y'all enjoy!
When new reviews are made I will post my replies at the end of the chapter!
Anne had a goal, something worthy of her intense focus. She had fallen quiet these last few weeks, the usually bubbly young woman had started to mellow out.
It was enough that everyone noticed, but since she wasn't unhappy they were unsure what to do. Anne worked on the farm every day, she played with Wiebke, taught Eva new things to fill in the gaps. The only difference is her usual talkativeness had vanished.
Today, that would change. Not because of anything the makeshift family said or did, but because Anne was finally ready to be honest. Anne knew full well it would not go over easily, she anticipated having to defend herself and her choices despite her life being her own.
Liesa had always been protective of Wiebke, but since Anne and Eva had managed to merge themselves into the family unit... a lot had changed. On some level Anne and Eva had become part of Liesa's family, related or not, this small group had grown close together.
None closer than Anne and Eva's own companionship. With the duo spending long hours of the day together, staying up late, and practicing a million different things. They tested Eva's titan powers and sometimes just laid back while Anne read a book and taught Eva new words.
Eva had no empty spots anymore, as far as they could see. Her memory was still a mess, but it was now impossible to tell anything was different about her. She had learned the whole walk and talk of humanity. It came naturally, so teaching her hadn't been too hard.
Still, Anne beamed at her friend every time she saw Eva fit in a little more. There was absolutely no fear for Eva around the farm or in town at all, she knew exactly how to navigate the finer points of human life. As far as the family was concerned, she is as human as they are.
Eva felt ashamed to be happy. After the pain she brought in Shiganshina, it was hard for her to believe she deserved it. Similarly, Anne had a hard time enjoying life when she knew what was out there. Both of the women felt guilt for surviving Shiganshina and daring to live a good life after.
Despite their likeness, neither ever spoke to the other about that day in Shiganshina. There had been enough talk about death and destruction, they didn't want to revisit it in fear of upsetting the other.
Which is what lead to these last few quiet days from Anne. She knew the family had been trying so hard to heal from the suffering and loss in Shiganshina. It felt almost wrong to bring it up.
But this silence couldn't go on forever, eventually they would know. Anne had made her decision to leave for training, after the end of this harvest, she make her own path.
As Anne sat at the table for dinner, Eva joining beside her as always. Liesa prepared another dinner for Wiebke and to thank the new additions to their family that turned the farm around. The titan in charge of all the heavy lifting was always happy to eat, relishing all good food that came her way just the same as anyone else.
With a plate piled with fresh, carefully prepared food, Eva was all too happy to dig in. Tearing in half a small bit of bread for herself and Wiebke, a smile across her face as she handed the smaller piece to the little girl.
Anne hesitated to join in, it was hard to even think about mentioning her plans. It was like this day after day since she made up her mind. This wouldn't work, just blurting it out at the table made Anne anxious about breaking the peace. It had been so tense when they first arrived, but it had been a little over a year since Shiganshina and...
Internally Anne struggled to do anything. And she wasn't truly happy. That helplessness she felt in Shiganshina hadn't ever gone away completely. When the first gate fell and she saw a titan peering into the city, she knew it was bad. Then she arrived at the gate into Wall Maria. That was a different kind if hopelessness entirely, she wasn't sure if anyone was going to survive.
Since that day she's been anxiously waiting to find out when Wall Rose was next. It made her sick to her stomach, but she couldn't help it, no matter how hard she tried to push it out of her mind. All that did is make her feel like she was going to explode.
Anne fidgeted with the food on her plate, taking small bites as her mind raced. Unbeknownst to her Eva and Liesa shared a look, they could clearly see something was wrong, but didn't know what to do about it. Up until now whenever Anne had a problem she would share it openly, she never was one for keeping secrets.
The friendship between Eva and Anne had been so strong the two were inseparable. It was strange seeing them not on the same page. Liesa's concern grew ever greater as she saw Eva worrying over her friend as well.
Any time they asked though was met with, "I'm just feeling a bit tired today. Might be coming down with something?" Anne would brush off their concerns, never once giving a straight answer.
As the night grew dark and all the plates were empty, Anne was the first off to bed. She only thanked Liesa for the meal before she left up the stairs. Once Eva heard her door close, she turned towards Liesa. "I don't know what's wrong still." Eva laid her plate into the sink as Liesa did the same.
"I know, though I had hoped it would get better in time..." Liesa placed a motherly hand on Eva's arm. "I'm sure she will come around. She cares about us, maybe that's why she hasn't said anything. She's worried how it could affect you?" Though Liesa had no idea how serious the issue was, she had assumed Anne was protecting them from something.
Eva nodded, though her expression didn't lighten any. "I'd feel better if I knew what it was. I could help or try to anyways. Can't do anything right now, it's frustrating."
With a knowing look, Liesa smiled at the taller woman. "Of course you want to help. Sometimes people just have to deal with things on their own for a while."
While Liesa was right, it didn't really comfort Eva. They simply had to accept that Anne needed time to think, when she was ready the family would be there to listen. For the time being with Liesa's advice, Eva would remain patient.
When the sun came up, the farm was brought to life. Last night's rain had soaked into the plant beds and the well worn paths around the house and fields. Wiebke wore her boots and continued her small chores while her mother tended to delicate care of their plants, sharing little sprouting flowers with each other to put up a bouquet in the house.
Eva woke up late, curious to see Anne's usual morning routine had not yet reached her. It was unusual, Anne always had to come into the barn to start her day and she would wake Eva up as she swung the doors opened.
Eva stretched out over the massive pile of loose hay, relaxing into the dips and bumps. If the night was dry she would've been resting outside on that broken hill that the sun lit up every day. Thankfully, Eva had long since learned how to manage her needs for sunlight.
Absorbing energy throughout the day, she slept long before she was forced to. Retaining that energy while she rested easily bypassed her limitation entirely. Since figuring this out, they never had an issue with Eva in complete shade... save for those unusually long storms that lasted a few days. They still slowed Eva down.
Even though she had the energy to wake up whenever she wanted to, she still preferred to sleep as long as possible. If Eva could she would sleep her days away, lounging around lazily like a house cat. She was teased relentlessly for her laziness, even Eva enjoyed the jokes.
At times she had to be coaxed into working, this was not one of those mornings. She had not attempted to sleep through work, yet she was late. Today was harvest day, all the big fields had to be pulled up, collected, and sold. This was one of those days Eva was needed most for, majority of the day would be heavy lifting equipment and transporting the harvest into the wagons.
Eva's head tilted back, looking at the door to the barn upside down. It was still shut, it appeared as though no one had entered today at all.
Frowning, Eva rolled onto her hands and pushed herself up. Loose hay fluttered around her and stuck to her skin and hair. As she stood she brushed it off before cracking the barn door and peering outside it. Just to be cautious, Eva looked around towards the house to see if anything was wrong.
It appeared all normal, she could even see Wiebke running on the far side of the house. The little girl was smiling, flowers in hand. If something was wrong, there were no obvious signs.
Pushing the door open, she stepped into the overcast sunlight with a long, languid stretch. Having heard the big creaky doors to the barn open, Liesa's head popped up over the short mossy stone wall. She smiled, waving her gloved hand at Eva.
Eva blinked, still confused at why she wasn't seeing Anne anywhere. She waved back, leaving the barn doors open knowing they would be returning throughout the day.
She made her way over to the mother and daughter. Looking down she could see her feet sinking into the mud, leaving footprints that were too big to be human. Usually, Eva remained stood at ten foot, ready to work without expending any energy to change her size.
It also meant on days where the ground was wet she would leave tracks obvious not human. It made her nervous sometimes, worrying that someone might come to farm one day and see these. Still, it was highly unlikely anyone would suspect there was a titan inside Wall Rose.
When Eva reached Liesa's side, she crouched down on the other side of the stone barrier.
"Here, would you mind putting these in the wheelbarrow?" Liesa pointed to the steadily growing stack of plant trimmings and pulled weeds. Eva just reached over and gingerly picked it up, passing over Liesa's head and into the wheelbarrow a few feet away. "Thank you."
Liesa sat back, her garden gloves and work clothes all splattered with mud and dirt. She had been working for a short while, but no where near done yet. "Good morning, Eva. Sleep well?"
Looking up and searching the farm, Eva nodded. "Slept in... Where's Anne?"
The question was expected, "She's taking care of the livestock today, so she'll be out in the field outside the trees." Liesa knew that answer only created more questions. Seeing Eva frown, Liesa continued so the titan would not have to ask. "She wanted to handle the animals today, she asked to. I figure it's related to what's been bothering her, because it meant she wouldn't be going into the barn this morning like she usually does."
"She's... avoiding me?" Eva rested her elbows on her knees, leaning forward to Liesa.
"I think so. It's complicated for sure, but she doesn't mean anything against you I'm sure." Liesa gave her a gentle smile, trying to comfort the clearly distressed titan. It was unusual, but not so much on this farm anymore. "When people hold onto secrets like this, sometimes they might feel guilty about it. Especially if they know that you know they're hiding something. I don't think Anne would ever avoid you unless she felt she had to... for you. Do you see?"
Liesa's motherly advice had always helped the two in the past. The woman had heaps of experience that she offered for them and Wiebke when needed. Eva was always accepting of her advice, she was still adjusting to normal life and it calmed her to talk to Liesa. Unfortunately, Eva and Anne had never truly disagreed or avoided each other before, so even Liesa's motherly comfort was limited.
Her words were still taken to heart and Eva was endlessly patient. However long it took for Anne to finally talk to Eva would be fine, the titan would wait.
If Anne chose to take care of the livestock, she did knowing Eva could not go out there this morning. The pastures weren't shielded by the forest, anyone who traveled along the nearby roads would see a titan wandering around. Harvest day required Eva's superhuman strength and size, this early in the morning with low energy changing her height to go out there would be a massive waste.
So it was a careful choice Anne made to avoid Eva this morning. It hurt strangely, but Eva would never complain.
"I'm sorry I slept in, today is a long day." Eva rose to her feet, turning her head towards the fields. "I need to start work so we will make on time." Eva left before Liesa could say anything else.
Sighing, Liesa just watched the titan walk away. She still wasn't exactly used to seeing a titan, but the fear she once felt had ebbed away. Eva had been good to them, never causing a moment of concern. She was as protective of the family as Liesa was of Wiebke.
Looking up to the grey clouds, Liesa felt worried about the two. The day felt so off without Anne and Eva's usual behavior to break up the morning routine. Things had such a strange finality to them with Anne and her titan companion. Liesa was a bit superstitious, saying her deepest worries out loud felt like it would make them real somehow.
Focusing back on her work, Liesa continued trimming the dead plants away. She had to keep working for today, there had been so much leading up to the biggest day of the year. A lot had changed, Liesa didn't even expect to have a harvest of anything, but her luck had changed.
Tomorrow, when things had died down and they had more time to themselves, Liesa promised herself she would start trying to talk to Anne.
Out in the fields, Anne spread out fresh hay in the stalls. She turned to one of Liesa's horses who was tied up just in the walkway while she tended to his stall.
Nervous and feeling the pressure, Anne leaned the pitchfork on the side of the stall. "Hey, Buttermilk." She rested a gentle hand on his nose. The calm temperament of this horse helped still Anne's nerves a bit. "If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone else?" Anne lamely chuckled to herself.
The horse just kept chewing on the hay in the box.
"I want to practice my big pitch to the family. I wanted to do it last week but... it's been weird. I know I've made things weird." Anne leaned against the half wall beside Buttermilk. "It's been so hard just to say it, because I know how they'll react. Or, well, I think I do. Doesn't matter if I'm right how it'll happen exactly; I know they won't like it."
Buttermilk's input was to snort, lazily chewing on another bundle of hay. He appeared as interested as the other horses did.
To which Anne took and ran with, lovingly petting his neck with her fingers running through his wiry mane. "I've just been dying to tell them how I feel... but I'll break their hearts. I can't stand the idea of hurting them. Liesa's been so kind, I mean she let an actual titan into her home. That's actually insane, we're both crazy..." Anne rolled her eyes, her laughter trailing off into a long groan.
"Then there's Eva..." Anne's hand slowed down, just resting on Buttermilk's mane. "She's so hard to read sometimes. I don't want to sound mean about it. She is a titan and that's made things a bit hard to- You know, it's hard."
Stepping away from Buttermilk, Anne ran her hands over her face. Buttermilk's ears swiveled, his head raising to look at the woman walking away from him before returning to his hay.
"Or is that just an excuse?" Frustration etched across her face. Anne spun in place, directly speaking to Buttermilk. "Am I just saying that to myself to make it easier to excuse me lying to them? Hiding it from them? Eva's always been good to us even though... I know what happened in Shiganshina. But if she was- She isn't! So it doesn't matter, right?"
Anne just started at Buttermilk, his long face deep into this bucket of food. When he had lifted his head again, a horse in the stall behind him neighed loudly.
Pointing to the horse that made some long winded noise, Anne nodded. "Exactly, Butterscotch! I'm just pointing out Eva's a titan because of my own insecurity, not because her being a titan actually changes anything."
She dropped her arm with a smile... Immediately followed by loud groan of frustration. This sudden loud noise caught the attention of all the horses in the stable. "Ah, what kind of jerk am I to say something like that? Eva's just being herself, titan or not. I'm scared because I know what I've chosen for myself will hurt her and... I'm so desperate to find someway to make it hurt less. Even if it's selfish..."
Anne returned to Buttermilk's side, the horse taking her patting as a sign everything was fine. He was losing interest anyways.
"I tried so hard to put this behind me and just ignore it." Anne gazed into Buttermilk's coat pattern, not really looking at anything. "If I could forget it entirely, that'd be perfect. I want to live on the farm just like they do; like Eva does. She is so happy here and I-" Her throat tightened, her eyes stinging as she fought it back. "... I'm not."
She rested the side of her head on Buttermilk, listening to his breathing as he scarfed down his food. "Why can't I be happy here like she is? Is there something broken in me that just makes it impossible for me to be happy? What's wrong with me?" Anne sniffled, her eyes starting to water. "I'd do anything to forget Shiganshina."
Anne kept slowly petting Buttermilk's back, the repetitive movement helping to calm herself down. She wanted anything that could stop her panic, anything to feel better than she had been feeling.
Desperate and panicked, Anne struggled to find a way out of her impossible situation.
"I want to find the answer that makes everyone happy, y'know? There must be something I'm not seeing. That I'm too stupid to think of, right?" Anne lifted herself carefully from Buttermilk's side, stepping into the stable's walkway. "I'm really good at a lot of things, but I was damn good tailor and I was happy. But nothing is enough anymore."
Anne unlatched Buttermilk from the stable wall, leading him back inside his own stall. She could see the beginning rain, it was light, but the horses wouldn't be let out until their pastured wasn't a mudslide. For now, they would be kept safe and warm inside their stalls.
As she locked the stall door behind her, she moved on to the next horse. Anne hadn't been in the stable that much, her experience with farm animals had been limited before arriving on this farm so Liesa and Wiebke handled the animals. It was better since the horses were familiar with Liesa's company anyways.
Anne looked at the board on the front of the stall, etched into it was; "Buttercup?" Leaning back, she spied the other horses before. "Buttercup, Buttermilk, and Butterscotch... I bet Wiebke named you all, huh?" Shaking her head, she just giggled.
Out of curiosity, she looked at the next horse's name. "Applepie?" With a defeated sigh, Anne put her hands on her hips. "This family has a real problem with food."
As Eva tucked her buttoned up shirt into her waistband, attaching her suspenders before slipping on her shoes. She took a quick look in the mirror to make sure she was presentable. Pulling her hair up a few locks escaped, leaving her hair in a messy ponytail. Even though Liesa and Wiebke kept trying to get her to brush her hair, Eva tended to just toss it around without a care.
Leaving the house, Eva looked no different than anyone else. The deep blue shirt she wore was her favorite, it was the cleanest piece of clothing she had. Given any excuse to wear it she would. Before leaving for good she checked it over again just to be sure nothing had marred it.
"Oh!" Liesa huffed at Eva, "You have a brush, Eva."
Running a hand over her thick hair, Eva just smiled and shrugged. "I like it how it is."
Rolling her eyes, Liesa dismissed her. "Looks like a big birds nest." She patted the side of one of the wagon horses before climbing up. With the reins in her hands, she took her seat beside Wiebke. "Go on then, you're in the second wagon. Let's hurry before they close."
Eva saw the second wagon behind Liesa's. Two horses were already ready to pull it, filled with stacks to deliver. More importantly, her riding companion was Anne. She suddenly felt her body tense up, if she could sweat she would be pouring right now.
They hadn't talked all day and after such an awkward morning, Eva wasn't sure how to handle herself. All her usual confidence had drained away until she was a clumsy mess.
Even Liesa could see how Eva changed. Smiling sympathetically, she watched Eva bravely make her way to the second wagon. Though she wasn't doing it in a brave manner at all.
Stepping onto the wagon, Eva settled on her seat so close together Anne and Eva's elbows would brush together. Eva just gave the best smile she could manage, trying to put on a strong face. It wasn't as convincing as Eva hoped. Anne started to acknowledge her on the wagon when she saw how unnatural the smile looked on her face. Anne winced away.
"Uh- did you...?" Eva swallowed hard, "The reins?"
Anne had blanked entirely on it. Looking down to her hands she chuckled awkwardly. "Oh, right. Yeah, you can- I mean, if you want to. I can too, if you prefer."
"No, no. I can." Eva took the reins from Anne's hands, shifting back into her seat. "Thanks."
"Course."
Aside from that absolute train wreck, the ride away from the house went smoothly. Anne and Eva both resisted saying anything to each other, both painfully aware of how bad things were. Neither one trusting themselves to not be embarrassing either. They were already struggling as it was.
Anne didn't dare look at Eva again. Hiding such a big secret and seeing how it was affecting Eva had made her feel guiltier than ever. Everything she did felt like disrespectful to their friendship, Anne could barely stand to be on the wagon with her.
On the other hand, Eva was worried everything she did only made Anne more uncomfortable with her. While being a titan didn't really bother Eva outright, she was constantly worried about how this small family perceived her. She had been a wild monster at one point, that guilt ate her alive, but she ignored it to spare her family. Now Eva wondered if this started bother Anne.
Both equally paralyzed by their guilt, ashamed of hiding this guilt, and desperate to avoid hurting each other. To avoid all of it, they made everything far more complicated. Leaving both alone in their own thoughts and all they did was overthink every aspect of their lives together.
Eva glanced towards Anne, her worry over their friendship overwhelming. All she saw was Anne looking out to the forest, not once looking back at her.
The titan hated not just being themselves together. Anne was always lively, talking, and sharing everything with Eva. Eva always enjoyed listening to Anne, the woman could talk for both of them and that relaxed her. Though she could talk just fine these days, it still felt better letting Anne do all the talking. She liked it that way... and she though Anne did too.
For the most part this was true. Anne was talkative and outgoing, Eva being her closest friend meant the titan was the target for all her thoughts. They had worked so well together, Anne felt responsible for taking that away from Eva. Now and for the foreseeable future, that would disappear from Eva's life entirely.
The wagons finally passed the edge of the forest. The path into town wasn't a long one, but it would be a few minutes before they made it to a point where the ride stopped being awkward.
At times, Eva could see Liesa look back on them.
Eva knew it wouldn't get better if she didn't try something. As far as she was concerned, Anne didn't have to tell her anything. All Eva wanted was for this tension to be over, to enjoy the ride with her friend.
Taking a deep breath, Eva leaned forward on her knees. "Harvest was good." She caught Anne looking at her out of the corner of her eye, so she didn't stop. "Yeah, came away with more than we thought. Whatever Liesa did handled that rot saved a good bit."
Thankfully, Anne accepted this offer for small talk to break up the ride. "Liesa's been doing this since she was little, she's really good." It wasn't much, but it melted the ice between them quickly.
"Mmm, she's smart. Like that infestation of earwigs in the garden." Eva's eyes finally met Anne's, giving her a soft smile to encourage her.
Anne really wasn't sure what else to say about Liesa and her gardening skills though. It wasn't really a conversation and they both knew that. So Anne changed it a bit. "I mean, we're coming away with two wagons this harvest. That's a significant improvement." Anne tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "I mean, that's only possible because of you too."
With a swell of pride, Eva leaned back up to sit upright with Anne. "Ha ha, I only did what I was told." She took the praise shyly before a wide smile spread across her face. "Oh, Liesa said if this keeps up when we plant the summer harvests next year we'll easily be able to double it!" Her excitement was evident from that bright smile, but the harsh reminder of time had only pushed Anne away.
Briefly she shared Eva's joy over Liesa's predictions, only to remember she wouldn't be here for another year. Anne had made her decision and nothing would change her mind now. It hurt to think of being separated from this strange yet loving family they made together.
When Anne turned away, Eva's smile fell from her face, replaced with a twinge of hurt. Eva was confused at what she had said or done that might've caused Anne to turn away. All she could do it sit there helplessly as that rift between them returned for the rest of their ride into town.
It was tearing Eva apart on the inside. She felt so oblivious, as if she was somehow missing something obvious to everyone else around her. A part of her wondered if this was her titan self coming back, that there was a gap in her knowledge and only she was too dumb to see it.
She wouldn't say any of it to anyone though, too scared that it might just be true and hearing someone confirm it would break her. Instead of delving deeper into it, Eva just accepted that for now her friend was distant from her. They sat side by side, but they might as well be miles apart.
Resigned to this silence, Eva worked to block out the awkwardness between them and everything around it. She had to wait for something to change because she couldn't do it herself.
The rest of the ride was quiet, only the occasional passing traveler interrupted their monotonous trip. At times they felt light raindrops around them, but it never came down fully. Feeling the pressure of a fast approaching storm they hurried to their destination quicker than usual.
Arriving into town, they slowed the pace and slowly made their way through the cobblestone roads. Eva enjoyed being in town, seeing people go about their daily lives in peace. It was a welcome comparison to her only prominent memories of a city. With so many people, so many places still surviving it made Eva feel a bit more relaxed.
To be blunt, she loved being in town because it reminded her she was capable of it. Eva could be in this town with hundreds of people none the wiser, she was a titan freely wandering around and not a rampaging monster. She wasn't that thing in her memory anymore. It was mindless and violent, but she wasn't like that.
Any chance to prove to herself she wasn't a monster she would take it. Eva needed some way to physically prove it to herself. Words of support and kindness meant a lot, but nothing quite reached Eva like action.
When Wiebke played with her while she was thirty feet tall proved to Eva the girl wasn't scared of her. When Liesa prepared a big meal for the family and included an especially big plate for Eva proved to her Liesa wasn't worried about her appetite. Anne trusting Eva with her life proved to her she had worth to Anne and the family. Eva's perception of herself was heavily influenced by those around her, those she cared about and at times even strangers. Whatever value Eva had in her own mind was tied to this family, the farm, and what she could do for them.
Upon arriving to the market, Eva was quick to leave the wagon which surprised Anne. The titan was back to her usual stoic self, acting like nothing was bothering her at all. It was so strange to see Anne wondered if Eva could just turn off her emotions like that. All the tension between them seemed nonexistent to Eva anymore.
Curious, Anne joined her at the back of the wagon. She watched Eva start to unload the burlap sacks of various vegetables and fruits. Anne's guilt still kept her from asking what exactly just happened for Eva to change like that. The titan was practically a shaking leaf before and... Anne sighed, she had to let it go. This wasn't the time to get into anything.
Not that she wanted to of course. Anne couldn't shake her own self deprecating thoughts swirling in her head. She felt like a coward for not telling the family exactly how she felt. As time went on, she wondered if she wasn't telling them to spare them or herself.
Anne jumped back when a sealed sack was dropped onto the wagon edge in front of her. Looking up through the sprinkling of rain she could see Eva standing on the wagon, looking down on her. While the wagon was attributing to their positions, this is exactly how small Anne felt compared to her. The usually fiery woman was reduced to hiding away from her larger than life friend, despite how rarely Eva brought attention to herself.
Struggling with her own internal dialogue, Anne grabbed the sack to pull it off the wagon. As she dropped the sack of... Anne looked at the label which just had markings for Faust Farmland and Livestock. Whatever was in this sack wasn't terribly heavy and thankfully the person they were selling it to had a place already cleared.
Eva jumped off the back of the wagon with four sacks full of grain, two in each arm. As she entered the warehouse, a few men were coming out to help them unload only to hesitate when passing Eva. She easily threw them into the building stack, returning just behind Anne.
Passing the front, Liesa waved to get their attention. "Remember, at least five sacks go to the refugee donations and throw in some other vegetables like the cabbage and tomatoes. Make sure to give a variety." Liesa reminded the two women as they continued to the wagon.
Already a number of the warehouse workers were unloading the wagons. Eva and Anne taking whatever they could from them to help stack. To get it done quickly, Eva began collecting the food for donations. It was something small that they could easily afford to give away and the donations were always quite sad looking. When Eva finishing with their own donation, she was glad to see some good food going to people that needed it.
Brushing the dirt off her hands, she moved to the first wagon and started helping unload it. It didn't take long for Wiebke to join in, trying to pick up a bag almost the same size as her.
Amused, Eva reached over to grab the top and lift it for her. "I did it!" Wiebke cheered triumphantly, unable to see up and over the giant sack to see Eva holding it. The titan just stifled a laugh as she followed Wiebke into the warehouse, the girl huffing and puffing under the small amount of weight Eva let hang.
Slowly marching into the warehouse, Liesa spotted the two and realized what was happening. She and the man just chuckled, returning to their discussion.
When they got to the growing stack of produce, Wiebke tried to pull back and throw the sack. Following her movement, Eva swung it backwards with the girl which pushed her a bit off balance, before pulling it into the stack and throwing it on top of the others.
Wiebke panted, "Got one!" As she spun around to share her success, she immediately ran into Eva. To not be suspicious, Eva threw two sacks off her shoulder onto the stack. Wiebke gasped, "Whoa... You're so strong!"
Eva smiled and gave the little girl a thumbs up before patting her head and walking back.
"Well, it was nice meeting you, Miss Faust." The rather large man shook her hand, "Please feel free to come back anytime, we'd be happy to do business again."
Accepting his hand, Liesa returned the polite smile. "Of course, I think we'd better hurry and get home before the storm rolls in. Have a good evening, Mister Baumann." With pleasantries exchanged, Liesa turned away to join the rest of her family by the wagons. Eva and Wiebke close behind her.
Before they could leave, the man gave a nod towards Eva. "And if you're ever looking for some honest hard work off the farm for some extra money, we're always in need of a strong arm." Eva gave him a short wave and a nervous smile; she had no intentions of ever leaving farm life with her family. Though the offer was appreciated and a bit flattering.
While Liesa helped Wiebke back onto the wagon, she took a step up and faced the other two women. "Let's try to get home quick. Wind's changed, I think that rain that's been threatening to happen all day is about to hit us."
"Yes, ma'am." Anne dutifully returned to their wagon, Eva not but a foot behind her.
A crack of the reins and they were off, the wagons now empty making for a much faster trip. The horses thundered along at a brisk canter, their hooves kicking up mud all around them. People in the town had predicted the same bad whether, everyone heading inside for shelter leaving only a few stragglers running home.
Anne reached over to turn on the oil lantern hanging on the edge of the wagon. Liesa wasn't exaggerating with how sudden the shadow of the clouds darkened. Riding out in the dark wasn't ideal for anyone, there had been no signs it would've started to storm on their big harvest day. Overcast with a light sprinkle was nothing, happened all the time while never getting any heavier.
A sharp cold wind blew their hair to the side, it was strong enough to start pushing Anne into Eva's side. The rain was fairly light right now, but it had slowly began to seep into their clothing. Anne couldn't stop the shiver up her spine, wrapping her arms around herself to try and stay warm.
As the whether began to blow icy cold air relentlessly, pushing them both and rocking the wagon. It creaked and groaned in protest, the horses hot breath now visible in the air. Anne looked down to see small puffs of her own breath causing another involuntary shiver.
Eva kept her focus on the road, seeing up ahead how Liesa wrapped Wiebke up in her shawl to help warm her from the rain. Realizing that her human companions were likely cold in this whether, she peeked down to see Anne shivering, trying to stop her teeth from chattering together.
Another perk of being a titan, she was always warm. Whatever caused a titan body to put off heat was certainly muted the smaller Eva got, but it was still very clear she was an oven compared to them.
Eva handed Anne the reins who was confused, but took them anyways. Before she could ask why, Eva grabbed Anne by the waist and picked her up, easily lifting Anne over while moving into Anne's position while sitting Anne back down beside her. Effectively, Eva moved to cut off the wind from Anne entirely.
It helped tremendously as Eva's towering frame blocked out the brunt of the cold winds. Then Eva wrapped her arm around Anne, pulling her flush against her side to share her titan body heat with the smaller woman.
Anne looked up to see Eva still focused on the road ahead of them, never taking her eyes of the dark path ahead. She wanted to say something to thank Eva, but nothing felt right. That guilt and fear still keeping Anne uncomfortably silent. Instead, Anne just melted into the warmth of her titan friend.
The ride felt longer than it really was. Even the awkward ride into town felt quicker than the family surviving the gradually increasing rain and cold winds that nearly knocked them over.
The storm had started throwing down heavy rain, flooding small dips in the dirt roads. After a painful slow ride to the house, they had finally arrived. But they still had more work to do before they could dry off.
"I have to take Wiebke in and get her dried off before she catches a cold!" Liesa had to yell over the rustling trees and thunder. "Or Anne, if you want out of the rain you could do it?"
Anne shook her head, "No, we'll take care of the horses. You both get inside!"
"Okay, thank you!" With that, Liesa carried Wiebke back indoors. There was a warm fire in the fireplace in their future, anything to cut this cold.
Anne directed one wagon to the stables while Eva took the other, both pushing through the slow careful ride into the stables. It was a relief to be out of the rain and able to hear each other again.
When they jumped down from the wagon seats, Anne's skirt made a loud wet flopping sound. Both their shoes squelching and squeaking with every step. Water poured from every inch of their clothing, they tried to ring out some parts of their clothes but they would only get wet again when they walked home.
Both the women were quick to help the horses, removing all the equipment before pulling them away from the wagons. Anne fetched the towels quickly, starting to pat the majority of water off their coats. They saw the steam rising from their backs, saw them panting after the long run home.
"Poor babies," Anne threw another soaked towel onto the floor. "You deserve a good long break and lots of treats."
Eva spared a worried glance over to Anne, seeing how gentle she handled the horses made her smile. The woman was beyond compassionate, her empathy ran deep for everyone around her. Eva wondered if that empathy is part of why Anne gave even a titan a chance.
All the horses got a fleece blanket to help dry them off, still light enough not to compress them. It would only be for a bit though, then they would remove the blankets and head up to the house. All the horses were chowing down hungrily and nearly drinking all their water in one go.
Anne was already working to restock, ensuring their stalls were perfectly dry and prepped. Right as Eva managed to get the courage to approach her.
Turning around, Anne jumped with a gasp to see Eva standing just behind her. "Oh, jeez. Don't sneak up on me like that." Eva looked down her to soaked boots, they weren't exactly quiet. She knew Anne hadn't heard her because she was too lost in thought.
"Anne." Eva's resonating tone demanded her attention, even if Eva didn't mean it that way. Anne gulped before daring to meet Eva's heavy gaze. That flat stare that once scared Anne by how disapproving it looked hadn't seemed that way in so long. Yet here she was, scared of it again. "What's wrong?"
Amazed by the bluntness after so many days of mutual silence, Anne blinked at her. "Nothing, just... cold, y'know? It's been a long day."
The hurt on Eva's features was powerful, Anne struggled to resist how it made her feel to lie to her. "Anne..." The furrow in her brow, the sad look in her eyes always got to Anne. It was rare Eva ever showed her emotions openly, the hurt puppy dog expression made Anne whine in defeat.
"It's nothing really, I've just been thinking-" In a moment of brilliance, Anne managed to come up with a diversion worthy to explain her sadness. It was part of the truth, but not everything. "I've been thinking about Shiganshina."
Eva was surprised to hear it mentioned after so long. They had some unspoken agreement to not talk about it that, in Eva's mind, explained why she hadn't voiced her thoughts these last few days. Earlier today Eva was fine with being patient, but she had been worried that Anne was actually waiting for her to make the first step. It appeared to Eva that this was right.
"Oh..." Eva took a step back, echoing exactly how taken aback she was. "What about it?"
Anne leaned her back against the stable wall, crossing her arms. She was really embarrassed by it, but chose at least some honesty. "What's not to think about? Shiganshina was my home, it's where my family lived."
Eva looked away, stricken yet again with paralyzing guilt. "Right... I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It's been almost two years and... I'm happy to have found this family. Still, it isn't the same." With a deep, shaky sigh Anne reminisced. "My mom was so feisty, you know? It's where I get it from definitely. She wasn't no nonsense, she was all about enjoying life to the fullest. Kinda a kid at heart. My dad was super chill, more like you really." She chuckled to herself, "You both would've gotten along so well."
Rubbing the back of her neck, Eva felt the raised scar along her nape. With her head turned away, Anne could see the scarred flesh. "I don't know about that." This small touch told Anne exactly what Eva was thinking about.
And it broke her heart. "You're not a monster."
Just hearing those words caused Eva to choke up. Her eyes wide and slowly reddening. She pushed it down as hard as she could to keep her composure. "Not so sure about that."
Anne didn't think of her as a monster, considering all the good Eva had done to prove herself. Still, it was difficult to argue against the past. It was fact that Eva was a rampaging beast that- Anne closed her eyes, trying to forget the red stained hands she crawled into so long ago.
"What's up with the scar anyways? You never told me." In hopes to change the mood, Anne gestured to the mark. Eva's head turned around too look at Anne directly, then her eyes fell to the scattered hay on the floor.
"You never asked."
It was true, without asking about Eva she never really spoke about herself. This left Anne believing Eva would do anything to not think about herself. She didn't blame Eva, it looked like simply knowing she wasn't human hurt Eva. "I thought maybe you'd tell me when you were ready."
Eva sighed, "I thought you would too." Though Eva mumbled it quietly, Anne still heard it.
So, Anne chose to pursue it. "Fair... will you tell me now?"
With a hesitant nod, Eva braved making Anne see her as a monster even more. "It was a soldier in Shiganshina, before I... woke up. Garrison, a few soldiers tried to stop me and other titans, but they just couldn't." It was hard to admit more of the atrocities she committed. "One soldier was good, he did it and he deserved the kill. I don't know how he did it, but he... cut my hands off then delivered a perfect cut to my nape. It should've killed me."
Anne's eyes were wide, shocked to hear Eva's brush with death. It was impossible to say that Anne was happy Eva survived, since at the time Eva was a mindless titan devouring people. The reckless slaughter was worthy to be punished by death and it felt disrespectful to the people Eva devoured.
"I sometimes wish it had." The tenseness of her expression wrote her pain out openly. "Don't get me wrong, I don't want to die; I deserved to. But he didn't deserve that. So many soldiers ran away that day, didn't even try to protect people... He did though. He fought back and he should be alive, not me."
With her eyes closed, Anne tried not to think about how he died. It was a terrible way to go, devoured by a titan. A terror Anne had once experienced herself. She understood how painful the realization that she was going to die felt. Even worse that this soldier had done everything right and he still died.
Yet Anne couldn't shake the unusual survival though. "You survived... But titan's die when their nape is cut. It's the only way we know to kill them."
Eva shrugged, "I don't know really. I can't explain a lot about me." She looked down to her odd hands, "I can't explain why I can think and talk. How I survived that deep cut to my nape. I mean, I don't even know why I have so many fingers." She chuckled grimly, no smile on her face.
Anne also looked at Eva's hands, the strange six fingers on each. "Twelve fingers is really odd. I can't say I've ever seen it before." With a quizzical frown, she focused on the edge of the scar. "So, why can't you heal it?"
Confused, Eva flexed her fingers. "The scar?" Eva shook her head, "I don't know that either. I don't scar from anything else. Even when I cut my arm with that plow, it healed up without a mark."
Humming in thought, Anne contemplated carefully on the wound. "Maybe it's because it's on your nape? Maybe you just can't heal there completely."
"Maybe."
They both fell into a comfortable silence, listening to the raging storm outside and the soft sounds of the horses. Their conversation wasn't easy, they both saw how it effected each other. Shiganshina was a deeply traumatic experience, each in their own way.
Anne thanked whatever higher power there was that Wiebke never saw any of it. The girl was spared so much pain and suffering from a little knock on the head. It still hurt her, but seeing the death around them would've scarred her for life.
Even Liesa was relieved to know Wiebke never saw any of it. No matter what, the memories of Shiganshina haunted everyone that survived. They often heard news in the papers about rashes of suicides in the refugee camps. Not to mention that terrible sacrifice of lives to relieve pressure on the food shortages and avoid starvation.
"How does it feel?" Anne broke the silence, "Being a titan."
As odd as the question was, Eva would do her best to answer anything Anne asked of her. "I don't know? I have nothing to compare it to. I don't know what it's like to be human... I know I'm always worried about saying or doing the wrong thing... Of hurting someone."
"Being human is pretty boring compared to being a titan. You can change your size, heal from every wound no matter how serious. You don't ever get exhausted and you're powerful, like insanely strong. I wish I knew what it was like to feel powerful." Anne awkwardly bit her lip as she expressed her envy.
It actually made Eva smile slightly, "I wish I was human. So I could just enjoy life as is. Be a part of the world and not feel like I don't belong or deserve to be happy. I want to be like everyone else and not have to hide."
"That's fair, I suppose." Anne came over to Eva, leaning on the same wall that Eva was. "I wish we could switch places. Try out being each other for a day and see if what we wish for really is all that."
Eva shifted consciously closer to Anne's side. "I'd never wish this on you. I only want you to be safe and happy."
A warm and familiar bright smile spread across Anne's features, her head leaning against Eva's arm. And with that brief talk, Anne pointed loosely towards the horses. "I think they've been in those blankets long enough. They'll be almost dry now, time to head back in."
"Yeah, you're right." Eva pushed away from the wall reluctantly leaving Anne's side. She started to remove the blankets from the horses with Anne, checking over the horses to make sure they would be comfortable for the rest of the night.
Taking one of the water resistant blankets themselves, they began their trek back home in the rain. It helped keep a lot of the rain off them, though they still returned home wet and muddied. Eva opened the door, holding the blanket over their heads as they finally stepped inside the house.
It was much warmer inside, a welcome relief for Anne who let out a long satisfied sigh as the cold in her bones was starting to ebb away.
"Don't track mud in the house!" Liesa turned around on the couch, "Take off your shoes."
Anne and Eva hurried to remove their shoes, setting them to the side where they saw Liesa and Wiebke's shoes. They were still soaking though, leaving a slowly growing puddle of water under them.
Liesa grunted, "There's towels I already set out for you on the chair, go hurry and get changed before you warp my floors." She chastised as she pointed to the small pile of folded towels sitting on the table. Eva grabbed two, throwing them to Anne first before grabbing her own.
It didn't take them long to head upstairs and peel off their soaked clothing. Feeling the weight lifted from her body felt a thousand times better, though Anne couldn't help but turn her eyes on Eva's own body while she changed. It was hard not to look honestly, seeing how different Eva was always intrigued Anne.
The well toned body, sharp defined muscles all over her. It wasn't so much that it was overwhelming, she looked just like an athletic woman that routinely worked out. Anne was a tad envious that Eva could stay so fit even though all she did was sleep and eat.
Eva started to slip into full clothing again, stopping Anne from looking at her anymore. Anne was much shorter than Eva and definitely less toned, though she had some strength to her after nearly two years of hard farm labor. Yet nothing sharp like the titan body beside her.
Anne was softer, slim, but wanted to get fit like that. Exercise was the only way she could though and that rigorous exercise was soon to be in her future anyways.
"I need to sleep soon." Eva voice traveled the room. "I can't risk running out of energy before daybreak. In case this storm continues for the next morning. It's too dark to get enough sunlight to wake up again."
"Oh, of course get some sleep. Will you... have enough to work tomorrow? I don't know if Liesa still plans to start those new plots, but if she does she'll have to set them up quickly."
Eva nodded, "Absolutely. Since I figured out how to conserve energy when I'm this... small, I will have plenty for the next day or two easily."
Anne passed Eva to the door, with a soft smile. "Well, goodnight then. Feel free to take the bed if you want, I won't be going to bed for sometime. I kinda want to rest in front of the fire."
"Goodnight, Anne." Eva did just that, falling comfortably onto the bed with her hands behind her head. She was glad to finally sleep, her favorite past time.
When Anne got to the bottom of the stairs, rounding the couch she saw Wiebke with her head on Liesa's lap fast asleep. Liesa offered a gentle smile, "Hey." She whispered while her hand softly ran through Wiebke's hair. "Come warm up with us."
Anne opted to sit on the floor in front of the couch, basking in the warmth. It was beyond comfortable, Anne felt like she was being cooked to sleep. It was a relief to finally be done for the day, though her dread began to grow as the night grew long. Listening to crackling flames and the thunderstorm outside causing the trees to rustle, wind whistling, and house creaking. It relaxed her despite her fears.
Eventually though, she knew she had to break some hearts to finally be happy. The long internal struggle had finally come to an end and Anne knew exactly what she wanted.
After a time, she felt Liesa shift on the couch. She lifted Wiebke in her arms, careful not to wake the girl. "I'm going to head to bed. Will you put out the fire when you go to sleep?"
"Yeah, no problem." Anne moved up onto the couch, leaning back where they had been sitting.
"Thank you, Anne. I'll see you in the morning." Liesa's sweet motherly smile only gave Anne a strong twang of guilt. Keeping a straight face was so hard.
"Right, see you, Liesa."
With that, Liesa headed up the stairs. Anne listened to the staircase squeaking under her steps before finally everyone in the house ended their day.
Anne stood up from the couch, careful to not fall asleep on her big day. She gave it a few hours to ensure everyone had fallen into a deep sleep. She didn't dare risk anyone overhearing her.
Unforeseen as the storm was, it served her purpose. The loud wind and thunder perfectly masked any noise she made in the house. It also meant her walk would be much harder too. It was a double edged sword, but ultimately she was more thankful it was there to cover her.
Anne threw on one of her coats hanging on the rack by the front door, removing a slip of paper from its pocket and placing it on the table. Pulling the coat on and the hood up, she also grabbed the horse blanket for extra cover.
She took a bowl of water to the fireplace, fully putting out the fire and embers. As she walked to the door, she took one last long look at the house. So many fond memories formed on the farm, so much she was leaving behind. Yet she felt she had to, this was the best choice for her and she had to do what she felt was right.
Opening the door, she left the farmhouse one final time. Using the blanket to shield herself from the rain, she circled the house to the shed. Unlocking it and searching through the dark, she found her bag. A large go bag she hid under the shelves, blocked entirely by the heavy tools and tarps.
Throwing it over her shoulder, she latched the shed again and left the farm for good.
Her march through the storm was hard, the cold air sharp in her lungs. She pushed through it, she had a goal and all she had to do was make it there. If she couldn't survive a walk in the hard rain than she wouldn't make it as a soldier. So she kept trying to push herself harder and harder.
As her clothes weighed her down, the dark making it hard to navigate, and her lungs and body burning. She headed straight for the Trost headquarters, a military branch that accepted those registering to start their lives as cadets. It was a long hike there, she would be on the road for hours.
This would be the biggest decision of her life. Choosing to fight for the lives she saw extinguished and the families torn apart. The soldiers that abandoned the people they were sworn to protect.
Over the last two years she had festering fear of the future. She was so comfortable in her life. A tailor patching up old clothes or stitching new ones to sell. She had never been particularly wealthy, but she was content. Not one day in her life did she doubt the strength of the Walls around her.
That was a simple fact everyone accepted, no one ever questioned the impenetrability of all the great Walls. No titan could ever threaten them. Their lives spent in blissful ignorance, expecting to live in safety. The greatest danger being other people around them.
Anne was outside her home at the time, out picking out produce the the local marketplace. It was so close to the outer gate that she was one of the first people to see it.
The shadow of the Colossal Titan appeared over her. Anne couldn't make sense of what she was seeing. Such a monstrosity could peer over the Wall like it was nothing.
Then, greater than the powerful winds of this thunderstorm, the gate burst into rubble. Anne was knocked out briefly, but when she awoke there was nothing but the ear piercing screams of people around her running for their lives. The safety they had settled into all this time was all a delusion.
Anne rushed to escape with everyone else, seeing the sicking remnants of her neighbors all around. Families crying over the crushed corpses, completely shut down. She tried so hard to get people to run, but they had divorced themselves from reality. It was impossible to convince them to run.
Then she passed her home on the way to the inner gate. Anne had gotten property on one of the major streets in Shiganshina, she had been so lucky to get it. Now, as she ran passed it, she froze on the spot to see the second story of the shop had been shredded off by the flying rubble.
It terrified her knowing that had she been home, she would've been upstairs on the one day of the week the shop was closed. She had only left home thirty minutes ago, narrowly avoiding an agonizing death.
She resisted drifting off into her own mortality; there were titans rushing into the city.
That same determination pushed her through this storm. It was far easier to travel in a raging thunderstorm than it was to run from titans in Shiganshina. If she could do that until her feet were bleeding, carrying a little girl she had never met to the inner gate; than she could do this.
The scars on her feet, the small scars from small bits of rocks that had cut her was a constant reminder of her survival. That and the guilt around it. How many people deserved to survive, children who cried out for their parents as titans stole them from their homes. So many sleepless nights of terrible night terrors of those haunting cries.
She was out here doing something about it though. No matter what, she was going to put up a fight because she knew the safety they felt at the farm was as much a lie as it was back then.
There was no guarantee that the military could do anything to stop it from happening again. Trost and Wall Rose could be destroyed at any point just like Shiganshina and Wall Maria. They could all be devoured tomorrow, never having time to evacuate.
Anne knew Eva would protect them, but it didn't matter. Their lives would be forever uprooted, forever scarred by their survival. Not to mention the devastation that would come afterwards. They barely survived starvation last time; they would not be able to scrape by again in Wall Sina.
Anne was stuck somewhere between survivors guilt and pure hatred. She wanted to save people, protect them where others failed. Even if she was hated for it, she had to do something to pay those monsters back for Shiganshina.
Hours passed in the storm, Anne never slowed down. When she finally got through Wall Rose's gate she could see the Trost HQ not far away. Within the next few hours, she had arrived.
They wouldn't be open to the public until morning, so Anne took shelter in one of the archways outside. She would sleep there until morning just like they had done as refugees. This was no different then those long months on the streets.
The thunderstorm had done exactly what Anne hoped it would. No one had heard a thing in the house, no noise Anne made was louder than the rain.
It wasn't until passed midnight that Liesa had woken early. Her restless night brought her down to the kitchen for a cup of water before she needed to head outside to use the outhouse. The rain would make it hard, but that's simply how it is.
Liesa groaned groggily, her eyes not yet adjusting to the low light. As she rubbed the dryness in her eyes away, she searched out her candle to light with a quick match strike. The faint candlelight was enough to for her, though she couldn't bring it outside with her.
She did however check the fireplace to make sure it had been properly put out. Noticing that Anne was no longer on the couch, she had assumed she just gone to sleep in her room instead. Nothing out of the ordinary until she started to lazily make her way to the door.
As she moved to set the candle on the table, she noticed something out of the ordinary. At first she excused it to go put on her jacket, but couldn't shake it off as her sleepiness began to fade. Liesa's face scrunched up as her head started to catch up, recognizing the pale thing on the table was actually paper.
Pursing her lips, she picked up the piece of paper and inspected it. Highly unusual as no one in the house often did anything with paper other than Wiebke stealing it to draw on.
The first few lines didn't make sense to her as she was still too tired to register that this was a goodbye letter.
When it hit her, Liesa's gasped as the farewell. This was Anne's goodbye, telling the family she was leaving for a life in the military. That she was aiming to join the Scouts in an effort to protect her family and their way of life.
Liesa couldn't fathom the pain in her heart realizing Anne was gone. Her head spun to look outside, still pitch black as the thunderstorm shook the trees. Even Liesa knew the military buildings were locked to civilians at night. There was still a chance.
As fast as she could, Liesa raced up the stairs. The stomping had woken up Wiebke who sleepily headed to her door to see her mother sliding briefly in the hallway. It worried the little girl, she could feel something was wrong.
Liesa banged on the door to Anne's bedroom, then she chose to just go in anyways. Sure enough, she saw only Eva sleeping on the bed.
"Eva!" She ran forward, stumbling over the small rug. She halted her fall by grasping onto Eva's shoulder and shaking her roughly. "Eva wake up! Wake up right now! I need you to get up!"
It wasn't particularly easy to wake up Eva if she didn't have enough energy, but her conservative efforts had worked as well as she said. Opening her eyes to see Liesa hovering over her, the woman's hands and nails gripping her as hard as she could. There was urgency there and Eva started to sit up, her hand grabbing onto Liesa's upper arm.
"Liesa? What is it?" Eva glanced to the window, seeing it still dark out.
"Anne is gone!"
Eva could barely understand what that meant. "What-" She shook her head, standing up. "What do you mean she's gone?"
Liesa held the note to Eva's chest, letting the titan take it from her hand. Eva could see Liesa's watering eyes and the panic in her; it started to make Eva scared.
And Eva started to read the letter.
"I want to make it clear first, that I love this family so much.
You have all changed my life, in more ways than one and the generosity shown is something I can never truly repay.
To Liesa,
Thank you for sharing you family with us.
You saved us, you gave us a life worth living. Your kindness is something I never expected, I can't tell you how much it meant the day you invited us onto the farm.
I know we scared you, that these strangers wandering into your home with your daughter told such an insane story that you accepted. Despite your doubts, you took a big chance on us.
For that, I can only thank you from the bottom of my heart.
To Wiebke,
I'm so glad I found you,
You're the sweetest girl in the world and I'll miss you terribly.
Say goodbye to the horses for me, will you?
And to Eva,
I can't begin to explain our life together. There's no words that can do justice to the bond we have.
You mean the world to me, I want you to have that normal life you want. I hope you get to live that life freely some day.
I know me leaving will hurt and I don't want to leave you too, but I have to do this. I don't expect you to understand or accept it, but maybe down the road you will.
You're not the monster you think you are. It's true you were once, but everyone deserves a second chance at life.
You control who you are and your future. No one can see the struggles you have and no one can understand them; I know I can't no matter how hard I try. I'll never be able to fully know the pain you carry with you.
I love you, you might not be blood, but you are my sister and closest friend.
Please, I know leaving like this is cowardly. I'm sorry that I didn't have guts to tell you face to face. Every time I tried all I could imagine was the pain and heart break I would cause.
I couldn't stand seeing that myself, truthfully I'm scared that your tears would hold me back from living my own life.
Maybe that's selfish, but I can't lie to you anymore.
This is what I want.
I'm going to join the next wave of cadets and, if I make the cut, I'm going to join the Scouts outside the Walls.
I want to make a difference. Every day I live in fear of what happened to Shiganshina and Wall Maria happening again. Trost and Wall Rose are so close to the farm, it would destroy our family like it destroyed mine.
I want to protect you. I want to do right by my parents, and my brother. They died in Shiganshina and it's been killing me inside not standing up for them.
You are my family when I needed one.
I will miss all of you, I will miss the farm, and watching Wiebke try to climb Eva.
I will miss Liesa's wonderful home cooked meals and waking up to the people I love.
Thank you for everything,
Anne-Laure Fayard"
"Eva..." Liesa's tears streaked down her face, "Please, stop her before she does this."
Eva herself couldn't understand, she didn't know what it all meant. She knew some small things about the military and what the Scouts are, but... Why Anne would leave them behind wounded Eva.
Looking back at the letter, her own eyes watering. "I don't know where she is."
With Liesa's desperate grip on her arms, she had to think fast. There were not many places to go nearby to sign up for the cadet corps. Plenty of places here in the southern territories, just none nearby the small farming town they lived by. Anne had to go far to find-
"Trost!" She practically yelled it in relief, "It's the closest military headquarters. It takes sign ups every day for the next cadets, they ship them off to the training grounds and Trost headquarters is the only one she could get to in this whether. She has to be there, Eva!"
Nodding, still confused and fighting against the hurt she felt, Eva agreed. "Alright, I'll get her. I'll stop her."
Liesa turned around, "Take one of the horses. You have to stop her before she signs away her life! I'll hurry behind you as soon as I'm able."
Eva turned to rush out of the room, careful of little Wiebke peeking from the hallway. "Eva, mom? What is it?"
"Oh, honey. You need to go back to bed." Liesa didn't want to upset the girl. She picked her daughter up, wiping away her tears to give Wiebke a big comforting smile. "Eva's going to take care of it, but I need to talk to her before she goes. Can you tuck yourself in for me?"
Wiebke rubbed her face and nodded, still very sure something was wrong. As little as she is, anyone could see something bad had happened.
When Liesa put her back down, she hurried down the stairs to see Eva hopping on one leg, putting on her boots. Lacing them up she repeated the letter in her head, torturing herself with feeling abandoned by her friend.
"Okay, to get to Trost you need to follow Wall Rose. Just keep following it until you get to the gate then go through the gate. You should see a giant building in the center of Trost, it's a lot bigger than everything around it and the main street leads right to it." Liesa paced, her mind a panic of fears and grief that if Anne registered before Eva got there then she'd be gone forever.
Eva was nodding the whole time, showing she understood. Throwing on a jacket, she opened the front door.
Before she left, Liesa grabbed onto her shirt. "Eva. No matter what happens, please; don't let anything happen to her. You have to look out for her." Her desperate plea, Anne's abandoning... "She's rash and impulsive. But she's stubborn too. You take care of her, don't let her go. Please, Eva."
Eva turned away from the door, embracing Liesa in a tight hug. The two withheld their emotions as best they could, but the hug was so unlike Eva that Liesa could help crying into her chest. Eva felt the same pain, her own tears and tight frown expressing more emotion that Eva ever had before.
The titan wasn't one for showing how she felt that Liesa could see how far Anne had gone. This broke something in Eva, something Liesa didn't know was even there.
"I will make sure she's safe. I promise." Eva pulled away, her warm hand brushing across Liesa's hand as the titan left.
Liesa's head fell into her hands, wet with tears and pained she could not follow. Even though Eva was going to bring Anne back, some part of this felt so final Liesa couldn't help but fear for the worst.
Eva sprinted away from the farmhouse, slipping across the mud in her desperation. When she arrived to the stables, she didn't bother saddling a horse, she simply brought one of the horses that hadn't pulled a wagon earlier in the day. Hopping onto the horse, she raced it off the farm and through the gates.
Anne had walked to Trost, but Eva was galloping. She could make it in less than half the time Anne did. The entire way Eva's head was oddly blank, the blood rushing through her body and the crushing pain in her heart didn't leave much room for overthinking.
She did exactly what Liesa told her to do. Thankfully easy directions to follow. Just ride alone Wall Rose, pass through the gate, and a building larger than all the others. Eva just repeated it in her head, she feared getting even simple directions wrong and being too late.
The storm still raged, soaking Eva through. The consistent strength she used to ride a galloping horse, the tenseness in her body, and all the energy she was burning through so quickly left a trail of steam billowing from her body. She wasn't burning off her size, but rather her body was running too much and too hot.
The rain started to get evaporated when it touched her, the steam entirely formed by the rain. It served to actually start drying her off a tiny bit, but was defeated by how heavy the rain was and the cold winds.
Eva didn't care about the wind, the rain, the cold, or anything else. All she wanted was Anne back, no matter what it took. The letter was right, her abandoning the farm how she did was cowardly. She didn't give them a chance to talk to her or even say a proper goodbye.
Trying to believe Anne wouldn't just leave her, Eva fought back her pain. Her heavy tears mixed with the cool rain pouring down her face, the rapid beat of the horse's hooves only matched by Eva's own racing heart. She never thought the family would be apart, that they would go on their days happily on the farm.
She had no idea Anne wasn't happy, that she never stopped thinking about Shiganshina. Eva had worked so hard to forget it that she actually succeeded, forgetting it ever happened most days. Even though the guilt was still there, building up like a geiser; Eva ignored it.
The farm was her oasis, she wasn't welcome anywhere else and she never would be. Had anyone ever discovered Eva, she would be hunted down. Hiding on the farm with people that knew about her was her only option and it brought peace she could barely believe was hers.
Anne never said she was unhappy, that she was so troubled. Hell, Anne rarely ever mentioned her own family and what happened to them. All this time, the last couple years, Anne had been suffering in silence. Even though Eva would have listened and support her friend, Anne chose not to.
Just ahead Eva could see the gate, she was arriving quickly. Once at the gate, she let her horse take a break under the shelter of Wall Rose. The horse huffed and snorted, showing its displeasure. Eva petted him, expressing her sympathy riding him so hard in the middle of a storm.
Daybreak was fast approaching, though it was hard to tell through the dark clouds. Soon the Trost headquarters would begin waking up, not long after opening their doors for civilians.
Eva could see the Trost headquarters exactly how Liesa described it. A massive structure near the center of the city with the biggest road heading straight for it, only a few twists and turns through the buildings. The horse soldiered on through the storm with Eva uttering words of affection.
As they neared the building, Eva started to search for Anne. She slowed her horse, riding around the building to find an entrance. It was all solid stone on this side, until Eva found the first side with a path of arches. All the way down around the corner, the front of the building had massive double doors that were closed and locked.
Which Eva realized meant that Anne couldn't have gone inside yet. She was still out here somewhere waiting for her chance. Continuing to search around the headquarters, she passed the opposite side to see the final row of arches. There, at the far end in a dark corner, was someone resting against the wall.
Eva tried not to get her hopes up, but she couldn't help her beating heart as she approached. It felt like forever before she arrived before the person, hopping off the horse and bringing him under the archway out of the rain. Careful to tie his reins to the pillar, Eva walked up tentatively.
"Anne?"
The person's head bobbed up, familiar eyes even in this darkness. It was her, she had made it in time. "Eva..." She glanced behind the titan to see the dark horse behind her, "Of course." Had Eva just ran here on foot, she would've never made it. Anne had hoped they would've slept until it was too late to get here.
Eva shook her head incredulously, "Of course what? You thought I wouldn't come?"
Anne sighed, resting her head in her hand. "No, I knew you would try. I just didn't expect you to get up so early." A mirthless chuckle escaped her, "You never wake up early. I always have to wake you up."
"Why did you leave?" Eva couldn't help the sneer on her face.
Reacting to the anger Eva showed her, Anne stood up to her. "Don't give me that look. My letter was clear."
Eva looked out to the city beside them and the storm still thundering. "You left a letter." She swallowed down the tightness in her throat, "Yeah, it was clear. What I don't understand is why you want to leave us behind? Leave me behind." The growl in her tone affirmed Anne of how mad she was.
"I didn't want to leave anyone! I had to. I can't live like that anymore. I can't just pretend it never happened!" Anne threw her arms up, helpless, but just as angry.
"Pretend what never happened? Shiganshina?!" Eva scoffed and gritted her teeth. "Yes, it happened! No one is pretending it didn't!"
"You are!" Anne stepped up to Eva, yelling at her face. "You act like it never happened!"
Eva reeled back from Anne and her unabashed anger. She knew Anne was right, she did ignore Shiganshina. Her lip wavered as her emotions overflowed. "Of course I do! Because it's all I can do to survive." The tears built up in her eyes again as she finally expressed her pain. "I try to forget because I'm the monster everyone runs from! I devoured and killed so many people! I remember them, when they begged for their lives. It-" She choked on her words, her head dropping. "I don't know how to live with myself. I don't know how you can stand to be around me, but I'm so thankful you do because I don't think I could do this alone. I don't think I can stand be alone."
Hearing Eva admit it, Anne couldn't fight her own tears from falling. "Eva-"
"I don't want to say it, because I'm terrified you'll realize it's true." Eva grabbed Anne's arms, still careful not to hurt her. "And I feel like it's not if you figure it out, it's when. My life is an accident, I don't deserve all this, yet here I am. I'm a monster, I am. I know it, you know it, and Liesa knows it. I can't- I can't stand to lose any of you... I'm not strong enough to survive that."
Anne just let Eva talk, her shoulders being lightly shaken by Eva's hard sobs. Even Eva's body was shaking, something Anne had never seen before.
It was hard to speak, but Anne had to. "I don't think you're a monster and neither does Liesa." Eva just shook her head and huffed her doubt. "I don't care if you believe it, because it's the truth. I promise you, I won't ever think of you as a monster."
Clarifying that, Anne had to defend herself. "I need to do this. I can't stand not doing it." Using Eva's own words, she hoped to connect that need with her own. "I feel like my life is meaningless if I don't. I loved my family and I never said it, but I had someone in my life I wanted to marry. There were kids and a happy family of my very own in my future and it was ripped away from me."
Eva felt a bit ashamed she didn't know it, though she would never have known. Still Eva felt selfish not considering Anne's own grief and struggle with loss.
"His name was Rurik." Anne shrugged somewhat, embarrassed having omitted his name from her life. "I really loved him. He was sweet and considerate. I didn't even try to go back for my family, I was too scared. I know not trying to save them probably saved my own skin, but I hate myself everyday for being so... pathetic."
Eva's hands released her, her arms slipped around her back to bring Anne into a hug. "You never told me any of this... why?"
Anne tensed up, bracing herself for how cruel this would sound. "Some part of me was worried you might feel guilty... I have no idea what happened to them, but I can guess." Anne returned the hug reluctantly, "I feared that maybe you might worry you killed them. And I was worried too... I didn't want you to feel guilty."
"I wish I knew." Eva's armed tightened around them, "I want to give you answers, make sense of the monsters like me."
"Oh, shut up. You idiot." The smile on Anne face betrayed her own hurt. "I don't think you did, I just... I couldn't even stand thinking about them. I feel like such a waste, I failed them."
Anne pulled out of the hug, her teary eyes meeting Eva's own. "That's why I have to do this. I need to do something to prove I can be strong too. Maybe I can save other people and somehow make up for not going back for my family."
As much as Eva wanted to argue against it, Eva had to accept Anne's choice. Her life was her own and they both had valid reasons for what they want in their lives. Anne needed the chance to fight against the things that caused her so much pain.
"Alright." Eva rubbed the back of her sleeve over her face. "Then let's do it. Let's be soldiers."
Anne's face fell into shock. "Uh, what?"
With a deep calming breath, Eva pointed to Anne's chest. "Wherever you go, I'm going with you. If it means registering to be a soldier, so be it." Before Anne could protest against her, Eva shushed her. "I promised Liesa I would keep you safe, no matter what it takes. I won't let you fight alone."
And her decision was final.