Sitting at a hidden-away table, she quietly enjoys the cup of coffee she bought at the bakery around the corner, along with the one decadent pastry she allowed herself to have while on this trip. It was a cool, but not cold, fall day and she was taking in the sights, sounds, and scents of the farmer's market she decided to visit after hearing rave reviews from her friends and the bed and breakfast owner.
It was a nice reprieve considering the events of the last few months, actually the last few years to be honest. Her relationship status was a mess and her professional one was just as bad. She hadn't been dealing well with everything and was finally persuaded to get away to get herself back in order and figure out what to do.
Considering she wasn't able to work in her chosen profession for another 4 months since her license to practice was suspended, she figured now was as good a time to get away from New York, reevaluate her choices, and determine the best course of action. Should she stay in New York, move to somewhere else on the East Coast, move to the West Coast, or perhaps return home and start from scratch.
Since she had the time, she thought a trip out west would help her make a decision and given that she hadn't visited this place before, it might be a chance to breathe and reset her mind. She didn't mind that it had rained for most of the time she had been here. It wasn't anything new but thankfully today was proving to be a respite from the rain, allowing her to get out and enjoy the city a bit more. Downtown was more like New York, but this farmer's market was located far enough away to allow time to slow down in a way. It was the weekend and no one seemed in a hurry. Many people walking up and down looking at the fruits, vegetables, pastries, and pretty much every type of handcrafts you could think of.
Taking another swig of her coffee, she closed her eyes and enjoyed the vanilla, an addition to her coffee over the last few years. One thing left behind from the relationship that finally set the dominoes in motion to where she was today. While she wanted to forget all parts of that relationship, it was proving difficult and giving up what was now her standard coffee order was near impossible.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
She hates that she was both right and completely wrong about her relationship. She called it exactly what it was, recognizing from the very beginning the transference both he and she had for one another. She hated to admit that she was attracted to him very early on in their professional relationship and that should have set off warning bells in her brain to recuse herself from working with him, but he provided enough charm to win her over and she swore to herself to be on guard with her feelings. She thinks she did ok, but couldn't be completely sure that her attraction didn't cloud what direction their sessions took.
But part of her feels that if given more time, they could have worked out the issues in their relationship that stood in their way. Mainly one issue in particular. Letting "her" go would have been in everyone's best interests, especially the woman in question. That woman was clearly meant for great things, given her ability to read people and get things done, but kept herself back in an unhealthy codependent relationship.
But she had pushed him to make a choice too soon in their relationship for his choice to be her and he ended it. Devastating doesn't cover how she felt watching him leave her office. The "could've, would've, should've" thoughts consumed her mind for longer than she would like to admit.
This led her into the disaster in her career that she was currently facing. After determining that she was over the ending of this relationship, she opened herself to romance again, hoping that she would find someone to fill her heart. Unfortunately, that led her to again use her client list as a dating pool. A client, a handsome self-assured man with wealth and a reputation, not unlike her previous beau, had been ordered to see an evaluation, which led to counseling sessions. After a time, he also ended those sessions. But he wasn't willing to wait any time and approached her soon after the sessions ended. She was again reluctant but his charm and powers of persuasion rivaled if not exceeded those of his predecessor, and she allowed him to override her code and her profession's code and began a relationship with him.
It was a whirlwind romance and she finally thought she had found the one. But she again allowed her wish for romance to cloud her professional judgment and she failed to ask him some basic questions about himself and what led him to needing a professional evaluation. This would have uncovered his past and would have provided a flashing red stop sign to avoid any personal entanglements with this man. Ultimately, things led to several of his known associates reporting her to the ethics board and now to her suspension.
At the end of her suspension, she would still need to appear before the board and argue for her license to be given back, which would also entail proof that she herself had been evaluated and she would need to retake the professional responsibility exam that newbie psychiatrists take, a degradation in her mind. Which is why she is taking time away. Evaluating her life and whether she wants to subject herself to these conditions or just give up her license and start over doing something else.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
After finishing her drink and pastry, she stood up and threw away the cup and wrapper, dusting a few crumbs from the front of her sweater. She had seen a stand with fruit, jams, and other spreads that she wanted to visit so she began making her way there. Looking at the other stands to her left, she failed to notice that she was walking right into a woman.
After bumping into the woman and recovering herself, she looks up, saying "excuse me" and then sees the very woman she had just been thinking about. The woman who had thrown a wrench into her plans for the future.
"Donna? What…? Hello . . .what are you doing here?" She is shocked almost beyond words to see Donna and has a difficult time hiding that this is the very last person in the world she would've wanted to see, especially now. She had hoped to get away from New York and all signs of the last few years. But now she was face to face with one of the most painful reminders.
"Paula! Wow. Um . . . wow." Donna is also shell shocked with running into the woman that almost cost her everything. "I live in Seattle now. Have been here for a few years. You . . . are you visiting?" Having Paula in her city even temporarily was bad enough but potentially it being a permanent thing is unsettling, to say the least.
"Yes. Visiting. Needed a break and since I haven't been here before, I thought this would be a good place to vacation and relax. Well, relax as much as one can in the city built on coffee." Her attempt at humor showcases her nerves and uncomfortableness. "You have been here for years? Wow, you didn't seem like you would ever want to leave New York." Leave a certain someone is more like it.
"Ah. Well, things change. I realized that the firm didn't need me anymore and my husband and I decided to move on." Donna picked up on Paula's undertone with her last comment immediately. She knew that Paula would associate "the firm" with a certain person. As she spoke, she shifted her weight ever so slightly so that her coat opened up more and revealed that, while still early, Donna was clearly pregnant.
"Married? Congratulations. And I see you are expecting. Double congratulations."
Donna places her hand on her protruding belly as Paula gives her congratulations. Not completely planned but a very welcome surprise as she thought her family was already complete, but once they found out about this addition, she knew that it was meant to be.
"Thank you. Our third, who we can't wait to meet." Donna lovingly rubs her belly as she looks down at where the fifth member of her family was currently located.
"Third? Wow! I guess things do change." Paula wonders to herself just how much has changed for Donna to pack up, leave New York, and now is having her third child all within a few years since she last saw her. "Your husband must be so happy."
"Oh he is. My husband." Donna purposefully responds and then sighs, unable to resist smiling as she thinks of her husband. "Well, he is just the best. Having a family with him has been the best thing ever. I never knew someone who was meant to be a dad more than him. It is truly his greatest accomplishment and nothing means more to him." Donna knows what Paula really wants to know and given what this woman put her through, she isn't willing to satisfy her curiosity just yet.
Continuing to try and make polite conversation, though really wanting to know exactly who Donna is with, "Besides being a mother, what keeps you occupied here in Seattle?"
"My husband and I work at a non-profit. It is so fulfilling helping those who struggle to be heard and seen. My husband just excels at it. Plus, it allows us to have plenty of family time. No more 15 hours days for me or my husband and most weekends are family time. Given the choice between work and family, well family wins hands down. It's been absolutely wonderful. How about yourself, how are you doing?" She knows saying "my husband" is getting a little much, but frankly she doesn't care. She is happy and is proud to share her happiness.
"Much the same. Needed a break though so that's why I'm here." She loathes to give Donna any ammunition and refuses to share how much her life has gone to pot while Donna has apparently been able to ride off into the sunset with her perfect family. And her husband . . . Non-profit, regular work hours, no work on the weekends, family time, children are greatest accomplishments . . . well that can't be who she thinks it is.
"Sounds like you're really happy. And your husband sounds great. I'm surprised. I never would've guessed that you would give up corporate law and the firm." Give up a certain someone is more like it. Again, Donna is able to read Paula like the picture books she reads to her young children.
"My husband and I pretty much fell in love at first sight. And I think we both knew there was no one else for each other. We were it for each other and we had the same goals in mind. And Harvey and I . . . well at a certain point, we knew it was time to move on." Donna is speaking nothing but the truth and is happy to share it, especially with this person, and can't help but take the tiniest bit of satisfaction that Paula may not be thinking of the person she is actually describing.
Paula and Donna continue to make polite conversation for another minute or so until all of a sudden a child can be heard yelling "Mama . . . mama" This is soon joined by another child yelling the same thing. Donna's ear knows that those voices are directed at her and are coming from her twin boys who were currently being pushed around by her husband, who wanted to check out another stand while Donna was buying fruit for the family. Donna can not help but smile, even though she can't see her children or her husband through the throngs of people milling about, she and everyone around them can do nothing but hear them as they like to make their presence known.
"It seems as if I am being summoned. It was nice to see you Paula. I wish you well." Donna, while cognizant of just how much Paula could have messed with her life, has moved on. Moved on from jealousy, uncertainty, and the bitterness that her past encounters with Paula left her with. She is truly happy so she just doesn't care to worry about the past anymore. Her present and future are right in front of her.
And as if by design, as soon as Donna left Paula's side to seek out her family, the people that had blocked her view all seemed to disperse giving both her and Paula a clear view at those looking for her. Both Liam Marcus and Michael Louis Specter had their hands out and their voices at top volume seeking out their mother while their father was busy looking at some handcrafted figurines that might suit their godchildren, two girls, one here in Seattle and one back in New York. And perhaps something for the girl that was presently being safely guarded and grown by the love of his life.
And when said man looked up to greet his wife, Paula was looking at the last person she thought would fulfill the description Donna gave about her husband. One Harvey Specter was now the family man who would rather be with his family than at work, worked at a non-profit, and didn't really care about having his name on the wall. Though he did have that, right next to their best friends. Gone was the overly styled hairdo and smooth face, replaced with a slightly longer mane and a full beard which was all the children knew and one look Donna found very appealing. The children probably wouldn't recognize the Harvey from New York and Pearson Specter Litt, but it doesn't matter which Harvey Donna has, she would still be as madly in love with him as she was now and had been since the second she introduced herself to him at the bar.
She had been right, it was love at first sight for both of them, they just didn't know it at the time. And it was clear to everyone, except for maybe the two people in question and the person now watching this happy family, that they were it for one another and no one else would or could ever come close. If the concept of soulmates is really true, Donna and Harvey were surely looking at theirs.
Harvey can't help but smile when he sees his wife walking towards them. It was an involuntary reaction and while Harvey's face wore a few more wrinkles than it did previously, they were not from worry but from the utter contentment that his wife and children gave him. His smile lines had deepened but he wouldn't trade them for anything.
Seeing her being so happy in a life she would've (and often dreamed about) loved to have, especially with him was just too much. While Harvey's focus was completely on Donna and he would be hard pressed to describe anyone else around him (if he even notices there are other people around in the first place), Paula takes the opportunity to lose herself amongst the crowd. And despite having a couple more days left before her return flight, she starts checking on her phone for a way to get out of Seattle, Washington State, and the west coast as soon as possible. She also resolves that perhaps it was time to completely move on. Move on from psychiatry, move on from New York, and probably move on from the US. Time to start over.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
Later that evening after they had returned home and the children were in bed, Harvey and Donna were lounging on the sofa in front of their fireplace. They were in one of their usual positions of late with Harvey sitting sideways on the sofa with Donna sitting between his outstretched legs. Her back to his chest and one, if not both, of his hands on her growing belly. It was way too early for Harvey to feel their daughter but he liked having a connection to her just the same.
"You'll never guess who I literally bumped into today at the market." Harvey shrugged his shoulders as he really couldn't guess since Mike and Rachel and their daughter had taken a long weekend and left town to visit some of the picturesque landscapes near Seattle. "Paula."
Well that was a name he had not heard or thought about in a long time. "What was she doing in Seattle, let alone the exact market we were at? Please don't tell me she moved here."
"No, she told me she was here for a break, but a "break" is not quite what I heard." Donna responded, making quotation gestures around break. "Gretchen has kept me up to date with all the good gossip in New York and it turns out that Paula had got herself into trouble. She might actually lose her license because of it."
Donna never wished bad things to happen to Paula, despite what she tried to do to Donna, but once Gretchen gave her the details about how she again got into a relationship with a client and how it led to extremely poor choices on her part, Donna had little sympathy for what was happening to her professionally.
Since leaving Paula at the market, and noticing that Paula had quickly disappeared without Harvey noticing her, she was reluctant to even tell Harvey about the encounter. Paula had been a tough subject between them for awhile, but once they were together, they had sat down and had a long conversation about Paula, Scottie, Thomas, Mark, and basically everyone and everything that had happened since that day at the diner when they resolved to forget the utter bliss they had created and instead chose to only work together. It took time, some tears, some laughter, and a lot of regrets, but once they had put everything on the table, for good or for bad, they knew they could move forward together with nothing that could impede them.
One thing they resolved to do was to be truly honest with each other, not to the point of being hurtful or malicious, but to communicate honestly and not hide their feelings, whatever they are. So once they were able to relax and the children were sound asleep, Donna knew it was time to tell Harvey everything and so she did.
"Wow. I guess you don't really know someone sometimes. Though in this case, I suppose it isn't that much of a shock. She was willing to date me, despite me clearly needing more help with denying my feelings for you. I guess she didn't learn. I pity her." Harvey responded to the news Donna shared.
"Is that all you feel?" Donna wasn't sure what else Harvey might be feeling but wanted him to know she was there to hear it all. They had already apologized and forgave each other for their actions during that dark time period between them but sometimes Donna wondered if Harvey's feelings for Paula had run deeper than he let on.
"Yeah. I haven't thought about her in a long time and time has given me clarity about that relationship. Namely, that it never should have started in the first place. I cared for her at the time but I never loved her. I should have dug deep and realized that I was just running from my feelings for you. That I was in love with you and nothing was ever going to change that. Do I feel bad she is in trouble professionally? I guess, but she made her choices and those choices have consequences. Question is, how do you feel?"
Harvey kissed Donna's temple and hugged her a little tighter for a second before relaxing back into their original position while waiting for her response.
"Well, I pity her as well. I never wished her ill, but I do have to say I enjoyed being able to share exactly how happy I am. . .we are. I think she was quite surprised at how I described "my husband" and that it ended up being you. The Harvey she knew is not the Harvey I am married to. Well, you're still you, but your priorities have shifted. I have to admit I did take some satisfaction in sharing how lucky we are." Donna placed her hand over Harvey's on her stomach and squeezed.
"So how about we leave the past in the past and go focus on our present since the boys are asleep." Harvey leaned forward to get Donna to lean as well in order to give her a little momentum to get up, offering his hand to help her stand up. He then stood up, gave her a kiss that rivaled the one when he finally realized who Donna was to him and came to her door, and then wordlessly led her to their bedroom.
While Donna's morning had not gone splendidly, her evening, her night (and probably into the morning) and the rest of her life would be wonderful and joyous and Harvey and Donna never thought about Paula again. It didn't hurt that Paula did end up surrendering her license and left the country soon after returning to New York.
That chapter of their lives was good and done, never to be revisited and Donna and Harvey (and the rest of their family and friends) lived happily ever after.
The end.