If there was ever a time that Subaru felt he needs to get away from the mansion, then it was after his heart-to-heart with Rem. That wasn't to say that he was not glad to finally speak with her after everything that the two of them went through together. And yet, things ended up moving in a direction that he never expected. Over the past couple of days, he had agonized over planning out every detail that would come his way, ensuring that he and the people around him ended up going home safely. Never in 100 years would he have expected to have what was essentially his first grown-up kiss in the garden.
It was nice. He enjoyed it, despite how sudden it was.
One thing that did bother him, however, was that he wasn't agonizing over how this could have possibly been a betrayal of his feelings toward Emilia.
Rem had kissed him. And he'd liked it. Though, even knowing that, Subaru did not think that this was going to be the beginning of some sort of far-flung romantic relationship where the two of them did things like this every time they saw one another. The truth was, Subaru was not ready for something like that. And silently, he didn't think he could trust himself with it, either.
He wasn't ready.
At one point he thought he was ready for anything in the name of putting himself out there for a girl he'd loved. When he truly looked back on it, Subaru realized that it ultimately led him nowhere positive. And he had no fantasies of redoing everything to achieve some sort of delusional perfect result where Emilia came running into his arms. It just wouldn't be right.
Having needed time away after speaking with Beatrice and the twins, Subaru ventured down to Arlam Village.
He had basically given everyone in the village the cliff notes version of what was going on, explaining that they wouldn't be seeing him for a while. Subaru was elated to find that none of them had been harmed and that they'd returned home safely. And suffice it to say, none of them were pleased when they heard he'd be going away for some time.
Petra in particular was unwilling to let go of him or even stop crying when she'd learned of his plans. She'd bombarded him with questions of when he would be back, how long he would be away, or if he was going to be in any danger. These, and about a dozen other things that he wasn't able to fully answer.
"Man, do I have some kinda talent for making girls cry or something? Of all the skills to end up with."
As he made his way back up to the mansion after saying his temporary goodbyes to the people in the village, along with pulling a bunch of children off him who did not want to see him go, Subaru felt a spread of happiness inside him.
For once in his life, he'd seemingly gained the approval of everyone around him.
Well, almost everyone.
"It's time to stop putting this off. If I keep doing it, then I'll never be able to live it down." He knew exactly what he had to do.
Emilia was next.
Finding himself at the face of the mansion, Subaru saw that the front was just as empty as always. "Seriously, we need to hire some more people. It's just too weird that this massive house has so little staff." And since he was going to be leaving soon, the workload was going to be split between the twins. Not that it was nothing that the two of them were not accustomed to. And if he was being completely honest, he wasn't really all that much of a help to them with domestic chores.
Walking around the entire house, Subaru had only intended to take a good, long look. After all, in a few short days, he would not be seeing this place for a while. He wanted to get a good look at the backyard and take in the view. "This is where I used magic for the first time. That Shamak spell really messed me up." Thinking back on it, he probably would have found it funny if someone else did the same thing and ended up covering the yard in black fog.
Though he found no amusement in the sight of what came into view the moment he rounded the corner.
Standing in the middle of the back garden was a girl with silver hair, facing away from him. She was performing what he immediately recognized to be aerobic exercises. The very same kind he had taught to her when he first began staying here at the mansion.
It was Emilia.
Subaru knew that this was essentially the moment of truth. He could no longer make excuses about why he wanted to do it later, or how something else would come up to distract him. She was here. He was here.
The Japanese teenager felt like time had slowed, but not stopped. He was nervous, but did everything he could to summon enough willpower to not choke. And it was at this slow moment where he knew he needed to stop trying to plan everything. Right now, he couldn't try to foresee what he would say or what she would.
He needed to be as open as he could.
"Doing those radio calisthenics that I taught you? They're a real good way of getting the blood flow moving." He spoke out, finally making his presence known. And slowly, the girl turned around and their eyes met.
Subaru still didn't think he'd ever met anyone with such an unusual, but attractive pair of eyes as hers.
The silver-haired half-elf was silent, seemingly having not expected to be interrupted. And Subaru was probably the last person she had expected to approach her.
"Subaru..."
This was the first time that the two of them had been alone with one another in a casual situation. Things would have been different the other day if they had not been interrupted by an unwanted guest. By, Subaru supposed that a forest that was littered with the corpses of their enemies probably was not the most appropriate place to have a conversation.
Unable to escape this uncomfortable awkwardness, Subaru knew that he was the one who needed to press on. "I...was actually looking for you, earlier. But I got distracted and ended up having to talk to the other girls in the mansion, first." In a perfect world, Emilia would have been the first person he spoke with this morning. However, that wasn't to be.
Tilting her head sideways a little, the half-elf was uncertain as to why he would have wanted her. But in truth, she knew that many things between the two of them remained unsaid. "Looking for me? What for?"
"I...never got to thank you properly for coming to help me in the forest the other day. I really thought I had finished off the Archbishop under that rockslide. If things kept up like that, I could have possibly led him to the mansion where everyone was. I wasn't careful enough. I'm just glad that you showed up when you did."
Whether he could have finished off Sloth in that weakened state or not wasn't his point. Subaru was simply happy that even after everything that happened between the two of them, Emilia still cared to do what she did.
At the time, she had been so full of confusion. It seemed as if so many things were going on around her without her knowledge. Like everyone was at least partially aware, except her. And to so suddenly find out that Subaru was going up against the Witch's Cult of all people and seemingly without any assistance, and there was nothing she could do but go in to assist him. Their previous blowup had done nothing to prevent her from rushing straight into that confrontation.
"Well," She averted her eyes, uncertain of what to say. But what could she say? The last time the two of them had a real conversation, it didn't end up well for either of them. "It sounded like you were in danger. And I couldn't just let those things happen while I was technically in charge of this domain." The truth was, she didn't think that she did very much at all. By the time she finally entered, almost everything was over.
Subaru had made sure everything turned out just fine. Just like he did when the village was under attack and those children were kidnapped.
And with this in mind, it finally gave her something to talk about. Something that she could ask without feeling like there was anything else to get in her way. "Subaru...how were you able to do something like fight the White Whale and the Witch's Cult? I mean...your Gate was terribly damaged, wasn't it? And to add, your affinity is with Yin magic..." Based on what she knew, and had seen, Subaru should not have been capable of those feats. She'd already seen that he had almost no control over his magic at all.
This was actually a conversation that Subaru was just fine in getting into. It would serve as a good talking point to segue into the bigger topic that would be to come next. "Oh, yeah. I guess you would wanna know about that, huh?"
He'd already shown off to Beatrice, but Subaru couldn't help admit he felt like some kind of badass every time he flexed his new partner. "I was using magic. And I didn't use my Gate." He'd specifically phrased his response this way as to not alarm her.
The reason that she let him come to the capital city in the first place was to receive medical treatment. Due to his poor control over his magic, his Gate had become over-exerted and needed to be repaired. But, in his foolishness, Subaru ended up once again using magic and burning himself out to an extent that required an extended healing session.
Activating his magic item through mental command, the bangle he wore on his wrist transformed. Plates of metallic armor enveloped Subaru's arm, forming what looked to Emilia's eyes like a sort of gauntlet. The silver-haired half-elf stared with fixed attention, having never seen anything like this in her entire life! And what she found to be most unusual was the fact that there was an eldritch sort of eye that stared right back at her on the palm of Subaru's hand.
"It's called the Hand of Algol. I got it from Sebas and Demiurge when I asked them to help me fight the White Whale. I knew that there was no way that I could go up against a monster like that. So, they were generous enough to lend me this. And needless to say, it really saved my ass."
"And it...does not use mana? Doesn't draw it from the atmosphere or rely on the usage of your Gate?" This made no sense to Emilia. She would of course not claim to know all the secrets of this world. But it was pretty common knowledge among magicians and spirits arts users that there were generally established ways in how mana was processed into spells. And yet Subaru had been gifted with a mysterious metia that worked by an unknown method?
Emilia could not help but feel a deep sense of isolation. In just a few days, Subaru had endured all these battles and she had not been there to help him. She wasn't there because she was the one who pushed him away, telling herself that it was for his own safety.
"Nope. Sebas actually told me about all the spells that it is capable of producing. There are some that I still never got a chance to try out. Right time, right situation and all that, you know?" According to Sebas, there was even a recovery spell active within the gauntlet. As one ould expect, Subaru was in no real hurry to get injured so that he could test that out.
When Subaru mentioned that unfamiliar name, Emilia was reminded that it was one of the people who'd given Subaru the assistance he needed when he was likely in the most desperate situation in his life. And it was then that Emilia also remembered that the assistance of this person was contingent upon Subaru relinquishing the corpse of the White Whale upon its defeat.
Subaru, these people you have been associating with. Who are they? Where do they come from? And what in the world would they even do with the body of the White Whale?" The only thing she could think was that these mysterious strangers also had some sort of grudge against the creature. Or perhaps they wanted to keep its body as some sort of trophy? It was common knowledge that those creatures were not good for anything practical. Their flesh was considered to be so repulsive that even a starving person would rather be left to their fate rather than attempt to cook and eat them.
Upon hearing her question, Emilia noticed Subaru's body language change. His shoulders slumped, and his expression was suddenly hesitant and contemplative. "What is he thinking...?"
But she soon received her answer.
"Emilia. About all that stuff you just asked? We need to talk."
Suddenly, a sense of deja vu overwhelmed her. Because it hadn't been that long ago that she had been the one to speak those same words to him in the Karsten mansion after his duel with Julius.
Subaru sat down on some steps and steeled himself for what was to come next.
"The things you wanted to know? I'm...actually planning to find out for myself, soon." Hearing this, Emilia did not immediately understand what it was that Subaru was trying to say. Why had his demeanor changed so suddenly if he was simply going to find the answer that both of them sought?
But, Emilia hadn't let him finish.
"Not long ago, I received an invitation. Apparently, Sebas and Demiurge's master is so so pleased with how much I helped them that he wants to meet me. And I accepted. I don't know where they come from. And they've never even told me the name of the person they work for. But, I have to go with them."
Even after hearing this, the silver-haired royal candidate did not yet comprehend what she was being told. "That is a good thing, right Subaru? You will be able to find out all these things and clear up all the mystery. Then everyone will know. Besides, if this person has servants who are strong enough to fearlessly confront one of the Three Great Mabeasts..." She found herself stopping in her own words, suddenly realizing what she was saying. Just how many people in the world were even capable of doing something like that? If such people existed, why did no one know of them? They would undoubtedly be famous on an international level, surely?
She hated this. Why did it always seem as if so many things were going on behind her back? Why were people having these conversations and she was the last one to find out? Why was she never included in anything until the very end?
Once again, nothing was making any sense to her.
And, to her relief, and soon, her surprise, everything was made clear.
"Emilia...I'm leaving the mansion. And I think I'm gonna be gone for a long time."
For someone who utilized ice magic and once lived in a cold forest, Emilia felt the uncomfortable sensation of the world freezing.
"If you don't say it, I can't understand, Subaru."
She was the one who had told him these exact words. And now, he was saying it loud and clear, just like she wanted. And to her regret, this wasn't what Emilia wanted. She didn't want this at all.
Was it because he found people who actually could understand everything about him without the strife and collisions the two of them had? Did he mesh so well with these strangers that their bond became so great that he was willing to go to another place to feel like he belonged?
This was because of her.
This was the first thing that came to mind for her. After all, for her entire life, people had been walking the other way when they saw her. People always went away. Nobody wanted to be around the girl who so greatly resembled the greatest terror that this world had ever known. Instantly, she blamed herself. It was instinctive. It was how she justified other people's uncomfortable responses to her simple existence.
She had pushed Subaru away in the capital, thinking that it was for the better. And now here he was, telling her that he was actually leaving for real?
"Subaru, is this...because of me? Are you upset with me? Because if this is about what happened in the capital and all the things I said to you, then—"
"No!" He absolutely could not let her finish that sentence. He couldn't let her go into that way of thinking. Nothing that was happening right now was her fault. Absolutely nothing. She had done nothing wrong. "Don't even think of saying that, Emilia. You haven't done a thing wrong! Listen, I've been scared to talk to you because I keep thinking you'll tell me to go away. Or worse. But now I know that I can't keep putting this off. What happened in the capital was my fault. Mine."
This was an apology that was a long time coming. But it would not be like what happened when he was pathetically sitting in that infirmary bed, bandaged up and humiliated.
"You asked me to stay at the inn, and I didn't. You told me that the royal selection was your personal business and that I didn't need to get involved. And I did. You told me to give you reason to trust me, and I didn't. At every turn, Emilia, I showed you just how pathetic I was and that I didn't deserve anything from you." He felt a sort of phantom pain upon remembering what happened, then. It was, without doubt, the biggest series of mistakes in his entire life. "When you ripped me apart back there, you were 100% right. I deserved all of that, and more."
Looking back on those events, Subaru could not believe that he had done the things that he did. As a matter of fact, if he could go back and stop himself, he would not only do that, but he would make sure that he beat himself senseless to ensure that he stayed in the hotel room.
"You were right. I wasn't doing any of that stuff for you. I was doing it for myself. And do you know why?"
Emilia prepared herself for what was to come next. She did not know if she would necessarily call this an apology. But, it more so seemed that Subaru was admitting to all the immense guilt that he felt. But even still, that did not heal that hurt that she felt inside, knowing that he would be leaving.
"Remember when we first met, Emilia? How I told you I was completely broke and clueless about everything?" The silver-haired girl nodded slowly. Yes, she remembered perfectly. Never in her life had she met some strange person. And it wasn't because he did not run away from her or look at her as if she was different because of her appearance. He had no idea about the royal selection, he couldn't read, and he didn't dress like he was a native of this country. Everything about him was strange at the time.
"Before I came here, I didn't do anything with my life. And I mean nothing. And even that was my fault. I'm not from a poor family. I wasn't a victim of society like some people are. I didn't lack real opportunities to better myself. All I did was sit in my own misery because I didn't think I was good enough to be part of the world. When I first came to this country, everything was new, exciting, and even scary. I was stupid to think that I could change who I was, just because I came to an unfamiliar place."
Naive. Complete idiot.
It was just another of his braindead delusions.
And Subaru wondered why he kept suffering time and time again. Nothing about him had changed. Being stubborn wasn't good enough if he did nothing to better himself to ensure that he stopped falling into these same pitfalls again and again.
"The reason I barged into the royal selection was because I wanted to feel like I wasn't a nobody. Seeing all those knights and nobles in the throne room made me feel like I was the smallest person in the world. And typical of me, instead of doing something to actually bring myself up, all I tried to do was bring other people down." That was the basis of his poor argument toward Julius, thinking he was only a knight because he was propped up by his family's status and money.
And he paid for his arrogance with broken bones.
Because he was unable to raise himself higher, he'd tried to bring others down. Because he wouldn't admit he was inferior to others, he tried to find fault in everyone else to protect his insignificant, paper-thin pride.
"I tried to pretend I was a knight. Your knight. But the truth is, I don't even know what it means to serve someone and defend their goals. I was just running my mouth and in the end, needed to be walked out of that place like a kid who was misbehaving in public."
And that's exactly what he was.
At that time, Subaru Natsuki deserved to be shamed. Everything he had suffered on that day, he brought upon himself. If he saw a stranger act the same way, he'd have probably shaken his head in embarrassment, also.
Watching this verbal lashing of himself, Emilia truly had no idea what to say. It never occurred to her that Subaru, the same Subaru who was always smiling, always active, and always trying to make other people's lives a little bit better could have been harboring these sorts of feelings. Was it possible that she truly knew so little about him that it never once occurred to her that he had the same feelings as her?
She had been the one to tell him that she was unable to understand his feelings if he never explained it to her. And upon hearing all of this, Emilia now understood that she also asked very little about him. About how he felt. About what his life was like before they met. He always made everything about her and her comfort that she never thought to enter his mind.
"Subaru...I never knew you felt this way about yourself. It reminds me of how I sometimes think." Perhaps without even knowing it, she instantly felt some sort of renewed kinship with him.
Because of that unfortunate bad habit, Emilia immediately wanted to blame herself. When they first met one another, and when the danger at the mansion happened with the creatures in the forest, and even in the capital, it was easy for her to blame herself, thinking that Subaru pushed himself too hard because of her presence. Though, perhaps she had not taken notice that wasn't true.
Suddenly, the silver-haired half-elf felt incredibly stupid. She had blamed him for not explaining how he felt, however, she was equally guilty of never looking deeper. She only saw what was on the surface and was content to look only at that.
"All those things, they weren't because of me. It was just coincidence that I was there."
She hadn't been anywhere near him when the situation with the White Whale happened. And when he fought the Witch Cult, everything was already mostly over by the time she'd arrived.
He always seemed like he was getting into dangerous situations that came out of nowhere.
At the Loot House when she wanted to get her royal symbol back, Subaru was the first person to know about the danger of that assassin from the northern country. When the mabeasts kidnapped the children from the village, Subaru rushed out to save them, despite being in the mansion at the time. And now he had somehow known about the movements of the White Whale and the Witch's Cult, two threats that were known to be near unpredictable. And he'd managed to find a way to stop them both.
Out of all those life-threatening situations, only one of them directly involved Emilia, herself.
The last time the two of them had a conversation like this, Emilia could not believe anything that he said to her. He was breaking himself down into all his faults and placing all wrongdoing on himself.
Emilia couldn't see any deception in his words. She believed him.
And yet.
"Subaru, that still doesn't explain why you have to go away from this place? It's good that you acknowledge your mistakes, but now that you have done all these incredible things, don't you think it's time you started giving yourself more credit?" Nobody could deny what he'd done. She didn't see any reason as to why he would leave.
Emilia now understood that perhaps she had unwillingly taken so much from Subaru and not done enough to know about him when he'd always put an excessive amount of energy in her. But it didn't have to say that way.
They could make up with one another. Heal their relationship. Start over.
But, Subaru couldn't do that. Not here.
"I have my reasons." He began, folding his hands and preparing for what was to come next. "Emilia, when I first met Sebas, he gave me a lot of advice I needed to hear at the time. I felt so broken down and trapped. I don't even want that, again. I need to do like Felt always says. Live Strong."
"Subaru, life is oftentimes not about what can or cannot be done. It is about doing it, or not doing it. If you wish to see your goals met, you must face your opposition with unyielding resolve until the very end."
He remembered these words from Sebas and he knew that they were ones to live by. People thought the White Whale couldn't be defeated because it had even killed a hero like the Sword Saint. And yet, it was Subaru who created a situation that proved this to be wrong.
"The truth is, I don't think I can keep growing into the man I need to be if I stay here, Emilia. I think the answers and the experiences I need are...out there." The truth was, this place was not some kind of fantasy land out of a comic book. Sure, there was magic, and a bunch of different races that all lived together. But even still, everything that he had seen had told Subaru one important fact. The world was still the world. People worked regular jobs. There were rich people. There were poor people. There were nice people. There were evil people.
Lugunica may not have been Japan, but the cold, hard facts of life remained. And that was probably what he took such great issue with at the beginning. It was foolish to think he could run away from that reality.
In such a short period of time, Subaru had learned so much from Sebas and Demiurge. And their advice produced immediate results.
What else could he accomplish if he continued down this path? What if there were other people like them in their home who could offer him things he needed to know to become smarter, better?
Subaru needed to know. And he would never know if he stayed here, playing butler.
Because there was something he needed to do. Something that had been on hold for too long.
Getting up from where he was sitting, Subaru positioned himself in front of Emilia. But he didn't remain standing for long.
What the black-haired foreigner did next was something that both took Emilia by complete surprise, and filled her with a deep sense of complex feelings. "Subaru...what are you doing?"
Subaru Natsuki got on his knees, his head so low to the ground that the two of them were connected.
She may not have known anything about Japanese culture, because this, along with the words he was about to speak were the greatest apology he could offer. This dogeza was a pose adopted when one from his homeland was so deep in regret that they could only beg for forgiveness.
"I am so sorry for what I did to you, Emilia. All I did was show you how unworthy I was. I know beating some villains doesn't amount to anything between you and me. And you'd be completely within your right to throw me out of your life and tell me to never look you in the eye, again. If you do, all I want is to tell you how ashamed I am. The way I acted, that's not how a knight acts, or how a man acts, and especially not how a friend acts. I know it's probably too much for you to ever forgive me. I don't deserve it. And I swear that whatever choice you make for me, I'll accept it. I'm ready for you to judge me, punish me, or anything you want."
He could not make any excuses. He wouldn't. He was completely prepared.
Emilia could not believe the scene that was unfolding in front of her eyes. She already knew that Subaru was apologetic. She already knew he had performed great and noble deeds that proved he was one who only sought to help people when they were in need.
So why did her heart feel like it was being crushed under the weight of the decision being put upon her? Emilia didn't want this. She didn't want to see Subaru like this.
Her vision became blurry with tears, though the kneeling teen could not see this. And though her feelings were overwhelming her, her voice somehow remained clear. "Anything I want?"
He did not answer, and she thought she saw what looked like him nodding his head, even though it remained planted to the ground.
Upon seeing this, Emilia could no longer hold back the cascade of tears that leaked from her eyes. Her face contorted as both pounding pain and anticipation filled her heart.
"Subaru, please...please don't kneel to me. And raise your head. Look at me." The final murmur echoed like a solemn plea, but as he said, he planned to obey.
Having been permitted to do this, he was not surprised to find the silver-haired girl crying, but even still, he didn't want to see it. Yet again, his foolish self had made another girl come to tears. He couldn't bear to have been the cause of this yet again.
"I don't want to judge you, Subaru. And I don't want to hurt you." Her shoulders trembled as these words came out, barely able to remain coherent through the hot tears. "You say that you will accept anything? Well...I only have one thing I want from you. Just one."
Subaru thought that he would be afraid. That his heart would leap out of his throat when this moment came. And he felt no such emotion. Anything that she decided was fine. It was time he put all the power in her hands.
Her final decision was something he didn't think he would hear coming from her mouth. Nor what came along with it.
Before he could even prepare himself, Subaru felt Emilia throw her body onto him in an embrace that nearly suffocated him in her love. "Just be my friend, Subaru! Please tell me that you'll just be my friend! That's the only thing that I want from you."
What she asked was so...simple. Without greed. Without selfishness. It was so Emilia.
For the second time this day, Subaru found himself crying in the arms of a girl. And he knew it was different than with Rem.
Subaru felt this sense of immense relief envelop his entire being. Like the sins of his past could be left there. Like he could pursue new goals and continue to build himself as someone who would ward off such behavior in the coming days.
She had forgiven him for doing the exact opposite of what she asked. For making her look foolish on the most important day of her life.
"I...I can do that. Actually, I was hoping that we could do that the entire time."
From that point, and for hours to come, Subaru Natsuki and Emilia began to rebuild their friendship. But not from zero. Neither of them could allow this. Rather, they would both keep in mind everything that had transpired between them. Both good and bad. They would construct a better, more understanding bond on top of the ashes of what was old.
And it was now that Subaru felt freer than he ever had in his seventeen years of life.
Dripping sweat from his forehead, Subaru knew that it was definitely time to take a break!
For hours, Subaru and Emilia did nothing but talk. And while there were certain things Subaru could not explain to her, for both of their safety, he was as open and honest as he could have been. Their conversation went on so long that neither of them even realized they'd been neglecting the entire day
Having realized she'd spent so much time with Subaru, Emilia missed out on what was essentially an entire day's worth of studying. And yet, she wasn't bothered. Having to adjust her sleep schedule was something she was prepared to do. The next three years would be nothing but an endless amount of hard work for her, anyhow.
Emilia had set off to go and take care of some personal matters, and Subaru decided to stay outside and do some exercise, himself. It had been nothing more than basic jogging around the perimeter of the rear yard and his own routine of radio calisthenics.
Physically, and mentally, Subaru felt completely relaxed. So much so that he didn't mind heading up to his room and having some alone time to think about his future plans.
He needed to take in everything about the mansion. Because this would be one of the last times he saw this place for a good while. In truth, Subaru didn't know how long he was going to be gone. And he didn't even know what exactly Sebas and Demiurge's master wanted with him. Despite this, if there was something that the Japanese teenager could provide to maintain this friendly relationship, he should be okay.
Feeling his stomach rumbling, he had no clue how he'd neglected lunch! Was he really that charmed in his talk with Emilia?
"Eh, it's not a big deal. Things went as well as they could have." After all, wasn't this what he wanted? To go back to when everything between them was fine and they could talk without anyone feeling like there was some kind of wall between them?
Arriving at his bedroom door, Subaru opened it up, only to find that he had a visitor on the other side. And it was the last person in the mansion that he'd wanted to see.
It was Puck. The grey-furred cat was floating there, his back turned toward the door, only to spin around and face the newcomer to the room.
Subaru's formerly pleased and content expression changed. While not hostile, Subaru's tone certainly wasn't anywhere near as friendly to the Great Spirit as it once was.
"Can't remember inviting any guests to my room. So, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Not that the presence of someone who wasn't welcome could have been called such.
There were a lot of things Subaru had done in the past few days where he acknowledged his own flaws and how they had hurt the people around him. Pretending those things didn't happen were good for no one.
Subaru forgave Emilia for telling him that she was named after the Witch of Envy when they first met with one another. He'd forgiven Rem and Ram for their hostility toward him when he'd first arrived at the mansion, now understanding why they were not so friendly to strangers upon coming to know some of their trauma. Hell, Subaru even understood why he was denied aid from the royal selection candidates, even though their decisions ultimately hurt him in the end.
But he didn't forgive Puck for freezing him solid when he attempted to get to Emilia when he'd come to the mansion to save her, save anyone. He would never let it slide that Puck was the one who always seemed to be the slowest to respond, but wielded such overwhelming power. Subaru had already seen it for himself. If he wanted to, Puck could have crushed Sloth's entire brigade without difficulty.
And yet he didn't. All of the responsibility was put on him. And what was most funny of all was that now that all was said and done, Puck still contributed to none of these victories.
Closing the door behind him, Subaru went and sat down at his own desk, grabbing his jersey for the next time he left the room. He locked eyes with the floating spirit, who was still silent. But not for long.
"Is it true? Are you really leaving the mansion, Subaru?"
Subaru could only assume that Puck had only come out of his home crystal once Emilia was no longer in his presence. Deciding to answer, he gave it to Puck as straight up as he could, "Yeah. I have some business to take care of. Things to learn. About the world, and myself. Not to mention, I'm gonna be doing some research into the Witch Cult."
Puck's expression was unreadable. No frustration. No anger. And yet, when he spoke, Subaru clearly understood what he was feeling. His tone was remarkably calm, as if he was attempting to keep all emotion inside. "Please, do her a favor and don't ever come back. Ever since she first met you, bad things have been happening. If you really do care about her, you'll do her this—"
"Cut the bullshit, Puck. Quit lying to me, and quit lying to yourself. You've known her way longer than me, so I think you know damn well that stuff has been happening in her life for a real long time."
The Great Spirit's eyes narrowed, indignant at being spoken to this way by what's essentially a lowly human. But Subaru wasn't done with him. Not by a mile. It wasn't just Emilia with whom there was unfinished business.
Subaru would have been lying if he said he knew everything Emilia had endured throughout her life. He hadn't been there for those trials. But, he knew what he saw with his own eyes. "She's a candidate for the royal selection to decide the new leader of a whole country. Do you think her life is gonna be easy from here on? It's not. She's gonna struggle because that's the path she's chosen. And she's strong for not buckling down under all that pressure like other people would."
"Not if I'm with her. As long as I'm here, there's no reason for Lia to struggle, or cry, or doubt. I'm the one she calls her father. I'm the one who exists to push away anything that can make her sad."
Though Puck said this, he seemingly couldn't muster any force being his words. It almost sounded as if he was trying to convince himself, rather than explain this to another.
"Puck, instead of trying to baby Emilia her entire life, why don't you try letting her grow stronger than her tears? Sheltering someone from the truth doesn't do jack shit in the end. Trust me, I already know. I've learned a whole lot more in the past ten days than I have in the past ten years."
If someone as insignificant as himself could do it, even if only in a small part, nothing could stop a girl like Emilia from becoming everything she wanted to be. Nothing except a floating, great hairball who wanted to keep her the way that most appealed to him.
"You know? You think you know? What exactly do you think you know about anything!? You haven't even lived fifty years, but you think you can tell a 400-year-old spirit anything about life? Don't be so arrogant, Subaru Natsuki!" While he did not raise his voice, his tone was filled with cold fury in every word. Puck's green eyes intensified, the temperature of the room decreasing noticeably, but not yet to the point where ice began to form. "Don't think that just because you begged for Lia's forgiveness that I'll give you the same! If you ever inconvenience her again, just being sent away from her company will be the very least of your worries!
Subaru knew that enraging a creature like Puck was an instant death sentence. However, he had something Puck didn't.
Leverage.
Getting up off his chair, Subaru held out his arms to both sides, openly exposing his body to any sort of attack Puck was willing to give. "Go ahead, then. Hit me. But just know that you're gonna have a whole lot of explaining to do when the rest of the house comes in here and sees what you did. Especially Emilia."
Their eyes met, but neither flinched or backed down.
The Great Spirit of Fire felt infuriated that a weak little nothing like this would dare speak to him this way! And what's more, Puck hesitated. He knew Subaru was correct, yet his overprotective desire to protect his daughter fought against his reason.
"...How did you find out? How do you know about the secret clause in my contract with Lia?"
There it was, completely out on the table. Puck knew that Subaru knew. There was no reason to pretend anymore. Puck wanted answers and he wanted them right now!
Crossing his arms, Subaru could not help but allow himself to be petty. "I dunno. Why don't you ask Reinhard?"
This response made Puck reveal what were unusually sharp fangs for a cat his size. His green eyes widened, killing intent coming off every whisper of his face and every strand of fur on his body. "Don't play games with me! Lia can't know! She can't ever know! And you won't tell her anything!"
"Why won't I tell her? Because then she'll know that her dear old daddy doesn't even care a lick about the country she's training and studying so hard to become the new ruler of? So she can help people become a little bit more equal in an unequal world? I don't think you'd be giving me all that aura if Emilia knew that you're just a selfish monster who only cares about his idea of Emilia, not the real girl."
Subaru already knew this. Because he had been guilty of the same thing.
Emilia wasn't some kind of silver idol that could be put up on a shelf and admired as if she was a star that fell from the heavens. She was a real, breathing girl. She had feelings, and both he and Puck had trampled upon them. The only difference is, Puck was better at hiding it.
"If I kill him...if I do anything to him, Lia will be crushed." And though the feelings of his daughter mattered to him more than anything else, as much as he did not want to admit it, that was actually the least of his worries. Subaru had defeated the White Whale as well as a Sin Archbishop of the Witch Cult. If the Sword Saint was really aware of this, there was no doubt he would learn of Puck's actions and come to seek retribution for the slaying of someone who'd accomplished what Subaru had.
Inside his mind, Puck lashed out against invisible walls, smashing and knocking over nonexistent objects to vent his frustration at the situation he was in. "Damn it! I can't touch him even if I want to! He's got me trapped!"
But, Puck was only half correct. Reinhard knew of Subaru's deeds, yes. But not because the two of them were in cahoots with one another.
The Great Spirit couldn't stand the idea of being told his impression of his daughter was false, that she needed to change, that her life would involve struggles and trials that he could not shield her from. That was the reason for his entire existence! The reason he did anything and everything!
Everything was about his Lia!
But, it was at this very moment that Puck came to realize something. Telling himself that everything was for her? Wasn't that the exact same line of tripe that led to Lia leaving Subaru in the royal capital?
"Do I...sound like him? Did he get that from me? Or did I somehow pick it up from him?"
Puck's face contorted in a way that was reminiscent of the face one might make when they'd tasted a nasty food substance but could not quite determine what about it was so foul.
Without him ever even realizing it, Puck's aura calmed. The face he was making wasn't directed at the kid who's spat in his face and demeaned his devotion to the person who mattered most to him. His repulsive look was for none other than himself.
Though he'd tried to pretend it didn't happen, Lia had already begun making decisions that didn't factor in his opinion.
Puck tried to steer her away from Subaru, but she disobeyed him. But not to come to an unfortunate end. She'd incapacitated the Sin Archbishop beautifully, doing exactly what Puck would have otherwise suggested.
Lia just thought of it first.
He'd tried to convince her that Subaru slaughtering the Witch Cultists should have been a danger signal to stay away from him, even though any sane individual would do the same if they had the Witch Cult at their mercy.
Even this morning when the two of them were together, Puck attempted to bring up Subaru's earlier wrongs in the capital, only for his daughter to say that was between herself and Subaru and that they'd talk about it amongst themselves.
And they did. The next time he'd seen his daughter, the look of uncertain gloom that she'd been wearing for days vanished as if weights had been lifted from her spirit. She came back feeling better, all without him doing anything for her.
"Am I...hurting Lia?"
Puck always knew that his destiny was to protect and love her. But was it possible that his way of doing so was no longer efficient?
Was it he, Puck, who needed to change?
Soon enough, his thoughts were interrupted by the person in the house who bothered him most. Though this time, Subaru's words did not stoke Puck's temper.
"Look, Puck. Both of us are acting like total idiots right now. How about we stop this lame pissing contest and just come to an agreement? We both care about Emilia and wanna see her succeed. And part of the reason I'm going away is to hopefully bring back something that can arm her against people who do wanna hurt her."
Trying to fight with Puck was pointless. Subaru needed to use his words, even if only in an attempt. Just to say he'd tried.
"I'm not saying that we have to like each other. But if we agree on this one thing, shouldn't we be able to coexist? I mean, what would Emilia think if she saw the way we were acting right now? Both of us."
For Puck, the most selfish part of him wanted to say that his daughter would forgive him because the one she cared about most was no one other than her father.
While he did not want to, Puck knew he could only admit defeat. "She'd be disappointed and wouldn't even want to look at us."
Subaru nodded. "And I already went through that. You might just think I don't know anything because I'm not your age, Puck. Nevertheless, I've already lived the experience. And trust me, this shit isn't Disneyland. Having someone you care about look at you with eyes that say you let them down when they thought they could trust you? It's the worst."
Once again, that egotistical voice in his head told him that anything could be justified in his daughter's eyes if it was him. However, Puck was not willing to risk it. The words she'd said to Subaru when they'd parted ways that time? Puck didn't think he could ever come back from it. Which made him wonder, "How in the world did you get back on your feet, Subaru?"
Breathing out a heavy sigh, Puck asked, "So...what do you propose, Subaru?"
"Like I said, I'm going off with Demiurge and his partner for a while. I'm going to learn, and I'm going to train to be a better version of who I am so that I don't make the same mistakes that I have in the past. Emilia and I have killed one Sin Archbishop. Still, before that happened, I got it out of him that there's currently no one occupying the Pride position. Sloth is the one we just finished off. And supposedly, there never has, or will be anyone in the Envy chair. That means there's four left standing. I wanna know if any of them intend to pick up where Sloth left off. Because if so, we're gonna be ahead of them. These people think any half-elves are an insult to their Witch. And that means Emilia is gonna be a target again. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not even in five years. Still, it's gonna happen."
And while he didn't say so, this wasn't just about Emilia. Subaru brought the fight to them. He may have had the attention or love of the Witch, but that didn't mean her followers liked him. And he damn sure knew the mabeasts hated his smell, too.
Subaru couldn't help anyone if he didn't know anything.
Silent for a few moments, Puck was forced to acknowledge what Subaru told him. "That actually sounds like a reasonable idea." He'd always attempted to steer his daughter away from danger. And to be honest, that was still his instinct. But the inevitable was, well, inevitable.
"And while I'm gone, there's something I need you to do, Puck."
"Hnm?"
Having been looking either at the ground or at the walls, the Great Spirit was now made to once again lock eyes with the black-haired youth, curious what he would request of him.
"I need you to help Emilia get as strong as possible. I know she's gotta be studying all she can, but you need to put in work to ensure she takes it to the next level. Staying where we're at right now? Not good enough."
This was something that Puck was confident that he could do.
"I don't want to admit it, but Subaru has...changed. Somehow, he's doing things that even heroes have failed to accomplish. I still don't want to lose to him, but, if all he wants is for Lia to become stronger, maybe we don't have to be at odds."
Subaru noticed that Puck truly seemed to be considering his words. From his own perspective, everything Subaru requested was fair on all sides. All any of them needed to do was not think solely of their own gain, then everyone here could benefit. "So, how about it? Is it a deal? I'll be leaving here the day after tomorrow. And I really don't want any loose ends."
Puck had always believed it would be him and his daughter against the world. His plans never included letting others in on their most sacred relationship. And yet, in this situation, the Great Spirit of Fire knew that he had no choice. This was the logical course of action and if it was for the good of his daughter, he would make this agreement when with someone like Subaru.
"Deal."
A satisfied smile coming to his face, Subaru breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. Glad we got this out of the way."
Subaru meant what he said to himself, before. Puck himself would probably never be friends. As far as Subaru was concerned, he was far too unpredictable and unstable. How did he know? Because Subaru was once the same way. And until he saw proof that the monster on the inside had changed, there was no way he could completely give his trust. There was still a great difference in why Subaru had allowed others another chance and why he couldn't do the same with the Great Spirit.
Feeling this talk had reached its natural conclusion, Subaru decided to open the figurative door for Puck's exit. "So, isn't it getting to be about that time where your shift for the day is over? I'm guessing you'll wanna talk to Emilia before you have to get some shut-eye, right?"
He was right. Puck could feel his limit approaching. Though he refused to do anything such as yawn in this place. 'Yeah, I guess you're right. I want to look at Lia's face again before I fall asleep."
"Typical dad stuff." Subaru responded, shaking his head, sounding almost amused at Puck's desire. "Don't wanna keep Emilia waiting, then, I guess."
"You're right. I guess I'll...see you later then, Subaru." And with that, the spirit vanished, returning to his mana form. Only, before he did, Puck couldn't help to notice that throughout their entire conversation, Subaru always referred to his daughter by her name. He could only wonder why.
Jumping across his bed, Subaru curled up in a ball.
"That was way too stressful."
Even though he may have seemed as if he had everything under control for the entirety of the situation, that really wasn't the case. Subaru knew full well what someone acted like when they were simply running off emotion and didn't care about what was going to happen five minutes in the future. If Puck decided that he just couldn't control himself and did something wild, it would have been a real bad end to an otherwise perfect day.
"Now I just need to cool off before I go and check out what the girls are up to." Grabbing his pillow, Subaru attempted to prop it up to make himself more comfortable. And seconds before he was able to do so, the eerie whisper of his Shadow Demon stalker interrupted him.
"You were being watched."
A brow raised, Subaru did not understand the meaning of this. Watched? How?
"From the moment you entered the house. Two people in the distance. Both female. One adult. One younger. Both wearing black clothes. They retreated once they saw you."
Subaru sat up, immediately! Black clothes? And there was a woman? The Japanese teenager did not need to search his memory to decipher just who this mysterious watcher was. There was only one person who would have been spying on him from a distance. And her name was engraved onto Subaru's heart.
"Elsa!"
The assassin from the northern country who had sent him to a bloody and painful death a small handful of times. But the question was, what exactly was she doing here? How did she know that he was here? Or maybe she was spying on Emilia? She left to come into the house just a little while before he did. Also, this time, she was accompanied by someone else. Who? A partner?
Subaru remembered that the last time they met, Elsa had been fended off handily by none other than Reinhard. In fact, he made her look like a child playing with plastic knives. And yet somehow, she'd survived an attack by him that completely devastated the building they were in. Reinhard walked away without a scratch, and though she was beaten up pretty badly, Elsa managed to escape, but not before promising she would return.
Was this it? Was she coming back to finish what she'd started?
"No, that's stupid! Coming to the home of the most powerful magician in the whole country to start trouble? Roswaal could claim castle doctrine and annihilate her and probably be justified in anything he blows up!"
It was not that Subaru specifically knew the laws of his country, but he would not doubt it if something like that was the case. There was no way that Elsa would have been stupid enough to try and attack this place. Everyone was home at the moment. And to his knowledge, nobody was going anywhere.
The only thing he could think was that perhaps she retreated and was waiting to catch someone by themselves, then pick them off one by one, like some horror movie slasher.
"No."
Not this time.
He remembered that she'd once killed him without even realizing she was there. And that wasn't going to happen again.
A feeling welled up inside Subaru. It wasn't fear. Not even anger at knowing that a hated enemy would dare intrude on the lace where his precious people lived.
It was anticipation.
"Shadow Demon. Find Demiurge, Get him here to my room, as soon as possible. And tell him I want him to teleport us real far away. Looks like we need to have a conversation."
Suddenly, that feeling of being alone returned. It was the same as when he sent off the stealthy messenger to find its real owner.
Minutes came and went. Yet Subaru did nothing like pace the room, frustratedly waiting for a response. He merely sat on his bed, ensuring he was nowhere near the window. His heart rate increased. He felt like he was in line for a newly released product that he just had to have.
The Shadow Demon took at least fifteen more minutes before Subaru felt it return to his own shadow, its glowing eyes revealing its presence or only a few seconds before it became completely invisible once more inside his shadow.
And it was then that he appeared.
In a flash of blue light, a man wearing a fine, red suit appeared out of nowhere. His skin was tanned, as if he spent a great deal of time in the sun, and on his ears were long and pointed, on the right of which he wore three silver earrings. One may have thought at first glance that he was an elf. But Subaru knew that wasn't true. While he'd never specifically asked, he had a strong feeling that the man before him was something quite a lot more...infernal than an elf. His metallic, spiked tail gave that away.
He was Demiurge. The one who had sent in one of his fearsome subordinates that knocked around the colossal White Whale like it was an exercise toy.
Jumping up off the bed, their eyes met with one another. Or rather, their gazes. Subaru didn't know what Demiurge's eyes looked like behind his glasses.
Demiurge had been interrupted in his attempt to continue mapping out the surrounding area for potential future excursions. And since he knew that the human in front of him was supposed to be saying his goodbyes over the next few days, this summons must have been urgent.
Looking around for a second, he found this room to be unbearably plain. Within his own domain, even servants had more accommodating quarters. But Demiurge was not here to judge the interior design. He took in Subaru's entire visage, and quickly enough, Demiurge had a gist of his thoughts. While he did not necessarily have the ability to read minds, Demiurge was gifted with an incredible sense of prescience, oftentimes knowing how others would respond just from the smallest of details. "His eyes are filled with malice. Like he's waiting for something. No. There is someone he wants to harm."
Demiurge smiled, his fangs gleaming in the faint light from the window.
Neither of them spoke a word. With a wave of his hand, both he and Subaru vanished from the bedroom, reappearing in a place that was miles away. It happened in a literal flash.
Taking in the sight around him, Subaru noticed that he had been transported to a familiar location. "This is...that place where I jumped off the cliff." It wasn't the same spot, but the same general area. He and Demiurge were now standing on the top of a plateau, a comfortable evening wind blowing please them.
"Now then, Subaru. I take it that there is a good reason you personally called me?" Demiurge was not bothered. In fact, he would have been greatly surprised if this was a frivolous call that could have been put off until later. His hands folded behind his back, he gave off the impression of an expert lawyer who was ready to take in all details to find any and all advantages he could for the new situation.
He hadn't been personally keeping an eye on anything that their new contact had been doing since the invitation to their master's domain had been extended. Demiurge trusted that Subaru would be safe enough in the place where he lived, and in the event that something did happen, the Shadow Demon would inform him.
And he had been proven correct.
Inhaling a fresh breath of air, Subaru felt his heart rate calm. Not because he was far away from potential danger. If anything, being further away would be even more nerve-wracking. "First of all, I wanted to say thanks for getting here so fast, Demiurge. I really appreciate it. I wasn't expecting this, but it seems like we have a little problem at the mansion. An unwanted friend from a while back is lurking. And so I thought, since you guys really were interested in the White Whale's corpse, how do you feel about getting your hands on a woman who's a member of an underworld association known throughout the nations?"
Subaru, in truth, didn't know much about the northern country from where Elsa originated. Hell, he barely knew anything about Lugunica. Even still, he specifically remembered that Reinhard once mentioned that Elsa was so famous that her appearance and even clothes were well known outside her own nation. Which Subaru could understand. She was the only person who he ould think of, aside from himself, who had black hair.
"Oh? A criminal organization?"
A sense of nostalgia instantly flowed into Demiurge. It wasn't long ago at all where he was asked to participate in something just like this. Unlawful syndicates oftentimes were privy to great knowledge that was difficult to come by in legal civilization. The people they were contracted to assassinate or extort resources from, the backroom deals they made with all levels of society, etc. Demiurge found this to be a very worthwhile distraction from his other activities. Always on to seek what was unknown, Demiurge's fanged smile widened.
"How very interesting. Please, Subaru. Tell me more."
Pleased that Subaru had both Demiurge's curiosity and his attention, slowly, a manic, almost savage grin appeared on his face, and Subaru Natsuki could not help but allow himself to let out a dry chuckle. He'd thought this feeling had gone, and yet here it was once more. He had not expected to encounter the Bowel Hunter again, days before he was meant to set off for another place. It was the same desire he had to do harm to someone that he hated. He wanted to.
"Alright. You wanna play games? I promise you that I'm better. It's party time, you northern bitch."