Hello again! Here I am, after what? A year? Jesus. I'm so sorry! This year has been crazy but I want you to know that I still have this fanfic in mind. I'd like to know what you think, what you would like to read in the next chapters...
Your comments always encourage me :)
Thank you all so much for reading this story, I know that not many people like this couple but to see that there are some who do dedicate their time to read my work... it means a lot to me!
'Cause I am here and it eats me up
Well, I love the way it feels
I really shouldn't stay
But I can't give up
The more it hurts, the more I need
It's like an addiction
Mixed signals.
Fuck them.
It didn't mean Santana was one of those people who over-analyzed things, but with Marley Rose she honestly couldn't help herself.
The hugs.
Surely for most people it would not mean anything alarming, but for Santana it was because she was not a touchy-feely person, so, to maintain some physical contact or affection with another person must be because they had reached a certain degree of trust or something else.
The only thing that puzzled the Latina a little was that Marley per se was an affectionate girl with everyone, but something inside her told her that every time Marley's eyes focused on her or when they hugged and then held their fingers intertwined for a while, it was different.
There was something that made it different.
Or so she felt and maybe it was all an illusion her damned mind had created.
One night when Santana was dealing with her insomnia, she began to think that she couldn't even remember the precise moment when they had begun to show such affection for each other.
When was the exact moment when the lines started to get a little blurry and fuzzy? She was never going to be able to figure it out.
Perhaps she had felt so at ease that she hadn't even noticed how their friendship had deepened. It was now almost natural and normalized to greet each other with a tight hug, Marley would wrap her arms around the Latina's neck and the Latina would almost always return the embrace by locking her own arms around the girl's waist and lifting her up a little, always eliciting a giggle that was inevitably contagious.
Santana, lying on her bed with her gaze fixed on the ceiling already accustomed to the darkness of the night, allowed her mind to run through moments of the two of them together.
Her brain tried to remember when was the first day that Marley simply decided to hold her hand every time they headed toward their bedroom or when they were scurrying to their secret room at school to begin a long night of studying.
It wasn't something that made her uncomfortable, but rather it was something she was used to doing with Brittany only and, precisely, the relationship she had with Brittany was always confusing and something more than just a friendship. Santana felt as if the same story was about to repeat itself because... now... she was sharing it with Marley. And what she was realizing was that, if Marley didn't take her hand (which she usually did), the brunette was the one who was unconsciously taking over.
'If she didn't like it, she would have pulled her hand away and not even try to hold her hand again, right?'
But interlocking fingers was on a whole new level.
'Maybe she's enjoying my incredibly soft warm hands, you idiot. Who wouldn't?'
Santana thought sometimes that over think these things was one of her biggest problems.
She's really useless when it comes to girls.
Holding hands with interlocked fingers, in her experience, was a more intimate way of holding hands than just cupping other's hands like she used to do in church with Quinn. She believed that touching palms makes her feel closer to someone, it created certain intimacy. But as for the burning question of "was Marley interested?", Santana knew that the only way to figure it out was by talking to her. And even if she was insane, she wasn't going to do that, so–
Every time they met, they held hands unintentionally and it happened after they hugged each other hello. Did it mean anything? Why did they hold hands? To tell the truth, Santana had never noticed if Marley did all this with everyone or only with her.
Did Marley know how intense it was for her?
So, at least Santana, she didn't hold her hand unintentionally. She did it because unconsciously she wanted to, she desired to.
"Every time" is not a one time thing, but more than once, which meant Santana by her own accord, an intention, met Marley over and over again, doing that same, hugging and holding hands. That's what it meant. Plus, deep down, she did like doing it. Santana wanted to do it, met Marley over and over again, to end up holding hands and–
Hugs.
It's the most innocent, pure form of physical human connection that people could exchange. If it weren't for those mixed signals.
Hell. Even if Santana hugged Quinn, the blonde would feel weird and it would scare the shit out of her because it wasn't in the latina's nature being that nice and, 'we're talking about Quinn'.
The messed-up part was that Marley had a boyfriend, so Santana knew that the best option was usually to back off. She understood that mixed signals in relationships existed, but that was different.
Anytime a woman gave mixed signals regardless of whether she had a boyfriend, it was clear that trouble was brewing, and Santana knew she was about to get hurt caught in the middle.
Girls are complicated. Everyone knew that. And it was an irrefutable truth.
So, why did the girl who clearly had another guy in her life give Santana the impression that she might be available to her?
Santana clearly had to pay more attention and watch closely the interactions they engaged in whenever the two of them spent time together.
That's when those fucking mixed signals came up that just played with Santana's mind and, frankly, she didn't know what to think anymore 'cause–
1. Santana might had misunderstood her signals.
Santana usually had a lot of trouble understanding a girl's signals and tells and sometimes she thought she was mentally retarded. Usually, what seemed like flirting was perfectly innocent, friendly behavior from the girl. And it did not indicate interest in a relationship or physical intimacy. But every time that Marley touched her arm- a lot - when talking to her or when her eyes crinkled up as she gave the latina that typical sweet smile, had made her think she might be interested.
Santana could have sworn there was a special smile from Marley that was just for her (or so she wishes).
That's why Santana should ask her what she was up to and whether she is actually interested in her. Rather than assume and stress over it, but of course, Santana would choose the second option.
It was Santana being Santana after all.
She hated being a fucking coward. But, inside, she couldn't tolerate another rejection. Her heart and integrity couldn't take it.
2. Maybe Marley was in an open relationship?
Maybe that's she was looking for?
'Don't count with me.'
Santana had already had bad experiences with girls giving her mixed signals, trying to attract a new partner. There was a girl named Elina? No, wait. Eliza? 'Whatever'. Anyway, it happened when she was still in Louisville, with her cheerleading squad at the time. There was a blonde girl with green eyes -Santana had to admit she was hot- she was infatuated with the idea of having a polyamorous experience with the latina. The blonde had become so obsessed with her that she didn't want to have anything more to do with her boyfriend, who began to threaten Santana for trying to steal his girlfriend. The latina, who was never intimidated by anyone, ended up going to one of the basketball boy's practices and kicking him in the nuts in front of everyone. The only thing she had to deal with was the girl who kept insisting on having a relationship with her (and her boyfriend included), which Santana wanted nothing to do with them.
It didn't bother to Santana live in a very liberal dating age. Open relationships were more common than ever, and the social acceptability of those romantic arrangements meant some people were still looking for lovers even though they already had another one in tow. Only she didn't want that, and she was pretty doubtful that Marley was that kind of girl.
3. Somehow, she was dealing with the small, greedy, and selfish part of the girl?
Hey! Anything could happen. Don't judge her.
Some people demonstrate an interest in other people despite having partners because they are greedy. Then that could imply that…Marley might have a boyfriend, but still wanted attention from others.
Santana was very well aware that kind of situation could get her in trouble with Marley's boyfriend. She could also end up in a love triangle and that would also end up being a disaster. Love triangles are humiliating and demeaning, and it's no fun to get caught up in them, especially if you end up losing the girl to the other guy.
Under those circumstances, it's best to completely avoid the girl because she might get roped into ugly relationship drama. And even if Santana won her, the latina would end up having to constantly worry about Marley doing the same to her the moment the passion in their relationship died off a little.
Common mixed signals include being overly excited when you are around the other person, involve late-night chats, dating, flirting, making lots of eye contact and–
They've been doing all that.
One thing leads to another, so Santana couldn't help but come to another conclusion…
4. Marley wanted her.
A girl can get stuck between two great guys and, Hello? Since the beginning of the year Marley has been living this stressful situation thanks to Ryder and Jake. So, she could string Santana along because she wasn't sure which pair of shoes to pick.
But that didn't make it right.
If she truly loved any of them, she would commit to a single partner. If she were in love with her boyfriend, she would not be confused about having Ryder or Santana for a partner. Obviously, if she were sure about Santana, she would not be in another relationship.
It was a moral dilemma for Marley, but it was not something Santana should expect to have resolved in her favor. It was up to the trainee to make a decision and take a stand.
Maybe Marley was deliberately vague about her intentions because she didn't think she was a risk worth taking. Maybe she wanted her around just in case her relationship (or relationships) didn't work out.
Let's face it; no one wants to be a backup plan. That's why she should get out before it's too late.
5. Marley was unsure about Santana, which was why she sent mixed signals.
Maybe the girl doubted what she might feel about Santana. Maybe she also doubted what the Latina felt or wanted from her. Let's say that the brunette also didn't have the best record in serious relationships and had a great reputation for sleeping with a lot of guys. Not to mention that she was only having casual sex with Quinn.
Okay. Her image wasn't helping her much in that area.
And what about the chemistry between them?
That made the Latina even more dizzy because, there was a certain degree of chemistry between them that could be described as high.
6. Similarities Between Them
Although the well-worn phrase that opposites attract is often used, they were one of those cases. First and foremost, Marley loved depressing and extremely cheesy music from the 1950s onwards and Santana was one of those who loved to keep up with the latest artists. But there was mutual respect in their tastes. They had begun to have a tradition of recommending songs to each other that they liked and so they knew both styles. Although Santana would never admit it to the younger girl, inside she enjoyed listening to Marley's suggestions and was even learning the lyrics. And that spoke volumes about them and what was happening because, on a subconscious level, who didn't enjoy having someone to share their mannerisms and personal preferences and tastes?
They Shared Interests.
In the same way that Santana was concerned with helping Marley improve in both cheerleading and Glee, Marley helped lead the cheerleading squad and always tried to keep her on top of what was going on inside the group. Both were concerned about each other's business. It was quite simple.
Everybody knows common interests strengthen the bond between individuals.
7. Openness and Making Time For Each Other
A lot of people lie in relationships to make themselves look better to the other party. But when true chemistry exists, the truth is laid bare so that the couple knows as much as possible about each other. And Santana knew that Marley was sometimes intimidated by Jake, not to mention that the stupid asshole wasn't honest at all with the girl, and she was sure that Marley didn't show her true self to her partner for fear of rejection. In that perspective the brunette could immediately differentiate her relationship with Brittany from all the rest.
Another point to keep in mind was that when there was real chemistry between people, they would always find time for each other just because they cared. And all that was going on between Santana and her apprentice. The brunette felt comfortable being the way she was in front of Marley and the brunette was showing her more vulnerable side. They didn't hide things from each other, they were both very transparent and could instantly sense if something bad had happened. Like if one of them needed a favor or help with something, the other would simply stop what she was doing and go to where she was being asked.
8. Finding Comfort In Silence
Not everyone got that. Honestly, Santana still struggled with it, especially when she's with people she's not very close to. These days, the ex-cheerleader felt like she had to prove something to everyone she knew or met. If she wanted to be liked, she had to have a cool job, a fun hobby, and well-thought-out opinions–
Fuck that.
She wasn't going to pretend to be something she wasn't, if people liked her, fine and if they didn't...screw them.
Santana detested with all her being the type of people who couldn't shut up for five seconds. Like, didn't they realize they had to breathe? And yes, one example was Rachel fucking Berry. There were times when the girl simply brought out the worst in her. Santana couldn't help it.
Santana would rather be with one person curled up on the couch, sitting in silence than talking nonsense for nine hours.
Companionable silence.
Perfect silence.
And it's not awkward at all.
Santana thought sitting in silence with someone was, in some ways, more intimate than having a deep heart-to-heart. Being able to sit in pleasant silence with someone was like leveling up in a relationship. You're hundred percent comfortable with each other, and you no longer had to worry about awkward silences or boring each other.
You accepted each other. No judgement, no worrying about not being interesting enough.
It's literally that simple.
For example, on nights when Santana would accompany her apprentice to study for her exams, they would talk a little at first (Marley's doing) and then the conversation would fade, and it wasn't her fault or anyone else's fault. It just happened. They'd both state their opinions or tell what happened that day and that was it. There weren't any related subjects that either of them felt like pursuing.
Silence would come either way.
Santana would take a small breath and gave her friend a smile, because she's enjoying her presence.
It's as simple as that.
It's like savoring a bite of extra-delicious chocolate. Santana could even call it an act of mindfulness.
'There's no panicking. There's no scrounging for the scraps of the conversation to keep going. I'm living in the moment, happy to be sitting across from someone I care. And they're happy to be sitting across from me', Santana thought.
How freeing was that? To know that there's nothing that's being expected of her— other than to just be?
She didn't have to make up things to talk about.
She didn't have to keep people from being bored around you.
She didn't have to be interesting.
Because the people who loved Santana would care about her, whether she could carry on a conversation or not. They would enjoy sitting next to her, knowing that she would be glad to be with them.
And Marley fucking got that.
She respected when the latina wanted to remain silent, every now and then they would cross smiles and nothing more.
9. Taking Note Of The Details
Everyone knew that true chemistry meant having a deep and genuine interest in the other person, to the point of noticing minor details that other people naturally missed.
And that paralyzed Santana for several minutes.
Without realizing it, she began to remember moments that already seemed natural or typical of 'the routine'. Every time they ordered pizza to eat at their secret hideout, Santana always ordered with olives, as much as she hated them, but she knew Marley loved them. The image of the younger girl smiling as broadly as a five-year-old getting her birthday present as she watched each time the brunette gave her olives from her slice of pizza invaded her mind. Or for instance, Marley always surprised her every time she went to the grocery store by sending a picture to the latina with the image of the red box of skittles, she had bought just for her. Or every time the brunette lent Marley her jacket when it was cold or her scrunchies every time the girl forgot to take one for cheerleading practice. Santana was one of those people who lent absolutely nothing to anyone, but when it came to Marley, she didn't hesitate to do so.
Santana could not remember since when Marley started reacting to Santana's Instagram stories and then they'd talk for hours at night. And the truth? She liked it.
Not to mention that every time they were in Glee club, at least twice she caught Marley staring at her and she immediately smiled shyly at Santana (earning another smile from the latina obviously).
Those things must have meant something, right? If not, why was Santana lying awake in bed now, rethinking everything?
It could be said that it all started one night when Marley's mom invited Santana to dinner at her house and then they ended up watching movies. Friday nights were already like a ritual for them, where Santana would go directly to Marley's house to have dinner with her mother and then they would have a movie or TV series marathon. They'd joke and make each other laugh with a bit of playful nudging. Sometimes Marley'd even talk while leaning on the front of the Latina and the latter would automatically raise her arm to give her more space and place it on the girl's shoulders, drawing her closer to her body. It seemed all good– because Santana was blissfully unaware that she had boyfriend.
Basically, she had a million doubts that stem from her rocky situation because what was confusing her now was that, since that night, Marley had been putting off their study and movie nights together for a few days now.
It wasn't that she minded at all, but rather that it bothered her that she stood her up and then promised to leave it for another day when it wasn't going to happen either.
Three weeks ago, Marley texted and suggested that they meet again next Friday. She said yes obviously. So, Friday night booked. Which she canceled but suggested next Friday instead. She fucking cancelled that as well, suggested Saturday. Which she also cancelled. Three times now!?
'But I really want to meet you soon! Next week?'
'What the fuck? Are you kidding me?
If she didn't want to meet her at all, why text her back? Why bother? Why even propose another fucking day!? Is she interested or not!?', Santana's never encountered this extremely annoying behavior before. 'Either you're in or you're out!?'
All because that fucking Jake. She's sure it's because of that fucking asshole. She didn't expect Marley to turn out to be one of those typical girls who would turn away from the world for a man. Huh. Who knew?
But then, Santana didn't have to wait long to see how her stupid boyfriend had let her down for the first (and surely not the last) time.
One morning, when Santana was on her way to Marley's house for her daily training routine, she found a depressed girl crying her eyes out on her bed. She immediately demanded details of what had happened. The girl obviously didn't want to talk. She ended up confessing that she was embarrassed (which Santana thought was stupid). The latina told her that until she knew what was happening to her, she assured her that she wouldn't leave. Their eyes met for a few seconds, and it seemed that Marley realized that her coach was going to follow through, so she turned her body on the bed so she could look at the ceiling and took a deep breath, resigned.
"So, you gonna tell me what happened, or are you just gonna keep me guessing? I warn you; I can go all day–"
"Jake and I had an… argument", the girl said the answer that was already obvious. Santana arched her eyebrow and shook her head repeatedly, telling her to continue.
"You wouldn't understand" Santana was getting tired of getting that crappy answer every time she asked the others what was wrong. Didn't anyone think she could understand them?
"Oh yeah? Just try me"
"He got mad because I'm not ready to have sex with him yet", Marley managed to blurt out the truth after waiting a few seconds.
Okay. Not what Santana was expecting to hear. Had he really heard right? It seemed strange to her because she honestly thought they'd been having sex all along, not to mention the Valentine's night they'd passed each other in the elevator.
"And why is that?" the Latina plucked up the courage to ask after clearing her throat. It was obvious that something was preventing Marley from being intimate with her boyfriend and, since the brunette had been so insistent on knowing why Marley was miserable... now she had to try to help her.
Ugh. Who told her to meddle in things that were none of her business?
"I–I'm a virgin" the apprentice's voice was barely audible. As soon as Santana heard those words, her eyes fixed on the girl. "That's why I didn't want to tell you, Santana. I know you must think the same as he does–"
"Hey–No–Marley. Look at me, please", Santana immediately approached Marley when she saw that she had completely covered herself with her sheets to hide from her embarrassment. The brunette wanted to punch herself in the face when she saw what had caused her frozen state. "You don't have to be ashamed of being a virgin. Did you hear me right? If he's not able to wait for you, he really is a fucking dick, and he doesn't deserve you. Hey–I mean it." Santana uncovered the girl and forced her to look her in the eyes to verify that she was speaking sincerely. "Look, I know I have a pretty... let's call it interesting... track record." Marley was the one who this time stared at her "or whatever. What I'm trying to say is– I mean–Maybe that's why I can be the best one to give you advice about it. Marley, if you're not comfortable with him or you're not sure enough to have your first time...promise me you won't do it. Believe it or not, if only I had listened to Brittany years ago when she told me that doing it with feelings was better... I would have waited, you know? I would have avoided sleeping with practically every guy in this disgusting school. I could have avoided feeling used and increasingly… empty. My point is, I would have liked my first time to be with someone who also loved me in the same way. I think it would have been special." Marley lowered her gaze for a few seconds, fixing it on her hands. Her fingers played between them in a nervous way. "And I know you are looking for that." Santana without hesitation took one of the girl's hands and gave it a squeeze, trying to get her attention again. "So, promise me that when you do it, it will be because you really are one hundred percent sure, and that the other person is worth it."
'Not like your stupid and sleazy boyfriend', that part was said in a roundabout way.
"Okay"
When Santana finished talking, she saw how blue eyes stopped paying attention to her, as though Marley was "drinking in" her features with her eyes. Her gaze memorized every detail of her face, not disguising how her eyes traveled on the brunette. She completely forgot that she was staring at her tutor too long, causing the Latina to panic.
Then, her eyes stopped on the brunette's lips.
Oh. Okay.
Shitshitshitshit.
"Now, you better get your ass up and be ready in five so we can get the hell out of here. Those muscles are not going to form on their own!", Santana reacted by clearing her throat and standing up quickly. In the process she tripped over her apprentice's slippers, causing her to stagger but she was able to avoid falling to the ground. She decided to leave the room quickly after telling Marley that she was waiting for her downstairs, without giving her time to respond.
Santana could feel her fingers trembling with nerves.
What the fuck had happened?
Both girls ran the whole time without speaking or looking each other in the eyes. They decided to act as if nothing had happened, but the tension that surrounded them proved otherwise.
…
..
.
It turned out that ignoring things was the best the two of them knew how to do.
Weeks went by and they never touched the subject. It was already buried in the past and Santana decided not to think about that day again.
'Maybe it was a simple confusion that Marley went through that day due to the disappointment she suffered with her boyfriend, and I was the person who comforted her. There is no need to overthink'.
Or so the latina tried to do, until the following happened.
It was a Wednesday like any other, until it proved to be anything but.
After cheerleading practice, Santana for some odd reason wanted to avoid the habit of going home alone with the silence overwhelming her more and more. Maybe it was the day that was getting grayer and that was the strange reason Santana was sensitive. Or she was about to get her period. The latina was one of those girls whose hormones fucked her up abysmally on those days. Yep. She's sure that's what it was. Every time she was in those days, the brunette already suffered mood swings and could predict the nostalgic thoughts that the mind was going to focus on.
The only interesting part of the day was sharing lunch with Finn in the teachers' lounge. So yeah, it was a crappy day.
Anyway. Once it was time to leave, she passed a smiling Marley outside the school and... 'fuck it', Santana whispered to herself and immediately asked the girl if she was interested in watching a movie or something, because to be honest, what better offer was she going to have to do on such an ugly day?
Santana was never going to acknowledge how her apprentice's smile caused the feeling of a knot in the pit of her stomach due to the nerves and anxiety she felt as she watched the girl excitedly reach towards her to hook her arm with the brunette's and start walking together in the direction of the Coach's van.
Marley couldn't control her surprise at the sudden invitation either. She was already getting used to seeing her tutor every morning and practically every Friday they spent the day together, so it seemed strange to her that the brunette would invite her to her house on a Wednesday. She wasn't complaining at all. Lately she was really enjoying the girl's company as she was getting to know intimate aspects of the former cheerleader that she never would have imagined being able to know and that, besides Brittany, Marley doubted that other people knew her in that way. Santana was slowly opening up to her and, knowing this, Marley couldn't hide her enormous satisfaction that exploded from within her.
As soon as they arrived at Santana's house, the brunette asked Marley to find a TV series or a movie to watch while she prepared something to eat. Marley was sitting comfortably on the couch complying with her mentor's orders when she began to hear deafening thunder. She immediately looked out the window to see if the storm was as bad as it sounded and, yes, it was. The branches of the trees were completely shaking from the strong wind that was blowing and when lightning struck, illuminating the whole house white, a torrential rain woke up. And within two seconds there was a meowing sound that Marley immediately identified as that of a very small kitten because of the high-pitched tone she heard.
"Oh my god! I think there's a kitten out there!", the younger girl exclaimed worriedly trying to find the kitten, but she could not see anything because of the torrential rain that prevented her from seeing through the window. Marley immediately grabbed her jacket and started running towards the entrance of the house when the brunette paid attention to what the girl was making such a fuss about.
"Hey! What the hell are you doing?", Santana shouted at her, leaning her torso on the kitchen counter so she could watch where the girl was going.
"I'm going to save the poor kitty", Marley replied as she quickly put on her jacket.
"Acaso te has vuelto loca!?" Seeing that the girl looked at her very confused, Santana realized that she had unintentionally spoken in Spanish and that she probably couldn't understand her at all. "Like hell you Will. I'm not letting you go outside."
"But Santana– We have to do something! That poor kitty is out there–"
"We'll go outside later—it's raining cats and dogs now and I don't want to get soaking wet because of a fucking cat" The brunette said and deliriously believing that Marley was going to leave the subject behind, she turned her back to the girl and went back to the kitchen to continue with what she was doing. Santana was already quite hungry and had not yet been able to finish preparing a couple of sandwiches. For the latina there was nothing worse than starving. She was never in a good mood, but if you added the fact that her stomach was empty... it was a thousand times worse.
It was a very simple rule: full stomach, happy Santana.
Or something like that.
"Fine. I'll go"
The hell to the no.
Santana felt like a mother fighting with her teenage daughter.
"Rose! I'm warning you. You better–That fucking kid!" The sound of the door closing caused an uncontrollable rage to flood inside Santana.
Snixx was there and Santana was trying to tame her. It was as if a little Hulk was erupting from her skin.
If it had been anyone else her mind would have forced her to stay inside the house not caring in the least if anything could happen to her, but this was Marley Rose... her apprentice and obviously she didn't care anything about her (lie), but how could a tutor allow anything to happen to her apprentice? (Another lie.)
Besides she was her Coach...It would be very bad for her career, wouldn't it?
The brunette without even thinking twice went out, dressed as she was at that moment in black yoga pants and a gray muscle shirt, to face the huge storm outside. A few steps away she saw Marley climbing a tree, stretching out one arm to grab the kitten that was completely clinging to a tree branch and her other arm trying to hold on tight so as not to fall.
Jesus fucking Christ.
"Definitivamente estás loca!" Santana shouted at her and then grabbed her by the waist to hold her down so the girl could grab the damn kitten once and for all.
Just as Marley was about to climb down the tree with the kitten, lightning struck close by causing a couple of branches from the block to fall onto the street.
The coach really couldn't understand Marley. It was pouring rain, the thunder was deafening, tree branches were falling, but the girl was completely happy petting the brown kitten with black spots as if none of that was happening. Not to mention it was freezing cold. Santana could literally be petrified from the cold in a second.
"Let's go fuckin' inside, it's cold as balls out here!" Santana ordered her, roughly taking her by the hand and pushing her in the direction of the house.
"What is your fucking problem? Quietly a tree branch could have knocked you out or something a–and–Are you even fuckin' listening to me?" Santana started almost shouting at her once she managed to close the door against the strong wind that prevented her from doing so.
"I'm going to need a towel or something to dry him" Marley simply said and went into the bathroom to grab a towel and do what she had said.
"Un-fucking-believable! Hey–I'm talking to you!" The brunette followed her from behind, shouting furiously as she saw the girl dodging her.
"I know what you mean! But nothing happened because you were there. So, thank you. I'm not going to promise you that I won't do it again, but I'm going to try. Okay?" Marley grabbed the brunette's face with both hands to force her to look her in the eye and get her to calm down a little. She immediately hugged her tightly. "Thank you for being there."
"I could kill you right now. I really want to" the brunette said once, letting out a deep sigh trying to calm all her nerves.
"I know you do, but you won't" Marley said with a tender smile, trying to buy the tutor's compassion and forgiveness.
And it worked.
"I'm going to get us some dry clothes" Santana said as soon as she saw how Marley started to shiver from the cold. The brunette nodded her head and smiled gratefully as she continued to dry the kitten. "Do you prefer to take a hot bath first?" she stopped and turned to ask the younger girl.
"That would be great, if you don't mind", Marley smiled shyly at her, trying to control the tremors in her body. Santana immediately headed for the bathroom and began to prepare the giant bathtub that she fortunately had in her bathroom. She was starting to shiver from the cold too, but she preferred to let the girl take a bath first since she didn't want her to catch a cold or something. Huh. Who knew she could ever care about the well-being of anyone else but herself?
Once the brunette had prepared a pair of jeans, T-shirt and underwear, she showed her how to load hot and cold water into the bathtub. Seeing that Marley had figured out how it worked, she decided to withdraw from the bathroom and give her privacy. She was about to reach the kitchen when Santana suddenly stopped as she remembered that her stupid mind had forgotten about the towels. What was the girl going to dry herself with? Santana immediately turned around and went back to the bathroom with a pair of white fluffy towels.
She couldn't explain to herself why she started to get a little nervous. She didn't want to look like a pervert or anything and maybe, surely, Marley might be wondering why she hadn't done it before. But it had really slipped her mind.
So, Santana stopped in front of the door and knocked three times. She slowly opened the door and cleared her throat before speaking. Her palms began to sweat.
"Uhm. Sorry. I really don't mean to interrupt you or anything but–I forgot to leave the towels and, well, honestly I just remembered and–" Santana's eyes shifted their focus every two seconds between Marley and the ground. The Latina couldn't remember the last time she had felt that... shy?
Jesus.
"It's okay, Santana. Thank you.", When Santana heard sincerity in Marley's voice, she looked up and focused on the girl in the bathtub.
It was a thousand times worse.
Santana swallowed saliva with difficulty as if she had to swallow a stone.
The water sufficiently covered Marley's breasts but, the Latina had to admit, she looked quite exquisite. Marley's cheeks were a little red from the steam of the hot water and the droplets falling on her glowing white skin.
When she noticed that the younger girl smiled awkwardly at her, she immediately came to herself and headed back towards the kitchen.
Shit.
"This has to stop right here, right now, Santana", the brunette tried to make up her mind and fulfill the new goal. She had to stop seeing her apprentice that way. There were a million reasons why it was a very bad idea and she even had them listed and everything in her mind.
Santana continued preparing the sandwiches while she waited for Marley. In the during, the small animal approached the brunette emitting extremely irritating meows or yowls.
"What the fuck do you want now? Get the fuck out of my sight. Can't you see I'm trying to do something to feed myself?", on the floor was the kitten scratching at Santana's legs, trying to get her attention.
"He must be hungry, poor thing. Come here, little guy!" Marley made her presence felt in the kitchen and immediately picked up the kitten so Santana could finish what she was doing.
"So, what are you going to do with that thing?" Santana asked as she handed a sandwich to her apprentice, positioning herself at kitchen island bench. Her eyes did not take her attention off the girl who was frolicking with the kitten while feeding it parts of her food.
"Oh. Uhm, I thought he could stay with you", Marley replied sheepishly, causing her mentor to nearly choke on her water.
"Haha. You almost got me there, Florcita", Santana managed to say as she kept laughing trying to calm her cough, caused by choking on the water. "You're kidding me, right?", seeing that she only got silence in response and that the girl was not laughing along with her... she decided to stare at her and try to decipher what the gestures on her face were trying to convey.
And nope.
Marley wasn't kidding at all.
In fact, she even managed to persuade Santana to adopt the animal using the excuse that 'she was going to have very good company since she was alone'.
Low blow.
The Latina only agreed if she called him 'Groot' because he was so ugly that he reminded her of the alien tree character from Star Wars.
"Deal!"
That was the moment when Santana regretted having agreed. Because that was when she assumed that there was no turning back, she was always going to agree to anything Marley wanted as long as she could see that smile.
…
..
.
Half an hour later, once they had each finished their sandwiches, the two were lying on the couch watching Friends for the millionth time. Santana asked her how she was doing in school and Marley told her that she was generally doing well except in chemistry. So, since they had nothing better to do, the latina told her to show her what she didn't understand. And that's how it turned into another study class, while Groot was comfortably formed into a hairball on Marley's lap.
"Mmm. Here. This one, I don't quite get it. How is low molecular N-methylol melamin Resin synthesized?"
"Okay. The question is a bit unclear… but, melamine is hexa-functional, methylolation is a function of the ratio melamine/HCHO, so… let me take a look at it." Marley simply watched her in silence "Maybe you have to reduce the amount of formaldehyde. Now I am going to pass you a study that's concerned by HCHO low emission, so you can check it out. It's a pdf file", Santana tried to explain with her eyes totally focused on the girl's chemistry book. When she looked up, she found her apprentice dumbfounded at the answer she had just given.
"What?" the latina was getting uncomfortable at the astonished look Marley was giving her. Yes, she used to be quite nerdy in chemistry and other subjects, but no one had ever seen that side of her and now she had exposed it. Let's just say that, once again, she felt shy in front of Marley who was bringing out that hidden side of her.
"You really are a genius. No, really. I admire you, Santana. I will never be able to repay you for all you are helping me."
"You, by spending time with me, are already doing so." and again Marley drew the sweetest smile Santana could swear she'd ever seen in her life on her lovely face.
Santana could swear that Marley had one kind of smile just for her. The way the corners of her lips turned up so high to show the whiteness of her perfect teeth and her deepest ocean blue eyes narrowed with delight every time she achieved something from her mentor was unique.
But every happy moment had its end.
As Santana watched out the window as the rain continued to fall and looked like it wasn't going to stop anytime soon, she turned her head to see if Marley was still trying to solve the chemistry problem. Instead, she found that the girl had her attention on her iPhone and that sweet and happy expression she had before on her face was completely absent.
The coach decided to wait and watch the girl.
"You know, if you don't focus on studying it's obvious that concepts aren't going to magically fix themselves in your mind." Santana snapped.
"Sorry, it's my mom"
At that answer, the mentor rolled her eyes, not believing anything the younger girl said. Luckily Marley put aside her iPhone and picked up the pages to continue studying for a few minutes. The latina simply grabbed an old Vogue magazine to browse through, waiting for her apprentice to have a question so she could help her.
When Santana realized that more than an hour had passed and Marley had asked her absolutely nothing, she looked up and found her answer as to why.
Marley was still on the same page from an hour ago and her gaze was completely lost in another world.
"You know, I'm wasting all this beautiful time here trying to support you instead of sleeping peacefully and not being like a freaking zombie tomorrow. So, are you going to tell me what's wrong with you? Because I will no longer waste my time" Santana said angrily, slamming the magazine shut.
"I'm sorry Santana, I just can't focus on this, and I know it's not fair to you." The Latina simply continued to stare at Marley waiting for her to give her a real answer that would justify her distraction.
"I think Jake is cheating on me"
"No shit, Sherlock", The words came out of Santana's mouth before she could stop herself. Seeing the pain reflected in Marley's blue eyes, the latina instantly regretted it. But, hey. She had warned her. "He is a Puckerman after all. I don't know, it's in his blood or whatever. He's the mini version of Puck. What were you expecting? Don't say I didn't tell you, Florcita." When she got silence in response, Santana realized that although Marley expected another answer, deep down she knew her mentor was right. There are times when people need to hear the raw truth in order to remove the blindfold that was preventing them from doing so.
Santana knew that the truth could feel like windows to freedom or simply walls.
She continued to hold that thought that it was always up to each individual being to be able to accept it, get over it and move on with life or stay stuck and continue to avoid it.
The latina hated feeling this uneasy, upset and even guilty to see the poor girl suffering like that.
Santana hated it because deep inside she knew that if she felt this way it was because she really liked the girl. And Santana couldn't stand it. She's aware of the things they've done together, and she knew… that she couldn't stay mad at the person for long. She looked at the memories she had, and they all weren't bad. In fact, they were more than good.
One thing that the ex-cheerio had learned that year was that being mad was an "emotion" and being mad all the time… wasn't healthy for her feelings. Santana acknowledged that since she had broken up with Brittany, the anger she felt inside had multiplied uncontrollably. And she wanted to be emotionally well, and so releasing… the negative emotions were good, but she also knew she had to "move on", and not let that get to her. She was still learning to let go, and remove the resentment, and fix everything she's resenting on.
While Santana let Marley continue trying to solve that chemistry problem, she got up to take control of the TV and do a little zapping until she found something interesting.
And she found it.
A music channel was playing those typical old songs from the other millennium that no one listened to anymore, except of course Marley who was a fan.
And don't ask why, but when Santana heard that romantic song start... she didn't even think twice, she walked towards her apprentice and took her by the hand forcing her to leave the books on the sofa.
Taking advantage of the energy of movement she had caused Marley to stand upright, she slammed her against her body after spinning her around.
"Shall we dance?" Marley smiled and nodded as Santana took her hand and twirled her in her arms once again to begin swaying to the rhythm of the ballad. A faint smile crept across Marley's face and, well. That was a start, wasn't it? So, to cheer her up a little more, Santana started singing along with the song.
You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything
You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile without you
They fell in step, letting the rhythm control themself movements. There was no one in the latina's house, as usual, but still, they felt in their own world. In their own bubble. If they had been in a living room surrounded by people, it would have been absolutely the same. All the scenery and people around them would dissolve.
It was just Santana and Marley, alone.
Marley's electric blue eyes glistened, and a smile spread across her beautiful face. Uncontrollable feelings surged through Santana's body, and her fingers tingled in delight. Her hand brushed across Marley's cheek. The Latina's body was acting on its own, no chains to hold her back from this pure paradise.
Santana drew her close to her chest, and Marley wrapped her arms around her coach's neck. As the song progressed Santana felt relaxed and allowed a small smile to form on her own lips.
It was perfect.
You came along just like a song
And brighten my day
Who would have believed that you were part of a dream
Now it all seems light years away
Marley brought her head up at the same time Santana gazed down at her with a solemn expression.
Once again Santana felt spellbound in the younger woman's gaze.
Each time she concentrated on her deep, passionate, and truthful blue eyes, no matter how saddened Santana's with her reality, a sudden feeling of calmness took over her. She felt as if the morning sunlight had kissed her face and taken away the hopelessness that once hollowed out her heart. Just like the first monsoon, relieving, soothing, and has an essence of heaven. Santana was at a loss of words, and she wondered if every time Marley smiled at her, she did so totally unaware of the effects it had on the latina.
Her lips went to Santana's ear as she whispered ever so softly.
"I didn't know you had this romantic side hidden. Thank you for sharing it with me."
Santana could feel that rush of adrenaline, making her heart race uncontrollably. Her entire system was in hyperventilation.
When her apprentice moved her body closer to the Latina's again, resting her head on her shoulder, Santana freaked out.
Santana was not used to feeling all that. Not again, at least.
She'd always lived with anxiety and feelings were her enemy. She was trained to ignore her emotions; or at least learn to suppress them, so it's startling when feelings for someone else become unavoidable. Anxiety made everything so much difficult. Santana didn't go through the stages of a crush like a "normal" person. Conversations may have given her butterflies, but then she would spend the next three days (at least) dissecting every look and word that had been said.
Suddenly, she couldn't control her own heart. She had all those feelings and she felt guilty for feeling them.
Every nerve in her body felt so fired up, burning...
But everything slowed down when the brunette wrapped her arms around her body. It was as if oxygen invaded her being at the precise moment.
Perhaps Marley was aware of what was happening to Santana. In what she was feeling.
It never ceased to amaze her to recognize that the same girl who upset all her senses was the one who later helped her relax and regain her sanity.
She was really screwed.
…
..
.
Santana could say that she never got sick, but her apprentice did.
Like every morning, Santana had put on her winter gear to go out to train with Marley. It was automatic by now. When the alarm would ring, Santana would immediately open her eyes, get dressed and run to her house to have breakfast together and then start her routine.
But that Monday was different because the Latina had to wait fifteen minutes -literally- outside Marley's house for someone to deign to open the door for her.
"Oh, sorry for interrupting your beautiful dream your majesty!"
"Achooo!"
"Ew, please try not to bathe me in germs, would you?"
"I think I have a cold, Santana. I just want to spend the whole day warm in my bed."
"Your mom?"
"She left early. This week she got to replace a cleaning girl who took a leave of absence. So I'm practically not going to see her for seven days," the young woman explained as she tried to keep her body upright. The latina watched her and Marley looked like she was going to collapse on the floor at any moment. "I'm so sorry Santana, I don't think–"
"You go and lie down again. I'm going to get some thermometer to take your temperature. You can't be alone looking moribund like that" Marley smiled slightly with shiny eyes from the cold and barely whispered 'thank you' to Santana and she went upstairs.
"You just have a slight fever. Maybe it would be good for you to rest for a few days. How are you feeling? Do you need anything?"
"I'm cold," Marley barely made the audible comment without opening her eyes. Santana without thinking, took off her sneakers and grabbed the sheets and blankets to lie down next to her. Even though the bed was small, the latina knew that Marley would surely sleep comfortably on it and also keep her warm.
"You are so hot. I envy you" Marley teased her causing Santana to smile. The trainee immediately snuggled into the Latina's body wrapping her arms around her neck, resting half of her body on top of her Coach's. Santana in autopilot mode, placed her arms around her waist and fell asleep next to Marley, enjoying the feeling of warmth that her breathing gave her every time the girl exhaled against her neck.
They slept like that for several hours until the brunette was the first to wake up. Santana reached for her iPhone to check the time and when she realized that in a while, she had to be at school for cheerios practice, she tried to sneak out of the sheets without waking Marley. Once she did that successfully, before leaving she decided to quickly cook some chicken soup that Brittany always made for her when the latina got sick and, she had to admit, it was kind of magical. Once the soup was ready, Santana headed into the bedroom to leave it for Marley on her bedside table next to her bed. Seeing that the apprentice was still sleeping peacefully, she decided not to wake her up and headed straight home to get dressed and go to school to do her duty as Coach.
'I didn't know you could cook. This taste amazing! What other talents are you hiding? xoxo'
Cuando Santana leyó ese mensaje se encontraba en la mitad de la clase.
(Santana immediately thought of a double meaning but erased that image from her head).
I had never imagined it would be so hard to avoid smiling for the remaining half hour of practice.
She incredibly failed.
…
..
.
To say that Marley's mind was on the verge of chaos was an understatement. In fact, it already was.
She had so many things on her mind that everything was overwhelming her, school, Glee, cheerios... and what was driving her crazy the most was not Jake or Ryder, but all her classmates who constantly brought up the subject of 'her boyfriends' and wouldn't stop pressuring her, just like everyone else. It was worse this week when she was already being titled as 'the glee hooker'. Marley wondered if her mother had heard rumors about it or if she was still safe.
As much as Marley had made up her mind and she and Ryder had agreed to remain friends, the football captain wasn't being very cooperative. He kept doing things to win Marley's heart and the girl honestly didn't know what the fuck to do.
It wasn't easy or fun and no one believed her every time she swore she wasn't playing two-timers. That hurt Marley because she really had no bad intentions with either boy.
And today was one of those days when she just wanted to go home and sleep, not think or feel anything else. Today, Ryder had kissed her and her mind along with her heart was about to collapse from the stress, bitterness and nerves she was feeling. She wasn't a traitor, a cheater. But who was going to believe that when she told them what had happened? No one. Except her mother who knew her nature well.
On top of all that, there was the pressure she felt every time she was alone with Jake and he tried to have sex with her. They had already argued about it several times and, supposedly, Jake had finally understood that she wasn't quite ready to take that step. So, he had promised her that he was going to try to slow things down even if it cost him. Likewise, Marley knew that Jake expected them to make that breakthrough in their relationship soon, and to say that it made her anxious and nervous was an understatement.
As Marley dropped her body heavily onto her bed, she closed her eyes and the image of Ryder kissing her passionately against the wall invaded her mind. She brought her hands to her face pressing it tightly, as if she could erase what had happened.
Tears began to fall steadily as she read that Jake had sent her a message.
She still couldn't understand how it had happened or why she continued the kiss, instead of rejecting it.
"Hola Hola! I could use some help here!" the almost shouting voice of her mentor made her erase all thoughts giving her almost a heart attack when she heard the door to her bedroom burst open, the wood crashing against the wall from the stampede the Latina had made to get through.
Had she kicked the door in? What the–?
"Santana? What's all this?" immediately the younger girl went to the door to help Santana with all the boxes and bags she had in her arms and they were practically crushing her.
"A little more enthusiasm and appreciation wouldn't hurt, huh? These my dear little apprentice chick, are training sets and accessories for you to strengthen those poor weak muscles of yours."
"Santana, I really appreciate it, but I've already told you not to spend any more money–"
"Who said I'm doing it for you? I mean, yes it's partly for you because obviously you're going to use it, but it's also for me and the team. Now more than ever you have to help me bring the damn trophy for Sue if I'm going to survive."
Marley simply rolled her eyes for the first time, not wanting to argue with her trainer, and went back to lying on her bed. Her cell phone began to ring non-stop. When Marley's eyes saw that she had thousands of messages from Jake and Ryder, she simply flipped her phone on the bed and squashed her face into the sheets.
"Okay, I was expecting at least a 'thank you, Santana! You're the best thing that ever happened to me in my miserable life–' Hey! That iPhone cost me a bundle and it took me a whole day to get it for you–"
"Then keep it. Take it! I never asked you for anything! And yet you keep giving me things, I don't know why you do it Santana. Yes, I am poor, so what? If it bothers you so much and you're ashamed, go away, leave me alone and that's it. I'm not going to change who I am because of these...things."
Marley burst into tears, she had stood up and tossed the Iphone to Santana who juggled to catch it and not let it fall. The brunette had fallen silent and with her huge brown eyes of astonishment continued to watch her until Marley sat down on her bed trying to calm her breathing and gain composure.
After a few minutes, Marley managed to relax a little and immediately felt sorry for the things she had shouted and accused Santana of, being that during all this time all she had done was help her... and Marley had been ungrateful. Knowing that in reality her anger was coming from somewhere else, but it was the Latina's turn to receive the outburst.
"I'm sorry, Santana. It would be better if you left me alone right now."
"What the fuck was that Marley?" Santana as usual, ignored and slowly approached Marley to sit next to her on the bed.
"I just –I don't even know"
Marley opened and closed her mouth ten times not knowing how to start talking when her cell phone started making sounds of thousands of messages coming in again. She kept receiving messages and answering them. This was upsetting Santana and, to be honest, she was surprised that the device didn't crash under so many vibrations.
"I think your problem is not the Iphone but the people who are texting you. There's no way it's just one person typing that fast. My fingers are very dexterous, but not that extreme. Who? Jake? Ryder? Someone new?" the latina asked, and Marley's eyes were glued to her at what she was hinting at. Santana raised her hands in her defense as if to say 'Hey, I was just asking'.
"Both"
"Uh-huh. I knew it! So? What happened? They're finally arguing about doing the oreo threesome? Ryder agreed to take suntan lotion?"
"You know what Santana? Just let it go–" Marley moved toward the door of her room motioning Santana to leave.
"Why don't you just drop it? I have my Mexican third eye, but I still can't read minds, you know?" the brunette stood up and approached where her apprentice stood and interrupted her impatiently, her eyes looking at her seriously.
"Ryder kissed me today" Marley released the stone in her throat that prevented her from swallowing saliva quietly.
"So?" The latina's head was shaking from side to side without understanding what the dilemma was.
"It was… different" Marley said without being able to control her blushing. "I-I–"
"Ohhhh. The problem is not the kiss but the fact that you liked it."
Marley could not deny the conclusion Santana had reached. She was embarrassed and even disappointed in herself.
"Oh my god. Did you just have your first hot make out session? Awww. My little girl is growing up so fast!" Santana looked at her smiling broadly as she saw that she was making Marley even more uncomfortable. "Wait a minute. Haven't you cleared things up with him?"
"Of course, I have!"
"So, what's with all the confusion that came out of nowhere? I thought you were happy with your trashy boyfriend."
"I was! I mean–I am!"
"Okay, this whole thing is rotting me. You know what? I thought you were different from the rest of the girls, but you turned out to be the same or worse. Look at you! You're enjoying it!"
"What– Of course I'm not!", Marley looked at her not knowing what to say.
"Did you tell your boyfriend?"
"No, but I'm going to–Ughh! I-I'm just confused!"
"I thought you had already made up your mind."
"I had done it! Or at least I thought I had." Marley sat back down on the bed holding her face with both hands, resting her elbows on her legs. Her head already ached from thinking. "I have feelings for both. How will I know which one I really love?"
"Ugh! Seriously, you make it sound like you're trying to decide which pair of shoes to wear. If neither means that much to you, then perhaps you should take a break from both and see if it makes any difference in your life."
"I do care about Jake and Ryder, that's why is so difficult to me to pick one of them."
"Whatever you do, don't 'just pick one'. If the choice between the two isn't obvious, then the answer is clear. If you were honest with yourself, you would know that you're not in love with either one. If you had been there would never be a choice. Stop playing emotional games with yourself and let them go if you felt any kind of respect for them or yourself. If you really don't know who you really want to be with, then you should be the fucking alone." The answer froze Marley in her tracks, and they remained silent for a long time.
To tell the truth, Marley had never seen the latina as serious as she was at that moment. She seemed very upset... even... hurt?
She was never going to know but–
Maybe Santana was right.
…
..
.
September had come quickly and so had the commotion for Marley.
It turned out that what Santana had found out was true.
Ever since that day when Marley confessed to her that she had doubts if her boyfriend was cheating on her with someone else, the Latina went into FBI mode and managed to find out the truth.
Jake was a son of a bitch, a womanizer like every Puckerman and he didn't even bother to hide it a little bit. Marley's scumbag boyfriend had cheated on her with practically the whole school.
Marley was the laughing stock of everyone and no one or nothing could do anything to help her.
…
..
.
Not even an hour had passed and Santana was already wondering why she had agreed to come to this party.
At least if she had Quinn to entertain her, it wouldn't be so bad.
The members of the Glee club had organized a party and there the latina was, with abysmal regrets. Brittany got drunk and so did Sam. When Santana saw the blonde start to undress and her idiot husband was encouraging her, she decided to take charge of the blonde so she wouldn't be embarrassed anymore or end up badly.
As best she could, Santana managed to get Brittany to lean her body against her so she could guide her to her truck. It took them years to do it, but luckily, they succeeded and Santana guided them home.
When they lay down on the bed, Brittany did what she always used to do, she stretched her whole body over the latina and wrapped her arms and legs around her. She literally trapped her with her body.
"I missed this so mussssh"
Santana froze for a couple of minutes not knowing how to react. She didn't know whether to try to get rid of the blonde's body and go to sleep on the couch or just try to relax and sleep because she was tired too. She barely turned her face to look at Brittany and tell her that it would be best if she slept somewhere else but seeing that her ex-girlfriend was already passed out, she let out a sigh and with resignation decided to try to relax and induce a deep sleep.
As soon as the sun came up, Santana was the first to get up, shower and go out to prepare breakfast for the two of them. A recipe for poached eggs with bacon and tomatoes sounded perfect.
"Thank you San" the blonde appeared with wet hair and the Latina saw that she had stolen one of her t-shirts that she always wore to be relaxed at home. For Santana it was somewhat big and long but as Brittany was clearly taller than her, they barely covered her panties, leaving her long toned legs on display. The Latina only nodded in response and couldn't help herself and began to speak.
"I still don't get it why you changed me for that idiot froggy lips"
"Santana–"
"What? It's true. Instead of taking care of his own wife, he was the one who persuaded you the most to strip in front of all those fucking perverts."
"You know it was for the best although you're still punishing me for it" Santana reached for her coffee cup and breakfast. "You deserve better." Their eyes merged for a few seconds and what made Santana most angry was to perceive sincerity in them. That the blonde really felt every word she was saying to her. How could she know what was best for the latina? No one could make that decision by overlooking her.
"That's bullshit. I loved you, Brittany. I just wanted to be with you."
"I loved you too, Santana. I still do, you know that. But you were right, we weren't happy anymore. It wasn't a healthy life for either of us. You deserved to explore and enjoy that new phase in your life and I had to focus and finish mine in here. Everything changed so fast–and like I said before, you deserve more, and I know you're going to get it." Brittany was the first to approach and hugged her tightly. Santana simply closed her eyes and trusted her best friend's words.
The blonde had told an irrefutable truth and it was that everything had changed so much that Santana felt disconcerted, being that she was one of those people who didn't get used to radical changes. As much as they were now trying that new phase of "best friends", Santana knew that she could no longer count on the blonde as her safe place anymore. She had a husband for that and … in a certain way she gets it though he was a total asshole.
It hurt in a strange way not having someone like that anymore.
Maybe Santana was still hurting inside because she missed herself. She missed feeling happy and how she felt with Brittany, but before all this happened.
There's nothing more messed up that missing your old self.
Just as Santana was about to reply that she was sincerely resigned to this point in life, the doorbell rang. When she opened the door to see who it was, she was met with an overwhelmed Marley who, without waiting to be invited, walked through the door, walking quickly into the kitchen in a very upset manner until she saw Brittany in the background.
Fuck' thought Santana. Surely the girl was thinking the obvious when she saw that the cheerleader was only wearing a T-shirt and both had wet hair.
"Oh–I'd better come back later–"
"Hey Marley! No way, stay. I'm going to get dressed and leave you alone. I'm totally late!"
Brittany interrupted Marley and went into Santana's room after taking a last sip of coffee.
To say the air had become tense was an understatement.
"Coffe?" Santana offered by way of striking up a conversation and evading the situation they were in.
"I didn't know you were going to be busy today but–" finally the apprentice was the first to broach the subject after several minutes in silence.
"It's not what it looks like–" the Latina desperately tried to clear up the misunderstanding. It was as if she was waiting for the girl to say something to encourage herself to speak, but she couldn't because they both fell silent as they heard Brittany's footsteps coming towards them.
"Enjoy your breakfast. Bye!" the blonde said goodbye smilingly as always. She gave Marley a kiss on the cheek first and Santana was already leaning in to be greeted as well but she felt Brittany's hand grabbed her jaw to give her quick and casual peck on the lips and run.
"What is it between you two?", Marley was the first to clear her throat and ask what that was all about.
"Nothing"
"It didn't seem like nothing to me"
"It's Brittany we're talking about, how am I supposed to know what that meant? It's just her way of acting and thanking me for taking care of her last night." Santana replied in exasperation because she really didn't understand why the blonde had done that.
"Right"
"So, Uhmm... you came here for...?" Santana decided to change the subject when she saw that again the uncomfortable silence was taking over the atmosphere.
"Oh. Right. It's nothing. I just wanted to talk to you, tell you that you were right about Jake. And that I definitely need to spend time alone." Marley confessed with a sad tone in her voice and her eyes focused only on her coffee cup.
"Wow. Sounds like you had a night of deep thoughts. What did Jake do to make you open your eyes?"
"Actually, it was Bree. She stopped me in the hallway yesterday, in front of all the people walking by and told me she felt sorry for me. She disclosed my secret, Santana. That I was still a virgin and that by not giving myself to my boyfriend, he was looking for what I wouldn't give him with others, like her." the brunette paused and for a few brief seconds looked up to meet Santana's chocolate eyes, who was listening attentively.
"At first I didn't want to believe her but then she told me to look at his mole–", Marley's eyes were dull and empty, yet they told a story of sadness as tears slowly fell down her face "t-that Jake had on his hip and–" Marley simply closed her eyes resigning herself to the fact that she was not going to be able to control her crying. Her shoulders were slumped, and tears continued to fall. "He just lied to my face, Santana."
The brunette in a matter of seconds hugged her tightly to comfort her. She could feel the younger girl's pain and that simply made her inner Snixx want to explode even more.
In her mind she still didn't know who she was going to torture first, Bree or Jake.
Maybe both.
But one thing she did know very well and that was that they were all going to pay dearly for it.
"Promise me you won't do anything." Marley's muffled voice interrupted her cruel plans for revenge.
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
"I know what you're thinking. I can hear your mind working on a plan for revenge. Don't lie to me. Not you, Santana." that last sentence broke her.
"Fine" It had taken too much willpower to promise her, but the brunette gave in after all.
Just as Santana was about to offer her tea, Marley announced that she was going to retire. She thanked her for taking the time to listen to her and for the reassurance. What caught the latina's attention was that her apprentice repeated several times that she no longer wanted to bother her.
"I'm so sorry for being so selfish and coming here. Surely you have several things to sort out with Brittany and I–"
"Hey. I don't have anything with Brittany. I really don't. Look, I know what you saw earlier doesn't help me much with what I'm telling you now...but really, Marley, there's nothing going on between me and her." Santana's instinct made her take Marley's hands as if to capture her attention so her blue eyes could read the sincerity Santana was trying to emanate from hers.
"Okay. It's none of my business, anyway. Right? I... I'd better get going."
Santana couldn't explain it, but those words were felt like bullets to her heart. She couldn't manage to understand what Marley meant nor could she decipher her body language, to see if there was some hidden message there or something.
The latina decided to swallow hard and simply nod her head, indicating that she respected her decision.
Santana was never going to know if Marley was waiting for her to react differently... or if what she was really looking for was for Santana to contradict her by telling her that it was really her business...
or...
What-ifs...
What was the point of continuing to wonder?
She was never going to know anyway.
…
..
.