Cullen leaned over the opened box that lay on his desk. Inside sat the familiar vial of lyrium. He barely looked up when he heard the door open, as he assumed it was another scout, only to hear the recognizable soft footsteps.

He glanced up to see Eostre standing before him. His heart started to flutter but he maintained his composure.

"As leader of the Inquisition, you …. ", he sighed, unsure of whether or not to continue. He did not want to ruin any hope of something more between them. "There's something I must tell you."

"You're being especially serious today," Eostre let out a soft giggle. He chuckled slightly but his face was morose. Eostre began to worry as Cullen let out a heavy sigh.

"Lyrium grants Templars our abilities, but it controls us as well. Those cut off suffer-some go mad, others die. We have secured a reliable source of lyrium for the Templars here, but I … no longer take it."

"You stopped?" Eostre's feeling of worry began to overwhelm her, but she kept her composure. She was still so unsure about Cullen's feelings towards her.

"When I joined the Inquisition; it's been months now."

The feeling of worry within Eostre immediately became overshadowed by shock and fury at the idea that Cullen would be so reckless with his life.

"Cullen, if this…. if this can kill you?"

"It hasn't yet, after what happened in Kirkwall I couldn't."

He slowly began to raise his head, noticing Eostre's eyes become dark grey. His heart became heavy with guilt, he didn't want to burden her.

"I will not be bound to the order or that life any longer whatever the suffering I accepted." He moved from his position behind the desk and stood in front of Eostre, taking her hands in his.

"But I would not put the Inquisition at risk. I've asked Cassandra to," he turned his head away from her, "watch me. If my ability to lead is compromised, I will be relieved from duty."

"Are … are you in pain?"

"I can endure it."

The words pierced her heart, and she closed her eyes tight, swallowing hard. Cullen looked towards the floor, then released her from his grasp. He turned away, walking towards the window behind his desk.

"Thank you for telling me. I respect what you're doing."

"Thank You Inquisitor."

Cullen did not dare to turn to face her. "The Inquisition's army must always take priority. Should anything happened," he sighed sincerely, "I will defer to Cassandra's judgment."

Eostre nodded then turned to leave, stopping with her hand on the door and her head turned to the left. She could see Cullen out of the corner of her eye. He was still looking out of the window.

She turned her head away a little so that she could no longer see Cullen, who had now turned to look at her.

"If anything was to happen to you, I wouldn't forgive myself," she whispered, completely unaware that she had not been as quiet as she thought.

Sometime later

Cullen had not left his office all day, the excessive feelings of guilt overwhelming him. He had tried his best to work but to no avail. He lay on his bed, staring at the hole in the roof.

"I shouldn't have told her. But she has a right to know. If something should happen to me if I am unable to lead. The army should take priority."

"You say you can endure it, but you can't. You are scared." A timid voice spoke, causing Cullen to jump. He sat himself up to see Cole standing at the foot of his bed.

"Will you stop doing!" Cullen scowled.

"I'm sorry. You were in pain. I wanted to see if I could help."

"Yes, well, I'm fine."

"No, you're not. The lyrium use to block out the nightmares, now each night they come. You are tormented by them. You haven't slept well in months."

"That is none of your concern."

"I can help, let me help."

"And why should I let … you … help? I don't know what you are or if I can even trust you."

"Eossie trusts me. She wants me to help." Cullen raised a questioning eyebrow at the mention of Eostre. "What do you mean she wants you to help? And you should call her Inquisitor."

"She doesn't like it when I call her Inquisitor, she prefers me to call her Eossie, as her brothers do."

Cole had begun to pace, fiddling with his hands. Cullen couldn't help but observe that it was the same way that Eostre acted when she was nervous.

"It saddens her that she can't help. Her heart is filled with sorrow. She asked me to help. I said I could try. She …. held …. me. No one has ever held me. She told me she trusts me, that I am her friend."

Cullen lay back down on the bed and closed his eyes. "I don't see what good it will do but if she wants you to help, then I can't stop you."

A timid smile appeared on Cole's face. "Thank you. Eossie will be happy that I helped."

The memories flooded into his mind, causing Cullen to pant, the pain evident on his face. He wanted it to stop, he needed it to stop. He could hear Cole talking about the memories out loud.

Everything stopped. Cullen's mind went blank.

"Eostre."

Cullen's entire body relaxed as her vision emerged. Her smile, her laugh, her voice. He could hear everything so clearly as if she was right there in front of him. For the first time since he stopped taking lyrium, Cullen finally slept.