Hello, hello, hello.

Now is this another idea because I heard two songs and thought that they matched the two idiots that I ship? Yes. Is this also me trying to make the pub scene in S04E01 or what happened afterwards better? Of course.

I think you all know me by now. If I can change something, then I will. And here is just another way that things should have gone...

Am I Wrong

When Eddie had caught Rachel leaving, he thought that it was the perfect time to try to talk to her about what he had been hinting at all day. When she wanted to go, he realised that the only way that they were going to talk to her was to leave with her.

And maybe he had been a little forward in moving in when he did, attempting to finally thread his fingers through her hair to show her what he wanted to talk about. And maybe he should have taken the hint when she pushed his hand away. He suspected that she was a woman that knew what she wanted.

But the liquid courage had made him not think straight. The liquid courage made him follow her out when she told him that there was no them and that there was nothing to talk about. There was something. He hadn't made up what was happening between them last term, had he?

And he knew that he was being stupid when he said about her past. Of course, it had nothing to do with that. Because if he was thinking straight, then he might have actually apologised for not being there for her. Because that was probably what he had done wrong. Because that morning was the first time that he had seen her since she said about doing a last sweep of the school.

He didn't understand why she was getting upset and angry. He certainly didn't understand why she was opening up her shirt to him.

He hadn't realised that she had been scared by her ordeal and he realistically only got the briefest of glimpses of it before she told him to leave it.

It left him feeling rather torn as she left him standing outside of the pub and, despite his better nature, he decided to go back in, saying a goodbye to Tom before downing his pint and ordering another one, which went down in a similar fashion. He didn't care if Steph or Grantly was watching him as the third pint was placed in front of him.

Actually, he did. Meaning that he finished that pint before he called himself a taxi and stood outside to wait for it. He could finish whatever he was doing at home and he hoped that he had something stronger than beer to try and mast the heartache.

Beer had turned into whiskey, with Eddie drinking his feelings and wallowing in his self-pity.

He wasn't wrong, was he?

There had been something, hadn't there?

He hadn't made it up, had he?

Eddie knew that he had made a mistake and there were two ways that he could go about it. Either he could continue to wallow in his self-pity or he could try to make Rachel see that he meant what he had said.

It was the moment that he pushed himself off the sofa to try and find a pen and paper. He was probably a little too drunk to be doing what he was doing but he started to make a list of all the mistakes that he had made, regarding Rachel, in the last seven months. Because he was sure that there was more than just what happened that night.

And part of him knew that he would have to do a big gesture just to make her see that he meant what he said. And the last thing he was, was a wordsman.

But as the list started to write itself, Eddie knew that he couldn't just say it all to her. She had already pushed away his attempt to talk and he didn't think that giving that another shot would work. He had to give it to Rachel in a form that meant that she could read over it, again and again, and hopefully, it would change her mind.

With that thought and the liquid courage still in his veins, he put his pen to paper, attempting to write the most coherent thing that he could since he finished his CSE English exam.

The most that Eddie had decided on was that it was going to be in the form of a letter. How he was going to write said letter was what was causing him to sober up, with him ripping yet another piece of paper off of the pad to throw in the general direction of the bin. He huffed as he looked down at the list that he had made, finding that he had something else that he could add to it.

He had moved to his study from the living room but he was still finding it hard to put everything that he wanted to say into written words.

With him noticing that he was very quickly running out of paper, he moved himself to his computer, with the aim to get something written digitally before he wrote it by hand. He felt like it would mean more if Rachel saw that he had handwritten it, even if she did usually complain that she couldn't read his writing, telling him that maths was hard enough without being able to read the teacher's writing.

He was planning on using his best handwriting, planning on making it as neat as he possibly could for her.

Yet starting up his computer alerted him to what the time was.

3:14 am

And Eddie could feel the lateness (or earliness) starting to affect him. So he knew that there was one thing that would help him, going to make himself a coffee (and spending ten minutes trying to find the bloody cafetiere that he had been given as a housewarming gift so that he didn't have to get up multiple times to make himself multiple cups) before he dropped back down in front of the computer.

He found himself rocking his head side to side, trying to shake off some of the tiredness before he opened a word document and started typing. Because he knew that the night was now getting away from him.

Rachel,

I understand that you told me to leave this and I was more than prepared to do so. But, and it is one of the things that you taught me, I believe that it is important to fight for what you believe in and this is me fighting. And if you read this and still feel the same way, then I will accept it and I will attempt to move on from you. It won't be an easy thing to do because you are one remarkable woman, Rachel Mason.

So I think that the best way for me to start this is with an apology. Because I have been stupid in more than one way.

Eddie knew that his main source of energy over the day was going to be sugar and caffeine. He hadn't slept and he felt like that might have been the reason why he ran out of paper at home, having to print his typed letter to bring it to school to use the paper there. He was exhausted and maybe it showed in his handwriting.

He had definitely not planned on pulling an all-nighter and he had taken a break from letter writing (mainly because his hand was starting to cramp up as well) to study his timetable to see if he could have a sneaky five minutes at some point during the day, with him realising that he just had to get through until break and then he could find somewhere to hide until lunchtime, with him hoping that the letter would distract Rachel enough that she wouldn't come looking for him (or maybe she would just bury herself in the paperwork and only try and find him to moan about his filing system).

Reading through the letter one last time, he was satisfied enough that he'd written it in the best way that he could. After all, he was a numbers man, not a words.

He had to go towards Rachel's office anyway as he hadn't got an envelope to put the letter in, knowing exactly where Joyce kept the envelopes and therefore, he knew that it would be easy enough to steal one.

And he did struggle to force himself out of his chair, with his body feeling rather heavy with sleep now. Maybe he should have forced himself to have a couple of hours. Maybe he should have done that once he had the letter typed. Left it alone for a bit. But Eddie knew that with the alcohol that was in his system (and probably still was), he would still be asleep and there was probably a chance that he wouldn't be in school to hear the first bell. Powering through would probably be the best thing for him to do. Although his next task after delivering the letter would be to make himself a coffee before seeing how presentable he actually looked.

As he walked the short distance between his classroom and Rachel's office, he stared at his watch, with it taking him a while to register that it was half six in the morning. Maybe he could get an hour or so before school started, even if he was unsure whether it would make him feel better or worse.

Putting the letter into the envelope and finally placing it on her desk was the moment that Eddie had doubts about his idea.

Was this him still being too pushy? Was he trying to make her feel the same way that he did? Did he read her wrong? Did she only want friendship from him? Was that what she was telling him when she told him to leave it? But her scar. Did she show him because she wanted him to be disgusted by it? Did she think that was the reason why he would give up on her?

"Morning."

Eddie spun a little too fast, meaning that he had to catch himself to stop him from falling over. He could see the confusion in her face and he hoped that it was because of the early hour that he was at the school rather than his appearance.

"Morning." He said in return.

"I was going to ask if you've been home as I didn't see your car but… I think you've at least changed your shirt."

He looked down at himself just to see how presentable he was before he looked back up at her. "Yeah, I've been home. I'm not that unprofessional."

"I wasn't saying that."

"Sure?"

"Well, you don't look like you've slept."

"Don't usually sleep well after a skinful. You were right. We'd all had too much."

"Some more than others it seems." She said, losing eye contact with him as she walked more into her office and towards her desk.

It was the moment that Eddie realised that he hadn't picked up the letter, meaning that it was still in the middle of Rachel's desk. Usually, he would have followed her around the room but he couldn't, knowing that the first thing that she was going to see would be his letter. And she would know that it was from him because of his handwriting.

Yet, when he turned to her, it was like she hadn't even noticed that it was there, moving things about to try and sort out a couple of things. To Eddie that felt worse. Because now he didn't know if she was intentionally ignoring it or not. Maybe she thought it was something else. Maybe she thought that he had given up on her again. Maybe she thought that he thought that when she said to leave it, that she meant more than just them.

"As you are here, I might as well tell you now." She said, not looking up at him.

"Tell me what?"

"I'm going to call Tom in about half an hour to see if he can come in early. I think we need to talk about the events of yesterday and how we are going to move forward."

"Right."

"What? Don't you think we need to?" She said, looking up at him at that point.

"No. No. No. Of course, we do."

"So why don't you get yourself a coffee and try and get five minutes somewhere and I'll come and find you when I know roughly when Tom is going to be in."

He thought it was due to the lack of sleep as to why he focused more on the concern in her voice than the words that she actually said. Meaning that he was staring at her for a bit before he realised what she had said and that it sounded like a good idea.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll… well, I'll probably be in my classroom." He said before he realised that he should go and sort himself out, hoping that he hadn't embarrassed himself more than he already had done.