Tempus Magia
Chapter 29: The Lonely Wolf
Hermione Granger made a grave error during the final battle that resulted in Remus's death. Working as an unspeakable she spends two years working on a spell using powder from time turners to go back to Remus's greatest hour of need. What if Remus's greatest time of need wasn't in *this* war?
Remus sat on the floor in Peter's flat, it had been only a week since Hermione had left and moved in with the Lovegoods. In that week Remus threw his books away, ran until his knees gave out, and cried. He cried in Peter's tiny shower stall, staring at the shiny lime green tiles that Hermione would have charmed a different color as soon as she saw them. He managed to laugh then, only until he remembered what her legs felt like around his waist while he was pumping in and out of her in the shower. The tears came and didn't stop until Peter forced him out of the shower to eat.
He barely ate. Every time Peter brought him home food, he gagged and usually managed a bite or two and even then it was only because Peter was standing over him making sure he ate. He couldn't sleep so he drank to chase away the nightmares. He had no money left after using most of it to buy Hermione the earings, so he let Sirius buy him firewhiskey and shitty muggle bear. He would collapse on the spare mattress in the guest bedroom and open the small box that was in his pocket. The earrings were still in his pocket, every second of every day. If she came back, he could give them to her and then she would see. She would see...
She wouldn't see anything. She didn't want him anywhere near her. It wasn't the first time he had been cast out but for some reason waking up every morning without her intoxicating swirl mint, cucumber, parchment, and kisses made him want to stop living. Made him, for the first time in his life, want to give up.
She didn't write or call or even actually break up with him. He lay up at night awake, questions swirling around his mind. Was it all just sex for her? Was he moving too fast? Was she scared of his lycanthropy? Had she finally found out what being marked as an Alpha entailed? Did she hate him for it?
Every time they had sex, he would gravitate towards the juncture between her neck and her shoulder blades. He knew what he had to do to mark her and Moony was just doing what was instinctual. It wasn't as if he could blame the wolf inside of him. It was an animal, however, Remus, was not.
Remus avoided his parents and they knew something was wrong. His mother was the more sensitive parent and she sent him small baskets of his favorite confections every day. The thought of baking and Hermione brandishing a wooden spoon like it was a wand made him cry. Peter witnessed one of these meltdowns and after owling her, it stopped. This made Remus feel unloved even more. The tears became apart of his life, just as much as patrolling non-stop for the Order had become.
He was a werewolf and therefore, under Ministry law unhireable. He got several jobs at muggle establishments but he could never work there for long.
Peter was barely home as he was seeing some new witch named Alecto that he was being overly secretive about. Remus couldn't blame him. Sirius heard about Hermione and within a week had made out with her. While Remus was considerate of his friend, he did not extend those same sympathies. Peter was furious when he found out that not only had Remus gotten a girlfriend while he was out of town but he also managed to break up with her before Peter got to meet her.
"It's like I'm not even a Marauder anymore!" he shouted.
"Petey, it's not personal. I swear it isn't. Hermione is a very private witch." Even talking about her made Remus want to throw up his lunch. He had been silent about his feelings for a reason. He knew it was too early.
He was so angry with Lily for the first several days that he refused to speak with her at all. It was only at the next Order meeting where Cordelia talked about their work with the potion's cure that he saw Lily. The Order meetings were to be taken place in Dumbledore's private home after several other of the homes that hosted Order meetings found similar bugs as the Potters had.
For all her bubbly personality, Lily was gaunt and pale and James said she stopped getting out of bed in the mornings. It was her grief that forced Remus to stay back after the meeting and actually speak to her.
"Lily?" She was sitting at a counter in the Dumbledore's kitchen pushing a small piece of turkey around a plate. She was so engrossed in what looked like miserable thoughts, that he had to repeat himself. "Lily?"
Her green eyes flew up at him bright but also dull at the same time. "Oh, Remus," her lip trembled and her tears made contact with his sweater as they hugged. Remus knew held back his tears. He had written to Reynir to ask him about what would happen if a mate rejected him. The Head Alpha sent him his apologies and a book. Remus read it cover to cover and threw it at the wall when he was done. He wanted Hermione back, he didn't want to move on!
"I'm so sorry, Remus. It was an accident. I didn't..." Remus hugged the smaller witch.
He suddenly had a great urge to not talk about Hermione. The two had a great relationship before his mate had turned them into sibling-like friends. He needed to recover this relationship. He wasn't sure he could bare losing anyone else. "How are you, Lily?"
She sighed and rubbed her small bump under her robes. "Tired. Harry's been unsettled ever since Hermione left. It's as if he can sense it and... God, don't tell James but I've been taking walks in the park next to Hermione's house. I've met her parents twice. It settles Harry, just to be close to her."
Remus nodded.
He had thought about going just to be close to her and then he realized what a leper he was. The Hermione in Hempstead was an infant. She couldn't even roll over yet, or knowing Hermione she was probably already reading.
"I'm sorry, Lily. I was going to fast and I knew Hermione wasn't ready."
They separated. "Wanna go get some Ice Cream?"
Remus sighed, "Yes, but you're going to have to treat me. I blew all my money."
Lily sighed, "Drinking with Sirius?"
Remus dug his hand in his trousers and handed Lily the box. She opened them and sniffled. "They're beautiful Remus and one day you will find a witch who will love them."
She closed the box and handed it back to him. He stored them away in his trousers. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Hermione but hadn't she started off their relationship telling him that would never happen? She had warned him again and again. Maybe he should have listened.
Remus tossed his head back. "Oi, James! I'm taking your wife out for ice cream since you're too much of a ponce to take her!"
Lily chuckled and took his arm. They waved at him from the Floo.
"And... Remember that girl, what was her name?" Lily was laughing into her double chocolate chunk ice cream.
"Daphne or Helga?" Remus chuckled.
"Both! So, we were playing spin the bottle and Daphne starts making out with Helga and I was so confused! I didn't realize other girls were an option!" Remus laughed. He checked his watch, it was getting late.
"Ready to head home?"
"Yeah," Lily stood and Remus helped her into her coat. "We should really spend more time just the two of us. We were friends first, you know."
"Yeah and then you had to go and muck it up by marrying my best mate." Lily followed him out of the store and into the cold.
"Well one of us had to do something stupid and we both know it wasn't going to be you."
Remus laughed bitterly. "You're telling me this wasn't stupid?"
Lily sighed. They had managed to avoid talking about Hermione the whole time they were out. "You were doomed from the start, Remus. You know that and so did she."
"Why did we do it?"
"It's part of life, Remus. At least you know you will end up with a family. She never gave those assurances to Sirius and I've seen the pictures she takes of us and the things she knicks and stows in her purse. I think... Remus, I think something terrible is going to happen to us."
Remus sighed. "Hermione is full of secrets."
Lily's hands were hovering over her stomach, her eyes shining in the light of Diagon Alley. "I know, but she never talks about us from the future."
"I think I died when I saved her in the future. I think that was what she really went back to do. Her spell was supposed to send her back to save me. I think she wanted to stop myself from sacrificing myself for her."
Lily shivered and he cast a warming charm on her. She nodded gratefully, "Why did the magic send her here then?"
"I think... I think it sent her back to save my... heart."
Lily stopped walking. "What?"
"I... My father has been terminal for a while. My mother... I don't think she'll outlive her grief of losing him. It's why I can't live at home. Instead of worrying about each other they worry about me. I don't want their last weeks, months, or years to be of them worrying about me anymore. They spent their whole lives worrying about their tiny werewolf son. I want them to have some semblance of happiness."
"Remus, I had no idea-"
"No one does. I get enough pity as it is and I hate it," he turned to face Lily. "You know what was worse? Before I met her, I found myself turning into Sirius. Shagging girls in alleys, leaving without telling them in the morning or never calling. I was... I was scared of getting attached."
Lily was holding her breath. "And now?"
"Terrified. Merlin, I miss her so much it hurts but I know now. I would rather wait for decades to have something like what we had than have a different witch every night."
Lily placed a warm hand on his cheek. "Remus Lupin you are the kindest most generous soul I have ever met. Even more so then my James. You'll find your soulmate, I promise and they'll love you as much as you love them."
She stood on her tippy toes and kissed his cheek. They had reached the apparition point. He walked her inside and handed James the ice cream they had brought back for him. James squeezed his shoulder. "We're both here for you mate."
Remus nodded and went back to Peter's. He wasn't ready to move on, not even close. As it was he wanted to sit in front of the toilet and puke and the cry in the shower. He wanted-
Remus drew his wand immediately. Moony was awake and alert, something was wrong. Nothing looked wrong but Remus knew things from Moony that no wizard or witch would know.
"Petey?"
"He safe in his room, Remus. Peter and I had a chat. The sniveling rat that he is." Vali was standing in front of him wearing nothing but over-the-knee leather heeled boots with a navy blue lace teddy under a long leather jacket.
"Vali, if you've harmed even a hair on Peter's head-" Vali's laugh interrupted him.
"I couldn't hurt him even if I wanted to," she swung a long leg over one of the bar stools. "I came to warn you."
"Jormungand finally lost his patience with you?"
The smile vanished from her face and Remus took a step back. Vali was always flirty with him, he knew there was a reason she was Reynir's right hand and he had always assumed she slept her way there. At this moment, he knew. He knew just how dangerous she was and it scared even Moony.
"I'm here to warn you, Remus. The packs are dividing."
"What?" Remus collapsed into one of the chairs.
"Fenrir has been meeting with the Dark Lord behind his father's back and collecting followers from different packs. I think he is going to use your rematch to take over the packs."
"He would kill his own father?" Remus knew that Fenrir was a monster but Fenrir always respected and loved his father.
"Reynir has cast him out as his successor should you lose the fight."
"What?"
"There was a raid on the camp to try and find a traitor to the pack. The traitor was found and executed but when Fenrir's stuff was gone through, they found the heart of his mate. The sick bastard cut it out to make himself stronger." Remus had to hold onto the table to keep himself up.
"Hermione?" he whispered hoarsely.
"She was on a list of targets, so were you, and I. The others on the list were dead."
Remus felt Moony fight to take control. Fight to leave and murder Fenrir. "What was the list?"
"Mates. Apparently, he can harness the magic of a mate and use it to make himself more powerful. Reynir believes it was because his mother died and he was soaked in her blood when she died. The Dark Lord taught him magic that helped him harness this dark power."
They were silent for several moments. Remus needed to train. He would need to protect Hermione. He needed to send her back to her own time, to save her.
"Remus?"
Remus blinked. He was so engrossed in his thoughts of Hermione that he had forgotten about Vali.
"Sorry, did you say something?"
"Did you read the book that Reynir sent you?"
"Yes, why?"
"Did you read chapter seven?"
"About the levels for mates?" Vali stood and walked to the door.
She turned back one solitary tear drifting down her face. "Sometimes I wish you accepted that you were a werewolf, so you could accept our bond. Then I remember that you are you because you insist on being human." Remus was stunned in silence.
"I will protect your mate when the tides turn, you don't have to worry about Reynir and I. We have both mourned the loss of our mate enough to not want you to go through the same thing."
Remus stood. "Vali-"
She held up a hand. "Don't. Good night, Remus. Protect your mate."
Vali walked out of the flat leaving Remus in the cold with only his ever drowning misery for company.