Once the door was closed behind them, Emma let Charlotte down to play in the living room for a few minutes. Keeping an eye on the baby, Emma stopped in front of her husband. She finally had a moment to just take him in, and be truly happy that he was there with her. Killian rested his good hand on her hip, keeping his stump away from her.
"I still can't believe it, Killian. I don't know when I'll stop getting overwhelmed by the simple fact that you're home, and you're alive.. But.." She had tears falling down her cheeks again.
Killian frowned a little. "Love, Swan.. Please don't cry, I'm here, we should be happy."
"They're happy tears, I promise. I've never been this emotional, but my husband practically came back from the dead. I want to tell you everything, but it makes me sad that you didn't get to see our baby grow up." She whispered, unsure of herself, and hating that she kept crying.
"I know, Love. We'll get there, let's just be happy that I'm here now, that's all I can do at this point. It's bloody difficult, but I have to accept that Lottie is already one and a half, and walking and talking. I can't go back, and we knew when we decided to have a child that I would get deployed during her lifetime, it's part of being a military family."
Emma hugged his torso tightly. "I know, but I had to come to terms with the fact that I would never see you again, I don't know if I'll be able to bounce back from that.." She sighed.
"And that's okay.." He brushed the hair back from her face. "Can we watch a movie or something in bed? I'm exhausted, and I kind of want to just hold my girls.."
Emma nodded. "Of course, Killian. I can't imagine how tired you must be.. I need to get Lottie into her pajamas and ready for bed, in case she falls asleep, do you want to go ahead and get comfortable?"
Killian shrugged. "I um.. Can I help you? If I'm going to be her dad, I need to know how to get her ready for bed.."
Emma kissed his cheek. "Of course you can, I want you to be as involved as you feel well enough for. I'm not going to keep her from you, I trust you completely. She is your baby as much as she is mine."
Charlotte had settled on the floor with a toy car and was rolling it around, up and down furniture and everything. Emma smiled a little.
"Princess, time for pjs. Then we'll watch a movie in Mommy's bed, how about Rapunzel?" Emma scooped her off the floor.
Charlotte grinned and laid her head on Emma's shoulder. Charlotte got her daddy's love of music, and she loved when Emma played movies with songs in them for her. Emma and Killian got her changed and ready for bed.
Emma brought Charlotte's baby blanket and stuffed duck to their room, settling her in the middle of the bed. She turned the movie on before going through her own routine to get ready for bed. Killian settled into his side of the bed, his hand gently rubbing Charlotte's back. Charlotte was contently watching the movie, a small smile on her face.
Killian had his back to the bathroom, where Emma stood watching him for a moment. She had missed her husband more than she was willing to admit to herself, and she hated what he'd been through in the last six months.
She knew he wasn't quite the Killian she used to know, but she didn't care. She promised to love him through everything, and she would help him through this. Killian turned to look at her, giving her a knowing smile when he locked eyes with her. She gave him a tentative smile as she turned off the light and moved to get into bed with them.
"You alright, Killian? Can I get you anything?" She knew how stubborn he was, that he would never tell her if he was in pain or uncomfortable.
Killian shook his head. "No, Love, I'm fine." He shrugged, his hand still tracing circles over Charlotte's back. "I've got the two most important people in my life back, and I'm no longer being tortured. I don't need anything else for now."
The corners of her lips turned down slightly, she knew he was doing what he always did and diverting from the situation. She leaned across Charlotte and pressed a kiss to his lips.
"I love you, Killian, and I'm so happy to have you back to me in one piece." She whispered.
"I'm not in one piece, Love, but.. I love you too, and I'm happy to be home.." He shook his head. "Can I just hold you both? I.. I've just missed being held, feeling you against me.."
Emma moved closer to him, shifting Charlotte easily so they were both cuddled close to Killian as they watched the movie. Killian laced his fingers with Emma's and rested them against Charlotte's stomach. By the end of the movie Charlotte was sound asleep against Emma's chest.
"I'll take her to her crib, Love.. Is there anything I need to know?" Killian spoke softly.
"Oh, um.." Emma rubbed her eyes. "She should be fine, just make sure she has her duck and her baby blanket.. Thank you." She yawned, she'd been half asleep herself, soothed by his steady heartbeat under her ear.
He kissed her forehead and shifted Charlotte into his arms. He rubbed her back as he walked to keep her asleep, he laid her down and made sure she was settled enough.
"I love you so much, Lottie. You're everything and more than I ever wanted." He had tears in his eyes as he spoke. "I hope I'm not too broken, that I can be the papa you deserve to have." He pressed one last kiss to her hair.
Emma turned to face him when he crawled back into bed with her. She laid her head on his chest and held him. "You're not broken, you're exactly what she needs. Today and always." She whispered, pressing a light kiss to his collarbone.
"You heard that?" He frowned, he didn't want Emma to have to deal with a one and half year old and her physically and emotionally scarred husband.
"The baby monitor is on.." She nodded, holding onto his left arm. She wanted him to know she wasn't scared or disgusted by his lack of a hand. "I know you're scared, I am too. When we had her, I thought I could only be a mom because I had you by my side to help me.. But then I had to do it all on my own." She took a breath.
"When you left on your deployment, I assured myself you'd be back soon enough so I couldn't completely fuck up our baby.. But the day they came to the door and told me you were missing, I broke down. I was terrified. I couldn't do it without you." She knew she was going to start crying so she kept her head down so he wouldn't see her.
"Oh, Swan.." Killian kissed the top of her head. "You are and always have been an amazing mom, I know it's hard to do it alone.. But you never would have fucked her up, you love her and you want what's best for her. That is enough."
Emma buried her face in his shirt, she hated that she was complaining about this now. "I'm sorry, you just came back from a war zone and all I can do is complain that I had to take care of a baby. My own baby, who I adore.." She sighed.
"Yes, we went through different things, but that doesn't mean they both weren't difficult." He assured her. "I know I've only been home a few hours, but Charlotte seems happy, loved, and very well taken care of. And that is all because of you."
She looked up at him. "I really don't deserve you, but I'm so happy you chose me." As she kissed him she felt his stump rest against the small of her back.
He kissed her softly, holding her closer. "I know this is scary, and hard, but we're in it together, and I will always choose you." When he realized he'd used his bad arm to hold her he tried to pull it away, but was stopped by Emma's holding onto it lightly.
"Hey, I know you're still getting used to this, and that you think it's gross or something.. But don't feel like you have to keep it away from me. I've got a baby, I'm not squeamish, and I'm not scared of it." She pressed a kiss to the bandages.
Killian nodded, and kissed her temple. "The doctor in the morning is going to re-bandage it and get the sizing for a prosthetic, I want to have something so Lottie isn't scared because of the scars.. There's a lot of scars.."
Emma settled back against his chest. "I get it, I want you to feel comfortable with it.. Let's get some sleep, will I hurt you too much if I lay like this?" She asked softly.
"No, Love.. I'll be okay, I want to hold you like this." He spoke softly.
Emma was out like a light, but Killian couldn't sleep. He knew his sleep would be plagued with nightmares and didn't want to worry Emma when he could tell she hadn't been getting a lot of sleep. He eventually fell into a light and fitful sleep.