Emma woke up to whimpering coming from Killian, he was covered in sweat and beginning to shake. She lightly brushed his hair from his face, hoping to gently wake him up.
"Killian, baby.. You're okay.." She spoke softly.
His eyes snapped open, and he thrashed a little before realizing where he was. "Swan.." He wrapped her in his arms and held her against him. "You're okay.."
She held him as his breathing started to calm. "Shh.. I've got you, you were having a nightmare. Take deep breaths, Killian."
He shook his head, trying to calm himself down. "I.. I thought I'd lost you, that they found me and got you and Lottie." He whispered.
"No one is going to hurt you, or me, or our Lottie. I won't let that happen, not after just getting you back." She ran her fingers through his hair gently. "Breathe for me, Killian. I don't want you to hyperventilate.." She kissed his cheek, comforting him like he used to do for her.
He sucked in a long breath and let it out slowly. "I'm sorry for waking you up, Love.." He sighed. "I don't want to interrupt your sleep."
"It's fine, Babe.. I've got a baby, I'm used to not getting much sleep, and I will always be here to comfort you after a nightmare." She assured him, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.
She knew it always used to calm him when she played with his hair, so she continued to do it as his breathing started to calm. He pressed a kiss to her neck where his head had been resting against her.
"I love you." Killian breathed. "Get some sleep, Love.. I think I'll be alright now." He looked up at her. He had missed being comforted by her, letting her hold him and play with his hair.
She settled herself back into bed with her back facing him, and pulled his stump to rest over her stomach. He loved having her pressing back against him and holding onto his hand, he shifted closer to her, holding her tighter to him.
"You need to rest, Love.. Please.." Killian knew he wouldn't get much more sleep himself, but he wanted to be sure she would.
Emma kissed his bicep and kept her fingers wrapped loosely around the end of his bad arm. "I love you too, Kil.." She mumbled sleepily.
Killian tried to relax himself with the sound of her even breathing, but this was the first night he was sleeping without the aid of modern medicine since he was rescued and he didn't want to have any more nightmares.
He spent the night awake, taking comfort from having the weight of his wife pressed against him, thinking about her, their daughter, and everything he had missed while he was gone. Killian always put his family before himself, even if it means he'll be the one hurting.
Emma turned in his arms as she slept, her head on his chest and hair fanned out everywhere. She woke up early the next morning, stretching a little and kissing his neck.
"Morning, Baby.." She had a soft smile on her lips as she registered Killian's arms around her.
He kissed her hair. "Good morning, my love." He breathed. "Sleep well?"
She nodded. "Mmm.. I did, were you okay after the nightmare?" She blinked her eyes at him, still in a haze of sleep.
Killian brushed her hair behind her ear. "Aye, I was alright.. Don't worry about me, Love."
She sat up, taking in the dark circles under his eyes. "You didn't sleep, did you?" She sighed.
He shook his head, he couldn't lie to his wife. She frowned and gave him a soft kiss.
"I'm sorry.. And I'm sorry I'm awake so early, you can stay in bed and try to rest. Lottie is an early riser like her papa, and I've gotten into the habit of waking up minutes before her. She'll be hungry, I can feed her and get her dressed and everything, if you want to try to sleep before we head to the base.." She was rambling now.
"I appreciate that, Love.. But, I won't be able to sleep, especially without you. And, I'd um.. If it's okay of course, I'd like to help you with her. As much as I can right now."
Emma smiled a little. "Of course you can help.. I know this is weird right now, but there is one thing I'm sure of, and it's that I trust you with Charlotte more than anyone else. Whether or not they've spent more time with her.."
Killian pulled her close to him, the movement causing his ribs to ache further. Emma trusted him completely, even though he knew she shouldn't, not right now at least. She held onto him tightly until she heard a soft babbling from the baby monitor.
"Sounds like our princess is awake, Love." He smiled.
Emma pulled away from him, pulling her hair into a ponytail as she climbed from the bed. She slipped her glasses on, turning to look at him when she got to the door. "You coming, slow poke?" She teased.
Killian was sore so he was moving slowly. "Aye, Love.. Apologies, I'm a tad sore from not moving most of the night."
"I hadn't even thought about that.." She bit her lip. "Sorry.."
He shook his head, waving her worries off. "I know you were just teasing. I don't mind the pain right now, it's a tough reminder, but I'm back with you. Just seeing your smile, seeing Charlotte's smile.. It makes me forget." He grabbed her hand as they walked to Charlotte's room.
Emma grinned at her daughter. "Good morning, Princess.. You look like you slept well." She smoothed Charlotte's hair down and kissed her nose. "I missed you." She whispered.
Charlotte babbled happily and reached to her mother, burying her head in Emma's neck when she was in Emma's arms. She rubbed her eyes, noticing Killian standing slightly behind Emma.
"Dada." She gave him a grin. "Dadadada." She babbled.
Killian couldn't keep the happiness off his face, coming closer to kiss her cheek. "Lottie, my love. I hope you slept well.."
She smiled a little, her fingers gripping Emma's shirt. Emma bounced her slightly and went about changing her diaper and brushing through her wild hair. Charlotte was sitting up on the changing table, and reached for Killian.
Killian reached out and took her hand in his, pressing a kiss to her palm. "You seem to have my crazy hair, don't you, Love?" He smiled.
Emma couldn't keep her laugh to herself. "Oh, yeah. Her hair is still short now, but it's definitely going to have curls like Liam's and be as unruly as yours. It's especially bad when she wakes up, sticking up everywhere." She had pulled out her phone to take a picture of them together, blushing slightly when Killian caught her.
"I don't have enough pictures of the two of you together, and.. Well, being a military wife and mother has made me pretty sentimental." She saw his smile widen at her words. "Don't you dare make fun of me, Jones."
"I would never, Swan.. I just never thought I'd see you taking excessive amounts of pictures, or printing them out and putting them everywhere.. It's a good look on you, my Love." He promised.
She shook him off. "Well, I miss her terribly when she's asleep or I'm working, and having pictures helps. And originally, I wanted to have pictures so you could see her grow, even though you weren't here.."
Killian smiled at her before turning his attention back to Charlotte who had begun playing with his fingers. He wiggled his fingers, and Charlotte giggled in response. With Emma's help, he picked Charlotte up and held her against his hip.
"Are you hungry, Killian? I can make something, maybe pancakes?" She smirked a little at him, hoping he remembered the time they were almost caught by Mary Margaret and David.
He chuckled. "That sounds wonderful, Love.. Thank you. I can keep an eye on Lottie, if that's okay?"
She nodded. "Of course, I'll get her some juice and you two can sit at the table. I usually just spend a little time holding her while she has some juice in the mornings.."
Charlotte sat happily in her father's arms, while they waited for breakfast. Emma cut up Charlotte's food and helped Killian move her to the highchair. She ate happily, munching on the pancakes and fruit Emma gave her, Killian watching her, the awe evident in his eyes.
After they finished, Emma sent Killian to get ready to go to his appointments while she called Liam. Liam agreed to meet them, to help her with Charlotte and be with her through these appointments.
As they drove to the base, Killian seemed to get quieter, pulling further into himself and his thoughts. Emma could tell he was nervous and in pain, but she wanted him to know she would always be there for him. She rested her right hand on his leg, squeezing gently to let him know she was there.
He glanced at her, a tentative smile on his face. "I love you, Emma." He spoke so softly, Emma wasn't quite sure she heard him.
"I love you too, Killian.." She smiled.
Killian rarely called her by her first name, always using his little nicknames for her, so she knew he really meant it when he called her Emma. She turned to him once she'd parked the car, taking his good hand between hers.
"Hey, I'm here when you want me, okay? Liam is coming to help me with Charlotte if you need me with you, or if you'd rather have your brother there, that's fine too. But you need to know you are not alone, Killian. These next few weeks or months are going to be hard, but you've got us to help you, okay?"
Killian pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. "Aye, Love. I.. I appreciate this."
Killian had always been the cocky, self-confident one in their relationship, having to convince Emma he meant what he said when he complimented her. Right now, he was reserved and apprehensive around her; scared he would scare her with his scars.
Emma held his hand as they headed inside, Charlotte rested easily on her hip. Liam was already there, waiting for them in the lobby. Killian hugged his brother tightly.
"Thanks for this, Li.." Killian whispered to him as they hugged.
"Aye, Brother. Anything for you, and Em." He smiled, taking Charlotte and the baby bag from Emma.
Killian checked in, waiting for the doctor to come get him. He was exhausted, and in a lot of pain. Emma played with the hair at the base of his neck, wanting to soothe him as the nurse took his vitals and checked his bruising. He winced when she touched a particularly nasty looking one near his ribs.
The doctor came in a few minutes after the nurse left and sat on the stool across from Killian. "You're doing well for having been through what you've been through these last six months, Captain Jones. You're healthier than we could have expected, and that is a very good sign." He gave him a reassuring smile. "I know they allowed you to leave the hospital yesterday, instead of bringing your family there?" He questioned, trying to be gentle.
"Aye, they reluctantly allowed me to leave to see my family. I didn't want the first time my daughter sees me to be in a hospital bed. And I'm glad they did." He squeezed Emma's hand.
"You must be Mrs. Jones, it's nice to meet you." The doctor shook her hand.
Emma nodded. "Emma, it's nice to meet you too.. Is Killian going to be okay?"
"Right to the point, I see. As of right now, Killian, you appear to be doing very well physically considering everything you've been through in the last six months. However, you are still slightly dehydrated and I can tell you are physically exhausted, so I'd like to set you up to rest for a while and give you an IV to help with the dehydration. If that is feasible."
Killian sighed softly, about to protest when he felt Emma press her hand against his back.
"This is a good idea, Killian. You don't need to pass out from dehydration or over exhaustion and add to the pain you feel now." She knew he'd be too stubborn to take the doctor's advice, which is likely how he ended up at their front door yesterday.
He sighed. "What about Lottie, Love? She doesn't deserve to get the short end of all of this.. This mess I created."
"She will be okay, I'll have Liam take her out for lunch, or to the park and I'll stay with you. We are not in this alone."
Killian was stubborn, but he knew his wife was even more stubborn and that he wasn't going to win this argument. He looked up at her, seeing the worry in her eyes.
"Aye, I understand. Whatever I need to do, Doctor." He conceded.
Emma kissed the top of his head as the doctor started looking at the scars on his left wrist. Killian put his good arm around her waist, pulling her as close as she could get with him sitting on the exam table.
"Your scars don't look infected, Captain. We'll change the bandages, and I'll have a nurse teach you both what needs to be done to keep it clean and make sure you don't get an infection or irritation." The doctor had put on new bandages and wrote a couple things down in his chart.
"Is there anything else you've been experiencing? Are you in any pain?" The doctor continued.
"Aye, my ribs are sore, but they're also broken.." Killian shrugged. "And I guess I got this weird pain yesterday, it felt like my hand was there and someone had stuck a knife in it?"
"You have the pain medicine prescribed to you, correct?" Killian nodded. "Good, take that as needed right now, and when you come back for your next check up, we can see how you're doing. Your body has been through a lot, Captain Jones. We want you to take this one day at a time, don't over do it."
"I'll make sure he doesn't, Doctor." Emma assured him. "Is there anything I can do to help him? I'll do whatever I can.."
"Just keep supporting him, which you already seem to be doing a good job with, Mrs. Jones. Other than major breaks, and the minor concussion, he is physically okay. We want to keep an eye on possible PTSD or any other psychological effects of being a prisoner."
Killian sighed softly, he didn't want to have to talk about everything. He remembered more than he was letting on, but he didn't want to worry or scare Emma. Emma rubbed her hand over his back gently, and kissed his temple.
"I can easily do that, Doctor. Thank you for taking care of my husband." She was grateful that Killian had the access to the kind of medical care he might need after everything he'd been through.
The doctor left them, and Killian pulled Emma between his legs. "I love you, Swan. I know this all is a lot to deal with, and you have other things to deal with.. Our baby, work, money.. I'm sorry I'm disrupting everything."
Emma leaned in and kissed him softly. "Nothing, none of that is as important as my husband. While you're in your therapy, I'll call work, and David and we'll handle everything. Okay? I have plenty of vacation days to take off, and we have help to take care of our baby girl. We will get through this, Killian, we have to."
She took a deep breath, leaning into his embrace. "Fuck if this isn't going to be hard, but you're worth it. You're everything. I can't live another day without my husband."
Killian held her against him, he could tell she was getting overwhelmed again. "You won't, Love.. You won't, they're going to discharge me with honors.." He said softly.
She nodded against his neck, breathing in his scent. "Let's get you to the psychiatrist's office, I don't want you to be late."
Emma helped him up, and held onto his hand as they headed back down the hall to where Liam was waiting with Charlotte. Liam gave a small smile when he saw them.
"Hey.. Everything alright, brother?"
"Aye, they want to give me an IV later, I'm dehydrated apparently. Emma wants to stay with me.." He shrugged.
"Do you need me to keep Charlotte? I can take her to the park or something, so she's entertained.."
Emma smiled. "I'd appreciate that, Liam. I don't mind what you guys do, but I agree that she shouldn't just be kept inside.."
Liam nodded and Emma turned to Killian. "I'll see you after your therapy appointment, I'll make sure you get some lunch afterwards, before your physical therapy, okay?"
Killian nodded, kissing her forehead. "Thanks, Love." He ruffled Charlotte's hair gently. "I'll see you later, Lottie." He couldn't help but smile when her little blue eyes landed on his.
"Dada." She grinned at him.
Emma kissed his cheek before he headed down the hallway. She settled next to Liam, and let Charlotte climb into her lap. She rested her cheek on Charlotte's head, cuddling her close.
"Mama?" She pulled back from Emma to see her mother.
"Yeah, Baby?" Emma brushed the hair from her forehead.
"Love you." She said in her broken 'baby-speech'.
Emma smiled. "I love you too, Lottie.. I love you more than anything." She breathed, hugging her daughter close to her chest.
Emma could feel some of her worries about everything melt away with Charlotte's arms wrapped around her neck and her little body cuddled close. She rubbed her baby's back gently, rocking her a little.
"How are you holding up, Em?" Liam asked softly after a while.
She leaned against his shoulder with a soft sigh. "It's a lot, but.. He's healthier than he should be after everything he's been through. But, it's hard.. I know my Killian is still there, I see bits and pieces of him.. But it's like he's scared to want me, or be happy.. And, I just want to see my goofy husband again. I'd do anything to take away his pain."
"I understand.. I know I wasn't the same when I first got back, I know I'm still not the same. But Elsa has been so patient with me, and.. I feel like I'm getting there. I'm happy, I have a beautiful sister-in-law and niece, and an amazing wife.." Liam kissed the top of her head.
"Killian has all of that too, he'll get there.. Reassimilating after a deployment is always difficult, but after what he's been through? I can't imagine.. It'll take time, but Killian's not gone, he's just fighting some demons."
"I know he'll get to a new normal. I know it'll be hard, but having him home, it's all worth it." She messed with Charlotte's hair absently as she talked to Liam.
"I'll take Charlotte, I don't want you to have to worry about her. I'll stop by your place and get some toys and take her to our place. And when you finish here, you and Killian come over for dinner.. I know Elsa would love to have you."
"Thank you, Liam.. You've been so sweet, I know he's your brother and you probably want to be with him too.. But I really appreciate you taking Charlotte and letting me do this.."
"As much as I'd like to be there, he's not my little brother anymore.. You're his true love, he doesn't need me like he needs you." He shrugged. "Plus, I love spending time with Miss Charlotte here." He grinned at the baby when she heard her name.
Liam tickled her gently, getting her to giggle. He lifted her from Emma's lap and blew a raspberry on her cheek, her giggles only getting louder. Emma watched them with a small smile.
"Mama, Mama!" She giggled, squirming in Liam's grasp.
Liam stopped tickling her. "I see how it is, go to Mama when Uncle Liam tickles you." He teased her gently, kissing her hair. "I'll stop, I just like hearing your little laugh." He sighed softly.
"Have you and El thought about kids yet, Liam?" Emma asked softly.
Liam blushed a little, scratching behind his ear in the same nervous tick Killian had. "I.. We know we want them, we just haven't talked about when.. I mean, I've only been home six months.."
"I get it. I know Killian always wanted more than one kid, but.. I don't know if we'll ever get there." Emma sighed. "But, I think you and Elsa would be great parents. I know any kid would be lucky to have you."
"Thank you, Em." He smiled a little. "For now, we'll happily spoil our adorable niece. Being able to help you with her lately, has made me feel closer to my brother.. She helped me heal after I made it home.."
Emma squeezed his forearm. She knew Liam loved Charlotte and that he seemed happier when he got to spend time with her. She never realized just how broken he'd been, and how he'd been slowly pulling himself back together.
"Well, she's always here if you need a cuddle from Miss Lottie. You're always welcome to visit, or spend time with her, she adores you." Emma spoke softly.
Charlotte had curled up on Liam's lap and rested her head against his chest, eyes beginning to droop. Liam rubbed her back gently, holding her close.
"I adore her too, she's precious, Emma. I know you were scared you wouldn't be good enough for her without Killian. But, you did just fine, better than fine even.." He smiled softly.
Emma just nodded, she still had her fears that Charlotte would grow up to be just as messed up as Emma was. She bit her lip, wishing she could be with Killian right then.
"He's okay, Lass. I'm sure he's talking as much as he can, getting the help he needs." Liam could feel the worry coming off her.
She sighed. "I just, I know he doesn't want to talk to me.. He doesn't want me to know the extent of how he's suffered. I just hope he talks to someone, I don't care if it's not me."
Liam wrapped his free arm around her shoulders. "He will. It may not be today, or next week. But he'll talk to someone. I didn't want to talk to anyone when I got back and found out what had happened. But eventually I talked the mandated therapist, and even Elsa."
Emma just nodded, she knew Liam was right; he'd talk when he felt like he was ready.