Over the next few weeks Killian began to adjust more and more to being home. Emma tried to get some work done at home between doctors appointments and taking care of Charlotte. Killian struggled with nightmares every time he fell asleep, and had a few times where he got lost in a flashback.
Whenever Emma needed to go into the office, Liam would come over to help with Charlotte so Killian wasn't worried he'd hurt the baby. As Emma predicted, Charlotte adored Killian and took easily to him.
One morning Emma brought Charlotte into their bed, and she wiggled until she was settled happily with Killian. Killian rubbed her back gently and looked up at Emma.
"Is everything alright, Swan? You look frustrated.." He sat up, holding Charlotte against his shoulder.
"I just got called in for a meeting, even though I'm supposed to be able to work from home so I didn't really arrange for anyone to help you. And Liam can't be here for at least forty-five minutes, and I don't want to leave you alone with Lottie if you're not ready for it.." She sighed as she zipped up her skirt and grabbed her shoes.
"Love.. Come here for a second." He patted the bed next to him and pressed a kiss to her temple when she sat down. "Lottie and I will be okay. If you need to be at work, you need to be there. I'll be fine for a little while."
"You don't have to, KJ.. I know you're still worried about something happening when you're with Lottie.."
"I've been home five weeks, and she's just like her mum in the mornings.. She's practically back asleep now.. We'll just stay in bed and I'll turn on a cartoon until Liam gets here. I don't like seeing you stressed because of me." He frowned.
Emma bit her lip. "You're sure? You'll call me if you need anything at all, right?"
"I promise, Love. Look, she's sleeping already." He rubbed Charlotte's back gently, her head buried against his neck.
Emma smiled a little at the baby. "Okay, okay.. I love you, and I'm sorry I have to leave like this." She leaned in and gave him a soft kiss.
Killian kissed her back and rested his forehead against hers. "I love you too. Go, Swan, you love your job and they need you."
Emma rubbed Charlotte's back and kissed her before she left them. Killian laid back down with Charlotte curled up on his chest, still sound asleep,his hand protectively on her back. He was scared to let himself fall asleep with her, not wanting to have a nightmare and accidentally hurt her.
He ended up dosing off after a while, waking up with a start during a nightmare. Charlotte was still curled up in his arms, but had woken up with his movement and whimpered softly.
"Dada.." She frowned.
Killian snapped out of his haze when he felt her tug at his shirt. "Baby.." He breathed. "I'm sorry I woke you.."
She buried her face in his neck. "Hungry.." She mumbled.
"Uncle Liam will be here soon, Love, then we'll get breakfast." He assured her. "Let's go watch some cartoons." He carried her to the living room and let her settle on the couch while he found something for her to watch.
Killian was full of tension, worried he had squeezed Charlotte too tightly during his nightmare and that she was possibly hurt. Despite the fact that she appeared to be okay, Killian couldn't get it out of his head that he had hurt her.
"Dada, duckie?" Charlotte asked climbing off the couch to go find her stuffed animal.
"Aye, Love.. Let's go find duckie." Killian followed her to her room and helped her grab the toy.
She clutched it happily, going back to watch her cartoon. Killian managed to get her a sippy cup and let her have it while they waited for Liam to get there. When Liam finally arrived, Charlotte was in the middle of a breakdown because she was hungry and Killian couldn't cook because he was still getting used to doing everything one handed.
Liam let himself in and found Killian pacing the living room, bouncing Charlotte gently. Killian rubbed her back, whispering to her softly.
"I know, Baby.. I know.. But Uncle Liam is here now, we'll get you some breakfast.." He kissed her hair. "I'm sorry.."
"Hi, Little one.. What's got you so upset this morning?" Liam asked softly.
"She's hungry, and I still can't really make her anything.. I think she's just frustrated and still a little tired." Killian sighed, letting Liam take Charlotte from him.
Charlotte rubbed her eyes a little, looking up at her uncle. "Let's get you some breakfast, and then the three of us will play how does that sound, Love?" He asked softly.
She nodded and Liam went to the kitchen. Killian rubbed his hand over his face, he was frustrated enough with himself, and he hated seeing his little girl so upset.
Liam had Charlotte settled in her high chair with a few pieces of banana he cut, tears still stuck on her cheeks, while he got the rest of her food ready. Killian sat next to Charlotte and gently wiped her tears.
"I'm glad you're happier, Little Love." He said softly. "Thank you, Liam.. I'm glad you got here when you did, I was making her miserable."
"It's not your fault, Killian. You're still adjusting, and it happens.. She was likely just more upset because she could tell you were frustrated."
Killian nodded, kissing Charlotte's head gently. "I know.. I just.. I can't even make my daughter something to eat, Liam. How can I be a dad if I can't feed my child?"
"You'll get there.. Would you like to try and cut this banana up for her? Maybe we can figure out a way for you to do it."
Liam helped Killian cut up a banana and some scrambled eggs. He had to have Liam help him crack the eggs and figure out how to hold the pan.
Charlotte grinned when she saw her food, clapping her hands. "Eggs!" She tried to say, looking up at her father.
Killian smiled. "Aye, Baby." He kissed her nose. "I know you're still hungry, so eat your food and then we'll play with Uncle Liam. Maybe we'll go to the park, huh?"
Charlotte nodded, already stuffing the food in her mouth. Killian sat down to eat himself, and Liam grabbed a cup of coffee. The two brothers enjoyed when they got to spend their mornings like this, just talking and catching up.
Killian put their dishes in the sink and cleaned Charlotte's hands and face off when she was done. "Let's get you changed, and then we'll go play at the park for a little while." He smiled.
Liam has been helping Killian learn to change Charlotte and get her dressed with only his one hand, so he only helped Killian when he needed it.
As Killian pushed Charlotte on a swing, Liam could tell he was still in his own head worrying about something.
"Is everything okay, Killian? Did anything else happen before I got here?" Liam asked softly.
"Oh, um.. We were just sleeping some more after Emma left.." He shrugged. "I had a nightmare, and.. I was holding her, and I think I squeezed her and it woke her up, and I.. I'm just worried I hurt her."
"Oh, Kill.. You might have woken her up, but she's fine.. Look at how happy she is right now, she's doing great. You're a good dad, Killian, don't beat yourself up over it, okay?"
Killian sighed. "I guess you're right.. I didn't want to fall asleep holding her because I knew it could happen, and it did and.. I guess I just freaked out. I seem to be doing that a lot lately."
"You've been through a lot, Killian. No one blames you, because we all know that you would never hurt Charlotte, or Emma, on purpose."
Killian shrugged and turned his attention back to Charlotte. He took her from the swings and let her climb up the stairs so she could go down the slide. Liam helped her up the stairs, and Killian caught her at the bottom.
Charlotte loved every second of it, wanting to go again and again, giggling the entire time. After a while, Killian's vision started to blur, and the children's screams changed into his own screams in his ears.
He fell to his knees, his hands covering his ears, trying to block out the noise. He couldn't see the park anymore, he was back in captivity. Suddenly, everything was too overwhelming for his senses and all he could do was cry out.
Liam had just lifted Charlotte onto his hip when he noticed Killian on the ground. He saw a woman and her daughter who lives in the same building as Emma, and had watched Charlotte before.
"Ashley! Can you watch Charlotte for a moment?" Liam gave her a smile.
"Of course, we'll be over at the swings." She assured him noticing Killian, she took Charlotte from him and followed her five year old over to the swings.
Liam rushed to Killian's side, kneeling in front of his brother. "Killian? Killian, you're okay.." He gently placed his hand on Killian's shoulder.
Killian felt like he was back in captivity, and couldn't distinguish it from reality. He flinched back when Liam touched him, thinking it was someone who had come to hurt him. Liam immediately pulled out his phone and dialed Emma.
"Killian, take deep breaths for me.. You need to breathe." Liam spoke gently once he had Emma on the line. "You're having a flashback, Killian.. I know it seems real, but you're home.. You're safe."
Killian stared at Liam, but finally tried to take deep breaths. He closed his eyes for a minute before looking back at his brother.
"I have Emma on the phone here.. She'd like to talk to you, is that okay?" He asked softly.
Killian nodded, he was beginning to calm down some. "Emma?" He whimpered when he finally had the phone to his ear.
"Hey, KJ.. Are you still taking deep breaths like Liam said?"
"Aye.." He sighed, hearing her voice was helping him to calm down. "I.."
"Look around and tell me about what you see.." She encouraged. Emma had left work as soon as the words came out of Liam's mouth. She knew Killian needed her.
"Um.. We're at the park, and there are trees and children, and.. A playground.." He spoke slowly, his mind starting to realize he wasn't back there. "And Liam is here.."
"Good, I know you're scared.. But I'll be there soon, okay? Just keep breathing slowly, and focusing on what you can see around you, can you do that for me?"
"Aye, Swan. I'm trying." He bit his lip, finally looking at Liam again and seeing him as he was really there.
"I love you, Killian. I'm so happy you're home."
"I love you too, Swan.." Just the sound of her voice was helping him, she always calmed him down.
"Is it alright if I touch you now, Killian?" Liam asked softly.
He nodded. "Aye. I'm better, I promise.." He and Emma hung up as Liam helped him move to a nearby bench. "Where's Lottie?" Killian asked, looking around for her.
"Ashley, she lives in your building and has a daughter herself, is watching her.. She's baby sat for Emma before so Lottie knows her and she's safe." Liam assured him.
He rubbed his hand over his face. "Okay, as long as she's safe."
"Do you want me to get her? I'll bring her to you if you think that might help.."
"Oh, I'm not sure that's the best idea." He sighed. "Maybe in a few more minutes though."
Emma immediately came to his side. "Hi, Baby.. Is it okay if I give you a hug?"
Killian nodded, pulling her close to him. "Aye, Love.. I just need to hold you for a minute. I'm sorry you had to leave work for this.."
She shook her head, gently running her fingers through his hair as he held onto her. "Killian, you needed me and you're way more important."
He breathed her in, holding onto her like she was just going to disappear all of a sudden. "I'm sorry this happened.. I don't really know what caused it this time." He sighed.
She pulled back from him and kissed his cheek. "And that's okay. You've got PTSD, Killian, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you."
Killian brushed her hair behind her ear. "Aye, I know.. I um, I think I want to see Lottie now. If that's okay?"
"Of course." She smiled at him.
Liam had spoken with Ashley and brought Charlotte over to her parents. She immediately wiggled and reached towards Killian.
"Dada Dada Dada!" She held her arms out.
Killian pulled her into his arms and cuddled her close to him. "Hi, Little Love." He gave her a soft smile, pressing kisses over her cheeks. "I love you so much."
"Love you, Dada." She smiled, happily snuggling in his arms.
Emma rubbed her back gently. "You're definitely a Daddy's girl aren't you, Lottie?" She kissed her hair. "I'm going to go thank Ashley really quickly, KJ. Liam is right here with you, and I'll be right back."
Killian nodded, trying to focus on Charlotte. Emma headed over to her friend, and thanked her.
"It's okay, Emma. Liam kind of explained what was going on." Ashley assured Emma. "Is your husband alright?"
Emma nodded. "Yeah, he will be. Killian has PTSD and something caused him to have an attack. I'm just glad you and Alexandra were here, so thank you for taking Charlotte for a little bit."
"Don't worry about it. I could tell something was wrong, and I know you and Killian wouldn't want your daughter to have to see her father like that." Ashley squeezed Emma's arm. "You're very strong, Emma. I can't imagine how difficult the last two years have been for you."
Emma smiled a little. "Thanks.. Being a miliary wife isn't easy, but I'm just happy he's back home to me.." She shrugged.
Ashley shook her head. "Don't down play it, I might not have known you before he was deployed, but I'd like to think we're friends now.. You're an amazing mom, and you do everything you can for her and now for him."
She nodded. "I want to get back to him.. Thank you again, let me know if there's anything I can do for you."
"It's no problem. If you need me to watch Charlotte, just let me know. I'm happy to help if I can." Ashley gave her a soft smile before Emma headed back to Killian.
They let Killian sit on the bench for a little longer before they headed back into the apartment. Emma made Killian settle on the couch with Charlotte, and got him some water. She changed out of her work clothes and curled up against his side.
Liam sat with them for a while. "I can go home if you want me to.. I don't want to overstay my welcome."
"You're welcome to stay, Liam. You're always welcome here." Emma assured him. "And I'm grateful you were here for Killian this morning, it means a lot to me to know he has you when he needs you."
"Of course, Lass. I'm happy to be here with all of you. And since I'm not working, it only makes sense."
Killian pressed a kiss to Emma's hair. "I'm just happy you're okay, after the accident and what happened to me I didn't think you'd made it out, Liam.."
He nodded. "How about I go pick up something for us all to eat, and give you two some space for a bit? I can even take Lottie with me if you'd like.."
"That would be nice, Brother.. If Lottie wants to go with you she can, I don't mind if she stays though." Killian rubbed Charlotte's back gently. "Love, do you want to go with Uncle Li in the car?"
She looked between Killian and Liam, and nodded. "Li!"
Killian nodded and set her on the ground so she could walk to Liam. Once Liam and Charlotte were gone, Emma turned to Killian, playing with the dog tags she still wore around her neck.
"I just want to be sure you're doing okay now, Killian.. Is there anything you're not telling me about what happened?"
He shook his head. "No, I'm better now I promise. I'm not sure what caused it, maybe the heat or the kids screaming.." He shrugged, taking her hand into his.
She nodded, lacing her fingers through his. "Okay, well, I'll make note of that for you so you can talk about it with your doctor if you want to.."
Killian leaned in and kissed her softly. "Thank you, Emma. For being everything I need through all of this. I know my life is a mess right now, and it's probably scary to be with me.."
"Hey.." She rested her free hand on his cheek. "I'm a Navy wife, Killian, all of this comes with the territory." She kissed him. "And even though you're the one struggling you always check on me and make sure I'm taking care of myself and that I'm safe.."
"You've always been my priority, Love.. And when we had Charlotte that only amplified, and she became a priority too." He shrugged.
"Do you want to take a shower or anything while you have the time?" She played with his collar.
"Well, I'm kind of enjoying this whole holding and kissing my wife thing, but a shower might be nice.." He said softly, pressing a kiss to her neck.
She smirked a little, running her fingers through his hair. "I don't know where this came from, Killian, but I'll shower with you if that's something you're up for?" She breathed.
He pulled back, and smiled a little. "Aye, Love.." He stood up and pulled her towards the bedroom.
When Liam and Charlotte got back with lunch, Emma and Killian were just making their way from their room. Emma had on leggings and one of Killian's shirts, and was braiding her wet hair back from her face.
Killian kissed the top of her head, just then noticing Liam and Charlotte in the doorway. "How was your trip, Little love?"
Charlotte toddled over to him and held her arms up to be held by him. "Good, hungry!" She patted her stomach.
Killian chuckled softly. "You really are just like your Mommy.. Always hungry.." He held her on his left hip and tickled her side gently.
"Oh, she loves to eat." Emma smiled. "I think it's her favorite part of the day. She always tries to worm more snacks out of me, and she knows just how to do it so I cave."
Killian smiled, settling Charlotte into her highchair, and sitting at the table next to her. Emma rubbed her hands over his shoulders before sitting down herself.
"Did you two enjoy the last little while?" Liam teased gently, winking at Emma. He knew what they had been up to, their wet hair dead giveaways.
Emma blushed profusely, leaning into Killian's arm for a minute. "It was nice.. We haven't really been alone since he got back."
Killian shook his head. "Don't tease my wife, Liam."
He shook his head. "I'm just glad you two are happy. It's good to see you two finally getting back to the sickeningly in love couple you used to be."
Emma blushed even deeper. "Yeah, yeah.."
Killian kissed her forehead. "I'm glad I'm finally starting to feel more like myself.. That the meds and everything else are working."
Killian's depression and injuries have kept him from wanting to be as open with Emma as he used to be, but as he got into this therapy he's been more like his old self. Emma had given him all the space he could have needed to get back into a place where he wanted to simply kiss her, or hold her.
Sometimes Killian felt like he needed to hold her to prove to himself she was real, but in the last few days he'd started hugging her and touching her because he wanted her to know how much he still loved her.
Emma pressed a kiss to his cheek, and slid her arm through his. "We're happy, and in as good of a place as we can be right now."