Over the next few weeks, Emma and Killian started to look at new places to live. Their apartment only had two bedrooms, and because of the way they grew up, they both wanted to have enough space for their entire family.
Killian was still getting comfortable with driving with only his one hand, so while Charlotte was at preschool he would practice driving around with Liam. He wanted to talk to Liam about Emma being pregnant, but she had asked him if they could keep this to themselves in case anything happened.
One afternoon, Liam could tell that there was something on Killian's mind that he wasn't telling him. Killian had been discussing his fears with his therapist, and she had been helping him to work through all of the emotions he was feeling, but he still seemed preoccupied.
"Is everything alright between you and Emma, Brother?" Liam asked as Killian drove them around.
"Aye, Liam.. I'm not sure we've ever been better." Killian shrugged. "Why?"
"You've just seemed to have something on your mind lately, and I wanted to be sure that you and Emma were still okay.. I know it's something you've been worried about since being home."
"Oh, um.. Emma and I are very happy, it's not that, Liam." He assured his brother.
"Alright, but if you'd like to talk about whatever it is that's on your mind.. I'm here to listen."
Killian sighed softly. "I'd like to tell you more than you know.. But I can't, not yet at least.. I made a promise to my wife, it's personal for us.. I know she wouldn't be upset with me if I talked to you, but.. I'm just not ready yet?"
"Well, when you want to talk about whatever's on your mind, I'll still be here if you need me."
Later that evening, Killian found Emma looking at her body in the mirror. He stepped up behind her and rested his good hand against the tiny bump that had started to form.
"You're absolutely beautiful, Love." He kissed her cheek.
She smiled a little, and covered his hand with hers. "Thank you.. I'm going to have to start wearing looser fitting clothes so that people can't tell.."
Killian shrugged. "You're so tiny, Swan, no one will know for a few weeks yet. I only can tell because I've memorized every inch of your body.."
She let her shirt fall back down and turned in his arms. "I know, and I promise we can tell our families soon.. I know you hate keeping it from Liam.."
"Aye, it's certainly difficult not to tell him. He and I talk about everything." He hugged her close. "But I'll survive until you're ready to tell them.."
She kissed him softly for a moment. "I love you."
"I love you too, Emma. And you, little one." He knelt and pressed a kiss to her stomach as well.
Emma ran her fingers through his hair and smiled. "I know they love you too, Babe."
Killian got up, and kissed her forehead, his fingers messing with the dogtags she still never took off. "I can't believe you still wear these, Love."
She shrugged. "They make me feel close to you.. I don't know, is that weird?"
"I don't believe so, Swan. But I'm biased and think it's kind of sexy to see my wife wearing them." He curled her hair behind her ear.
"Mmm.. Good thing I don't plan on stopping." She grinned. "Let's look at some more houses, I want to be moved when the baby is born if we can be." She said softly.
"Aye, Love.. I was um, I actually found a listing earlier today that I wanted to show you.." He told her as they settled in bed with Emma's laptop.
Killian pulled up a listing for a house that was only a few houses down from her brother's, closer to Liam, and closer to Emma's office. It was big enough, and had everything they wanted.
Emma leaned against him. "This house is beautiful, Killian.. And so close to my brother?"
"Aye, Love.. I talked to the real estate agent, and she said all we needed to do was put in an offer.. Or we can go see it, if you want."
"Um, can we go see it during my lunch break tomorrow? It looks perfect, and I just don't want it to be too good to be true."
"Of course we can, Love. I understand wanting to see it for yourself, it'll be the first home we own.." He said softly. "That's big for the both of us."
She nodded. "It'll be good though.. We'll get to raise our kids in a real house, together. Have a backyard and maybe a pet or something when they're older."
Killian rubbed her back. "Aye, Love. Something we both always dreamed of giving our children."
She shut the laptop and kissed his cheek. "This little one is making me kinda tired, can we go to sleep?" She asked softly.
"Of course, Sweetheart." He set the computer aside and pulled the blankets over them. "I don't need my love to be fatigued, you and the babe need your rest."
Emma snuggled against him, laying her head on his chest to hear his heartbeat. In the last year, Emma had started sleeping where she could hear his heart, it made her feel safer and reassured her that he was alive.
After going to see the house the next day, Emma and Killian decided to put in an offer. They still hadn't told their families they were having a baby, or planning to move, and wanted to wait until they knew they had the house.
Killian continued to go to therapy once a week, even though his therapist told him they could cut back since he was handling everything very well. But, he felt he needed the time to talk about his feelings and fears surrounding the new baby.
"So, Killian.. I know we talk about this each week, but are you still handling Emma's pregnancy alright?" His therapist asked.
He ran his hand over his face. "Aye.. Of course I'm happy, I love being a father.. But I'm scared I'm only going to screw up this child's life. My mental health is different every single day, and.. I don't know how to take care of a baby with only one hand.. I struggled with Lottie and I had both.."
"Have you talked with your family about this yet? I know you said you talk with Emma, but is there anyone else you've been able to talk to?"
He shook his head. "No, we haven't told our families about the baby yet.. It's too soon, we want to be past the point where a miscarriage is still very possible.."
"I understand. You're still talking with Emma about all of your fears? I know it's difficult, but you've already got one beautiful little girl, Killian, and as long as you make sure you're talking with Emma and telling her your fears, everything will work out."
"Aye, I do my best to talk to Emma.. I know she deals with her own anxiety and depression.. We've had a lot of talks about her taking medications, and returning to therapy on her own. And I know that as happy as we both are, she's just as scared as I am.."
"Of course she is, having a baby is a big deal.. And with one parent in the military, especially with what you've been through.. It's complicated, but as long as you keep talking to your wife, and letting your feelings out, you have everything you need to be okay."
Killian ran his fingers through his hair. "I know.. I'm worried I'll have an attack while I'm holding the baby.. Or Emma will have to go back to work, and something will happen that I can't handle without her. I already had a panic attack in public and they called the police and CPS on me.."
She nodded. "You just need to make sure you ask for help, Killian. You work so incredibly hard with me, in order to be the best you can be for your family. Your new baby isn't going to change that unless you let it."
He nodded. "I guess I needed to hear that.. I know I'm trying, and I'm taking my medications. I don't have as many attacks anymore.."
"Just keep talking about your fears, and let Emma know what you're feeling.. I've seen you when you've brought Charlotte with you, you're already a good father."
He nodded, trying to let his doctor's words sink in. He went home knowing he needed to continue to talk with Emma, he hadn't been as open with her about it as he should be.