A/N:
Sorry for taking so long... I kept wanting to write Chapter 4 instead of this one, but I can't because Chapter 4 needs details from here, so I was stuck in a loop and just lacked motivation in general.
Needless to say this chapter was like pulling teeth. I haven't edited it since finishing because I feel like it'll just keep dragging on. So there might be errors until I find the will to look it over. Please bear with me.
A new tag's been added for what happened to Kuina. TW: reference to suicide.
When Troubles Come 3
Zoro pushes through the gate to the living quarters behind the dojo. Koshiro hasn't shown his face on the training grounds since Kuina-... since two months ago, locking himself in his room most of the time, coming out stinking of alcohol only when Curly or his dad drop by with food.
Not today though. Today Zoro finds him sober on the floor of the disastrous mess of a living room cleaning Kuina's sword, the one she used to-... Kuina's sword. Wado Ichimonji. From the piles of crumbled rice paper and cleaning powder scattered around him it seems that he may have been cleaning it since he came back from the Baratie this morning.
Zoro understands why. Even from the sliding door to the garden he can feel the blood tainting its cold metalic glint. There was so much of it that day. It's not coming off. It never will.
"Master." Zoro calls, and the man turns his head around to face the boy, eyes squinting against the low hanging afternoon sun. The eyes are bloodshot, the lids red and swollen behind the smudged round glasses. The bags under those eyes are dark, but the face they sit on is a dim grey, as if the colour of life itself has been drained from it. It's almost like what Kuina looked like in-
He looks centuries older than Zoro remembers.
The sword drops onto the mat with a soft thud, and Zoro is suddenly wrapped in a bone crushing embrace, warm and desperate and oblivious to the amount of grime he must be covered in from spending the last two days in and out of the rain.
"Thank you... Thank you for coming back," the sword master mutters breathlessly into his back, large strong arms twitching with muffled ragged sobs. For a moment it gives Zoro the illusion that he belongs here, that he's wanted and maybe even loved, but he knows better than to indulge in such fantasies. Instead, he resigns to the realization that the embrace isn't meant for him.
"Master, it's me, Zoro." He breathes and listens to the gasp torn from Koshiro's throat as the words slap the man awake. Koshiro takes a few quick steps back before wiping at his tears, avoiding the boy's eyes all along.
"I'm sorry, Zoro." He says quietly, pulling on his signature fake smile and looking at the boy just over the top of his muddy green hair. The mask is back in place within seconds.
"Are you hungry? I should... I should grab some food for you." The voice is hoarse, but the tone is the same as always: Soft, courteous, distant. The tone never fails to remind Zoro of his status as a guest in this house, not a family member. The man turns and busies himself with searching the cluttered living room for something edible, seemingly happy that he has found an excuse not to look the boy in the face.
"Master, I want to talk to you." Zoro calls again, trying to put the weight of the matter into his childish voice. There's no point in dragging it out.
The man freezes in shock before looking sheepishly around.
"Ah, sorry about the mess. Please give me a minute to clear some space for us..."
"It's fine," Zoro gives his head a firm shake, "here is fine."
The boy resolves to keeping the mud on his body away from the house, just as he will keep the burden of sustaining his own life away from his master from this day on. Koshiro apologizes some more under his breath and takes a seat facing where Zoro stands at the door. Zoro kneels onto the grass and bows his head to the ground, earning another round of confused muttering from the man, but the boy presses on.
"I came here to express my gratitude for you, Master, for taking me under your wings and raising me when I was the most defenseless. Now that I have become self sufficient, I came to ask for permission to leave your protection and to live on my own. I will never forget the debt of kindness I owe to you, and should you be in need of my service one day, I will gladly offer it regardless of the time and place of your request."
The silence stretches and hangs heavily in the air. When the sword master speaks again, he seems to have composed himself.
"Do you understand what you are doing?" Koshiro says in his teaching voice, no longer hoarse or soft or hesitant.
"I do, and I've made up my mind, Sir."
"I have failed you as a guardian, and it would be selfish of me to ask that you forgive me." The sword master sighs after another bout of silence. "Very well. Raise your head, my child. I have a condition of my own as well."
Zoro does as he's told, and for the first time since Kuina's death, those gentle dark eyes meet his own, seeing him instead of glossing over him in rage.
"I give you permission to live on your own. In exchange, you must continue training at the dojo after school each day."
The boy opens his mouth to protest, but Koshiro gives him no chance.
"I would never be able to face your parents in the other world if I let you drop out now. Please consider it my request that you speak of. You said you would heed my wish regardless of the time and place, didn't you?" He smiles, faintly reminding Zoro of a long forgotten time when the master did direct such sincere smiles at him. "Not to mention the fact that you have your own promises to keep."
His own promises... The one he made with Kuina wasn't even valid, considering how she likely never meant it, having done what she did the very next day. The other one is already broken. Even Curly noticed and stopped wearing the necklace. He has tried to become better than Kuina every day for the last four and a half years, but he didn't make it in time. He never beat Kuina in a fight, not even once.
"It's... too late." He replies, but the sword master shakes his head.
"Kuina made the decision to cut her training short, but you don't have to." Koshiro pauses, swallowing thickly as his voice becomes tight again. "I'm sorry I haven't said this to you earlier. I was lost in my own bitterness. The truth is you will surpass her, Zoro. You will go so much further and grow to be so much stronger because... because you are alive. Don't stop here. Don't give up your potential because she did."
The boy's teacher reaches through the doorway and takes the boy's hands in his.
"Go forward. Go on and achieve something she never did. Take on her dream and fulfill it. Because you still can."
"You... you don't blame me for her-... for what happened?"
Zoro asks, and just like that the moment is over. Koshiro rips his hands back and lowers his eyes to the ground.
"Of course not," he pulls on the fake smile and avoids Zoro's eyes, "I have more blame to bear in the matter than anyone else."