Part 1:

Matthew Casey knew that he needed a change, he had to get out of this city and away from all the memories it held. He still could not understand how Hallie could do this. He had no clue she was as depressed as she was and now it is too late. He can't help but blame himself, she had told him she never wanted to have kids, but somehow, they ended up pregnant. Once little Alexa was born Hallie seemed happy, it was all a façade. Matt can't help but wonder if he missed some signs, but she always doted on their daughter when he was around, he never saw this coming.

Looking around the apartment that contained their lives together Matt cried. They had built a life together here and now that life is gone. Matt had never thought he would leave Chicago, but after they had gotten engaged Hallie was offered a position at a prestigious New York City hospital and after they talked about it, they decided that they needed to go for Hallie's career. Matt had just made lieutenant with the CFD and was able to get a transfer to one of the houses with the FDNY. Even though he could never imagine leaving his home city, he had enjoyed living in New York. He and Hallie went and saw plays, ate at some really good restaurants and even though deep dish would always be his favorite New York style pizza started to grow on him.

Matt finished taping up the last box and took a deep breath. The movers were coming first thing in the morning to pack up all of the furniture and boxes for the move back to Chicago. He was able to transfer back to the CFD, Firehouse 51 to be exact. He had stayed in touch with his friend Kelly Severide throughout the years and that was his house, so at least he'd know someone. As it turned out they were in need of another officer since their last one perished in a house fire.

Sounds from the next room capture Matt's attention and he quickly puts the tape down and rushes to the room. He doesn't want a full-on tantrum and knows that is what will happen if he waits too long. Alexa Casey was sitting up in her crib smiling at her father in the doorway. Matt can't help but smile back, despite everything he loved that little girl more than life itself.

"Hello Sweet Pea," Matt says walking into the room and picking up his daughter. She giggles and snuggles her face into his neck.

Matt freshens up his daughter and takes her to the kitchen for some lunch. He makes her some pasta and cuts up some cooked carrots before placing her in her high chair with the food on her tray. He makes himself a quick sandwich and joins her at the table. He looks at her sweet baby face and wonders once again how Hallie could do what she did. He never saw the signs of post-partum depression, she pretended to be fine a little too well. Matt shakes his head, he doesn't want to go back to that day, the worst day of his life.

It had been a long shift with call after call for his Truck company and he was more than happy to finally be home. The minute he opened the door Matt heard screaming coming from his daughter's room. That was odd, normally Hallie and Alexa were in the kitchen finishing up breakfast when he came home from shift, today there was no movement in the house, just his daughter screaming.

"Hey Alexa," Matt called as he quickly walked into her room.

Her cries quieted some as she spotted her father. Matt scooped her up and noticed that she was sitting in a soiled diaper and from the feel of it had been for quite some time. He changed her quickly and then headed to his room to find Hallie. Maybe she had gotten sick during the night and just hadn't woken up.

"Hals," Matt called, walking into the room.

The room was empty. Matt noticed a piece of paper on his pillow and curious picked it up. It was a note for him written in Hallie's handwriting.

Dearest Matt.

I am so sorry. I tried, please know that I tried, but I cannot do this. I never wanted to be a mother, you knew that, but I tried for you. You were so happy when we accidently got pregnant and as much as I wanted to get rid of it, I didn't, for you. I hope one day you can forgive me.

Love,

Hallie

A feeling of unease settled in Matt's stomach. What was she apologizing for? Had she left them? All of her things were still here. Matt rushed around the apartment calling out Hallie's name. He couldn't find her. Cautiously he made his way to the bathroom, the only room he hadn't checked yet. Slowly he opened up the door, already knowing what he was going to find when he did. The uneasy feeling, he had been feeling had intensified with every room he searched. Lying there in the tub was Hallie. She had slit her wrists and taken her own life. She left him, and their child motherless. Matt felt guilty, he hadn't known she was feeling that way.

Running from the room Matt grabbed the phone and dialed 911. He waited for the paramedics and the fire department to show up. What was he going to do now?

The thoughts came unbidden and Matt could not stop the onslaught, no matter how much he wanted to. He was not looking forward to the day he had to explain to Alexa about her mother, no little child needed to hear that their own mother didn't want them, and took their own life to escape them. It would have been easier if Hallie had just left them, but this, this was too much.

Matt wiped his eyes; he was tired of crying over this. He hated the guilt and shame he felt whenever he thought about Hallie and what happened. He was a first responder; how did he not see what was right in front of him? He just couldn't understand it, and knew that he probably never would be able to understand it. The only thing he could do was move on, focus on his daughter and giving her the best life, he could. That meant moving back to Chicago to be closer to his family, his daughter deserved at least that, to be surrounded by people who loved her unconditionally. Matt could only hope that this restart in Chicago was just what the two of them needed.

Matt cleaned up after lunch and then grabbing Alexa's stroller took her for a walk to the playground down the street. This was the last time that they would be playing here and he wanted to get her out of the house since all their things were already packed up and or put away for the movers. Matt had a few of her toys that he kept because Alexa was going to need some things to play with tonight and when they stopped on their drive to Chicago, but everything else was packed up and ready to go.

Matt and Alexa were going to be staying with his sister Christine for a few days, at least until the movers arrived with their stuff for their new apartment. He was actually excited to see his sister and his niece, they hadn't seen one another since the funeral and this time they would get to see one another under happier circumstances. There would be the lingering sadness of course, the reason why they were back in Chicago was not the best but it was a new beginning for him and his daughter which hopefully would bring happiness.

He spent a few hours at the park with Alexa pushing her on the swing, which was her favorite thing to do at the park, she was only 10 months old after all, before leaving to head home for her nap. While Alexa was napping Matt double checked that everything was in order and then sat down on his couch looking up the Chicago CFD, specifically Firehouse 51. He was curious what his new firehouse was going to be like. He had gone through his training in Chicago and vaguely remembered hearing murmurs about House 51. All he could remember was that Wallace Boden was the Battalion Chief there. There wasn't much on the internet about house 51 and Matt resigned himself to finding out what he needed to know once he got there.

Matt stopped by his old firehouse once Alexa woke up. His crew was on shift today and he wanted to pop in and say goodbye to his men.

"Hey lieutenant!"

"Royce. Where is everyone?"

"They are inside Lieutenant." Royce replied.

Matt nodded and walked into the common area carrying his daughter. He laughed as he saw all his men and co-workers surrounding a table laden with food and a farewell, best of luck cake. He was going to miss these guys that was for sure. Matt made a plate for himself and Alexa while the Chief held her for him and chatted with his Truck crew enjoying one more day in their company. It was a nice evening, and Matt left once the bells sounded calling the entire house out to a structure fire. He was itching to jump in the truck with them, but knew that it was no longer his to command and watched as they pulled away from the house a sadness in his eyes.