James looked frantically around, dodging the rubble exploding around him, flashes of red and green flew past his head as he tried desperately to find Lily. It must have been their hundredth raid by that point and yet they were no more prepared for the onslaught that had been waiting for them and even less for the Death Eaters - as they called themselves - to be waiting alongside Voldemort himself. Following her voice through the thick haze of the battle he was sure he'd find her being tortured or worse… until finally, too riddled with adrenaline to feel any relief, he found her mid duel, two against one, her face scrunched up in determination. Almost blind with rage, he shot at the cloaked figures curses a younger version of himself had probably once sworn against and even as they lay unconscious on the ground in front of him, the curses continued to explode from his wand, until Kingsley's voice came, barely audible through the fight raging around them, ordering them all to retreat. Without thinking twice he pulled Lily closer, apparating straight back to the safety of headquarters.
Worse than the attack itself perhaps was the aftermath… Time seemed to move excruciatingly slowly in these moments when they could do nothing but wait anxiously for their friends to return, to see who else had managed to get away, thinking dreadfully of who might not have and whether they should go back.
Relief like an enormous tidal wave flooded through them at their friends' safety; heavily outnumbered and surrounded on every front, it was by some miracle that they'd managed to get away with their lives. Despite their elation at everyone's miraculous survival, on days like these and especially now, what James wanted more than anything else was Lily, and home. He'd never been very good at keeping a poker face and his body language always gave him away - the anxious tapping of his foot or the strum of his fingers at his side - at least that's what Lily had always told him and it was perhaps for this reason that after sharing a knowing look with Sirius, she took James's hand in her own, smiling ruefully at him before nodding slightly as if to say 'let's go.'
Landing with a crack in a quiet lane in Godric's Hollow, they made the short walk home in stony faced silence, their hands inconspicuously gripping their wands, James with an arm wrapped protectively around Lily, looking over his shoulder every so often.
The familiar smell of home seemed to ease some of the tension they'd been carrying since apparating from the fight; grateful to be out of the cold and within the safety of the cottages protective spells and enchantments, they closed the door behind them, shaking off their coats and kicking off their shoes they made for the kitchen; there was almost nothing a cup of tea couldn't make even a little bit better and it had become something of a tradition that this was the first thing they did upon returning home from a particularly gruelling mission. Lily pottered about the kitchen in silence, making their tea - she found at times like this doing it the muggle way was almost cathartic. It wasn't until they were both sitting in the nook, their hands cupped around mugs, that they finally spoke.
Lily could feel the tension radiating off of him, "That was too close… " he said quietly, frowning down at his tea.
Knowing exactly where this was going, she sighed, "It could've been any one of us James…"
Scrunching up his eyes he shook his head as if trying to rid his mind of a particularly unpleasant thought, "yes but it wasn't anyone, was it? It was you, There were two of them Lily, if I hadn't found you in time-"
"But you did," she reassured him. "James…" she continued, reaching out to place a hand over his, "it's o-"
"Don't say it's okay" He interjected, standing so abruptly the loud scrape of his chair against the hardwood made her jump. "I'm sorry," he added quickly, pinching the bridge of his nose, his eyes closed, jaw tense.
"Obviously none of this is okay," she said, frowning up at him, "I only meant that we all made it back, I'm fine, we're fine."
He paced aimlessly around the kitchen before stopping to lean against a bench. Looking at her for a moment, he took a breath as if to brace himself, "If you would please just consider-"
"No" she cut him off coolly, "how many times do I have to tell you, I'm no less capable than I was before."
"You're a right side better than half the bloody Order on a bad day Lily, it's not about-"
"We've spoken about this," she said frustratedly, "I told you, I won't sit on the sidelines while you all go out and risk your necks!" She was standing now too, "we made a commitment, I won't back out," she finished stubbornly.
"People will understand if we just tell-"
"Yes that's exactly how I wanted to break the news," she scowled, "hey everyone, oh, sorry can't come along, I'm up the duff," her tone dripped sarcasm, "besides it's not about that! Do you honestly think I could stand it? Sitting here waiting for you every time, not knowing what's going on?"
Throwing his head back he ran his hands through his hair in exasperation, "I'll stay with you," he told her, looking utterly defeated. It was at this - his willingness to sit out with her at the expense of not fighting alongside his friends, a prospect so out of character for him - that she understood how genuinely desperate he was to protect her; the vulnerability in his expression, so misplaced in comparison to the usually confident, bordering on cocky, grin he often donned. James, so unyielding in his principles, found it incredibly hard to swallow that he was so utterly powerless over something he considered, however outdated Lily told him the concept was, his duty, the safety of his wife, his unborn child, his family. "Please," he said thickly, "I'm no good to anyone like this… If something were to happen to you, or the baby…" he trailed off, his eyes flickering briefly down to Lily's stomach, not far along enough for it to be obvious she was pregnant.
Softening a little in her resolve she sighed heavily, walking over to where he was standing to weave her arms over his shoulders and around his neck; looking up at him, her eyes darted back and forth between his own..."Do you honestly think you could stand it?" she said, quietly.
And he thought of his friends…she was right, he knew it.
"No," he admitted despondently, "you're right, I couldn't." Trying to repress the thought of what might have happened had he found her only minutes later, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer before burying his face at the crook of her neck.
"Imagine if I'd said yes," she sniggered, "you'd have had to tell Sirius he might be paired up with Peter on missions from now on," making him smile involuntarily against her neck; Pushing gently away from his embrace to look up at him again, she cupped his face, kissing him swiftly, "I'll go and run a bath," she said, before stalking out of the kitchen
He felt a small, irrational pang of anxiety as he watched her disappear into the hall, out of sight. Pouring their half finished tea down the drain, he dropped their mugs into the sink before trudging up the stairs, pulling his shirt up over his head as he went.
Along with his glasses, all fogged up and useless, their battle-worn clothes lay discarded in a heap on the bathroom floor, and steam rose curling up off of their skin, as they sat in the warm, soapy water. It was much easier to forget the dark thoughts that crept unwanted into his mind when he could focus instead on the weight of Lily's body against his as she lay with her back against his chest, skin on skin… to think instead about how much he loved her hair this way, piled up into a messy knot, strands falling haphazardly out over her neck.
"Feeling better?" She asked.
"Much," he responded, lowering his lips to press them gently against her shoulder.
"Mhm… thought you might," she said, raking her fingers across his leg; he felt himself tense beneath her and she grinned with satisfaction at his reaction.
She was teasing him, his stomach lurched excitedly, this was a game they played often, one he enjoyed immensely. "You know," he said, through a smirk, trailing kisses across her collarbone, "if we're not careful, we'll end up with our second baby before we've had our first."
Chuckling softly, hands tracing higher still, she responded, "reckon we'll have a whole quidditch team on our hands at this rate."
"Reckon you're right," he grinned, now painfully aware of her hand on his leg and the way she was laying across him, she relished in his increasing impatience to have her closer still.
Sliding his arms around her waist he let his lips trail past her collarbone to her neck, grazing her ear, the barely stifled sigh that escaped her made him grin widely again.
"Okay," she said, suddenly, her voice low.
"Okay what?" He responded, still peppering kisses up her neck.
"No more raids," she responded.
He chuckled, "I'd have gotten you in the bath a lot earlier if I knew that's all it'd ta-", he tilted his head back to look at her, "… you're serious?" He asked, brows furrowed, "what's changed your mind?"
"Well..." she began with a sigh, "much as I don't want to admit it, I have been feeling a little...off, lately, it's hard stuff y'know, this growing another human," making him laugh, "anyway," she continued, " I suppose it's not just about me anymore…besides, can't have you running 'round after me like a lunatic… get yourself killed." She rolled her eyes at James's barely disguised glee, feeling like an immense weight was being lifted off his shoulders and sounding much more like his usual self he laughed heartily.
"I have conditions!" Lily quickly added.
"I'd have expected nothing less," he said, through laughter, "go on."
"I'll still be at headquarters before and after every raid, and I'll still continue to do all the other stuff I'm doing now, and if Voldemort shows up again you're to apparate straight back, no questions asked."
"Okay," he said, still grinning.
"James, I'm serious…that's three times we've crossed him now, and each time's been an even closer shave than the last."
"I know… understood," he said, wrapping his arms tighter around her, "I promise."
"So… we're telling people then?" He asked, his grin widening to its full extent, unable to contain his excitement at the prospect of finally being able to share with everyone the best news of his life.
She was laughing now too, "yes," she said, twisting her neck to grin up at him, "we're telling people."
Her lips were only centimetres from his before he happily closed the gap, kissing her, both their mouths still tugging up at the corners, smiling against each other.
Any lingering anxiety from the events that had transpired earlier had now vanished and James was once again painfully aware of her body on his. Her fingers now dug at his neck and with a gradual intensity he could feel her need for him just as intensely as he felt his own, losing himself in how completely she overwhelmed all his senses… the feel of her lips against his, her tongue sliding across the inside of his lip every so often, the smell of her hair, sweet and hot in the steam floating around them, the tiny sounds she made, her heavy breathing drove him wild and he ached to have her as close as was physically possible.
Giving into the carnal passion that threatened to overwhelm him, gently as he could, he twisted her around, hands gripping the underside of her thighs he hitched them up to his hips so that she was straddling him and lifted her easily out of the tub, eliciting from her a gasp, "Eager are we?" she laughed, making him grin against her lips and she wrapped her legs around him, tightening her arms around his neck as he carried her to their bedroom; and soon, they were laying tangled in damp sheets, their legs entwined, chests heaving up in down in the same rhythm, sheepish grins plastered on their faces.
Heavy eyed and almost drunk with happiness, they lay wrapped up in each other still, talking and laughing into the evening, guessing at their friends' reactions to their news, musing over names and who he or she might look like, which of their traits he or she would inherit, making jokes at each other's expense about which ones they hoped wouldn't be inherited... until eventually, safe in their momentarily indestructible bubble of bliss, they succumbed to exhaustion, drifting off into a deep, dreamless sleep.