Are you joking
Ch. 7: Keith will literally fight you on the difference between hotels and motels
Keith stares hard at Lance's car as he and Hunk pull up, he's too tired to glare or show any signs of his utter disdain for the fact they are up at 6 in the goddamn morning to drive to fucking Kansas, Kansas of all places! Not even Dorothy wanted to be in Kansas! Now he has to get up at 6 in the morning and drive in a car for 18 fucking hours to go to this god forsaken state.
"I have coffee?" Lance offers, noticing his exhausted stare, "Pidge said you liked it with a shit ton of french vanilla creamer, so…"
Keith shuffles towards the car door and takes the coffee from his hand before crawling into the back seat as Pidge and Hunk pack their stuff, somehow awake and functioning perfectly fine.
To be fair, though, he's pretty sure Pidge just hasn't slept yet.
Hunk, however, has no excuse and while Keith likes the guy he can't even look at him right now.
"Not a morning person, huh?" Lance asks and Keith just silently stares him down, hoping he takes the hint and shuts up. It's too early to form words. "Ok, sure, I get it. Go ahead and go back to sleep," He gestures to his waded up hoodie next to Keith, "You can use that as a pillow if you want, since all the actual ones are in the trunk."
"Hey guys." Pidge gets inside the car in the passenger's seat as Hunk gets in next to Keith who immediately plops his head on the guy's shoulder. "Well, Keith's down the for count for at least a few hours."
"He's not asleep yet." Hunk says and Keith lets out a grunt before completely passing out.
He wakes up when they are getting gas, somehow wrapped up in Lance's hoodie with his face buried in Hunk's shoulder. Letting out a small groan he sits up and wipes the sleep from his eyes.
"Good morning, sunshine." Lance smirks from the window, "Want me to grab you a drink while I pay?"
"Get him some orange juice." Pidge says, handing him a couple dollars as Keith tries to wake up enough to form words, "It's gonna be awhile before he's fully coherent."
"Gotcha." Lance heads into the store and Keith leans back in his seat, looking at the hoodie wrapped around his shoulders.
"Why is this here?" Keith asks and both Hunk and Pidge smirk.
"About ten minutes after you fell asleep you started muttering about being cold and grabbed it to wrap around yourself." Hunk explains.
"He's pretty much a zombie in the mornings." Pidge says, looking to him amused. "A zombie who wanted to cuddle with Lance's hoodie."
"Please, it was the only thing around." Keith grumbles before Lance gets back in with all their drinks.
"Alright, 4 hours down, 14 to go!" Lance exclaims and Keith raises a brow.
"We're gonna drive the 18 hours straight? We'll get there at midnight."
"Yup!"
"No hotel will let us in at midnight."
"Pidge booked one about an hour ago, let them know we'd be arriving at midnight."
. Keith eyes her, "What did you book?"
"You'll see." Pidge grins and Keith frowns when he notices the droop in her eyes.
"Why don't we switch spots so you can nap?" He offers and Pidge goes to say something smart, but is too tired so she drops it and nods. Once Pidge gets into the back Keith chucks the hoodie at her, "Here ya go, the communal blanket."
Pidge just snickers, wrapping it around herself and curling up against Hunk who stares in awe. She falls asleep quickly, just like he had, and Hunk looks to Keith.
"Wh-what do I do?"
"Just sit there," Keith says, grabbing the juice Lance bought him as they pull back onto the road, "She's been awake for 30 hours so she's gonna be dead to us for a while. Until she needs food."
"Fair enough. She can drive tonight." Lance decides and Hunk yawns in the back seat.
"Think I'm gonna take a nap, too. All these people sleeping on me is making me wanna sleep."
Keith smiles at him, "Go ahead, man."
Soon enough it's just Lance and Keith, sitting awkwardly in the car, Keith holding Lance's cell with the GPS to take them there.
"So are we just gonna sit in silence the whole time they are asleep?" Lance asks after about half an hour of awkward quiet.
"Apparently not." Keith looks over to Lance, "Anything in particular you wanna talk about?" He asks, noticing Lance's eyes venture to his hair, "Except my mullet, Lance, I swear to god."
"Ok, ok, so...21 questions?"
"Sure, go ahead."
Lance is silent for a moment, but Keith is pretty sure he already knows what he's going to ask. "Favorite color."
"Lame."
"I'm starting small, Keith. For your sake."
Keith rolls his eyes, "It's red. Yours?"
"Blue."
"Of course."
Lance nods, "Of course."
"Ghosts or cryptids?" Keith asks and he sees the light in Lance's eyes.
"Keith," He grins, "Oh my god."
"Answer the question, dork."
"Ghosts. 100%." Lance says and Keith laughs.
"Of course ghosts. Why would it be cryptids that have, like, some logic to them?"
"Oh my god," The teen next to him beams at Keith, "You believe in cryptids. Oh my god, Keith."
"Calm down, Lance." Keith rolls his eyes, "I don't flatout believe they are real. I just think they have a much bigger chance of being real than fucking ghosts." He hesitates for a second and then mumbles under his breath, "Mothman is definitely real, though…"
"Ohhhh my god, Keith, this is the best." Lance practically swoons, "We definitely will be doing an episode on mothman. No doubt. Absolutely have to."
"God, you're so fucking weird." Keith groans, but inside he's actually really excited at the idea of looking for mothman. He's also grateful Pidge is asleep because she's got a lot of dirt on him with the mothman.
Like how Keith wanted to marry him when they were little.
To be fair, though, who doesn't want a husband who can fly?
"This is incredible." Lance grins, "Ok, ok, new question. Umm...what...kind of under-"
"Oh my god, Lance, just fucking ask about my brother like I know you're dying to."
The brunette looks to him surprised, "How did you…?"
"Asking to do 21 questions suggests you have at least one question you really wanna know. I figured it was that."
Lance laughs awkwardly, "Yeah, it was. So..um..I don't really know how to phrase it…?"
"Maybe something like 'hey, Keith, why is your brother the one giving you permission for things?'" He offers and Lance nods. "Well, obviously, my parents are dead, Lance. When I was twelve they died and he took care of me."
"How old is he?"
"Twenty-seven."
"How did they…?"
"I'd rather not get into that." Keith mutters and Lance nods.
"Yeah, no, that's absolutely fine. Sorry for bringing it up."
"Technically I did."
"...Right." Lance mutters, and Keith would be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying the brunette's discomfort. "Y-your turn."
Keith thinks for a minute. He's not really sure what he would want to know about Lance, honestly.
Well, ok, there is one thing he wants to know.
"Men or women?"
"Both." Lance answers easily and Keith looks to him surprised.
"Both?"
"Yup, I'm bi. I like girls, and I like guys." He grins at the no doubt shocked look on Keith's face, "And you?"
"Um, just guys." Keith admits, feeling his face heat up, "It's just..um...guys."
"First kiss?" Lance asks and Keith sort of hates himself for turning the conversation to this.
"Um...well…" Keith looks out the window and mutters, "I haven't really…"
"Oh." Lance says before his eyes suddenly light up, "Oohhh. So you've never dated?"
"No, I've dated, but it was when I was young and didn't really understand what I was doing or what I wanted to do." Keith admits, "So we held hands a few times, hugged, and I think one of them kissed me on the cheek once. My first boyfriend, Darren, asked me out on the bus and then for the next six months we literally never talked to each other. We were eleven and didn't understand what we were feeling and I was kind of busy dealing with my parents deaths, so…"
"Oh." Lance looks to him curiously, "How many have you dated?"
"Um...technically...three? Darren who I never talked to, then we broke up and just stopped talking altogether. Neither of us were ready for…"
"Dating?"
"A boy." Keith shrugs, "He'd dated girls but I was his first boyfriend, and we both liked each other but neither of us were ready."
"And the second guy?" Lance asks, looking genuinely intrigued.
"I was fifteen, we were friends, he was the one I genuinely dated and enjoyed. It only lasted a summer, though. Never kissed. He wasn't...ready for that and neither was I. At the end of summer we mutually broke up because he didn't want people to think he was gay and I didn't want to catch flack for 'making him gay'." Keith admits, growing wistful. Francis was a nice guy, and a good friend. "He's actually married now. Got a girl pregnant senior year."
Lance laughs a little, "Guess he should've stuck with dudes."
Keith laughs some, "Bet he wishes he had."
"And the last guy?" Lance asks and Keith groans.
"Ugh, him. His name was Alex, he moved in next door to Pidge and I when we still lived with our families and I thought he was attractive but I didn't really want to do anything about it, but I was basically tossed into it because he just kept popping up everywhere. So I gave in and went on a movie date with him. We were together one week. Our second date was at a park with Pidge, where he told me he loved me after knowing me for three weeks and dating for two days. Then that weekend he came over to my place drunk and tried to make out with me but I didn't want to and Pidge was right there so she sort of...sicked a robot on him." He smiles fondly at the memory of Pidge's microwave robot totally kicking his ass.
"Jesus." Lance looks at him, "That's awful."
Keith shrugs, "It wasn't too bad, until he started kind of stalking me and popping into my house at random times. I had to start locking the door at all times until one day he got inside and my brother got home and saw him and slammed him into the wall. If Matt hadn't been there he probably would have killed him."
"What was he doing?"
"Hovering over me while I was browsing facebook, or something. He wasn't touching me at all, but that was when Shiro realized he'd been harassing me and he just lost his shit. That was the summer after high school and a few months later I moved into my apartment with Pidge so it doesn't matter much now. Still kinda awkward when I see him in his yard when I visit home, though."
"What abou-?"
"Ohhh no, we're done with questions about me." Keith says, looking at Lance. "I talked about my love life, it's your turn. First kiss, dates, all that fun shit. Go."
He laughs awkwardly, "Well, I've had one kiss, two dates, and one girlfriend." His eyes suddenly become very focused on the road, "I was ten when a girl told me she liked me and just kinda pulled me into a kiss. We sorta knew each other, but not well, and I didn't like her like that. I think I actually cried when she pulled away, because I wanted my first kiss to be with someone special and I had a crush on a boy in class named Josh."
Keith laughs, "Your first and only kiss was from some pushy little kid?"
"I'm sure she thought it was romantic." Lance shrugs.
"It could have been, if you liked her."
"I didn't, though, so it was just scary." He sighs, "When I was sixteen I met a pretty girl named Nyma from another school nearby. Her and her friend Rolo were sort of stranded on the side of the road because his tire blew, so Hunk and I helped them out and I flirted with her the entire time. She gave me her number, I picked her up for a date, and she left me stranded at the lake, tied me to the tree with my belt and stole my wallet."
Keith laughs even harder, tears forming in his eyes, "Oh my god, no! That's hilarious!"
"It is not!" Lance whines, "It was my first date! My first date! She tied me to a goddamn tree, Keith!"
Keith laughs louder, "I bet you thought you were in for some kinky fun! Then she stole your wallet!"
"Shut up!" Lance goes bright red. "This is bullshit, why do I have to share? None of yours were embarrassing."
Keith calms down a little and just smiles over at him, "You wanted to know. If I share mine you share yours. So share the last one, loverboy."
Lance groans, "My last one was a boy...who lived in Russia." He sighs, "We met on WoW and just really clicked and he was so sweet and hot and it was awesome for a few months...but then the magic faded and he became miserable. He'd get pissed at me for no reason and start lashing out on me until I calmed him down. Finally, he did that and after I calmed him down he got angry again because I kept calming him down when he was mad at me and I realized...I don't want this. I broke up with him shortly after."
"You have shit luck." Keith blurts out, earning a hurt look from Lance, "Ah, um, sorry. I don't have much better."
"That's true. A couple of boys too afraid to be gay and then a stalker."
"I still get nervous at Shiro's place." Keith admits and Lance smiles a little.
"Maybe you can make friends with the demon Sallie and sick her on him."
"Or maybe I can be a normal human being and just ignore him."
They fall silent for a bit until a loud growl fills the entire car and they look back to see Pidge's eyes blinking open.
"Adorable." Lance whispers and Keith laughs a little, nodding.
"Shut up, asswipe." Pidge grumbles
"It's always ruined when she speaks." Keith teases and she flips him off.
"You getting hungry, Pidge?" Lance asks and Pidge rolls her eyes.
"Nooo, my stomach just decided to roar like an angry lion for fun." She huffs and Hunk yawns beside her.
"You know, it's 2 o'clock we should really eat something already." He mutters sleepily and Keith puts in a search on Lance's phone for food.
"There's a McDonald's about ten minutes from here." Keith offers and Pidge's stomach growls. "Mickey D's it is."
Not too long after they are getting out at the fast food place, everyone running for the bathroom before going and placing their orders. They sit at a booth in the back and Lance begins taking pictures of everyone.
"Keith, don't scowl! You are happy to be here with me!" Lance scolds and Keith raises a brow.
"Am I? Weird, I didn't think I was."
"Ten more hours, Keith. Keep your chin up." Hunk smiles and Keith pouts.
"That's ten hour too much."
"Why don't you drive next?" Pidge offers, "Time probably goes by faster when you are driving. Besides, I'm sure Lance needs a nap."
"No way! I'm way too excited to take a nap!" Lance says, grinning, "This is awesome!"
"I give it an hour." Hunk says, smirking at his best friend.
"Twenty minutes." Pidge suggests.
"Ten." Keith looks at Lance, "Definitely ten minutes of riding in the back with Hunk and he'll be out."
It takes Lance eleven minutes and Keith is 100% sure that extra minute is simply out of spite.
The rest of the ride is pretty dull and by the time they get there the only place opened is pretty much McDonalds, again, so they grab some of that and Pidge drives them to their place for the night.
"It's a hotel, right?" Keith asks and Pidge groans
"For the millionth time, yes, Keith, it is a hotel. Calm down."
Finally they pull up to...a red roof inn.
A red roof fucking inn.
"KATIE! MOTHER-FUCKING! HOLT!" Keith fumes as she doubles over in laughter, "IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS A FUCKING RED ROOF INN A HOTEL!?"
"But...it is." Lance says and Hunk nods.
"Yeah, I mean, it even has another word for hotel in its name."
"Uhoh." Pidge breathes out between laughs as Keith loses his fucking mind.
"First of all, the word inn doesn't mean shit hotel-wise! This place is a fucking motel!" Keith complains when Hunk returns with their keys and they get their stuff out. "See how the doors are outside? That's a fucking motel. One of those places you will probably find a body or several different body fluids on your fucking bed."
"Keith is a lodgings snob." Pidge explains, "The difference between hotels and motels is literally like his biggest pet peeve. Shiro had to stop him from punching a desk clerk once at a motel when they called themselves a hotel. He was, like, thirteen and ready to kill the poor guy."
"You're a fucking dick, Pidge." Keith grumbles as he goes into the room and then screams, "I take it back, you are a goddamn bitch!"
"Holy shit he's brutal. Why-?" Lance comes in and sees what Keith is so pissed about. Two twin beds.
How the shit are they going to fit on two twin beds?
"Well, we aren't rich." Pidge points out, sitting down on one of the mattresses, "I figured Hunk and I can share a bed, and you two can."
"No way. I'm sleeping with you." Keith insists, getting nervous. He's never shared a bed with anyone but Pidge or Shiro. Or Matt that one time. The idea of sharing a bed with a guy he doesn't know too well, an attractive bisexual guy, is literal hell and he's not okay with any of this.
His best friend is clearly the devil.
"No can do, Keith. Hunk and Lance can't fit on a bed together. Lance's shoulders alone take up half the fucking bed." Pidge points out and Keith eyes the teen.
Curse him and his broad ass shoulders.
Fucking
Lance.
Keith's eyes wander over to the mattress and he glares at it, "This is are we supposed to fit in there together?"
"Spooning, obviously." Hunk and Pidge suggest together a little too quickly and Keith eyes then suspiciously.
They fucking planned this.
"You are monsters." He looks to Lance, who has been eerily quiet this entire time, and notices the dark flush of his face. Well, at least he's awkward about it, too.
"Let's eat, drink, and sleep!" Pidge suggests, holding up her cup as if for a toast before gulping it down. "McDonalds coke is the best coke."
"You're so weird."Keith mutters and crawls into his bed, sitting against the wall before pulling out his chicken tenders.
"So what are we doing before the Sallie house tomorrow?" Hunk asks and Lance grins.
"I'm so glad you asked, my dear friend! They have some haunted tours and houses and a cemetery and a haunted hotel and-!"
"We do not have the money for all this shit." Pidge points out, "Why don't we just sight-see before we go?"
"OH!" Lance gasps, "A CHURCH! We need to go to the church and get some holy water!"
Keith bursts out laughing, quickly followed by Pidge. "Oh my god, Lance! How are you even real?"
"Safety first, Keith!" Lance huffs, crossing his arms, "You'll be thanking me when I scare the demon off before it eats your nasty soul."
"My hero!" Keith gasps out between laughter.
They stay up for a few more hours watching tv, browsing the internet, and generally relaxing. Pidge is the first to drop, mostly out of boredom, then Hunk follows soon after. Keith is exhausted, and he can see Lance is as well, but neither can bring themselves to get under the covers.
"I, um…." Lance begins and Keith flinches, caught off guard by the sudden noise.
"Yes, Lance?" Keith asks, hoping he didn't notice. Luckily, it doesn't look like he did.
"I wanted to thank you...for coming." Lance mutters, "And for pitching in for the equipment, and hotel-"
"Motel." Keith growls.
"Right, right, motel. I just, I know you don't believe in this stuff and we don't really know each other that well, but I really do appreciate it." Lance whispers and Keith finds himself smiling a little.
"I want to be here, Lance, I'm not doing you any favors. Same with Pidge." He looks down at their blankets, "On that note, we need to get some sleep."
"Yeah, um, yeah let's go to sleep." Lance says and they both move to pull the covers back and get in. "Good night, Keith."
"Good night, Lance."
"Be prepared to meet a fucking demon and eat your words."
Keith laughs a little, kicking Lance's leg playfully, "Get ready to accept we wasted a weekend to spend the night in a random house in Kansas of all fucking places."
"Shut up, you know you're loving this."
A/N:I, too, will fight you over the difference between hotel and motel. I, too, wanted to punch out a desk clerk for calling their seedy ass motel a hotel.
Also, yes, these boys have the saddest dating histories in the world.
...Keith's is mine. Haha...ha. (obviously not the same names, though)
Next chapter will be ghost hunting YEEAAAHHHHHH