Zen and the Art of Lawn Maintenance

Chandler had been standing in his front yard, inspecting the new lawn mower Monica purchased last month, for over a half-hour. He simply could not figure out exactly how to start it. He saw the adjustable handle that enabled him to raise the grip and there was the lever that lowered the blades, but he could not find the "on" switch. He got down and poked his face around the base of the machine in hopes that he could find a wire or line that he could trace from the engine up to the starter, but there was nothing there.

"I wouldn't put my face down there if I were you."

Chandler looked up, startled from his futile attempts to perform the one job Monica had tasked him with before their guests arrived to celebrate the 4th of July. Standing at the edge of his property was an older man in his sixties, holding an oily rag, and scratching at his beard.

"You're the new guy on the block, right? The one with the hot wife?"

Chandler propped himself up on his knees and wiped the sweat from his brow. "Yeah, I guess that's me."

The man walked up the driveway towards Chandler and looked at the house, as if inspecting it for flaws. "The missus saw how you were just sitting here looking at this thing and told me to come over and see if you needed help."

Chandler chuckled lightly. "Needing help is my natural state."

The man walked over towards Chandler and rested his arm on the handle of the mower. "What are you trying to do over here?"

Chandler sat back a bit on his legs and gestured in the direction of the lawnmower. "Trying to figure out how to use this thing."

"Well, I think you just push it."

Chandler rolled his eyes. "I know that. How do you start it?"

The older man blankly stared at Chandler. "You don't. This doesn't have an engine. It's a rotary mower. You generate the power by pushing it. You're not that bright, huh?"

Chandler shook his head. "No, I guess not."

As he started to lift himself up, Monica called to him through the screen door. "Aren't you done out here yet? You still need to do the backyard so I can set everything up!"

Chandler, slightly embarrassed at his wife's tone in front of his neighbor, mocked a bold, commanding tone as he answered her. "You bought the wrong one. This doesn't have a motor."

Monica's eyebrow raised up as she detected the frustration in his voice. "I know it doesn't have a motor. We have two babies. We can't run a loud lawnmower if we want them to sleep. I bought one that is quiet."

Chandler looked down at the lawnmower with a dejected expression on his face. "And difficult."

"You're a big boy. I'm sure you can handle it. Can you hurry up now?"

Monica disappeared from the doorway and left Chandler standing there with a sheepish grin on his face as he turned to his neighbor.

"I'm living the dream."

The older man noded his head slowly. "Oh, I get it now. She's a drill sergeant. That's how you got her."

Chandler looked up. "What?"

The man gestured apologetically. "No offense pal, she's just the kind of woman who looks like she requires a lot of patience is all I am saying."

Before Chandler could respond, he heard a shrill voice yell from across the street. "John! Are you done yet? We need to plant these flowers before you go and pick up my mother!" Chandler smugly chuckled and John doffed his baseball cap, nodded, and hurriedly walked back across the street.

After haphazardly mowing the lawn, which he found even more strenuous than he had originally assumed, Chandler pushed the mower back into the shed. He wiped sweat from his brow and took a quick scan of the backyard. He always knew his wife had a knack for keeping a tidy home, but the work she had accomplished out here was miraculous compared to the way it looked when they moved in. Especially when he took into account that she had the twins to take care of during the day. The walkways were entirely devoid of weeds and debris, the flowers that Monica had planted earlier last month were full and blooming, practically color coding the yard in lush yellows, reds, purples and oranges. There were decorative ceramics expertly placed throughout the shrubbery creating a rustic contrast to the colorful blossoms. The outdoor furniture was set up neatly and clean with crisp new cushions that looked as though they had never been used. The umbrellas were open at just the right angle to protect from the strong summer sun. He took another moment to admire her work and then, realizing how sweaty he was, decided to head back into the house for a quick glass of water and a shower.

He entered the kitchen from the backyard through the sliding glass doors and saw Monica, prepping a tray of food. A puckish grin appeared on his face as he slid up behind her, reaching for a piece of cheese off of the tray she was currently preparing. Monica playfully slapped his hand away.

"This is for the party!" she then turned to face him and her face twisted into one of disgust. "Ugh, you stink!"

"Well, someone bought me a lawnmower that I had to push around the entire yard."

Monica could not help but allow an amused smile to spread across her lips. "Don't be such a baby. I've done it three times already. It isn't that hard. Did you finish at least?"

"All done."

She took a piece of cheese from the cutting board and fed it to Chandler. "One piece is all you get."

Chandler, with a mischievous look in his eyes, started to bring himself closer towards his wife. "Yes. I finished. And I think I deserve a reward." He began to reach his hands out towards her waist.

Monica stepped back quickly and put her hand up to block him. "Don't you dare get me all dirty and covered in your stink!"

"Oh, come on. You used to love my stink. I worked so hard out there. The least you could do is give me a hug." Chandler leaned in again and Monica slipped away, positioning herself behind a chair from the kitchen table.

"No! Stop it!" She tried to keep a stern expression on her face, but despite herself, she allowed her lips to slightly curl up at the corners.

Chandler approached her again, playfully reaching his arms out as he wiggled his fingers. "I worked so hard, don't I deserve some lovin'?"

She let out an exaggerated sigh. "Take a shower first and maybe I'll consider it. Now get out of my kitchen! You're slowing me down. We have a very strict schedule! People are coming over!"

Chandler pretended to be offended as he walked back over to the counter and grabbed a few more cubes of cheese off the tray. "Okay sarge, but I'm taking the cheese!"

"Sarge?" Monica shot him a reprimanding stare and shook her head. She pointed towards the stairs. "Just go. You really do stink."

She turned back towards the kitchen counter and allowed herself a moment to laugh at her husband's antics. Once she heard him walking around upstairs, she returned her focus back to the tray as she continues her food preparation. Monica cut up a few more pieces of cheese as she went through her internal list again. She checked off imaginary boxes as she ran through all the items that they had ready. There was sangria that she made last night in the fridge and a cooler of beers set up on the back patio. She had prepared some potato salad and sliced up fruit. In the fridge, there were hamburgers and hot dogs ready to get cooked on the grill, a garden salad and some eggplant with a balsamic glaze for Phoebe. She took out some chicken legs to grill since she knew her father liked those. She even got some chicken nuggets and ice cream for the kids that she had in the freezer. Chandler, upon seeing how much food she had bought, wondered if she thought the entire neighborhood was coming over, but she reminded him that Joey could probably eat half of it all by himself. Monica was more nervous than she would usually get with just her family and friends coming over, but this was going to be their first big gathering at the new house and she was focused on making sure everything was perfect. She had high hopes of adding the Fourth of July to the list of holidays she and Chandler would get to host.

She took out the clear wrap to cover the food on the tray and began to go over the guest list. She tried to put them in the order that she assumed they would arrive. Her parents were coming in from Long Island and would probably show up an hour earlier than she told them to; her mother, no doubt eager to catch her unprepared. Ross, Rachel, Ben and Emma were driving in from the city. If Rachel drives, they'll arrive early. If Ross drives, they may not even make it by the time the fireworks start to go off. Lastly, Phoebe, Mike and Joey were all taking the train in together. They tried to get in touch with Chandler's parents, but neither returned their messages. The twins should be well rested and she can't wait to dress them in their matching red, white and blue outfits that she found and show them off to everyone. She smiled to herself, content with the knowledge that this was going to be a great day.

Chandler made his way downstairs and into the kitchen after his shower. He pretended to gingerly approach Monica as he entered the room.

"Is it safe to come in?"

She turned to face him, looked him up-and-down, and then nodded in approval. "There's my handsome husband. Now you can come here and kiss me."

Chandler smirked and came up close to Monica. He snaked his arms around her waist and placed a sweet, long kiss on her lips. She slid her hands up into his hair and lightly dug her fingernails into his scalp.

Chandler pulled back and allowed a salacious grin to form on his lips. "I promise to take another shower if we move this upstairs into the bedroom."

Before Monica could reply, they heard the doorbell ring and they both turned their heads towards the living room. They waited for a moment before they broke their embrace. The front door opens slowly and Judy Geller's voice carried through the house and into the kitchen.

"Hello! Monica? You'd think someone would get the door for us Jack."

"Judy, we're early. They're probably still setting everything up." Jack Geller bounded into the house, gently ushering his wife in so he could close the door behind them. "Monica? Chandler?"

Monica sighed. "They're going to wake the twins."

Chandler reached out and pulled her in close to him. "That's okay. Now that they're here, we won't see the kids for at least six hours. Your mother won't let them out of his sight."

Judy entered the kitchen with a few shopping bags in tow. "There in here Jack! They couldn't answer the door because they're too busy fooling around in the kitchen like a couple of teenagers. You two have children now. You can't just do this wherever you want anymore."

Jack followed her into the kitchen. "Judy, leave them alone. When Monica and Ross were children, we used to have sex all over the house! I remember one time, we were on Monica's bed, but we couldn't finish because it looked like all her dolls were watching us."

Judy's tone became playful and embarrassed. "Jack. I seem to remember you liking an audience."

Chandler released Monica and softly whispered in her ear. "Well, that mood is ruined. I probably won't be able to touch you again for a couple of years."

Monica smirked as she turned to face her parents. "Mom. Dad. Shh. No one wants to hear about that." She walked over and took the shopping bags from her mother so she could start to unpack them. "Mom. I told you I was making potato salad."

"I know dear, but it is always good to have a back-up in case yours doesn't go over well."

Jack put his arm around Chandler's shoulders. "Where are my grandbabies?"

"Oh, they're still sleeping sir."

"Please, call me Jack." He looked over at his wife and daughter, who looked to already be squabbling about something with each other. "How about we go outside and have a drink. I'm pretty sure it's going to look like the Battle of Bunker Hill in here at any moment." Jack took Chandler's arm and pulled him towards the patio doors.

Chandler mouthed "Sorry" to Monica on the way out the door and she silently gestured to him that she would be okay. She turned back to the table and gasped.

"Mom! You must have brought twelve bottles of wine."

"Well, a drunk Judy Geller is a happy Judy Geller."

Chandler handed Jack a beer and pulled one out for himself as they sat under the shade of the umbrella.

"So, Chandler, Judy says you're working from home now?"

Chandler cleared his throat. "Well, just a few days a week. I really only have to go in for a weekly staff meeting and when we do presentations. My boss actually brought it up. I think I scared him off children with stories about the twins. At least now I can help out a little and I'm not wasting a few hours on the train every day."

Jack pat Chandler's knee proudly. "You're doing good son."

Chandler was taken aback for a moment at how much that small gesture from his father-in-law affected him. "Thanks sir."

"Jack. Please. Or Dad. No more of this sir stuff."

Chandler nodded and they sat in silence for a few minutes and enjoyed the tranquility of the afternoon. The moment of quiet did not last long, as the patio door slid open and Judy came out of the kitchen holding Erica in her arms.

"Look who woke up. She must have known her grandma was here. Didn't you." She sat down next to Jack and started to feed her a bottle.

Monica followed behind with a folded-up pack 'n play and set it up before Chandler could get up and help. Without taking her eyes off the portable enclosure she offered him playful smile.

"Don't worry honey. They'll be plenty for you to do."

"Oh, great. I can't wait." Chandler sipped his beer as Jack chuckled. "Well, where one is, the other is soon to follow. Want me to get the monitor?"

Monica shook her head. "No, he is already stirring. I'll go get him and bring him down."

Jack hopped up to his feet and put his beer bottle down on the table. "No, let me. Why don't you take a seat and relax a little? I'm dying to see my grandson again!"

Before Monica could protest, Jack was already in the house. She slipped out a bottle of formula from her pocket and placed it on the patio table. "Oh well, I guess you were right. We won't see them for the rest of the day."

Chandler smiled and looked off to the side. He took a moment to enjoy the weather before he turned back and allowed himself to see what was going on around him. His mother-in-law was feeding his daughter. His father-in-law was in the house tending to his son. His wife was sitting next to him getting ready to take a sip of his beer. A few years ago, he never would have seen this coming. The domestication of Chandler Bing. Monica looked over and met his eyes with a smile and he could swear she was reading his mind and knew his thoughts right there in that moment. She reached out her hand for his, but before they could touch, he heard a booming voice from over the fence.

"How do you open this thing. I don't want to miss any of the food!"

As Chandler got up to walk over to the gate and help Joey get in the yard, Monica caught his attention. "I think this means Ross is driving."

Chandler laughed and opened the latch before swinging the gate inward. He looked behind Joey and saw Phoebe and Mike making their way up the driveway as a cab pulled away from the curb. Joey immediately embraces Chandler tightly, lifting him off the ground.

"I missed you buddy!"

Chandler strained for room to move let out a pained gasp for air. "Okay Joe. I missed you too. But I need to breathe."

Joey released his hold on Chandler and walked past him into the backyard. Phoebe smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"All he has been talking about is barbeque food, so I hope you have something out."

Chandler chuckled and reached out to shake Mike's hand.

Monica got up to collect some empty trays and carried them into the kitchen. Phoebe followed her with some empty beer cans and both women huddled around the sink once they stepped inside the house. Phoebe looked a little pale and stepped over to the table cautiously as she sat down. She held her head down for a moment with her eyes closed and cleared her throat.

"When do you think Ross and Rachel are coming?"

"I don't know. With Ross driving? Maybe next week?" Monica laughed at her own joke and rinsed out some of the empty beer bottles. She turned to look at Phoebe and noticed her loss of color. "Do you need some water? You look a little tired."

Phoebe straightened up. "What? Oh no. I'm fine. I just, uh, get train sick."

"Train sick? Phoebe, you got here an hour ago…" Monica's voice trailed off and her eyes opened wide with discovery. "Oh my god. You're pregnant, aren't you?"

Phoebe, looking shocked, started to protest but broke quickly. "I wanted to wait until everyone was here. But yeah. We're pregnant! I think we got pregnant the night you guys brought the twins home from the hospital!" Phoebe smiled and clapped her hands together excitedly.

Monica smiled back weakly and walked over to embrace her. "Oh Pheebs. I'm so happy for you." A few tears began to fall and Monica wiped her eyes. "Really happy."

Chandler walked into the kitchen holding two empty baby bottles and put them on the counter. "Uh, is everything all right?"

Monica turned to look at him as she continued crying. "I'll be right back."

Chandler watched her rush out of the kitchen and then looked at Phoebe with a puzzled expression on his face. "What's the matter?"

Phoebe tried hard to contain her excitement. "Oh, those are happy tears. I'm pregnant."

Chandler walked over and hugged her. "Wow, that's great. I'm really happy for you guys." He looked past her, trying to see if he could hear Monica and locate her in the house. "I'll be right back." Chandler offered a gentle squeeze on Phoebe's shoulder before he walked out of the kitchen.

He made his way down the hall, darting his eyes all about until he finally saw Monica in the laundry room. "Hey. Are you okay? Those don't look like happy tears."

Monica looked up and offered him a genuine smile, grateful at how well he could read her mood. "No. I don't know what's wrong with me. We have two great, healthy babies. I just, I shouldn't feel like this." Monica sniffled and ran her finger under her eyes as she tried to stop the flow of tears. "You know, she thinks it happened when we brought the babies home to the apartment. They just decided to have a baby and got pregnant in the same day. I know I shouldn't feel like this. I know. I just…" her voice trailed off and Chandler rushed over to pull her into him. He held her tightly and kissed her on the top of her head.

"Look, honey, it's okay to feel like this. It doesn't make you a bad friend."

Monica looked down and Chandler could feel her quivering in his embrace. She finally looked up and her eyes, shiny with fresh tears, met his.

"Does it make me a bad mom?"

"No, Of course not." He pulled her into his chest and she rested her head against him. "Monica, it just makes you human."

Monica pulled back, looked up at her husband and kissed him. "Thank you. Thank you for knowing I needed you." She disentangled her arms from around his body and wiped her eyes once more. A determined look washed over her face. "I'll be out in a minute. I'm just going to clean up a bit."

Chandler looked her in the eyes for some kind of reassurance that she was really okay, and she nodded at him, already knowing what he was thinking. He kissed her on the top of the head one more time, gave her another tight hug, and walked out of the laundry room.

Monica stood there for a few more minutes in an attempt to compose herself. She squeezes her hands into tight fist and closed her eyes as she took a few deep breaths. She shook her head and grabbed a few tissues so she could dab her eyes dry. She smoothed out her shirt and decided she was ready to join everyone outside.

When she reached the kitchen, she saw that Ross and Rachel had finally shown up. Ben was running around the yard and Emma was trying to follow him. She was already walking at a brisk pace. Ben was calling out to his sister to keep up as he explored the landscape of their home. Monica smiled at the scene unfolding before her eyes and stepped out into the backyard.

Monica, Rachel, Phoebe and her mother were in the kitchen, after dinner and dessert were already a distant memory. Monica and her mother had teamed up to clean all the used dishes and pack the leftovers into disposable, plastic containers. Rachel and Phoebe weren't much help as the gushed over Phoebe's news and swapped stories about being pregnant while they sat at the table across the room. Chandler kept a watchful eye on his wife from his seat outside, looking at her through the kitchen window, trying to gauge her mood. She would look up out at him every now and then, make eye contact and then smile sweetly. Trying to convince him, and probably herself as well, that she was going to be okay.

Chandler turned back to face his guests. Jack was snoring on a lounge chair. Ben had a handheld video game device he was playing while munching away at some potato chips. Ross, Joey and Mike were all sitting around the table; their conversations winding down and each man enjoying the quiet for a moment. Ross shifted Emma on his lap while she ate some cookies from a plate in front of him.

"So, Chandler. You really turned into Andy Griffith out here, huh?"

Chandler smiled and took a sip of his coffee. "He was a sheriff Ross."

"You know what I mean."

Chandler nodded. "I guess. I even mowed the lawn. Did you know they made lawnmowers that don't have motors?"

Mike flattened his lips. "We don't mow lawns in the city."

Joey cleared his throat. "You know. I might mow a lawn soon." The other three men shared a puzzled look and turned their gaze to him. "I was going to wait until the girls got back out here but, uh, well, I'm getting written out of Days, so I'll be out of a job again."

"Oh, Joe. I'm so sorry." Chandler pat him on his shoulder.

Joe tried to hide it, but they could tell he was feeling down about it. He straightened up and puffed his chest out a bit. "Well, it might be a good thing, you know. See, my new agent, he thinks I should go to L.A. There's a ton of shows that film out there and he is pretty sure he can get me on a few in some different roles. Expand my portfolio. He already has some auditions lined up."

Ross looked over at Chandler and then back to Joey. "L.A.? Really? Wow. That's a big move."

"I know, but whenever I wasn't on Days, I struggled just to get a commercial booked. This guy really thinks he can kickstart what he calls 'the next phase' of my career. I think I have to take this shot. It could be my last chance" Joey looked over at Chandler as if he were searching for his approval that he was doing the right thing.

Chandler smiled and reached over to rub Joey's shoulder. "We're all going to miss you buddy."

Joe smiled back; that was all he needed to know that his best friend supported him in this decision. "Thank man. And look. I'll be back out to visit as much as I can. Ooo, and maybe you guys can come out to see me when I become a huge TV star!" His tone quickly changed from the apprehension he displayed before to one of excitement.

"Wait. Let's do this right." Chandler got up and gestured for them to wait. He slipped into the house for a few minutes and came back out with a bottle of some dark brown liquor and four glasses. He poured a small amount into each one and raised his up. "We need to have a toast." The other three men stood up and Chandler looked them over for a second.

"To Mike, congratulations. From someone who was in the delivery room recently, you are going to see some really weird and terrible things. To Ross," He searched his mind for something to say and then smirked. "Well, for not getting married and divorced this year." Ross raised his arms and banged them together rapidly, signaling the famous Geller alternative to the middle finger. "And to Joey. You're going to do great out in L.A., I can feel it."

Joey looked down bashfully and raised his glass to drink, but then pauses. "Wait!" Everyone stopped mid-sip. "And to Chandler. For, well, for being all this." He gestured towards the house and then around the yard. "and doing it really good. I always knew you had this in you."

As if on cue, fireworks started to go off in the night sky. Ben rushed over towards Ross and tried to get Emma to look up and pay attention. The screen door opened as Judy, Monica, Rachel and Phoebe made their way back outside to join the guys around the table and enjoy the impromptu neighborhood fireworks display. Monica raised an eyebrow as she glanced at the bottle of liquor on the table and then brought her gaze up to Chandler. He slid his arm around her waist and kissed her on the neck.

"I'll tell you later."

They all took a seat and gazed upward at the bright lights screaming across the sky. Fireworks painted a magical landscape of color against the darkened canvas. Monica positioned herself on Chandler's lap while placing the baby monitor on the table in front of him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and intertwined her fingers behind his head.

"I hope the fireworks don't wake up the babies. I want to enjoy this before it's over."

Chandler looked around at his friends, taking stock of all the news he was given this day about all of the significant changes in their lives that wait just over the horizon. He realized that this may be one of the last times they are all together in one place. He pulled Monica back into him and squeezed her tightly.

"me too."

A/N – I never saw a single episode of the Joey spinoff so except for the trip to L.A. none of that will be referenced or included in this series.