A/N please forgive me for posting such a weird story. I hope Tolkien forgives me too.

Erestor scowled as everyone began to take seats.

Why did there have to be dwarves? He hated dwarves.

Actually there wasn't much that Erestor didn't hate. Glorfindel was possibly the only thing.

He stared down the dwarf with a giant red beard and enormous nose. The dwarf stuck his tongue out.

Erestor scowled harder.

Glorfindel hugged everyone that came in before they sat down.

Except the dwarves. They were too short, so he didn't see them.

Glorfindel loved hugs. He especially loved hugging Erestor because it made him scream, which was really funny.

Elrond finally smacked him and told him to sit down.

'Strangers from distant lands, friends of old…' Elrond began. Most of the people in the council went ahead and closed their eyes.

At some point he began talking about the history of the ring (what ring? Thought Frodo, who was rather shocked to find that Elrond was 3000 plus years old).

Then Gandalf started talking about an adventure he'd had with Aragorn to capture Gollum.

'Well,' said Elrond. 'We're going to have to decide what to do with this ring!'

Some guy named Boromir kept throwing out stupid ideas about keeping it for his little brother to play with.

Aragorn told him to shut up, because he was the 'heir of Elendil'.

'Destroy it!' Cheered a few voices.

'Cast it into the sea!' Said Erestor. Everyone looked at him.

'No!' Said Elrond. 'The Nazgúl would catch us and plus the ring has a will of its own.'

Erestor turned red. Glorfindel laughed.

'Destroy it!' Someone said again.

'Ha!' Said Erestor. 'You really think that's gonna work?'

'Now Eres dear, don't be a pessimist.' Glorfindel said, patting his arm.

'I can't help it.' Erestor sighed.

'Show everyone your ring, Frodo.' Gandalf said.

'Ok.' Said Frodo. He went to this random little table that looked like it had been made for this very special occasion ages ago and put it right in the exact center.

Everyone stared at him awkwardly.

'Behold Isildur's Bane!!!' Said Elrond, secretly hoping he had sounded as epic as he felt.

Boromir looked like he wanted to grab it and run off with it.

He started trash talking Aragorn so Bilbo stood up and said a little poem.

'Aw that was cute!' Aragorn said. He was used to Bilbo's funny outbursts.

Bilbo had turrets.

'Anyways, Boromir, as I was saying, I know I look homeless, but I'm actually heir to the Throne of Gondor.'

Boromir gasped. 'Oh.'

'Yeah, but people don't really know so they trash talk me behind my back.'

Legolas gave him a sympathetic look.

'Wait, how do we know this is 'the One Ring'?' Boromir asked.

'I'm hungry.' Said Bilbo.

'I don't care! Tell your story Master Bilbo!' Said Elrond.

Bilbo stood up and told a really long story about riddles and some ring.

'Wait, you lied to us about the whole thing!?' Said Glóin, looking shocked.

'Sorry,' said Bilbo.

'Alright Frodo, your turn!' Said Elrond. He was getting grumpy.

'K fine.' Frodo talked for a while about walking to Rivendell and a few adventures along the way.

'Who's Tom Bombadil?' A few people asked.

'Good job.' Said Bilbo.

'Thanks. I still wanna know why Gandalf lied and didn't meet us though lol.'

'Thou speakest for me also.' Said a random elf (Galdor of the Grey Havens on an errand from Círdan the Shipwright who is the oldest elf in Middle-earth and foster father to all unwanted children).

'I mean isn't Saruman super wise? Where is he btw? I'm not so sure this ring is the one?'

Gandalf glared at him. 'Don't be an idiot! All the other rings are (for the most part) accounted for.'

Everyone zoned out again as Gandalf blathered on.

Suddenly Gandalf started talking in orc language.

The elves cowered and some of them cried.

'Why would you do that?' Asked Elrond.

'Idk but I'm not apologizing.' Said Gandalf. 'I guess it was because if we don't hurry up with this council then Sauron's gonna take over the world and you'll hear it a lot more.'

Gandalf was getting grumpier than Elrond.

'So, I hope you guys killed Gollum. He sounds like a bad person.' Boromir said.

'Oh no, I just asked Leggy- I mean Legolas- and his soldiers to watch him. Thank goodness he's kept by the watchful elves of Mirkwood. Btw what are you doing here Legolas?' Aragorn said.

Legolas gulped. 'Umm, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Gollum escaped because we were too lazy to climb up a tree after him.'

'WHAT!?' Aragorn yelled.

Legolas shrugged. 'We were just being nice.'

Glóin roared. 'YOU WEREN'T NICE TO ME!'

'Shut up Glóin, that's not why we're here!' Said Gandalf.

'Fine.' Said Glóin.

Legolas told a long story.

'Oh!' Gandalf suddenly said. 'Saruman betrayed us!'

Everyone except Elrond gasped.

Gandalf launched into another long story about some weird wizard that let birds live in his hat (Radagast?) and Saruman, who was apparently someone's puppet now.

'Suddenly he threw me on top of a tower! But thankfully Gwaihir came and rescued me!' Gandalf finished.

Actually he wasn't finished, and he launched into yet another story, this time where he was in Rohan, who he accused of betrayal.

A few minutes later he was talking about some fat bartender who couldn't do anything right.

Gandalf cussed. '*cuss word*! Fool! Thrice worthy and beloved barliman!'

Finally he finished for real.

Everyone just kinda sat there for a few minutes, stunned at the length of his tale.

Elrond's head jerked up from his chest when he realized Gandalf had finally shut up.

'Wow Gandalf, that's- uhh- bad news about Saruman. Our list of allies sure grows thin!'

'Ikr, lol.' Said Glorfindel.

'Wait why don't we ask TB to council us?' Asked Elrond.

'Who's TB?' Asked a couple of the elves.

'Tom Bombadil!' Said a voice from the shadows, which sounded suspiciously like Sam Gamgee.

'Because he wouldn't come.' Said Gandalf.

'But he's so powerful why don't we give him the ring?' Said Erestor. Even he was getting tired. Erestor never got tired of councils (which is how he obtained his position as chief councillor, certainly not because of his bright ideas).

'Nope. Bad idea.' Said Gandalf.

'Stop saying dumb stuff.' Said Glorfindel.

'No.' Said Erestor.

'Welp,' said Elrond. 'So we're back to square zero. What are we gonna do with the ring?'

'There's nothing to do.' Said Erestor.

'Ha! I'll show you!' Said Frodo.

'What?' Said everyone in the room.

'What?' Said Sam.

'I will take the ring to Mordor. Though, I do not know the way. Wait what are you doing here Sam?'

'I'm coming with you of course!'

'Ok.' Said Elrond.

THE END!!!

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