I've always been the one to say the first goodbye

it's you in my reflection

I'm afraid of all the things you could do to me

The raining had stopped by the time Paul and Alina had driven back to the house, and thankfully the occupants inside behaved as if nothing had happened when they walked through the screen door. Sam was nowhere in sight of the packed out living space, though neither was Colin or Brady. She guessed that they were on patrol, and Alina wasn't going to complain about Sam not being present. It saved her having to look at his face when annoyance and hurt still simmered inside the pits of her stomach.

'You're soaked,' Emily said softly, startling Alina as she ran a hand through her wet hair. 'Go shower, sweetheart. I fixed you a plate of dinner, before those animals ate it all.'

Alina didn't say anything as she felt Emily's thin fingers run through the wet strands, she had done the act so normally - as if it were instinct. Alina nodded, almost dumbly, before walking through the yelling and current discussions that were ongoing to do just as Emily had asked. Unable to register how normal the act was after a fight.

She was used to coming home to screaming, to slamming doors and being told that she could pack her shit and leave - which was something she did often - so she expected for the couple to do the exact same thing. Instead, Emily seemed intent to be as softly doting as she could and it rocked Alina.

Emerging from the shower twenty minutes later, in dry clothes, and wet hair wrapped in a towel, she was barely given a moment before being introduced to other members of the pack. Noise consumed their small house, overwhelming Alina, but she got the feeling that it was a natural state of their home. It almost felt as if that this was exactly what the Uley's house had been built for.

'Hi!' A upbeat voice had pulled Alina away from her thoughts, and people watching, to the present. The teenager's dark eyes focused on the kind hazel ones that looked down at her. 'I'm Milena, Paul's girlfriend.'

Recognition sparks in Alina's mind, taking in the roundness of Milena's cheeks. She's baby faced, but beautiful. Tall, too. She towers above Alina, hands dangling on either side of her as she sways slightly. Dark blonde hair pulled back into a high pony tail.

'Sorry about before.' Alina stated, voice not unkind, but lacking the same warmth as Milena's.

'Don't worry,' the taller of the two waved off, 'looked like you needed a minute.'

A dazed expression seemed to be a permanent fixture on Milena, and though her eyes are friendly and inviting, Alina was able to detect the deep sadness that permeated through the rest of her niceties. It was a look that few people would ever be able to decipher, a look that only people like Alina - and Milena - would recognise in each other. It was the look of someone deeply unhappy, and a little broken, in the darkest parts of their souls. A sadness that could never be forgotten, because you had lost so much.

She doesn't know why, but being around Milena unsettles her. There's something about her sadness that pushes through to Alina, and burrows inside her. Part of her is left wondering what exactly it is about her that Paul was drawn to, and suddenly, like a switch is flicked, she realised why. It was the same reason why she couldn't help but look for Embry when she entered a new room, the same reason why Embry was her first and last thought of the day. The pull that hummed deep within her chest had calmed since returning, and though she couldn't see him, she felt his proximity. It was a feeling that elicited both a euphoric rush and a drowning sensation. Alina hated it, because he had grown so out of control that all she could do was hate him for it.

'Paul said you're from Seattle,' Milena continued, not seeming offended nor put out but Alina's silence, 'and that you're werewolf.'

The younger of the two blinked, her focus returning to Milena's, balking at the casualness of her tone. Not in the least scared or in awe of that fact.

'I'm sorry that everything has been so chaotic for you, but I hope you know that you're with the best people to help you. You're family now.'

Alina stared wordlessly at Milena.

'Even without the imprint, you're pack.'

A lump formed at the base of Alina's throat, one that she would fight for her life against. Milena seemed to be waiting for her to respond, but the fear of what would happen should she open her mouth in that particular moment kept it firmly shut. The silence rang between them painfully, and it were as if Paul was a godsend for intervening in that moment. He appeared, seeming as if he had heard the entire conversation from a far - which was likely, Alina realised - and as his arm curved around Milena's waist, she leaned into him. Something in Milena visibly settled as his skin made contact with her own, her body fitting into his shoulder like a puzzle piece.

'Kid, you better go and eat that plate Em fixed you before one of the cubs does.'

A silent look of appreciation, and understanding, passed between them as Milena's attention refocused on Paul. Her eyes almost glittering with adoration as she took in his face. If it had been anyone else, she would have gagged, but with Milena she got the sense that she had finally found peace with Paul.

The rest of the evening passed without further drama, though the build up of anxiety continued for Alina as each hour passed without the return of Embry. That pull inside her chest became an almost tugging like sensation, similarly to when you receive bad news and everything inside you drops. A nervous hand ran through her dry hair from her spot at the dinner table, Quil beside her with Claire on his lap. She was solving a small puzzle in front of her, Quil only occasionally intervening to help, but mostly he encouraged her.

If it hadn't have been for the imprint, Alina would have almost found it cute, but there was something about it that didn't sit right with her. Even though it was evident that there were no romantic quality laced with his affection towards her, it would never sit right with her. She kept her eyes ahead of her, watching as Jared sparred with one of the youngest pack members, Zack. Laughter could be heard amongst the crowds as Jared easily overpowered his younger brother, but Alina was incapable of fully focusing in that moment.

'I can hear your knee bouncing like that, you know?'

Alina turned to look at Quil, but his gaze was focused on the puzzle in front of Claire as he helped her direct a puzzle into the slowly forming piece.

'Embry's shift ends soon, don't worry.'

'I'm not worried.' She stated, but it sounded unconvincing even to her.

'It's normal to feel anxious when they're far away from you, especially if you're new to it. You'll get used to the pull.' Quil said casually, and he briefly looked up to her, his smile almost infectious. Almost.

'I don't want to get used to the pull.' She mumbled under breath.

A moment of silence passed, until Quil softly stated. 'Would it really be so bad?'

Alina didn't respond, because she knew that the only answer to that was no, it wouldn't.

A howl that echoed across the woods, and interjected the conversations in the Uley households seemed to indicate that it was time for a shift change. Alina watched as Jared, Quil, Zack and Paul simultaneously stood, each muttering their own farewells before leaving out of Emily's front door. Paul shoved Alina by her shoulder as he passed her, and she scowled at him as he did, earning a smirk from the wolf.

It was only minutes later than an influx of others came pouring in; Colin and Brady first, followed by Leah, Seth and Embry. Alina's heart leapt as she felt him enter the house, and she fought against her urges to walk towards him. It was an electrifying sensation, making her skin almost abuzz with the apprehension of being around him.

She knew when he was beside her, and Alina knew that she would never be able to describe to someone the sensation of gravity shifting when being around their person in such a way. It wasn't normal, nothing about it felt even remotely ordinary about it, and the most irritating part for her was that Embry always appeared so unaffected by it.

'Can I talk to you?' His voice held a layer of apprehension and nervousness. Afraid to push her any further towards anger. His dark eyes were laced with an earnestness that elicited a wave of guilt in her.

There was nothing she could do except nod, following him in a sort of daze out of the back door and onto the porch. The sky was clear that night, and the streak of moonlight that cast itself on Embry's face illuminated his dark skin, creating a small blink of light in his eyes as it reflected off of them. His hair, usually layered over his forehead was ruffled. He'd barely had a moment to think in human form before beelining for her, and her cheeks warmed at the realisation that he was currently shirtless.

'Let me go first.' She cut in, just as his mouth opened with an apology.

Embry closed his mouth, and nodded mutely. Taking a deep breath, Alina gave him one last look before she turned around and faced away from him.

'... Alina? What are you doing?'

'It's a thing my old therapist taught me, it helps me say what I'm feeling.' She folded her arms, inhaling a deep breath. A small shiver climbed her spine from both the cold, and from feeling how close Embry was to her.

It was a comical sight; Embry's perplexed expression as he looked down at the back of his imprints head.

'You don't need to say sorry. You don't have anything to be sorry about.' She paused, teeth sinking into her lip. 'I'm the one that's sorry, I know you tried to keep it to yourself. I-'

'-Alina-'

'Don't.' Her tone was firm, and for the first time she feared it sounded unkind to Embry. Because she cared about hurting him.

'You scare me.' She admitted, 'I'm used to everything being temporary, I can depend on it being temporary so nothing can worry me that way. But... but I can feel that you're not. I don't know how to explain it except that I can feel that you're permanent, and it scares the shit out of me because I don't know how to deal with it.'

Alina released a long sigh, wrapped her arms around herself as she remained with her back to Embry. 'I just ... need time. I need this to be as slow as possible, I need this to feel ... normal.'

She felt the heat of his body as he stepped closer to her, a breath away from touching her and encompassing her in his heat. Alina almost wanted him to do it, wanted to let herself sink into him and let go. His fingers ghosted against the skin of her arm, circling her elbow. It was evident how much they both ached for the touch, but Embry held steadfast, holding back the wolf inside him. For her.

'My full name is Embry Call, my mom named me after some tv star.' His voice was soft, dipped in an affection that Alina had never been subject to before. She ached. 'My birthday is April fifth, and I like cars and dirt bikes.'

A small smile spread across her lips, remaining silent as she heard his intake of breath before speaking again. 'And I can shape shift into a giant wolf.'

The smallest of chuckles escaped her lips, and the joy that sparked inside Embry's stomach set ablaze. He'd do anything to hear her laugh again.

'I'm Alina Kim, my parents are dead. I don't remember them all that much. My birthday is January third, and I like reading comics and the sound of silence. Apparently, I'm a werewolf. '

It was Embry's turn to laugh, akin to a bark and it widened the grin on Alina's face.

'It's nice to meet you.' Embry said after a beat of silence, and she could hear the smile in his words.

She turned, releasing her bottom lip from between her teeth and looked up at him. 'It's nice to meet you, too.'

I'm sorry this took so long, but I really REALLY want get Alina and Embry right. I'm also going to have a nice moment between Alina and Sam soon where they make up. I basically just want to learn how to develop and maintain healthy relationships.

Would love some reviews if you're enjoying this!