Binging in the New Year

Monica gingerly tip-toed into the bedroom after her morning shower. She was used to treading lightly throughout the house in the early hours, a result of being awake long before everyone else. She normally went for a run and then, when she returns home, drank one of her homemade juice blends that she prepared the night before as she skims the paper. Soon after that she would wash up and get dressed, and if she had enough time, she might even do a load of laundry or tackle one of the many rooms downstairs that may need the furniture polished or the windows cleaned. She usually could count on getting at least one or two chores completed before the twins began to stir, looking for their breakfast. Today she had to wake up earlier than usual, with a busy day planned, and wanted to take extra care as to not disturb her husband any sooner than he needed to be up.

Her first order of business after breakfast was to stop by the space that would become her restaurant. She still had to say it several times in her head just to process that it was real. Her very own restaurant. Every decision made would be hers and hers alone. Everything done exactly her way, to her liking. The menu, the bathroom tiles, the kind of paper they use in the printer, the style of the tables and the chairs, even how the toilet tissue gets folded on the roll. For the first time in her life, every detail for her place of work would be one-hundred percent Monica.

Even though it had only been a week since she made the life-altering decision to accept Nora Bing's offer, a lot has already been planned and set into motion. Chandler's father, of all people, was helping with the renovations. They would be starting the arduous task of pulling up the old floor, taking off wallpaper, and stripping down the bar today. He swore that "his girl's" were up to the task, and that he wanted to help and be a part of this. The only cost to Monica would be providing food for them and catering the after party for the grand opening of his new show which would debut next month.

After stopping by the restaurant, Monica had to go to work at Javu. When Chandler and Monica worked out their budget, they realized she would need to keep working a little longer than she had hoped. She needed to earn a salary for as long as she could before she had to devote all of her attention to the opening, hoping to at least pay off the SUV they purchased when they first moved to Westchester. Splitting her time between preparations for the new place and working at Javu for a few months was going to be tough, especially when trying to balance that out with taking care of Jack, Erica and the house.

The only saving grace was that it meant she could create and maintain a very detailed and complicated schedule that everyone had to follow. She spent the entire week working on it. A giant calendar on a large piece of poster board that hung on a wall in the kitchen. Filled with work schedules, days off, feeding times, meetings, doctor's appointments, inspections; it was jam packed and color coded. It was her organizational Mona Lisa. It was her masterpiece.

She slowly opened a drawer and slipped on a slight pair of dark red panties. She then removed her robe and pulled out a red sweater, dark toned leggings, and a denim skirt that fell just below the knees. Just as she placed the outfit down on the dresser, she looked up and saw Chandler's reflection in the mirror. He was awake, sitting up with his hands behind his head, and staring at her with a smug smile on his lips.

She made eye contact with him through the mirror and tried to hold back a smile. "What are you leering at?"

"I'm not leering. I'm ogling. There's a difference."

She smirked at that and tried to stifle a laugh. "Okay. What are you ogling at?"

"You. You are so beautiful and so damn sexy. I can't believe that I get to be here and see you all kinds of naked like this all the time."

"Chandlerrrrr." She made sure to moan his name in an exaggerated manor, making sure to extend the "r" at the end of his name so it almost sounds like a lament. "I'm not even wearing my sexy underwear."

"All of your underwear is sexy."

Monica chuckled and caught his eye again through the mirror. "You obviously haven't seen all of my underwear."

Chandler shook his head and dismissed her modesty. "Look. You just have to live with the fact that your husband thinks you are the most gorgeous, sexiest creature to walk the earth."

Monica laughed. "You know, you aren't so bad yourself. You have definitely gotten sexier with age. I like your hair short like that and you dress great."

"That's not a compliment for me. You bought all my clothes." Monica chuckled and focused her attention on the items she laid out on the dresser. Chandler shifted a bit in bed and sat up. "I definitely am hitting above my weight class with you."

Monica mocked offense at his metaphor. "Was that a fat joke?"

Chandler stammered for a moment until he recognized the amused look on her face, the same one she would get whenever she was able to say something that made him tongue-tied. "Unfair woman. You are lucky I find you so irresistible like that."

Monica allowed a playfully salacious smile to lift at the corner of her mouth. "You mean like this?" She started to wiggle her ass as she looked over her shoulder at him.

A tortured groan escaped his lips. "Okay, you have to come back to bed now before you kill me."

Monica turned and prowled over to the end of the bed, sliding her hands slowly along the surface towards his body. "I have things to do this morning. I don't know if we will have enough time."

"I don't need that much time. I swear, you won't even know we did anything."

Monica began to crawl over the top of the bed, stopping once she reached his thighs and she ran her fingers lightly over them. "What about the babies? What if we wake them up?"

"They won't wake up for at least another hour."

Monica traced her fingers over his abdomen, trailing light circles as she rested her head at his waist. "Okay, what about our house guest, who happens to be right down the hall in his Joey room?"

"Do you know how many times we had sex when I shared a wall with him before he even knew we were going out?"

He grabbed her from under her arms and slid her body up over him, feeling every inch of her as she rubbed against him. He let out another low groan at the sensation as she whimpered in his grasp. They shared a long, deep kiss as he moved his hands down to the small of her back and rested them at the top of her buttocks. Monica pulled back and began to lower the sheet so she could slip underneath. She flashed him a stern look and jabbed a finger in his face.

"Don't touch my hair though. I just did it and I do not have time to wash it all over again if you mess it up."

Joey made his way downstairs, scratching at his scalp as he yawned. He was never accustomed to waking this early when he lived on the east coast, and now that he was in L.A., it was even harder for him to find the wherewithal to function before noon. He was happy to spend the last two days with Monica, Chandler and the twins, but he was not going to miss all the commotion that happened in this house early in the morning when he went back home tomorrow.

Once he reached the hallway, he spun around the corner and entered the kitchen. He nodded his head as a greeting to Jack and Erica, who were seated in their high chairs.

"Morning babies."

They barely registered that someone entered the room, too focused on eating a mix of rice cereal, bananas, and some small cut up pieces of pancake. He nodded again at Chandler, who was sitting in a chair at the kitchen table, sipping at some coffee with a newspaper in his lap. Monica, with her purse under her arm, placed a kiss on the top of both babies' heads as she said her goodbyes to them. She then slid her hand onto Chandler's chest, sharing a quick peck on the lips with her husband.

"Hey Joey! Gotta run! Have a good flight! Call us when you land!"

She nimbly glided past him, through the entryway of the kitchen, into the hall, and eventually out the front door. Joey, shook his head, almost dizzy by her exit. He scanned the room. There was a stack of pancakes on the stove, a plate with some bacon on it in the middle of the kitchen table, a few turned over coffee mugs, juice in a decanter, and some fruit in a bowl. He immediately plated himself a few pancakes and poured himself a cup of coffee.

"So. What is the plan for us on my last day in New York?"

He sat down opposite Chandler and reached to grab a few slices of bacon, quickly munching on one as he waited for an answer.

Chandler leaned over and pushed some errant food closer to each of his children that had slid out of their reach. "I can't believe you're leaving already."

"Yeah. I got lucky though and did everything I wanted to do while I was here. I saw Phoebe's baby, I got to hang out with you and Mon, we all went to dinner for New Year's Eve and I got to hang out with Ross and Rachel, I saw my family and I got to play with these two." Joey nodded in the direction of the twins and then noticed that their faces were a sticky mess of food, formula, and drool. Joey screwed up his face in disgust. "You just gonna leave them like that?"

"Oh yeah. Monica and I just hose them off in the yard once a week. Anyway, what are you complaining about? I've found you looking worse than this in the morning."

Joey made a face and shook his head. "Hey, speaking of Monica. I want to go to see the restaurant!"

"Well, there isn't much of a restaurant there right now."

"No, I know, I just think it would be cool to see where it is, imagine what it looks like, plus, you probably have a sandwich shop in town or something."

"Joe. You're eating right now."

"Yeah, and I'll be eating more later." He shoved another crunchy piece of bacon in his mouth and smiled as he chewed it down.

"All right. We can go into town. I just have to get these two guys cleaned up and changed, put a bag together with some extra clothes, diapers and a couple of bottles, maybe a few toys. Then I need to put the stroller in the car. Is it cold out? Maybe we need to bring their hats and mittens. Oh man, I can use those Sherpa-looking things that we wrap around the car seat. I better check the schedule too, just to make sure there isn't anything else to do today."

Joey blankly stared at Chandler, causing him to stop talking once he noticed his friend's expression.

"Man. Your life sucks."

Approaching the storefront, Chandler and Joey could hear hammering and crunching wood from inside. A small tinny radio played 1970's style pop music that could be detected through the window. Chandler pat Joey on the shoulder and pointed to the corner of the street.

"Let's walk around back so I can put the twins in the office and avoid all the noise and mess."

Joey nodded and they made their way around to the back of the building. Chandler opened up the back door and the construction noise was so loud it filled the entire back patio, yet it did not seem to disturb the twins. Joey helped him carry the stroller over the door saddle and they pulled it into the office. The two of them became distracted as they heard voices from the front room.

"No honey! If you strip that paint off like that, you're going to leave marks on this nice wood."

"I haven't had nice wood since 1985 dear."

Joey looked over at Chandler, and Chandler offered him up a knowing nod.

"Oh yeah, drag queens are doing the renovations."

"Drag queens can do construction?"

Just then, a tall, Rubenesque woman with red hair tied up in a blue bandanna poked her head around the door. "Honey, I used to remodel houses before I started performing. Drag queens can do anything!" She snapped her fingers at Joey and then disappeared back into the main lobby of the restaurant. Chandler checked on the twins one more time to make sure they were still sleeping and led Joey out of the office, closing the door behind them.

"Here, you can have a quick look around."

Chandler stood back by the entrance to the office to keep an ear available for Jack and Erica while Joey walked around. Most of the floor had been lifted up, revealing the sub floor below. There were three men, dressed in overalls and heavy shirts, pulling off wallpaper on the far side of the room. The woman they just met, wearing dark green jeans and a denim-blue, button-down top was working with an older man who wore a green and white track suit, the two of them stripping paint off the surface of the bar. Joey looked back at Chandler and smiled.

"Wow. I bet this is going to look nice. Monica must be excited!"

Before Chandler could respond, Joey became distracted by a young, voluptuous, blonde woman who entered the restaurant from the front of the building. She had her hair up, wore sunglasses, tight blue jeans and a form fitting purple sweater. Joey nodded and instinctively walked over to her and smiled.

"Hey, how you doing?"

She giggled and Chandler shook his head as he walked over towards the bar. He took a moment to inspect the work that was being done. He felt out of his element, having little experience with construction, and had a hard time figuring out if they had made any progress. Half the paint already seemed to have been removed from most of the wood. He smiled at the redhead who was sanding down the side of the bar and nodded.

"Hello, Miss…"

"Hazel dear. Hazel Nuts."

Chandler grimaced a little at her stage name and slowly blinked his eyes. "Lovely. So, uh, I didn't think you would be wearing, you know, women's clothes while you were working here."

Hazel screwed her face up, appearing mildly annoyed with Chandler. "Honey, these aren't women's clothes. These are my clothes."

Chandler stammered a bit and gestured apologetically. "Oh. Well, uh, I just thought, you know, doing construction you would want to wear something manly."

Hazel put her hand on her hip and smirked. "Honey, I haven't worn anything manly since 1991."

"Really?"

She huffed a bit and then gently placed her hand on his shoulder. "Okay. I'm going to explain something to you and I am only doing this because you are Helena's son. Some of us, this is who we are."

Chandler looked around the room at the other people working. All men. All wearing work boots, jeans and long-sleeved t-shirts. "Really? But everyone else here is…"

"Well, those three over there are the back-up dancers. They don't do drag. And Crystal over here will go back and forth. This bitch can't make up her mind."

Chandler looked over at the man in the green jumpsuit who was working on the top of the bar. "Crystal?"

He nodded and winked at Hazel. "Yes. Crystal Queer."

Chandler looked up at the ceiling and smirked. "That makes sense."

"I mean, even your father hasn't worn men's clothes, at least not until he…."

Hazel's voice trailed off as Crystal jabbed the scraper in her direction in an attempt to shush her.

Chandler looked back-and-forth between the two of them. "Not until what?"

Hazel shook her head and closed her eyes, clearly upset with herself. "Oh, I wasn't supposed to say."

Chandler's eyes opened wider, conveying his concern. "What? Is there something wrong with my dad?"

Hazel shook her head and placed a reassuring hand on Chandler's shoulder. "No, no. He is fine. Just, your father hasn't not been Helena for years. He only started dressing differently for you because he knows it bothers you."

"Really?"

"Darling. As long as I have known her, she has always just been Helena, but ever since we came to New York, she has also been Charles. For you."

Chandler, visibly stunned, could only stand there with his mouth open wide. It took him a few moments to finally find his voice. "But I never asked for that. I mean, he wore a dress to my wedding."

Joey walked over, interrupting them and smiled at Chandler as he pointed at the blonde by the front of the lobby. "Got her number."

"What about the girl in California?"

Joey nodded and gestured reassuringly at Chandler. "This is just a back-up. In case it doesn't work out with the other girl."

Chandler stepped close to him and spoke in a whisper. "You know Joe, everyone in here works for my father." He then points at the blonde who was handing out coffee to the men who were taking down the wall paper. "Even her."

Joey nodded, a sage expression fell upon his face. He started to look around but then stopped and looked at Chandler again as his brow furrowed and he tried to work out exactly what Chandler just said.

Chandler shook his head and rolled his eyes as he let loose an exasperated sigh. "Make the connection Joe."

Joey's mouth opened wide with shock and his hand jumped up to cover it. "Oh my god!"

"Hello ladies!" Charles entered through the front door carrying two large brown shopping bags. "I have lunch." He looked up and smiled as he saw Joey and Chandler there. "Hey you two. Come to inspect our work."

"No, uh, dad. Joey just wanted to see the space before he went back to L.A."

"Oh, that's right. Returning to the city of angels." Charles put the two bags down on a folding table on the far side of the room. "Did you bring my grand-babies?"

"Yeah….yes. They're in the office. Come on. Let's see if they're awake."

Charles rubbed his hands together, eagerly anticipating seeing the twins. The two men walked into the office, and as Chandler let his father walk in first, he took note of his outfit. Tan flat-front slacks, a yellow sweater with a sky-blue kerchief tied around his neck, brown shoes and purple socks. Chandler stopped in the doorway and put his hands on his hips.

"Dad. Can I ask you something?"

Charles leaned down in front of the stroller, his hands on his knees as he smiled at his sleeping grandchildren. "Sure son."

"Are you only dressed like this because you think I don't want you to be Helena?"

Charles stiffened up and shook a finger in the direction of the open door. "Hazel! I swear you couldn't keep your mouth shut if it was glued tight!"

"Dad?"

"Son. I just wanted to do this right this time. I wanted to be back in your life, and if that means dressing like this, then, that's what's I'll do. I know how you feel about my lifestyle."

Chandler exhaled a chuckle and shook his head. "Dad. I wasn't mad at you for being gay, or being dressed as a woman. I was mad because you left, and when you came back, you never talked to me. You just made me your helper with some very questionable shows and slept with the faculty at my school."

Charles looked down. "I'm sorry son. I wasn't a great father. It was a bad time for me to come back then."

"No. You weren't a great father. Not back then. But you know, doing this." Chandler pointed at his father's clothes. "Means you're a pretty great dad right now."

Charles looked up at him and smiled.

"If you want to dress like this, that's fine. If you want to be Helena all the time, that's fine too. I don't want you to pretend to be someone you're not for me. That's how it used to be before you left."

Charles looked over at the twins again, a tear slowly trickled down his cheek. "But, what about them? I don't want to mess them up or confuse them, I mean, I don't want to do to them what I did to you and make things any harder for you and Monica."

Chandler walked over and put his hand on his father's shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

"Dad, as long as you are around and you get to watch them grow up and be as sweet to them as you've been, they won't care if you're in a dress or a suit or a gorilla costume. They're going to love you for who you are. Just like Monica does. Just like I do. Anyway, have you seen the people I hang out with? Helena would fit right in."

Charles looked up, barely able to contain his emotions and dived into a hug with his son, sobbing as his breath hitched. Chandler smiled to himself for a few moments, indulging in a sense of pride. He lifted his head for a second and leaned back as he heard sobs coming from the front of the restaurant. He craned his neck and saw Hazel, Crystal, Joey, the three wallpaper removing dancers and the blonde lady that Joey was definitely never going to call. They were all tearing as a result of eavesdropping on Chandler and his father's conversation.

Hazel wiped her eyes as she walked toward them and looked at Chandler. "Can I have a hug next?"

Monica quietly closed the front door behind her. She checked the clock on the wall in the den as she slipped off her shoes and placed them on the rack in the hallway. She had hoped to be home earlier than this but the two parties of four showing up just before closing time threw a wrench in the works, causing the restaurant to close an hour late. She ran her hands up over her elbows and hugged herself for a moment. Happy to be home.

"Hey, you're home."

Monica turned towards the couch in the living room just in time to see Chandler stand up as he placed his book down on one of the end tables.

"What are you still doing up?"

"I wanted to wait up for you."

Her shoulders slumped down as she smiled and walked towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"That's so sweet. But don't you have work tomorrow?"

"Yeah, but I wanted to see you before I went to sleep. I feel like maybe we are out of sync lately."

Monica pulled back slightly and smirked as she raised an eyebrow, "We had sex this morning. Really great sex. I'd say we are in sync."

He laughed and placed a quick kiss on the corner of her mouth. "I know. Lately though, it feels like you are up and dressed before I wake up. Then, at night, I am in bed when you get home." He peppered a few more kisses down her neck and on her shoulder. "I just wanted to wait up for my wife. Like I used to. Is that a bad thing?"

"No." She shook her head and smiled. "It's not a bad thing. Maybe we should go upstairs and try to get back in sync."

Chandler smiled and turned to go upstairs, but stopped short as he grimaced and stretched his leg, moaning lightly as if in discomfort. Monica looked at him with concern painted all over her face.

"What is it?"

"I don't know. I think I might have pulled a butt muscle."

"A butt muscle?"

"Yeah. I'm all tight back there. I tweaked something in my butt area." Chandler continued to stretch and twist at his legs as he flexed his buttocks.

"Ugh. It's one-thirty in the morning. I don't have time for this." Monica released Chandler from her grasp and turns to walk away. "This is why you should go running with me. You don't see me pulling any butt muscles."

Chandler limped slowly behind her. "Can I pull on your butt muscles?"

Monica turned her head away from him so he couldn't see her as she fought a smile. She started to walk up the stairs and Chandler hobbled behind her, still working to loosen his tight muscle in his backside.

"I guess this isn't a good time to tell you my dad is going back to wearing dresses all the time then, huh?"