Ch. 21: Keith is straight up not having a good time, bro
Keith wakes up in the morning the same as he always does: reluctantly. Especially these days with Rover living with them and curling up next to one or the other (usually him because Pidge rarely sleeps). So just like every day since they returned from Arizona, Keith wakes up to his alarm with a groan and buries his face into the stomach of a now groggy Rover. (It always makes Keith and Pidge's hearts swell with joy that Rover sleeps on his back with them, they read it means he feels safe. That first night he was curled in a ball, scared and confused, but now he feels safe. With them.)
He lies there for a moment, ignoring the slowly waking puppy's tongue in his hair, before his alarm goes off again and they both know cuddle time is over.
It hasn't even been a week but Rover has picked up on their routine fast, like he was hungry for one and eager to please. They have the same rundown every morning when Keith has to wake up for work: first alarm and cuddles, second alarm and get up for potty time with Pidge while Keith gets ready, then it's a kiss goodbye and whatever the fuck Pidge does with him before taking him with her to school and work.
Neither of them thought it would work but turns out no one can say no to that face.
As per their normal arrangement, Keith begins to head to towards his bedroom door, Rover right by his side, when he's caught off guard by his phone ringing. He looks at it curiously, an emotion mirrored in Rover with a matching tilt of the head.
It's Shiro.
Why the hell is Shiro calling him in the morning?
His heart drops and he quickly answers the phone.
"Shiro…?"
Shiro let's out a heavy sigh, "Keith...I'm so sorry...but Uncle Ulaz just passed away…"
There's a moment where Keith can't breathe, where the world seems to get incredibly small and tight and painful and that sinking heart disintegrates. It's only a moment, though, and soon he's brought out of it by the sound of his own ragged breath. He covers his mouth, taking a deep breath before responding to Shiro.
"Alright…"
"If you want to talk-" Shiro begins but Keith quickly hangs up, chucking his phone at his bed before collapsing to the ground and burying his face in his knees.
This can't be happening. Everything has been going so well.
It's because it's been going so well.
That little voice in the back of his head reminds him, because Keith can't have nice things.
He has new friends, an enjoyable pastime that has began to make them money on YouTube and he even has a dog now. Something had to break.
Why Uncle Ulaz, though?
Why his mother's older brother? His father's best friend?
Why the one last connection to both of his parents?
Sure, there's still Shiro, but he doesn't know about their mom and dad as kids.
Hell, he doesn't even actually have the same dad. Not biologically.
Ulaz is his last connection to the past he didn't live. He is probably the most selfless person Keith has ever met, always eager to encourage the boys, Pidge, Matt, even their dorky YouTube channel. Somehow he always manages to be the first to see a new video and the first to comment. He is supposed to meet Hunk and Lance and officially welcome them into the family and thank them for seeing the 'true value' in him and Pidge, as he used to say.
Used to.
Because Uncle Ulaz isn't there anymore, he won't have the chance to swoon over Hunk's cooking or genuinely laugh at Lance's jokes. They were supposed to meet, they were supposed to have time.
Uncle Ulaz' husband Thace already passed a few years ago, Jesus, why did they have to take him as well?
He's pulled from his thoughts, finally realizing he is sobbing, when Rover comes back (when did he leave?) with a frowning Pidge.
"Hey, Matt told me what happened. I already called work for you, he gave you the week off." She says, sitting down on the floor beside him, eyeing Rover as he wiggles his way between Keith's torso and legs. "I was going to let you cry it out alone but Rover didn't like that idea and barked until I came in to check on you."
He wants to say something back to her, or to Rover, but the reality is the sobbing hasn't stopped. His chest hurts, his lungs ache and his eyes burn, but he can't stop, and Pidge doesn't make him.
She knows he can hear her, and not to interrupt him when he is actually letting out his grief. Instead she sits there, stroking his back and talking calmly but loudly enough to be heard over him.
"Matt told me at around 5 this morning, Shiro was going to call you immediately but I told him to let you sleep some. I, um...I told...the...boys…" Pidge begins and Keith freezes up, turning to look at her.
Not angrily, or even sadly, just confused. Why do Lance and Hunk need to know?
"So, um...yeah, I told them, and we all agreed we are going to go home for the week. You can be with Shiro, because I know you'll just get extremely paranoid about his well being if you aren't, and we will all go to the funeral, and you can help Shiro prepare for it if you want…"
"You guys can't afford that." Keith finally says, voice quiet and raw, "Why the hell are you guys doing something so stupid?"
"First of all, we can do whatever we want. We all told the college a family member died, and the company Hunk and I work for, as you know, don't give a fuck as long as you make up the time in that pay period which we will next week. We're not full time, after all. We are only missing, like, twenty hours. Lance gets fucking vacations out the ass at his place, and PTO because he's a little bitch, and you will be getting bereavement pay. Stop worrying about money, okay? We're all going to be fine, you need to focus on your own shit right now. As for why we're doing it, don't make me say it. You know I hate saying it."
Keith takes a deep breath and buries his face in Rover's fur, receiving very confusing kisses to the top of his head, "Alright, I guess we're going home, then."
Pidge stops stroking his back and runs her hands through his hair before ruffling it up some, getting a warning bark from Rover for her efforts, earning himself a light scolding, "Awww he's so protective of sad Keith. You better do the same for me little mister." She teases, booping the puppy on the nose before getting up, "I'm gonna get you some water, you get ready and let me know when you want the boys to come get us."
Keith let's out a small grunt in acknowledgement, sitting in silence for a minute after she leaves. He stares down at Rover, confused, concerned, and ready to fight whatever is upsetting Keith, and a small smile comes to his face.
"He would have loved you." The words are a whisper, but Rover's ears perk up in recognition and his tail wags at the familiar gentle tone, licking up the silent tears now streaming down Keith's face.
He really would have…
It takes him a few hours, but Keith manages to get into a more functioning mindset.
He has calmed down, packed his things, showered, told Pidge to call 'the boys' and is now busying himself rummaging through the dryer for a red flannel shirt to wear over his black tee for the day. It's sort of his comfort combination. Pidge calls it his emotional emo outfit, and she's not entirely wrong.
It was ironically two articles of clothing given to him by his Uncle. The thought makes his chest tighten a little, but if there is one thing Keith Kogane is good at, it's burying emotions he wants to ignore.
There's only so much time you can sit on the floor sobbing, after all. He's got to keep moving and distract himself for now.
"Keith, they're here!" Pidge calls and he hears the door open and some voices. They're muffled so he can't quite hear the words, just like he can't quite find his fucking shirt. So naturally he does the only thing you can do in this situation, he hauls half his body into the dryer, his ass the only thing left sticking out.
That's when he hears a wolf whistle behind him.
"Well, hello Keith's ass." Lance says, amusement evident in his voice, "Pidge sent me to grab you while her and hunk haul your stuff to the car. Wouldn't happen to have the rest of Keith with you, by any chance?"
Keith groans, giving up on the shirt and slowly working his way out of the dryer. He's ready to tell the guy off, sadness going into annoyance alarmingly quick, but when he turns around he's faced with a very worried Lance.
He wasn't expecting that.
He should have been, but he wasn't.
To his credit, though, he can tell Lance thinks he's hiding it. He's leaning against the doorframe trying to look relaxed, but his body is rigid, his arms are folded tightly over his chest and his eyes are wet like he's about to cry. It's weird so Keith decides to look down, at the hands at his chest. Probably for too long because soon Lance is clearing his throat awkwardly.
"Hey, so I know I just stared at your ass, and it's only fair for you to check me out too I guess, but you could at least-"
"I can't find my shirt." Keith blurts out to save himself from whatever else Lance had to say.
"Do...you...want...help?" Lance asks, clearly confused.
"No. Yes?" Keith quickly remembers the boxers in the dryer, "Definitely not."
"O...kay…?" Lance raises a brow at him and Keith immediately regrets it, because he needs that shirt, and maybe he does want help looking for it but he's looked everywhere so it's a lost cause anyways.
Instead of vocalizing anything close to that, though, when he sees Lance's expression fall to that of concern, he decides to go his normal route when dealing with Lance.
"After all, a guy stupid enough to try and hunt ghosts probably couldn't find the shirt on his own chest." Keith mocks and Lance smirks.
"I don't know, I found your eyes on it pretty easily." He teases right back.
"What are you guys doing back there!?" Pidge yells from the door and Keith sighs in relief.
"I was trying to find my red flannel-!"
"You mean your hipster lesbian shirt!?"
"It. Is. NOT-!" Keith begins, ignoring Lance snickering beside him, but Pidge cuts him off.
"I took it earlier!" She answers and Keith comes barreling out of the laundry room, an amused Lance slowly following. "I wore it yesterday because it's comfy and makes a great pajama shirt when I'm out of my own, so I tossed it into your suitcase to wash when we get there."
Keith twitches, "That's not a pajama shirt you god damn toddler."
"Psh, what would you know, you damn emo?"
"What am I supposed to wear now!?"
Pidge stares at the black shirt he is already wearing, "Your current shirt…? And your winter coat, because it's still February and winter is not something to fuck with."
"What about in the car? It'll be too hot for my winter coat and too cold to wear a t-shirt!" Keith knows it's a dumb thing to be angry about, he does, and deep down he appreciates her packing it for him, but this isn't deep down Keith right now. This is at-the-surface-turning-sorrow-to-anger Keith.
A Keith who cannot really be reasoned with.
A Keith who just wanted to wear his favorite shirt from his now dead uncle on the drive home!
A Keith who honestly thinks that's a perfectly reasonable request!
"Jeez, you can borrow one of my-" Pidge stops herself when something is suddenly plopped onto Keith, covering the top of his head and shoulders.
"You can use my jacket." Lance says from beside him, "My shirt is long sleeved so I don't really need it on right now anyways. This is good enough for me." He grins, sliding his winter coat back on. "I'm gonna take Rover for one last walk and go hang out with Hunk in the car, you guys come down when you're ready."
Keith frowns, immediately calming back down and feeling like an asshole as he slides his arms into the sleeves of Lance's signature jacket. "Sorry." He mutters to Pidge, who laughs a little.
"Damn, I didn't think anyone could calm you down when you threw a tantrum. Where the hell was Lance when we were little?" She teases, her smile purposefully reassuring, "Let's get going, it's gonna be a long ride, after all."
Keith scoffs, "What are you talking about? With Lance driving it only takes two hours, remember?"
Pidge laughs a little as they head out the door, "That's true, he might slow down some this time though since Shiro has made it clear to him he needs to ease up on the gas."
They reach the car and get in the backseat, Rover immediately jumping from Hunk's arms into Keith's lap, smothering him with kisses. The drive goes by fast, everyone proving to be great distractions, especially Lance and his dorky dancing to Gasolina when it came on his iPod. It seemed a little forced, but Keith absolutely appreciates it.
As soon as Lance pulls into the driveway they are greeted by Shiro, Matt, Sam and Colleen. Shiro is trying to hide it, but Keith can see it clear as day; he's just as devastated. They get out of the car and Keith is immediately yanked into a tight hug from Shiro. He was not expecting that and he honestly doesn't think he would be dry eyed right now if it wasn't for Rover in his arms protectively barking at Shiro, as if to warn him not to upset Keith more.
God does he loves Rover.
And god does he hate that name.
"I'm...gonna head to the funeral home if you want to come help with arrangements." Shiro offers and Keith nods, looking down to the dog in his arms and then back to Shiro, "Keith, no...you can't bring-"
"Nonsense! It's his emotional support puppy." Pidge says, pushing Keith towards the van, "For now." She quickly adds, making him laugh a little.
"We'll see about that."
"I will fucking stab a bitch, boy, don't mess with me."
Keith rolls his eyes and heads out with Shiro in his mom-van. It's been years since he was at a funeral home. Years since he made arrangements for loved ones.
Painful memories are flooding his mind, worsening as soon as they pull into the far-too-familiar parking lot. He pulls Rover closer when they get inside, shocked by how the funeral home hasn't changed at all. The walk into the arrangements room brings back the image of tear stained eyes, Shiro's large hand tightly wrapped around his, childish pleas to say goodbye before they finished with them, his parents empty eyes and slacked jaws on the tables.
They looked so small.
So broken.
He never should have seen them before the mortician finished prepping them.
A shiver runs through his entire body, his arms pulling Rover closer to his chest as they sit down in the same seats as before. Eight years has surprisingly left no true wear on the chairs, the only real difference is how much smaller they feel.
"I am so sorry for your loss, boys." The funeral director says, completely genuine, his expression and voice dripping with sympathy, his eyes focusing on Keith.
It's only fair. Last time he saw Keith eight years ago the boy had a breakdown, trying to stop them from lowering his parents into the ground. He drew blood from this man, his brother, Shiro and even the grave digger.
No one held it against him, though, and he distinctly remembers the tears in all of their eyes, the crack in the director's voice as he apologized to the trembling boy.
Maybe he shouldn't have come today. The room soon becomes too hot and he sheds his winter coat, sinking into Lance's borrowed jacket, taking in the scent of it with the warmth of Rover to try and bring him back to the moment.
"Keith…" Shiro begins, "Why...um…" He gestures awkwardly to the jacket, unsure of how to go about his question and Keith feels a small bit of relief at the normal reaction.
"Oh? You didn't know? I mean I woke up in it this morning, after all, so we decided I might as well just keep it on for the day." Keith teases, or tries to, but his voice is a wreck and Shiro knows, but has the common decency to scowl.
"Not funny, Keith."
"I beg to differ."
The rest of the funeral visit is a blur. He remembers agreeing with some choice on the casket, their uncle's favorite outfit, a beautiful saying to go on the 'prayer' card (although they aren't religious at all) and personally choosing a beautiful image of space for the front of said card. There was also an offer to see him before the funeral, which Keith adamantly refused. His heart can't handle seeing that room again, or his loved one on the table.
When they get back to his childhood home, Hunk and Lance had made a large dinner for them all, full of Keith and Shiro's favorite foods. Dinner was good, although it, and the rest of the night, was a blur as well. He's unconsciously keeping his distance from Shiro, instead keeping to himself, focusing on Rover and disappearing as much as possible into Lance's jacket. At some point Pidge made sure a red hoodie of Keith's was washed so he could give Lance the clothing back, something he doesn't want to admit was a huge disappointment. Soon after that, everyone else is in bed and he's sitting on the couch for god knows how long, unable to leave his thoughts until a voice breaks it.
"Keith," Lance calls, pulling him from his thoughts, "It's 4 in the morning, have you slept?"
"I'm not tired." Keith responds, hugging a sleeping Rover closer to himself.
"Hmmm…." The teen plops down beside him, grabbing the remote and turning the TV back on, "So you've been sitting here in silence with your thoughts, huh? Anyone ever tell you that you're a bit of a masochist?" He flashes Keith a grin before pulling up Netflix, "You know, it's technically Wednesday, February 13th, and if I remember right, we have an outstanding movie date planned for your favorite movie."
Keith groans, "Are you really going to subject me, in my time of suffering, to more suffering?"
Lance hums for a minute as he pulls the movie up, "Yes. Get comfy."
Keith sighs heavily, giving Lance the dirtiest look he can before he notices how exhausted the teen looks. Like he hasn't been sleeping either. Then he vaguely recalls earlier when Hunk and Pidge went to stay at her family's house and Lance opted to stay here, saying he would crash on Keith's bedroom floor.
So he's probably been laying there for the last, what, four hours? Waiting for Keith to come in.
Who's the real masochist here?
"You know, I always thought that Pocahontas would have been better off with her best friend." Lance says as they leave John Smith's apparent death to show what the Native Americans are up to.
"That's because she would have. When I was little I liked to imagine they got together eventually…" Keith eyes the movie accusingly, "But here we are with physical proof they didn't."
"Awwww little Keith's headcanon got ruined. Your OTP became a NOTP, ship sunk." Lance teases until Keith gently elbow's him in the stomach.
"Shut up, Lance."
"Make me."
Keith looks to Lance and his tired eyes, weak grin, and tense body, and he can't help but laugh. How is this guy so fucking dorky yet so goddamn perfect?
"You're such a dork." He says, unable to hide the pure affection in his own voice that brings a deep blush to Lance's face.
"Psh, you're one to talk. I bet you made fanfics about Pocahontas and...um…"
"Nakoma." Keith offers and Lance barks out a laugh.
"Of course you know her name!"
"Damn right."
"Because you were making them good lesbian fanfics of them as a kid."
"I didn't write fics, idiot. I just...made up the headcanon of how they got together, what their adopted children were named, and how they ruled the Powhatan tribe together when the Chief sadly passed away."
Lance's grin widens and looks less worn, "Oh my god this is the best. What were the kids names?"
"No."
"Aww come on, what were their names?"
"Shut up, Lance, I'm trying to watch a movie." Keith huffs and Lance giggles a little.
"Baby Keith must have been fucking precious."
"Yeah, well, you don't get precious baby Keith you get pissy grown up Keith."
Lance shrugs and stretches an arm out behind Keith on the couch backrest, "Don't pout, emo Keith is precious in his own pissy way." He teases, poking Keith's cheek with his free hand now on the backrest.
Keith feels his face heat up and refuses to acknowledge any heart flutters that might have taken place just now. "Whatever."
After a few minutes, Lance goes surprisingly quiet and they watch the movie in silence.
It doesn't take long into that silence, maybe about half an hour into the movie, that Keith's eyes begin to feel heavy, and before he realizes it he's sliding sideways, pressed between a silently confused Lance and the couch. The minute his head hits Lance's chest he hears a strange noise from the teen, followed by silence for the longest time.
Finally, he feels his body giving in to exhaustion, the last thing he registers is Lance's quiet voice in his ear.
"Good night, Keith."
A/N:
I am so sorry but my life has literally been hell for the past...4 1/2 months. Literally since January lol. It was just busy in January with moving and then I ended up losing a pet, an uncle, and my dad now has cancer so I have been helping him out (his prognosis is good, though, this treatment should get rid of it). I wasn't gonna tell you exactly why, because I didn't want that shit to be what you focused on in the comments, but I mean it's been over 1/3rd of a year so I felt I owed you the real reason. anyways, Keith now must suffer. This chapter literally took me this entire time with the help of my friend who is also an author but my mess of a life was causing some massive writers block. I drew the picture at the end during the beginning draft of the chapter on January 1st, that's how long I've been working on this bitch. I'm back, though! I hope I set this chapter up okay, idk how t o balance Angst and humor but I mean I did my best. It's probably jarring at some moments but here we are. Anyone who is still reading this I cannot express how much I appreciate you not giving up on it.